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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2015 12:00:24 GMT -5
Still remember the day a young girl came running into the class after recess saying, "Miss D Miss D... Susan's going to tattle!..."
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 7, 2015 12:19:09 GMT -5
When my nieces are having a typical sibling spat like the one Muttley described and come to me for help, I usually ask them to try fixing it on their own, and to come back if they need help. So it's the same principle, I just try to avoid the specific word tattletale- because I've personally seen that word used to sweep abusive and even violent behavior between peers under the rug. When I was in school, a tattletale was the worst thing you could be - worse by far than being a bully. We got that message loud and clear from our teachers.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 7, 2015 14:59:11 GMT -5
When my nieces are having a typical sibling spat like the one Muttley described and come to me for help, I usually ask them to try fixing it on their own, and to come back if they need help. So it's the same principle, I just try to avoid the specific word tattletale- because I've personally seen that word used to sweep abusive and even violent behavior between peers under the rug. When I was in school, a tattletale was the worst thing you could be - worse by far than being a bully. We got that message loud and clear from our teachers. LOL, the last time I was called a tattle-tale was by my alcoholic 5th grade teacher because I tattled on her. She smelled of alcohol in the morning and I reported it to my parents. They in turn reported it to the principal and when he didn't do anything about it they went to the school board. Eventually there were enough parents complaining that they forced her to retire. But boy did she punish me that entire year. I was so depressed that I tried to commit suicide but never told my parents about it.
Then the principal put my brother in her class. Mom held him out of school until he transferred him to another school. She wasn't going to make another one of her children go through what I did.
Years later I met the school principal and the school secretary at our local county fair. He was the color of liver. It finally dawned on me that all three of them were probably drinking buddies.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 11:27:27 GMT -5
I count on the kids tattling on each other. There is no way I would stay informed if they didn't. Sometimes I help the tattler problem solve how they want to deal with the situation, sometimes the tattlee gets disciplined. It really depends on the situation. But I absolutely never tell the tattler not to tattle.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 8, 2015 20:52:53 GMT -5
Congrats to Firebird's DH and may your interview go well!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 9, 2015 0:17:10 GMT -5
When my nieces are having a typical sibling spat like the one Muttley described and come to me for help, I usually ask them to try fixing it on their own, and to come back if they need help. So it's the same principle, I just try to avoid the specific word tattletale- because I've personally seen that word used to sweep abusive and even violent behavior between peers under the rug. When I was in school, a tattletale was the worst thing you could be - worse by far than being a bully. We got that message loud and clear from our teachers. LOL, the last time I was called a tattle-tale was by my alcoholic 5th grade teacher because I tattled on her. She smelled of alcohol in the morning and I reported it to my parents. They in turn reported it to the principal and when he didn't do anything about it they went to the school board. Eventually there were enough parents complaining that they forced her to retire. But boy did she punish me that entire year. I was so depressed that I tried to commit suicide but never told my parents about it.
Then the principal put my brother in her class. Mom held him out of school until he transferred him to another school. She wasn't going to make another one of her children go through what I did.
Years later I met the school principal and the school secretary at our local county fair. He was the color of liver. It finally dawned on me that all three of them were probably drinking buddies.
That is so sad. I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 24, 2015 11:06:34 GMT -5
Not sure if anyone is still following this, but here's a fun twist for your viewing pleasure.
DH took the job with Company B, as you know. He started last week. It became immediately apparent that they (I'll be polite) *very seriously misled him* about certain key aspects of the job. The biggest one was hours - he would have been expected to work, either from home or in the office, 7 days a week. Every week. 10 hour days, usually.
For $55k, that equates to approximately $15/hr - with no overtime. Obviously that wasn't going to fly. He was specifically told by the owners that he would not be actively working every weekend (just occasionally, like at his last job, which would have been fine).
He called up Company A and asked if the position was still open, and if they were interested in renewing his offer. It was, and they were. He went in yesterday and told B that he would be leaving.
