NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 27, 2014 17:12:30 GMT -5
Do you look at your income taxes or just sign them without looking? I do our taxes through tax slayer. DH is more clueless about money than I am (ex.- the desire for $700 concert tickets)
What's the difference? He's making memories don't you think? I hate that I'm probably won't be on the boards when the 16th bd comes around. It should be around $15,000 maybe. But if ya got it go for it is my motto. Some on that list might be willing to "drop off" with the price of shoes for a 16 yr could be running around $5,000
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 17:15:42 GMT -5
I'd sign up for that again. If you are already missing work because of anxiety you need disability coverage. As a nurse it also seems likely that you could be injured on the job lifting someone, etc. If I were injured on the job, worker's comp would cover me. I really do have the anxiety under control. It was more related to hormones changes during the postpartum period and breastfeeding. Once I stopped breastfeeding I started to get it under control and it no longer debilitated me. and by missing work, I simply mean that at that point int my life, I did not sign up for shift in advance. I did it day to day. If I was having a "bad" day/week anxiety wise I wouldn't sign up to work. And by anxiety, I mean full on panic attacks that felt like I was dying. I can't work when panicking like that. But like I said, I have that under control. It's been more than 6 months since my last attack, and I really think that part of life is behind me. I also am very good at talking myself out of going to work if I haven't pre-scheduled myself. So a few months ago I started scheduling in advance. It has worked really well.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Dec 27, 2014 18:00:19 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. Absolutely. But it doesn't need to cost 5 - 6k. For example, you could stay home and take small day trips to places of interest, while relaxing and spending time together. Let voicemail hold your calls for you until after "vacation".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 18:10:27 GMT -5
And it sounds like you guys actually do a lot together, zoo, day trips, concerts, etc... Is that stuff stressful?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 27, 2014 18:55:33 GMT -5
Our day to day is stressful because DH works full time, plus some overtime, volunteers one day a week, and is in grad school. We have a small child and while she is awesome, she requires a lot of attention and adds a lot of work to keep the household running. I work a demanding and stressful job that leaves me physically and emotionally wiped out sometimes. There are social and familial demands on our time. There is rarely much time for the three of us to be together. Vacations kind of put everything else on pause, let us ignore the rest of the world and really reconnect and deepen our bond. Absolutely. But it doesn't need to cost 5 - 6k. For example, you could stay home and take small day trips to places of interest, while relaxing and spending time together. Let voicemail hold your calls for you until after "vacation". It also sounds like you need a DH that prioritizes your family. I keep a schedule like your DH's..work full time, a few part time jobs, volunteer, have three kids, etc, etc, etc. I am also hoping to go back to school, in some capacity next year. DH works part time and tends to kids when he's not working. It's never going to get easier. So you are going to need to develop systems together to focus on your nuclear family. Yes, there might be social demands on your time, but you don't need to do whatever you do. DH rarely goes out. I get away 3 days a year. "No" also works for family. We MUST have routines. We MUST simply our life. I guarantee having more things doesn't simply our life. Accepting every single social invitation does not simply your life. We have bath night three nights a week: Saturday, Monday, and Thursday. DH and I meal plan and then he goes grocery shopping on the weekend. (Used to be during the week, but our 3rd is a runner.) Our after school routine looks something like this: school bell rings, play, home. Snack, homework, dinner. Bath if bath night. Downtime if not bath night. Bedtime routine, bed. The only thing that changes if the kids have activities. I do not have more than 10-15 minute chunks of time, therefore, my cleaning tasks have to be done in 10-15 minutes. Bills are paid electronically. I spend about 10 minutes a month dealing with our finances. If we have a month where we deal with taxes its an hour, maybe. But again, less bills means less bills to pay. Because we don't have to deal with bills and snowballing, most things can be on autopay. Every night, now, before bed, DH and I run through the next day's schedule. We used to do it for the whole week, but our schedule is so tight that we can no longer do it. I also start working ahead. I started Christmas shopping in October. Christmas baking Thanksiving weekend. DH buys for his family during Christmas to take the pressure off me.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 21:16:45 GMT -5
