Kids and schedules

[Deleted]

Reading G's wedding thread put me in mind of an ongoing issue we have in homeschool group. There seems to be some ongoing tension between those who believe 'the kids go where we go... If they need to sleep, they sleep where we are', and the 'I must be home for nap time' factions. 

How did/does this work for your family? What factors do you think influence these decisions, because it doesn't seem to be consistent in people I see? 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

My schedule revolves around them. That practice, upon reflection after 15 years of practice, has caused me to be a boring and not well-rounded person. 

[Lizard Queen]

I think that some kids can sleep anywhere.  Mine don't.  They'll stay awake way longer than they should, mostly skipping a nap until the most inopportune time, then crash either on a 10 minute drive home, or late in the day when it interferes with going to bed for the night.  Plus, they'll be cranky as all get out.  My limited (my brother, other family and friend) observation with parents that forge ahead without regard to their kids' needs for naps, are really like that.  They pay little heed to what the little ones are feeling.  

Does that mean that I think parents should never veer from their kids schedule?  Not at all, but I think that it is selfish to push them to their breaking point.

[Deleted]

I was never a "need to be home for nap time" mom, but I wasn't an always on the go socialite either.  Most days were pretty structured.  Because of the big age gap and being involved with older son's activities, younger son has had to adapt more at a younger age and he tends to deal with it pretty well.  We're very go with the flow on vacations and weekend trips to relatives, about the only thing I do push is keeping the bedtimes.  That only gets thrown out the window for things like parties.  That might be more for me though.

[ArchietheDragon]

You do what you got to do.



Words to live by.

[zibazinski]

DS had to be home to nap. DD could have napped anywhere. Mornings were best for both. By afternoon they needed to be home or things could get dicey. This lasted for a few years. They didn't necessarily nap but needed quiteter down time. I didn't drag them to movies I wanted to see at night when they should be in bed or keep them up to midnight New Years eve in key west pretending they wanted to see the shoe drop when it was really all about me and what I wanted. If you're not willing to put aside your childless lifestyle, don't have kids. It isn't forever and believe me, you're the only one that thinks it's okay that your kid is crying because you have to shop at frickin Nordstrom rack instead of putting your kid down for a nap

[swamp]

Totally dependent on the kid. DS would sleep anywhere and let anyone hold him. He would also just conk out quietly.  DD needed quiet and not muxh going on around her. She would force herself to stay awake to see what was going on. And she also fought sleep and get cranky. 

[busymom]

When my kids were small, my schedule revolved around their need of an afternoon nap. No way was I going to be one of those moms with the screaming child at the mall!

[tcu2003]

Nov 18, 2014 21:38:27 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

You do what you got to do.



Words to live by.

This. Mine is more or less a terrible sleeper for us (he naps great at daycare), and it doesn't matter if we are home or out. So, if we have things we need to do, we go do them, otherwise we generally try to be home for naps and bedtime. When he was under one it was easier because he'd fall asleep in the ring sling or Ergo while we were out and about.

[Deleted]

But it's not always screaming kids. Mine just went where we did without much to do. Even though I wouldn't say they were the most easy going of kids, they didn't seem to need a specific schedule or place to sleep. If there was a to do, we wouldn't have stayed in a public place, but it's not like a to do was on a predictable schedule.

The issue I see is yeah, baby/toddler ages don't last long... But if you have 5-6 or more, kids, then you have a prolonged period of having babies/toddlers. By then, older kids are ready to be doing more but still tied to 'the schedule'.  

Even though I only had two, she didn't slow us down. I put her in a sling and fed her/she slept where we went...   

I guess thats why it's hard for me to sympathize some times. Although I do understand that a specific child may have specific needs. 

[muttleynfelix]

It depends.  Most of the time we hold their schedule pretty firm.  But since they are generally well rested, it makes blowing the schedule all to heck on occasion not too bad. I mean both kids stayed up for fireworks on the 4th and they did great.  DD is already fighting a nap.  So I no longer feel like the world revolves around her nap.  We keep bed time for both kids pretty rigid, but you know the world did not end when we were on vacation and bedtime was all over the place.  The kids still did well.  But we were those parents the first year of both kids lives that barely left the house because of sleep issues.  DS in particular was such a difficult sleeper.

[giramomma]

All my kids have different sleep habits. All of them need sleep.

Our kids have been fairly flexible with nap time..they will sleep where ever.

