wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 8:48:22 GMT -5
If I am going to attempt to max retirement contributions, should I put it all in a 403b, or max a ROTH, then put the rest on 403b?
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 8:55:13 GMT -5
If I am going to attempt to max retirement contributions, should I put it all in a 403b, or max a ROTH, then put the rest on 403b? What is your family combined gross?
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 9:07:07 GMT -5
If I am going to attempt to max retirement contributions, should I put it all in a 403b, or max a ROTH, then put the rest on 403b? What is your family combined gross? For 2015, should be between $110-$120 thousand
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 9:25:41 GMT -5
You are right that shoes mold to your foot, but not when you are two-years-old and don't wear the same shoes two days in a row. This is a classic D's thread. Sub shoes for koi, and so on! That doesn't mean that I am not enjoying it. It means I don't believe it is for real. A real poster would have left pages ago. Why would a real poster have left pages ago? Despite the fact that I have gotten some negative feedback, I have also gotten some really useful advice, which is the whole point of this. It's almost as if you're disappointed I wasn't bullied away? I'm not disappointed at all. I am really enjoying the thread.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 9:26:37 GMT -5
What is your family combined gross? For 2015, should be between $110-$120 thousand Your husband is contributing enough to his 401k to get a match right? I would say to start off 2015 on the right foot make it a goal to: - contribute in your 403b enough to get the full company match - same for your DH - max 2 ROTH IRA's X $5,500each After that if you have extra money left you can consider maxing your 403b. ---> take those extra shifts to eliminate the credit card debt ASAP. At your rate of pay it shouldn't take long.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 9:28:00 GMT -5
For 2015, should be between $110-$120 thousand Your husband is contributing enough to his 401k to get a match right? I would say to start off 2015 on the right foot make it a goal to: - contribute in your 403b enough to get the full company match - same for your DH - max 2 ROTH IRA's X $5,500each After that if you have extra money left you can consider maxing your 403b. ---> take those extra shifts to eliminate the credit card debt ASAP. At your rate of pay it shouldn't take long. DH gets the full match. I don't get a match. So maxing the roth first is the way to go? Yes, I will take some extra shifts to pay off the debt.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 28, 2014 9:29:35 GMT -5
I think if you stop shopping plus get some counseling to help you overcome your feelings of poverty before you pass them onto your daughter, you will be just fine. I gave DF a fancy 60th birthday party complete with booze and food at his fancy country club and I spent 2k. But it was a one off. I'd have never ever done that for a small child or any child. That thousand bucks could be better used elsewhere. Next year cake and food from Costco! Please stop making her a princess, it's setting her up for a very sad life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 9:34:24 GMT -5
Plus, what if you have more kids? You're really setting the bar high and they're all going to expect the same.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 9:38:05 GMT -5
Plus, what if you have more kids? You're really setting the bar high and they're all going to expect the same. Not necessarily true! First born are usually the spoiled ones (closely followed by the baby of the family). By kid #2 and or #3, new parents are usually "over" the new baby phase, everything got to be new/brand name/perfect and jus trying to survive another kid. Going overboard on your first born is not uncommon; wanting everything to be perfect.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 9:39:47 GMT -5
Your husband is contributing enough to his 401k to get a match right? I would say to start off 2015 on the right foot make it a goal to: - contribute in your 403b enough to get the full company match - same for your DH - max 2 ROTH IRA's X $5,500each After that if you have extra money left you can consider maxing your 403b. ---> take those extra shifts to eliminate the credit card debt ASAP. At your rate of pay it shouldn't take long. DH gets the full match. I don't get a match. So maxing the roth first is the way to go? Yes, I will take some extra shifts to pay off the debt. Yep max both ROTH!
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 28, 2014 10:23:10 GMT -5
And for God's sake, GET DISABILITY INSURANCE!!!! (Both LTD AND STD).
Believe me, life can turn on a dime not caused by your job, and your family find themselves without your salary. If that happens, you are thoroughly screwed.
It is not going to take much, considering how close to the edge you are. A broken leg or arm, a twisted ankle that keeps you out of work for several weeks, and you do not have resources to deal with increased medical expenses, along with lack of salary. It is really easy to hit your deductible with a single event.
Not only that, your DH also needs disability if it is not provided by his employer. He is carrying your family health insurance. If something happens to him, that is another $1000+ that you need to come up with monthly.