Absolutely. But it doesn't need to cost 5 - 6k. For example, you could stay home and take small day trips to places of interest, while relaxing and spending time together. Let voicemail hold your calls for you until after "vacation". It also sounds like you need a DH that prioritizes your family. I keep a schedule like your DH's..work full time, a few part time jobs, volunteer, have three kids, etc, etc, etc. I am also hoping to go back to school, in some capacity next year. DH works part time and tends to kids when he's not working. It's never going to get easier. So you are going to need to develop systems together to focus on your nuclear family. Yes, there might be social demands on your time, but you don't need to do whatever you do. DH rarely goes out. I get away 3 days a year. "No" also works for family. We MUST have routines. We MUST simply our life. I guarantee having more things doesn't simply our life. Accepting every single social invitation does not simply your life. We have bath night three nights a week: Saturday, Monday, and Thursday. DH and I meal plan and then he goes grocery shopping on the weekend. (Used to be during the week, but our 3rd is a runner.) Our after school routine looks something like this: school bell rings, play, home. Snack, homework, dinner. Bath if bath night. Downtime if not bath night. Bedtime routine, bed. The only thing that changes if the kids have activities. I do not have more than 10-15 minute chunks of time, therefore, my cleaning tasks have to be done in 10-15 minutes. Bills are paid electronically. I spend about 10 minutes a month dealing with our finances. If we have a month where we deal with taxes its an hour, maybe. But again, less bills means less bills to pay. Because we don't have to deal with bills and snowballing, most things can be on autopay. Every night, now, before bed, DH and I run through the next day's schedule. We used to do it for the whole week, but our schedule is so tight that we can no longer do it. I also start working ahead. I started Christmas shopping in October. Christmas baking Thanksiving weekend. DH buys for his family during Christmas to take the pressure off me. What do you mean by bath night?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2014 21:19:41 GMT -5
I think it means the night the kids get a bath before they go to bed.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 21:35:02 GMT -5
Isn't that a little out of nowhere? And not for nothing, but your life sounds like hell on earth to me.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 21:39:03 GMT -5
I think it means the night the kids get a bath before they go to bed. Don't people bathe every day? I was all excited thinking she was saying DH and I need a "bath night" lol
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 21:49:08 GMT -5
I never had my kids take baths every night. It's not like they get all stinky and greasy like adults. In fact, younger son is only 1-2 times a week now in the winter. He eczema gets really bad if I do much more than that.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Dec 27, 2014 21:53:07 GMT -5
I think it means the night the kids get a bath before they go to bed. Don't people bathe every day? I was all excited thinking she was saying DH and I need a "bath night" lol I give my DD a shower (not a fan of baths) about 3 times a week. Depends on what's she's gotten into and her hair.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 21:54:19 GMT -5
And it sounds like you guys actually do a lot together, zoo, day trips, concerts, etc... Is that stuff stressful? No, that stuff is not stressful, but we still have to do the day to day stuff on top of the fun day trips. So it's like rush rush rush to clean house and prepare for being gone all day, then spend all night playing catch up, you know?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 27, 2014 21:55:42 GMT -5
I think it means the night the kids get a bath before they go to bed. Don't people bathe every day? I was all excited thinking she was saying DH and I need a "bath night" lol I don't wash my kids daily. Their skin gets too dry.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 21:56:23 GMT -5
I never had my kids take baths every night. It's not like they get all stinky and greasy like adults. In fact, younger son is only 1-2 times a week now in the winter. He eczema gets really bad if I do much more than that. I try to bathe the kiddo daily. Her bum gets raw if I don't. Maybe it will be different when she is potty trained. She also sweats like a teenage boy, so it's necessary to clean her daily.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 22:00:46 GMT -5
Gira - you could look at it like DH is prioritizing his family by working to provide some money and health insurance while going to school to better our future. We both know he loves us and we are number one, even when he's gone alot.
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siralynn
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Post by siralynn on Dec 27, 2014 22:18:26 GMT -5
I just can't with this thread. I swear the spending revelations and subsequent justifications are almost making me nauseous.
