DD & MIL's Issues

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Hubby is 100% behind her going. And he is quitting in March.

What about between now and March 2016?    You really do need some help or she's going to kill you from exhausation before March.

[swamp]

Aug 26, 2015 16:28:26 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I don't know where are who you could hire. I will get it done, it was just the hypoglycemia kicking in, hard for me to fast for long.

We are very rural, almost impossible to find any help around, we are all old people pretty much living around here, most need more

care then me.

Try before you go,all negative on us. 

[CCL]

Aug 26, 2015 16:24:56 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I'm ok. I got out side and we have to drive 5 miles before I needed to decide. I took a glucose tablet and it got better quick, just the hypoglycemia

kicking in I guess. So we went ahead to our screenings and had those done, I'm fine. I forget what low blood sugar does sometimes.

Pat, I think you still need to talk to your doctor about this. Don't just assume it's blood sugar (although that needs to be evaluated too). Those symptoms of severe headache and visual disturbance are also symptoms of some very serious conditions like aneurysm and stroke, to name a couple. please at least talk to your doctor. We are all worried about you.

[Deleted]

Also Pat, you mentioned that you're out of Tramadol and your whole body aches and your back is killing you. I'm not a doctor but I've read that tramadol can have some bad withdrawal symptoms and those were on the list from what I remember, along with some other things. You feel like that, then you take some Tramadol and you feel better, but withdrawals from the Tramadol was what had you aching in the first place. A lot of people think it's Tramadol is harmless because it's different from Lortab or Percocet or whatever, but from what I've read it can cause the same dependency and similar withdrawal symptoms as the other drugs. At least ask your doctor about it and do some research on your own since you take it. If you need the Tramadol, at least you'll be aware that feeling terrible when you miss doses could be withdrawal and not necessarily some other problem.

And surely you know that blurry vision and a bad headache can be symptoms of something going terribly wrong. Don't brush it off. You must take care of yourself Pat.

[busymom]

I'm glad you went to the ER. I was concerned with all of the stress that you might be getting a stroke. I've met people much younger than you who've had one. I seriously hope that the first week your DD is placed, that you do a whole lot of nothing!

[zibazinski]

Get out of Dodge so MIL can't bug you, too.

[zibazinski]

I bet they also have wives and older children that can watch DD.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

 X 100!!!!

[CCL]

I hope the birthday party went well for you both.

[Opti]

Aug 28, 2015 1:02:48 GMT -5 @patstab said:

The amish live a couple of counties away, quite a distance.

The party went well, I told DD if she didn't straighten up she wouldn't have friends or anyone that wanted her in the

group home, and she would not end up in a good place .She was enjoying herself but tried to keep a face like she wasnt.

I took her to a movie, Mission Impossible, was good, she went into the lobby about the last couple of minutes.

She threw a fit wanting to go to Toys R Us, I said no, she buys stuff and gives it away, buys and gives it away, that is

plain silly so I would not go.

I'm afraid we are getting pushed back more.  I had a message on the phone, the admin trying to reach me.  I got a

note and it said pre transition meeting instead of transition meeting.  She hemmed and hawed on the phone message, I think

she may have overstepped.  The house mother said they never move this fast so I have no idea. I ordered to a mattress set, frame

and lingerie cabinet, now wish I had not, going to call in the morning and see whats happening.

Pat, I think you are making things worse for yourself and DD by making comments like these. Tell her to behave better certainly, but stop all editorial comments about people liking her, not liking her, group homes, etc. You can complain here about that, but the more you say things like that to DD the more she is likely to take the information as ways to push your buttons. She'll see it as you handing her the keys on how to behave so she does not have to move from home. Do you really keep wanting to set her up like that?

Also, do you really need to buy anything to move her? Are you planning to maintain her room at home? If you are really committed to her leaving, the only things that should remain IMO are those that would not fit or be useful in her new space. You will not want to have her for overnights in the future, especially if you want this to work out. You may feel the need to buy something for this, but in many ways she is acting just like you only her spend of choice is Toys R Us.