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siralynn
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Post by siralynn on Dec 28, 2014 10:23:55 GMT -5
I just can't with this thread. I swear the spending revelations and subsequent justifications are almost making me nauseous. For what it's worth, my daughter is 19 months old and owns two pairs of shoes. A used stride-rite pair that I bought at a rummage sale for $3.50, and a brand new pair of brown leather "boots" (the type with fully leather soles) that I bought on-sale for $6, that she refuses to put on. I'm actually stressed because the last big consignment sale I went to, I couldn't find any decent shoes in her next probably size. I REALLY don't want to pay $30 for her next pair of shoes. Which is ridiculous, because I can easily afford that (DH and I make nearly $200k combined). But it's definitely not a good value and I'd rather spend/save for other things. wonderland, I really hope you can take the excellent advice you've received and take it to heart. You've got a lot of soul searching to do in terms of your priorities for your family and your family's future security. Why care so much about someone else's finance that it gets you all worked up? I simply came her for advice and encouragement to make changes. To talk about with people who wouldn't respond with "yeah, but she looks so cute in all her outfits" or "But you always look so great" or "nobody has savings" or "everybody has a bunch of debt", that sort of thing. And I have gotten really, really good advice, and really good encouragement from some posters. Probably because I'm imagining applying that level of spending to my own daughter, and it's completely out of line with my own values. It makes me sad that you're potentially throwing away her future security on crap she won't remember. You're also setting her up to repeat a cycle of debt/overspending in her own life. Yes, you have gotten lots of great advice, but you've also responded to the majority of it with rationalizations and excuses that make it clear that you're probably not ready to actually change your behaviors.
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siralynn
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Post by siralynn on Dec 28, 2014 10:25:37 GMT -5
And for God's sake, GET DISABILITY INSURANCE!!!! (Both LTD AND STD). Believe me, life can turn on a dime not caused by your job, and your family find themselves without your salary. If that happens, you are thoroughly screwed. It is not going to take much, considering how close to the edge you are. A broken leg or arm, a twisted ankle that keeps you out of work for several weeks, and you do not have resources to deal with increased medical expenses, along with lack of salary. It is really easy to hit your deductible with a single event. Not only that, your DH also needs disability if it is not provided by his employer. He is carrying your family health insurance. If something happens to him, that is another $1000+ that you need to come up with monthly. And $150k life insurance isn't nearly enough to protect the daughter should something happen.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 28, 2014 10:29:34 GMT -5
Not necessarily is the first born the prize. DD the only girl. At age 26, she still thinks someone should be supporting her while she spends her money on horses and clothes. Is furious that it isn't working that way. Really looking forward to when the boyfriend gives her the heave ho because he's tired of her behavior.
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siralynn
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Post by siralynn on Dec 28, 2014 10:31:14 GMT -5
Proper fitting/ supportive shoes are important to me, for myself and my family. Lots of problems can be prevented by purchasing proper footwear. I work on my feet all day. $30 shoes or used shoes aren't going to cut it. I have tried cheap shoes, I come home with so many aches. Now I stick to semi-expensive Brooks for myself, for work and exercise, that I replace 2-3 times a year. I do have expensive boots and dress shoes, but I tend to wear them for years and take care of them. The kid will not be forced to wear cheap shoes so I can save a buck. She wears her shoes all the time. Maybe she is an anomaly, I don't know, but she loves her shoes and gets upset when we take them off. Does she need 13 pairs of expensive shoes? No, of course not, I didn't set out for her to have that many. I Wasn't Fond Of The Shoes She Received For Her birthday, they were ugly and kind of cheap, so I bought more that I liked. Then fall came and she needed boots, then Christmas dress shoes, and so on. Will she have that many shoes in the future? Likely not, I'll try to drop it to 4-5 depending on the needs of the season. Guess what. I do spend a decent amount on my own shoes because I agree with you that good shoes are important. (I favor Dansko-type clogs on days I have to stand a lot.) But my 1.5 year old just needs a shoe with a flexible enough sole that it doesn't impede her walking/running. She's in just socks in the house because that's better for her feet and development. Right now she's in a walking on tip toes phase anyway. We're a long way from needing proper, formal arch support and whatnot.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 10:34:12 GMT -5
