DD & MIL's Issues

[Ombud]

Pat is one sharp lady. She knows it's better this way and states she was recently really scared by her

[Blonde Granny]

I only say that because Pat has no support from anyone during this time. No one to hold her hand, dry her tears, or simply to hold her while she cries. She has a DH but he doesn't seem to care enough to be there for her. We are her support but that doesn't take the place of another person to comfort her.

This is a very sad and tumultuous day for her, one she may not recover from for a long time to come, if ever. I hope she gets some counseling to help her deal with this.

[zibazinski]

I'm afraid her DD is going to freak out and get violent.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I'm thinking a board meet up in Indiana is warranted.

[bean29]

  Not sure if the above is meant to be supportive of Pat, but that is why most of us are keeping an eye on this thread for Pat to check in and tell us how it went today.

Yes, people do duck out when the going gets tough.  Life has been very difficult for Pat of late and she just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.  No two situations are ever exactly the same. I can not say anything further without going to a place I don't want to go, so Pat - Hugs.  I know it has been a difficult Day.  Better Tomorrows.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Sept 9, 2015 16:46:08 GMT -5 bean29 said:

  Not sure if the above is meant to be supportive of Pat, but that is why most of us are keeping an eye on this thread for Pat to check in and tell us how it went today.

Yes, people do duck out when the going gets tough.  Life has been very difficult for Pat of late and she just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.  No two situations are ever exactly the same. I can not say anything further without going to a place I don't want to go, so Pat - Hugs.  I know it has been a difficult Day.  Better Tomorrows.

I took it as a post of someone who understands Pat's world better than I ever could and who simply wanted to share *her* story.  

Their journeys have have been as different as their daughters' special needs are.  

I read support and hope, not criticism or judgement.  

[bean29]

Sept 9, 2015 17:00:22 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Sept 9, 2015 16:46:08 GMT -5 bean29 said:

  Not sure if the above is meant to be supportive of Pat, but that is why most of us are keeping an eye on this thread for Pat to check in and tell us how it went today.

Yes, people do duck out when the going gets tough.  Life has been very difficult for Pat of late and she just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.  No two situations are ever exactly the same. I can not say anything further without going to a place I don't want to go, so Pat - Hugs.  I know it has been a difficult Day.  Better Tomorrows.

I took it as a post of someone who understands Pat's world better than I ever could and who simply wanted to share *her* story.  

Their journeys have have been as different as their daughters' special needs are.  

I read support and hope, not criticism or judgement.  

GRG, just not sure, but that was why I did not want to get to critical of her comments.  I wasn't sure if she was holier than thou or if she was trying to be compassionate.

[zibazinski]

Yeah, I took it as holier than thou when the last thing Pat needs to hear is someone saying their special needs daughter was a joy and her death brought grief. How nice her husband stayed in the picture. Pat's didn't. He stayed married but stayed away. Most don't stay married and most never visit. I'm glad her experience was different. Pat just got through having someone tell her how great that she could handle this "gift." She didn't take the "compliment" well.

[bean29]

I have a co-worker with a special needs niece. The Grandparents have taken her on a trip here & there, but they too have an RV and are in other States most of the year. The sibling of the special needs person moved all the way across the country when she got married. My co-worker just described her Niece's behavior, and it is much better/mostly pleasant compared to what Pat has been going through of late. This family has caregivers that come in at least once a week too. Pat has been mostly on her own. She needs this placement and she needs Respite.

[zibazinski]

I'm worried about her.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I am, too. It's selfish of me wanting her to run here and check in, but I do want her to!!! I'm just praying all turns out well for both Pat and for her daughter.

[chen35]

Hopefully she took the advice here and turned off her cell and  checked into a hotel for a much needed nap!

[Jaguar]

Sept 9, 2015 17:31:56 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I'm worried about her.

I'm worried too.