It's bed time that gets us. My 7 yo needs to be in bed by 6:45/asleep by 7. She's awake between 5 and 5:30 every morning. We would need to keep her up until 9 to get her to sleep in until 6. Long, term though, if we keep her up, she's going to be sleep deprived. She was even in bed by 7 on Halloween, by her own choosing.

The little one will not tolerate anyone other than DH or I putting her down for bed. I don't see the point in having her scream bloody-murder until she passes out just so that DH and I can stay out past 8pm. But, she will sleep in until 7:30 in the morning, though. She also went through a stage, this time last year, where she would keep herself up until I got home from work.

DS, at age 10, now sleeps in until 6. It's 6:45 if he's super exhausted. That happens about 3 times a month. (He also used to get up between 5 an 5:30.) He has had two sleep overs in the past 4 weeks. Two nights, of sleeping from 10-6, the most recent being last week Friday. He's still toast, and coming down with a cold. We're done with sleep overs until Christmas break. And likely, then it will be it until after the wedding.

I wish I was blessed with kids that could get by with 8 hours of sleep from age 2. It would certainly make our life easier. Instead, I got the kids that run (or worse) when they are tired, misbehave, and get sick when they get off their schedule too much.

My first two were also "good" sleepers. They slept through the night (12 hours) by 10-12 weeks. Night wakings were once in a 8 hour stretch. So, I really doubt sleep training has anything to do with it.

[Ryan]

Nov 18, 2014 21:57:45 GMT -5 oped said:

But it's not always screaming kids. Mine just went where we did without much to do. Even though I wouldn't say they were the most easy going of kids, they didn't seem to need a specific schedule or place to sleep. If there was a to do, we wouldn't have stayed in a public place, but it's not like a to do was on a predictable schedule.

The issue I see is yeah, baby/toddler ages don't last long... But if you have 5-6 or more, kids, then you have a prolonged period of having babies/toddlers. By then, older kids are ready to be doing more but still tied to 'the schedule'.  

Even though I only had two, she didn't slow us down. I put her in a sling and fed her/she slept where we went...   

I guess thats why it's hard for me to sympathize some times. Although I do understand that a specific child may have specific needs. 

My kids could probably fall asleep anywhere if they were tired, but I doubt the quality of sleep would be very good if you are constantly toting them around, having them sleep in strollers, car seats, and slings.  Once they get into toddler-hood, I can't imagine most kids just being all "Hey mommy, mind if i crash on the couch over there and catch some zzz's while you guys finish up"

Kids need sleep and if your kid sleeps better at home, then I say you work around it.  I'm not opposed to having them sleep in the car if we have to be somewhere, but I wouldn't make a habit out of it.  If you're staying at home, I guess I don't see what is so difficult about being home for a few hours in the day and doing everything else the other 9 hours.  

[whoisjohngalt]

Nov 18, 2014 21:21:12 GMT -5 oped said:

Reading G's wedding thread put me in mind of an ongoing issue we have in homeschool group. There seems to be some ongoing tension between those who believe 'the kids go where we go... If they need to sleep, they sleep where we are', and the 'I must be home for nap time' factions. 

How did/does this work for your family? What factors do you think influence these decisions, because it doesn't seem to be consistent in people I see? 

Depended on each kid.

With my oldest, I couldn't take him anywhere for the first 2 yrs bc he would cry if a stranger barely looked at his direction.  While I had the luxury of not going places if I didn't have to, I was going just a bit crazy.

The other two much more laid back and flexible so technically, they could go where I go.  However!!!!  I very much take into consideration their routines and schedules.  Not bc I am such a great mom, but bc I am a lazy one.  Having them out when they are tired, sleep deprived or hungry is too much hassle for me.  So, I try to keep a balance.  There are activities that make my youngest miss his naps, but I wouldn't do it all the time. 

[Deleted]

My daughter stopped taking naps at 18 months. 

And if people slept 12 hours in my house I'd assume they were sick. I guess it's just different strokes. I can't imagine what it's like to have kids go to bed at 6-7. But I have friends with kids that do. We have never been early to bed types. 

Even now, we also routinely sleep anywhere, even if it's at home. Couch, chairs, hammock, extra room... We're as likely somewhere else as in our 'assigned space'. So guess the idea of only getting 'good sleep' in a specific place and time is foreign to me... 

Interesting really.