For what it's worth, my daughter is 19 months old and owns two pairs of shoes. A used stride-rite pair that I bought at a rummage sale for $3.50, and a brand new pair of brown leather "boots" (the type with fully leather soles) that I bought on-sale for $6, that she refuses to put on. I'm actually stressed because the last big consignment sale I went to, I couldn't find any decent shoes in her next probably size. I REALLY don't want to pay $30 for her next pair of shoes. Which is ridiculous, because I can easily afford that (DH and I make nearly $200k combined). But it's definitely not a good value and I'd rather spend/save for other things.
wonderland, I really hope you can take the excellent advice you've received and take it to heart. You've got a lot of soul searching to do in terms of your priorities for your family and your family's future security.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 27, 2014 22:25:57 GMT -5
Does it not gross you out to wear used shoes? Used clothes I can do, but used shoes? I don't know, it just seems so nasty to me. All that sweat and heat is just a moist breeding ground for germs. Plus they mold to someone else's feet, which makes the foot support not good for your foot.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 27, 2014 22:27:22 GMT -5
You can live within your means and still buy your dd new shoes.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Dec 27, 2014 22:34:50 GMT -5
Does it not gross you out to wear used shoes? Used clothes I can do, but used shoes? I don't know, it just seems so nasty to me. All that sweat and heat is just a moist breeding ground for germs. Plus they mold to someone else's feet, which makes the foot support not good for your foot. I don't think 19 month old kids are going to be sweating like that. They are out of the shoes and barefoot in the house most of the time. I have sold "used shoes". I ordered a pair and the heel was too wide. I had them on less time than I would have trying them on in the store. It's all about smart spending on necessities.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 22:35:39 GMT -5
You are right that shoes mold to your foot, but not when you are two-years-old and don't wear the same shoes two days in a row. This is a classic D's thread. Sub shoes for koi, and so on! That doesn't mean that I am not enjoying it. It means I don't believe it is for real. A real poster would have left pages ago.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2014 22:37:59 GMT -5
Does it not gross you out to wear used shoes? Used clothes I can do, but used shoes? I don't know, it just seems so nasty to me. All that sweat and heat is just a moist breeding ground for germs. Plus they mold to someone else's feet, which makes the foot support not good for your foot. My kids get new tennis shoes a couple times a year (which is what they wear 95% of the time) but dress shoes and boots are not things that get worn to the point of wearing them out...and no...it doesn't gross me out and my kids have never caught any mysterious foot illness from used shoes.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 27, 2014 22:53:42 GMT -5
When it comes to buying "used" toddler shoes, they aren't really used at all. They are resells from someone whose kid grew out of them too fast or were gifted in the wrong size or somebody who had 13 pairs of shoes so never wore one particular pair, etc.
I buy pretty much everything second-hand and stuff is rarely "used" at all. It just doesn't always have the tags or original packaging. But, then I buy off local facebook swaps, not Goodwill. And, I don't have time for yardsales. $5 is the max I'll pay for an outfit or pair of shoes. Somebody wanted $6 once and I said I was interested and would take all her outfits for $5 each. I had no idea I was low-balling her, she wrote back her price was firm and I said, okay thanks anyway. And then she wrote back she would do it because she didn't want to lose the deal over $1. When I got home, I took a closer look at the tags and they were over $100 each. I still didn't believe it and looked up the brand, totally legit.
I don't have time to do this kind of bargain shopping a lot either. So, I just buy up a whole season or two a couple of times a year from somebody (probably like this poster) who pays attention to detail and puts cute outfits together- complete with hair bows/matching socks and keeps them in perfect condition.
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DagnyT
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Post by DagnyT on Dec 27, 2014 23:38:22 GMT -5
I can't fathom $1,000 for a birthday party. I have done birthday parties for my kids for 21 years and have never spent more than $100. Hot dogs, chips, homemade and decorated cake, and ice cream for 30-35 people. One birthday is in November so we always do a wiener roast. The other one is in August so we grill hot dogs at my sister's pool. These are also joint birthday parties for the nieces and nephews, so two parties cover seven kids.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 27, 2014 23:39:43 GMT -5
I can't believe this is still going on.