Plus, what if you have more kids? You're really setting the bar high and they're all going to expect the same. More kids are unlikely.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 10:47:12 GMT -5
I do think it's odd that someone that grew up so poor wouldn't prioritize financial security and be almost miser-like, but my ex is the same way. Grew up in a family of 7 kids with no money and now if he has it he spends it. Of the seven, only two of them aren't like that...maybe 3. I didn't have much growing up either, my mom was a single mother working in a factory and we lived in a tiny little house. But, the difference was a lot of our poor was artificially poor. She squirreled money away and there was never any needs that weren't met, the 18K house was paid off early and at 15 we moved into the "mansion". The 1500 square foot house for 84K. I'd get some wants, traveled some and we always had horses (kept for free on the family farm) but I also heard a lot about what such and such cost and how we couldn't afford this or that. Fall shoes for school was a huge deal because it was likely the only pair I'd get outside of my winter boots. Now at 67 she IS living in a huge house. Five bedrooms 4 baths for just her and her husband. LOL But they have plenty of money and I'll never have to worry about taking care of them. I can't imagine the stress on people that have to support aging parents and I'm so glad she put her retirement savings first when I was young.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 10:50:40 GMT -5
We were poor when I grew up, but although there were some residual emotional issues my parents needed to work out, we did not grow up in what I consider the culture of poverty. We didn't live with the mentality which tends to keep people poor. It doesn't sound like you did either MPL.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 10:55:01 GMT -5
I do think it's odd that someone that grew up so poor wouldn't prioritize financial security and be almost miser-like, but my ex is the same way. Grew up in a family of 7 kids with no money and now if he has it he spends it. Of the seven, only two of them aren't like that...maybe 3. Why is it odd? Not everyone turns out the same. Yes some will be miser like, while others will spend it all because they never had nothing and some will be well balanced. Not everyone has the same outcome from the same upbringing. Same way 2 siblings from the same household can turn out completely different. I think OP is in a great position to set her family up nicely financially and undo her past mistakes. - relatively still young / time on her side - high earning potential with unlimited overtime / pay debt down faster - good career path / nursing - career mobility / she can follow her husband anywhere with her nursing degree if that is what they choose. Seriously in her position I would not lose sleep over a 2 year old having 10 pair of shoes. What is done is done, move forward and upward.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 11:16:36 GMT -5
I didn't say it was odd. It's obviously quite common. I said it seems odd to me. I would want to do everything in my power to avoid ever being back in that same situation.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 28, 2014 11:20:06 GMT -5
Seriously in her position I would not lose sleep over a 2 year old having 10 pair of shoes. What is done is done, move forward and upward.
The thing is, it is not the fact the kid has 13 pair of shoes. It is what this represents. It is $1000 birthday parties, $6000 vacations, no savings, little retirement and debt.
No one would give a squat about shoes if there was no debt, savings, retirement. However she is setting her kid up for expectations in the future. If a kid is receiving $1000 parties a 2, is she going to expect $10,000 blow outs at 16? Will 13 pair of shoes translate to buying a pair of $700 shoes at 16?
It is really hard to scale back as adults. How do you explain this to a child, when they have been given everything that they have ever wanted.....and more?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 11:25:35 GMT -5
It isn't necessarily 'odd' as in I can understand how it happens. It is however completely opposite her stated goals and objectives.
She still thinks 'poor' is just about not having money to buy material things.
She still lives spending every dime that comes in and then some.
She feels entitled to things because she works hard and so should be able to spend all of her money on things and experiences.