[busymom]

If I were Pat, I'd take tonight & do stuff I normally wouldn't get the chance to do. Get some Chinese takeout, & go catch a movie. Do some nice, quiet activities, something that calms my soul. Obviously, I want to know that she made it back home o.k., but I think she just needs time to catch her breath. Or, even go home to go back to bed & catch up on some sleep.

[Deleted]

Sept 9, 2015 17:00:22 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

Sept 9, 2015 16:46:08 GMT -5 bean29 said:

  Not sure if the above is meant to be supportive of Pat, but that is why most of us are keeping an eye on this thread for Pat to check in and tell us how it went today.

Yes, people do duck out when the going gets tough.  Life has been very difficult for Pat of late and she just keeps putting one foot in front of the other.  No two situations are ever exactly the same. I can not say anything further without going to a place I don't want to go, so Pat - Hugs.  I know it has been a difficult Day.  Better Tomorrows.

I took it as a post of someone who understands Pat's world better than I ever could and who simply wanted to share *her* story.  

Their journeys have have been as different as their daughters' special needs are.  

I read support and hope, not criticism or judgement.  

I guess that just goes to show how we can read the exact same words and get a different meaning from them.

[mmhmm]

I think we're all deeply concerned about Pat. We've been on this runaway train with her for quite a long time now and we care enough to share her pain now that the station is in sight but we don't know how the train is going to stop and what's going to happen when it does. Many of us have lost those very, very dear to us; however, lovehearts and Pat share similar experiences that most of us don't share. I can empathize but I can never fully understand, no matter how hard I may try. Having shared her own story, and her grief, lovehearts has opened her heart and offered a hand that does understand more than I ever could. I see that as a good thing; especially, considering how alone Pat feels, living in a rural area where neighbors aren't close and there are few with whom to share and having a husband who is rarely with her to offer comfort.

@lovehearts, thank you for sharing with us, and with Pat. May I offer my condolences on your losses. Loss is something I do understand. I hope you're progressing through processing your grief and coming to terms with what has happened. The grief will always be there but it dulls with time, only to pop up on occasion, uninvited. We're like a dysfunctional family here. We do really hurt for one another through difficult times. We're all hurting for Pat right now and worrying ourselves sick (I know I am). Your post gives not only Pat a hand to reach for, but the rest of us, as well. All the love, dear. 

[bean29]

Thanks for the clarification Lovehearts.  I wish you peace and happy memories.

My family has an image of those who have gone before us as having a big happy card game in heaven. I have a (Great) Uncle that was deaf, and the Great Nieces and Nephews spent our youth in card games with him.  My own image of him with family does not necessarily include him any different that he was in my childhood b/c we loved him the way he was, but of course he would be able to hear in heaven - b/c it would enrich HIS life. 

I am hopeful that the caregivers where Pat's daughter will be living can give her some direction/comfort/counseling that a lot of what she is going through is normal and the way her DD was acting was probably largely from fear that her family didn't love her anymore and it was a defense mechanism on her part.  As others have observed, Pat is not particularly religious but selfishly I am going to pray for a positive outcome.

[Sharon]

Pat you and Sue Ann have been in my thoughts all day today.  I hope today went as well as it could under the circumstances. 

[taz157]

Sept 9, 2015 18:49:31 GMT -5 Sharon said:

Pat you and Sue Ann have been in my thoughts all day today.  I hope today went as well as it could under the circumstances. 

Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))

[Ombud]

@lovehearts, I'm sorry for your dbl loss and it must have been such a relief for your DH to have your back. Sounds like there's a huge behavioral difference between Williams and Down Syndrome.

[zibazinski]

She is probably still there trying to calm DD down. Having never had the normal transition of sending her DD off to K , this is got to be hard to realize you kind of need to drop off and beat it!

[mmhmm]

Pat must have been exhausted today. I'm wondering (if she was able to get DD into the facility) if she might not have just gone home and passed out. I could sure understand it if she did! I'm really, really hoping that's what's happened.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Perhaps their intake procedure takes awhile.  And didn't Pat say something about getting the furniture moved yet this afternoon? I don't know if it's a case of just taking her there and leaving or if there is some sort of orientation.  Maybe there was some settling of her things.