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quince
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Post by quince on Dec 28, 2014 1:20:48 GMT -5
I just can't with this thread. I swear the spending revelations and subsequent justifications are almost making me nauseous. For what it's worth, my daughter is 19 months old and owns two pairs of shoes. A used stride-rite pair that I bought at a rummage sale for $3.50, and a brand new pair of brown leather "boots" (the type with fully leather soles) that I bought on-sale for $6, that she refuses to put on. I'm actually stressed because the last big consignment sale I went to, I couldn't find any decent shoes in her next probably size. I REALLY don't want to pay $30 for her next pair of shoes. Which is ridiculous, because I can easily afford that (DH and I make nearly $200k combined). But it's definitely not a good value and I'd rather spend/save for other things. wonderland, I really hope you can take the excellent advice you've received and take it to heart. You've got a lot of soul searching to do in terms of your priorities for your family and your family's future security. I paid full price for a pair of Stride-Rite shoes because I didn't like the (lack of) flex in the soles of the cheaper ones, and I hate spending time shopping around. I very veeery rarely have paid $30+ on shoes for ME, and my feet aren't growing anymore! (excepting pregnancy), so yeah. Not good value.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 7:09:44 GMT -5
You are right that shoes mold to your foot, but not when you are two-years-old and don't wear the same shoes two days in a row. This is a classic D's thread. Sub shoes for koi, and so on! That doesn't mean that I am not enjoying it. It means I don't believe it is for real. A real poster would have left pages ago. Why would a real poster have left pages ago? Despite the fact that I have gotten some negative feedback, I have also gotten some really useful advice, which is the whole point of this. It's almost as if you're disappointed I wasn't bullied away?
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 7:14:22 GMT -5
Does it not gross you out to wear used shoes? Used clothes I can do, but used shoes? I don't know, it just seems so nasty to me. All that sweat and heat is just a moist breeding ground for germs. Plus they mold to someone else's feet, which makes the foot support not good for your foot. I don't think 19 month old kids are going to be sweating like that. They are out of the shoes and barefoot in the house most of the time. I have sold "used shoes". I ordered a pair and the heel was too wide. I had them on less time than I would have trying them on in the store. It's all about smart spending on necessities. I have had to throw away a few pairs of her shoes due to foot odor. I have no problem selling my old stuff to people who want it, but I just can't do used shoes. I prefer n OT to do used clothing either. I just don't have the same luck as you guys in finding these amazing deals on perfect, not worn out pieces.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 7:20:15 GMT -5
Proper fitting/ supportive shoes are important to me, for myself and my family. Lots of problems can be prevented by purchasing proper footwear. I work on my feet all day. $30 shoes or used shoes aren't going to cut it. I have tried cheap shoes, I come home with so many aches. Now I stick to semi-expensive Brooks for myself, for work and exercise, that I replace 2-3 times a year. I do have expensive boots and dress shoes, but I tend to wear them for years and take care of them.
The kid will not be forced to wear cheap shoes so I can save a buck. She wears her shoes all the time. Maybe she is an anomaly, I don't know, but she loves her shoes and gets upset when we take them off. Does she need 13 pairs of expensive shoes? No, of course not, I didn't set out for her to have that many. I Wasn't Fond Of The Shoes She Received For Her birthday, they were ugly and kind of cheap, so I bought more that I liked. Then fall came and she needed boots, then Christmas dress shoes, and so on. Will she have that many shoes in the future? Likely not, I'll try to drop it to 4-5 depending on the needs of the season.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 7:24:14 GMT -5
I just can't with this thread. I swear the spending revelations and subsequent justifications are almost making me nauseous. For what it's worth, my daughter is 19 months old and owns two pairs of shoes. A used stride-rite pair that I bought at a rummage sale for $3.50, and a brand new pair of brown leather "boots" (the type with fully leather soles) that I bought on-sale for $6, that she refuses to put on. I'm actually stressed because the last big consignment sale I went to, I couldn't find any decent shoes in her next probably size. I REALLY don't want to pay $30 for her next pair of shoes. Which is ridiculous, because I can easily afford that (DH and I make nearly $200k combined). But it's definitely not a good value and I'd rather spend/save for other things. wonderland, I really hope you can take the excellent advice you've received and take it to heart. You've got a lot of soul searching to do in terms of your priorities for your family and your family's future security. Why care so much about someone else's finance that it gets you all worked up? I simply came her for advice and encouragement to make changes. To talk about with people who wouldn't respond with "yeah, but she looks so cute in all her outfits" or "But you always look so great" or "nobody has savings" or "everybody has a bunch of debt", that sort of thing. And I have gotten really, really good advice, and really good encouragement from some posters.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 7:57:50 GMT -5
Proper fitting/ supportive shoes are important to me, for myself and my family. Lots of problems can be prevented by purchasing proper footwear. I work on my feet all day. $30 shoes or used shoes aren't going to cut it. As a nurse that is understandable. What do you call a nurse with a bad back? Unemployed.... But for your daughter and husband, you may not want to go second hand cheap or Payless cheap, but you can find middle of the road good shoes that doesn't cost a small fortune.
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