She is, perhaps unconsciously, living as if today is the only day. As if the future is unknowable and so I have to live it up today with what I have today.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 11:25:37 GMT -5
I do think it's odd that someone that grew up so poor wouldn't prioritize financial security and be almost miser-like, but my ex is the same way. Grew up in a family of 7 kids with no money and now if he has it he spends it. Of the seven, only two of them aren't like that...maybe 3. I didn't have much growing up either, my mom was a single mother working in a factory and we lived in a tiny little house. But, the difference was a lot of our poor was artificially poor. She squirreled money away and there was never any needs that weren't met, the 18K house was paid off early and at 15 we moved into the "mansion". The 1500 square foot house for 84K. I'd get some wants, traveled some and we always had horses (kept for free on the family farm) but I also heard a lot about what such and such cost and how we couldn't afford this or that. Fall shoes for school was a huge deal because it was likely the only pair I'd get outside of my winter boots. Now at 67 she IS living in a huge house. Five bedrooms 4 baths for just her and her husband. LOL But they have plenty of money and I'll never have to worry about taking care of them. I can't imagine the stress on people that have to support aging parents and I'm so glad she put her retirement savings first when I was young. I don't think being poor as a child = miser like adults. And I certainly do better than my parents, by having a good career, keeping a job, keeping a roof over our heads. I don't use drugs/cigs/alcohol. I would never tell my child we couldn't afford dinner while drinking a beer and puffing away. She will always have a safe home, a soft bed, and a full belly. She will never fear being slapped or punched or ridiculed by her parents. So just because I have spent a little irresponsibly for 2 years out of the 12 of my adult life, doesn't mean I'm a crappy parent. She has a life I never could have imagined, even if you take away all the "things".
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 28, 2014 11:29:05 GMT -5
Who said you were a crappy parent? I am sure you are a very loving mom. We are just trying to offer a bit of advice to help you achieve financial peace in your life.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 11:29:22 GMT -5
It isn't necessarily 'odd' as in I can understand how it happens. It is however completely opposite her stated goals and objectives. She still thinks 'poor' is just about not having money to buy material things. She still lives spending every dime that comes in and then some. She feels entitled to things because she works hard and so should be able to spend all of her money on things and experiences. She is, perhaps unconsciously, living as if today is the only day. As if the future is unknowable and so I have to live it up today with what I have today. You're right, I do tend to have a live for today attitude. Because really, we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Accidents and illness and tragedies happen sometimes. I much prefer to enjoy my life now than be miserable in the hope of having a great retirement. I have been financially responsible in the past, and I know I can get back on track. I may not exactly do it as cut and dry as most posters on this board, but I will do it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 11:32:50 GMT -5
Again with the financially responsible are "miserable". It's not all or nothing.
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wonderland
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Post by wonderland on Dec 28, 2014 11:33:05 GMT -5
Who said you were a crappy parent? I am sure you are a very loving mom. We are just trying to offer a bit of advice to help you achieve financial peace in your life. More than one poster has implied that I am not giving my daughter what she needs because I spend money the way I do. Are we in a bit of debt? Yes. Are we worried about where dinner is coming from? No.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 11:33:51 GMT -5
It isn't about a 'great retirement' or 'on my deathbed'... It's about 'always have a safe home, a soft bed, and a full belly'.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Dec 28, 2014 11:34:12 GMT -5
Seriously in her position I would not lose sleep over a 2 year old having 10 pair of shoes. What is done is done, move forward and upward.The thing is, it is not the fact the kid has 13 pair of shoes. It is what this represents. It is $1000 birthday parties, $6000 vacations, no savings, little retirement and debt. No one would give a squat about shoes if there was no debt, savings, retirement. However she is setting her kid up for expectations in the future. If a kid is receiving $1000 parties a 2, is she going to expect $10,000 blow outs at 16? Will 13 pair of shoes translate to buying a pair of $700 shoes at 16? It is really hard to scale back as adults. How do you explain this to a child, when they have been given everything that they have ever wanted.....and more? Here is the thing: to me a $1,000 for a 1 year birthday party doesn't seem extravagant. But I am from a culture that tend to go big for 1 year old parties... I call it a party for the grownups not really the kid but that is besides the point. I don't know OP's background but based on mine, $1,000 was meh. Second: she did not ask us how she should raise her daughter. She asked about improving their financial lives and putting themselves in a better situation. If she is Mexican a $10,000 blowout for her 15th birthday would not be unheard of. Yes YM will make a big deal out of it but that is their culture and their reality. I guess I am not that hang up on the small details and more focus on the big ones: - start saving for retirement - start saving period, make it a habit - take on extra shifts to pay down the debt quicker
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2014 11:35:21 GMT -5
Who said you were a crappy parent? I am sure you are a very loving mom. We are just trying to offer a bit of advice to help you achieve financial peace in your life. More than one poster has implied that I am not giving my daughter what she needs because I spend money the way I do. Are we in a bit of debt? Yes. Are we worried about where dinner is coming from? No. Because right now you are young, not disabled, no one is ill, you both are employed... Etc. But if ANY of that changed, you could easily be back to poverty in a heartbeat.
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