[Value Buy]

Pat, this sounds great.
Maybe call your husband if possible.
Now try and get some sleep.

[suesinfl]

Sept 9, 2015 18:14:21 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I think we're all deeply concerned about Pat. We've been on this runaway train with her for quite a long time now and we care enough to share her pain now that the station is in sight but we don't know how the train is going to stop and what's going to happen when it does. Many of us have lost those very, very dear to us; however, lovehearts and Pat share similar experiences that most of us don't share. I can empathize but I can never fully understand, no matter how hard I may try. Having shared her own story, and her grief, lovehearts has opened her heart and offered a hand that does understand more than I ever could. I see that as a good thing; especially, considering how alone Pat feels, living in a rural area where neighbors aren't close and there are few with whom to share and having a husband who is rarely with her to offer comfort.

@lovehearts, thank you for sharing with us, and with Pat. May I offer my condolences on your losses. Loss is something I do understand. I hope you're progressing through processing your grief and coming to terms with what has happened. The grief will always be there but it dulls with time, only to pop up on occasion, uninvited. We're like a dysfunctional family here. We do really hurt for one another through difficult times. We're all hurting for Pat right now and worrying ourselves sick (I know I am). Your post gives not only Pat a hand to reach for, but the rest of us, as well. All the love, dear. 

Sues -heart-mmhmm

[Green Eyed Lady]

So very glad to hear from you, Pat.   Thanks for taking the time to let us know.

[mmhmm]

Sept 9, 2015 20:31:32 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

Sept 9, 2015 18:14:21 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I think we're all deeply concerned about Pat. We've been on this runaway train with her for quite a long time now and we care enough to share her pain now that the station is in sight but we don't know how the train is going to stop and what's going to happen when it does. Many of us have lost those very, very dear to us; however, lovehearts and Pat share similar experiences that most of us don't share. I can empathize but I can never fully understand, no matter how hard I may try. Having shared her own story, and her grief, lovehearts has opened her heart and offered a hand that does understand more than I ever could. I see that as a good thing; especially, considering how alone Pat feels, living in a rural area where neighbors aren't close and there are few with whom to share and having a husband who is rarely with her to offer comfort.

@lovehearts, thank you for sharing with us, and with Pat. May I offer my condolences on your losses. Loss is something I do understand. I hope you're progressing through processing your grief and coming to terms with what has happened. The grief will always be there but it dulls with time, only to pop up on occasion, uninvited. We're like a dysfunctional family here. We do really hurt for one another through difficult times. We're all hurting for Pat right now and worrying ourselves sick (I know I am). Your post gives not only Pat a hand to reach for, but the rest of us, as well. All the love, dear. 

Sues -heart-mmhmm

Accepted with love, Sues. Thank you! 

[Ombud]

Sept 9, 2015 20:20:13 GMT -5 @patstab said:

she hit me, twisted my arm and cussed me up one side and down the other.  ... She did get her shoes on and stomp into the house, they had the guy counselor waiting and another guy drove up ... She said they had one more little outburst but that was it, .... they are always doing something, that is exactly what she needs.  I'm excited for her.

And we are too!! She will have a blast doing things with her new friends once she settles in (and obviously they're pros at handling outbursts)

PLEASE don't tend to MIL tonight. Take a bubble bath, eat ice cream, SLEEP!!

[Opti]

Pat, thanks for posting, I was worried. I am sorry DD acted up so much, and am grateful it was not worse. I do hope she adjusts well to her new place and hope she enjoys the cool stuff in her future. Maybe she will find a boyfriend and realize that only happened because her life changed.

Sleep well.

[Blonde Granny]

{{{hugs Pat}}}. What a day you've had. Take tomorrow off, sit on the porch and let the world go away. You've earned it. The dust will till be there Friday.