B offered him a substantial raise (around $70k) to stay and promised to fix some of the issues DH raised as his reasons for leaving. Unfortunately, DH no longer trusts them to do that. Even assuming they did, it wouldn't be an immediate fix, and $70k still isn't even close to what working every weekend (and missing all that time with me and Babybird) while they got their shit together would be worth to our family. So he turned them down.
He used the counteroffer to negotiate A's original offer, so he should end up making at least $65k. Which is awesome. He'll probably start Monday.
I hope A works out much better. I'm really proud of DH for making the difficult choice. He felt badly about it, but as I've said all along, I don't think anyone has any obligation to stay with a company if the role isn't right for them, and ESPECIALLY if the company blatantly lied to you about expectations. Which is the case here. He did the ethical thing, and immediately informed them of his decision so they didn't waste any more time training him than they already had.
Anyway, I thought you guys might appreciate the irony after the way things started out with B in this thread.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 13:36:02 GMT -5
Great decision on your husband's part and I'm glad Company A was still an option!
Back during the financial meltdown, the sleazier companies treated their employees like crap and figured the employees had nowhere else to go and would put up with it. Company B just got the message that things have changed.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 24, 2015 14:17:59 GMT -5
And once again Great Job not burning any bridges!
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 24, 2015 15:41:10 GMT -5
Athena, that's what I told him. They won't have any reason to change their practices until they realize they are losing good candidates because of them. Hopefully this was a wake up call.
And DH did a great job leaving the door open. He said if they fixed up their stuff, he would be open to coming back one day.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 24, 2015 16:38:27 GMT -5
OMG!!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 19:07:51 GMT -5
Wow. 10 hours/day, 7 days/week is the normal schedule? I wonder how long they think that's sustainable. Sure, a person can do it short term, but I think expecting it of an employee indefinitely is crazy. At some point the employee is not going to be very productive if they never have a day off work.
I work in a 24 hour operation and even our machines start going haywire if we don't stop running them every so often for cleaning and maintenance. Humans need downtime for maintenance and repair too.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 24, 2015 19:32:00 GMT -5
Pink- my thoughts exactly! DH says it's some macho "work ethic" thing with their culture. I say, if that's true, then a) I kinda think it's stupid of them to put up with it and b) they can't possibly be doing very good work if they never ever get days off.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 19:58:52 GMT -5
Good for him Firebird! I'm so happy that Company A is still happy to have him, and that he also got a raise out of it!
I think it must be tremendously difficult to admit that you chose the wrong company (not through any fault of his own, I do realize the company misrepresented the situation) and to approach the other one.
Kudos to your DH for addressing the issue head on and being proactive, rather than trying to "make it work" or wait for them to "make it right".
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 24, 2015 20:04:30 GMT -5
Pink- my thoughts exactly! DH says it's some macho "work ethic" thing with their culture. I say, if that's true, then a) I kinda think it's stupid of them to put up with it and b) they can't possibly be doing very good work if they never ever get days off. I've been in a work environment like that. The attitude was "well the last guy didn't complain, what's your problem?". Uh we've grown by 30%, our quality standards are higher and the last guy retired for a reason.
Such an *sshole. When I heard from my prior boss that this guy thought he could become GM for the District I just laughed.
Your DH was very smart. You're not a good employee if you're burnt out.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Mar 24, 2015 20:07:53 GMT -5
Kudos to your DH for addressing the issue head on and being proactive, rather than trying to "make it work" or wait for them to "make it right".
Certainly a mistake I've made a few times because I didn't want to be "a quitter". By not standing up for myself I allowed myself to be a doormat.
Again good job!
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 24, 2015 21:09:59 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. DH is glad of the additional support. He still feels somewhat badly about this, since he prides himself on sticking by his word. I keep telling him that he did the right thing, but it doesn't hurt to hear it from objective observers. Even my imaginary friends
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 22:33:34 GMT -5
He still feels somewhat badly about this, since he prides himself on sticking by his word. Company B didn't keep theirs. After that, you do whatever is in your best interest.
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