If you truly want this to succeed try moving with the home's schedule instead of trying to force it. You risk making you be as much as a problem as DD. In many problem patients I've seen over the years most are accompanied by problem visitors. It becomes a self reinforcing system of bad behavior. Get yourself to chill out and push less. Let things work out the way they need to, not the way you want them to. It is far better to get it to work out, even if it does not hit your standards for time, etc. than to force it and screw it up altogether. Yell your frustrations here but definitely reel in your behavior and change from pushy to agreeable. The home is judging you too.

I hope this does not sound harsh, but I am getting concerned you are doing more to make this go badly and way too little on making this happen in an easy peaceful way.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

stop all editorial comments about people liking her, not liking her, group homes, etc. You can complain here about that, but the more you say things like that to DD the more she is likely to take the information as ways to push your buttons. She'll see it as you handing her the keys on how to behave so she does not have to move from home



I think that's exactly what she is doing.  You've made it clear the more she acts out the less likely she is to be moved until you die and she has no choice.

To you it seems obvious she should behave.  You're thinking long long term. 

I don't think you will ever be able to make her see long term. Yes she is 40 years old but she isn't a 40 year old mentally.  She's still in the immediate gratification phase (hence the tantrums about not going to TRU).

Right now her immediate want is not to go into the group home.  So she knows based on what you're saying if she keeps acting out the less likely it is you will move her.  She's using your own words against you.

So stop trying to use threats about not going to the home to get her to behave.  That's exactly what she WANTS to happen.

[zibazinski]

The Amish may live a few counties away but they're coming to your place. They can bring a relative. Ask them. Then you can leave for the day.

[zibazinski]

I can't believe you're still discussing this with her. It's kind of mean in a way. I get you're resentful but it's going to be over. Hang in there.

[Blonde Granny]

WOW! You bought another motor home when your DH just said you had to sell the other one?  Yikes.

[zibazinski]

Spending money is a manifestation of other issues.

[mollyanna58]

I think Pat is entitled to a few issues, if they manifest in something that makes her happy.

[zibazinski]

As he should be. You are BOTH due a break and peace.

[Opti]

Aug 28, 2015 20:37:19 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Spending money is a manifestation of other issues.

Yep, and I see this as problematic. If you were DD, would this new purchase motivate you to move into the group home or act up so you can travel in the new motorhome?

[Deleted]

[busymom]

Woo hoo! I'm glad you're doing something that makes YOU happy, Pat!   (Could you pay one or two of the Amish women to clean it out?  You do too much as it is!) 

[busymom]

Could you offer your Amish workers a little extra $$ to move those ladders for you?

So sorry to hear that your DD had another meltdown today.

DS has been rather crabby yesterday & today too. I've had paras tell me that weather changes can affect kids with specials needs.

[TheOtherMe]

Just saw this thread today.  I do hope you get your DD placed permanently very, very soon.  You deserve to live the rest of your years with more peace and enjoyment.  As others have said, this is easier for her now than it will be if you are gone and can not visit her.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2015 13:26:54 GMT -5 @patstab said:

DH may have to work till next August now to replace the money. We do expect means testing on her care at some point and that's ok.

We just want to be able to live and care for her too. But that is his end date if he does we agree on that he will get full SS and we

are done. I know he would like to, we will see what is decided.

Transition meeting Tuesday, tomorrow dental cleaning for us both. Me dropping by RV shop we are having synthetic fluids put in and

I forgot to tell them. I'm betting new windshield wipers are needed and I'm having a new belt put on the engine.

He is going to do some repairs on the old motorhome and we will put it up for sale in the spring, I think we can get between $20 and $25k,

if so that will replace part of the money. 

I'm having my carpet in the house cleaned instead of replacing, it should be ok even thought its at last 12 years old, he said get the

carpets in the motorhomes cleaned too.  This one needs new carpet but its going to be a bear to do, its mainly in the front but lots

of seating removal to do it.  Thankfully its not the full coach.

I have to admit I'm getting excited.  If its a week before DD can go, I will take her to the mall of the Americas if I can get the motorhome

ready in time.  Not saying anything to her.  It would be a good time of year to go.

I slept till 11:30 this morning, went to bed last night at 11, I was exhausted.

Today have vacuumed, had pancakes I made.  Now going to empty litter box and vacuum off the porches, then start mowing.

If I have time will pick my shelly beans and mow down the green beans.

 

Color me confused. Are you sure retiring any time soon is really the plan? It seems to always get put off for one reason or another.

[zibazinski]

I think not only will it be hard for Pat without DD, even with her issues, it'll be hard to actually live with her husband after all these years. First things first.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2015 17:22:36 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I think not only will it be hard for Pat without DD, even with her issues, it'll be hard to actually live with her husband after all these years. First things first.

That's understandable, but I think they need to be honest with themselves and each other about what the goal really is. Don't say the goal is for him to retire and come home for good asap, then keep creating or finding reasons to delay it again. That's been going on for a while now, and it seems like one or both don't really want it to happen, it just sounds good to say it. Just my thoughts, and they don't mean diddly.

[zibazinski]

I'm sure once DD is placed, he'll be home.

[saveinla]

I think Pat's hubby is just waiting for confirmation that they will not have to pay anything for their DD before he makes any decisions - that's what I am reading from between the lines.

It's a hard decision to make even with just 2 people to support. I am sure it makes it much more harder not knowing what will happen with their daughter and if they will have to support her in some form or the other all her life.

[Value Buy]

Well, I see I had another post removed from this thread without any response from a mod.
This is the second time I have had posts removed from this thread without any response from anyone. Thank you not so much.
I am not sure if other posts were removed or not, and really do not care.
My post was not mean, and just truthful. It actually even asked a question, which of course was not answered.
I believe many people here are just sugar coating the situation to make Pat feel fine, whether the correct and proper decision is being made.
You are not helping this situation. 
I am sure this post will simply disappear too.

Good luck Pat.
I really mean that. I realize what you are going through with your daughter.
You are not alone in this struggle, but there are mistakes, imo, that are going on.

[mmhmm]

Aug 30, 2015 22:18:20 GMT -5 Value Buy said:

Well, I see I had another post removed from this thread without any response from a mod.
This is the second time I have had posts removed from this thread without any response from anyone. Thank you not so much.
I am not sure if other posts were removed or not, and really do not care.
My post was not mean, and just truthful. It actually even asked a question, which of course was not answered.
I believe many people here are just sugar coating the situation to make Pat feel fine, whether the correct and proper decision is being made.
You are not helping this situation. 
I am sure this post will simply disappear too.

Good luck Pat.
I really mean that. I realize what you are going through with your daughter.
You are not alone in this struggle, but there are mistakes, imo, that are going on.

I can find no evidence of any of your posts being removed from this thread, VB. The following 5 posts are still in the thread (I use military time - Eastern Daylight):

8/18 at 1509, 8/18 at 1101, 8/12 at 0020, 8/17 at 0700 and 8/6 at 2141.

If you think the post was made before August 1, I'll be happy to look back further but I think your posts are all still here in the thread.

[Value Buy]

Aug 31, 2015 0:21:51 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Aug 30, 2015 22:18:20 GMT -5 Value Buy said:

Well, I see I had another post removed from this thread without any response from a mod.
This is the second time I have had posts removed from this thread without any response from anyone. Thank you not so much.
I am not sure if other posts were removed or not, and really do not care.
My post was not mean, and just truthful. It actually even asked a question, which of course was not answered.
I believe many people here are just sugar coating the situation to make Pat feel fine, whether the correct and proper decision is being made.
You are not helping this situation. 
I am sure this post will simply disappear too.

Good luck Pat.
I really mean that. I realize what you are going through with your daughter.
You are not alone in this struggle, but there are mistakes, imo, that are going on.

I can find no evidence of any of your posts being removed from this thread, VB. The following 5 posts are still in the thread (I use military time - Eastern Daylight):

8/18 at 1509, 8/18 at 1101, 8/12 at 0020, 8/17 at 0700 and 8/6 at 2141.

If you think the post was made before August 1, I'll be happy to look back further but I think your posts are all still here in the thread.

I have to assume a post was lost in space, so I apoligize.
Last night it took me two times to get a post to make it through to the board on another thread.
I only realized it because after posting, I was going to respond to another post on the same thread, and saw my other post which I had just sent was not there, and went back to repost a second time.
When I posted here, Sunday, I did not check to see if it made it to the board. When I came back to the board last night, I noticed my post was not here.

Like they say, never ASSume anything.