[Shooby]

When my kids were little, I adjusted my schedule to accommodate their needs. When my children were in the napping stage, then overscheduling them and running around was pointless and only made them cranky and irritable. So, I would plan to do whatever needed done and then take them home for a nap and do some housework or other work while napping then after they were up, go do other activities.
I guess I don't have some kind of constant "on the go' schedule where I couldn't find down time for my kids.

[yogiii]

I work around naps for my own sanity.  My DS stopped napping at 3, it's really only a few years of sacrifice.  Yes I realize if you have a bunch of kids it's longer, but I figure if you have 5 kids you're already prepared to sacrifice a lot.

[Deleted]

And yet again the passive judgement that if it wasn't done the same way, it must have been done the wrong way, lol. 

My kids weren't massive break down balls of screams and tears because they were sleep deprived . They were occasionally overstimulated (son mostly) but that was as likely to, more likely to come from day care activity or a holiday family get together than an afternoon at the park. We dealt with issues as and if they arose. 

We just aren't really routine people I guess. We sleep when we are tired, eat when we are hungry. Take our activity and down time as it comes. And if we went to the playground on a Friday afternoon, no one had a problem. And if we took the kids grocery shopping after the drive in occasionally, no one lost it. 

Im just not sure of chicken or egg? Do my kids just not need to be heavily scheduled? Or because I was never heavily scheduled did my kids develop without the need to be? 

I know that it does create laughs and more some times though. I mean the Christmas party is on a Friday at 10 AM for goodness sakes. Because there are some people who need to be home for nap time, no matter what. And I've been asked several times to move afternoon playground meetups to 10/11 instead of 12/1 start time. Of course then there are those who couldn't miss a morning nap...

[Shooby]

"Massive judgment"? There isn't even more than one page of posts.

[Shooby]

We didn't have a routine per se. But over time you got to know your kids routine and a nap was just the thing at certain times. But, my older son napped more than the other two. Or, maybe the house was quieter and less chaotic so he could nap more. Or maybe I was a more obsessed mom with the first one. By the time the third one comes along , you are less focused on that type of thing and just trying to get through the day.

[Deleted]

Passive judgement. Ie. When one person says  "I adjusted my schedule to accommodate their needs...  I don't have some kind of constant "on the go' schedule where I couldn't find down time for my kids."

It sounds like you aren't just saying this is how you did it and why, but assuming the other person must have been doing it wrong. 

Its ok though. Talking about kids usually goes that way  

I was most interested in the issue of which comes first, the temperament or the schedule. Is it that kids who need a schedule are given one, or because of a regimented schedule kids grow dependent on it. I haven't been able to ascertain this in observing those around me. Maybe because it isn't simple and varies. Maybe sometimes a kid requires a schedule and maybe some times it's the parent. 

[Shooby]

See, that is the problem nowadays. A difference of opinion cannot merely be a difference of opinion among the ranks of the Perpetually Offended who choose to be offended over everyone who doesn't rubberstamp their lifestyle. Carry on.

[Shooby]

Nov 18, 2014 21:57:45 GMT -5 oped said:

But it's not always screaming kids. Mine just went where we did without much to do. Even though I wouldn't say they were the most easy going of kids, they didn't seem to need a specific schedule or place to sleep. If there was a to do, we wouldn't have stayed in a public place, but it's not like a to do was on a predictable schedule.

The issue I see is yeah, baby/toddler ages don't last long... But if you have 5-6 or more, kids, then you have a prolonged period of having babies/toddlers. By then, older kids are ready to be doing more but still tied to 'the schedule'.  

Even though I only had two, she didn't slow us down. I put her in a sling and fed her/she slept where we went...   

I guess thats why it's hard for me to sympathize some times. Although I do understand that a specific child may have specific needs. 

But, here is YOUR judgment "mine didnt seem to NEED a specific schedule, aka my kids are better than those who did".  Or "older kids are doing more than being TIED to a schedule, aka being TIED to a schedule is bad".  Or " I had only two and she didn't SLOW us down, aka being slowed down is bad".    "It's hard for me to SYMPATHIZE aka those who do it differently want sympathy, etc".


 Soooo yeah, a whole lot of JUDGMENT coming from you if that is apparently how you choose to read other's opinions as  well.  

[Deleted]

I did think having the  Christmas Party at 10 am was silly and said so, so that could be judgement. And maybe you are right and it's impossible to just state what one did without it seeming like judgement    I certainly wasn't trying to judge in those passages you quoted. I don't think needing a schedule is inherently bad. I think it must be extremely limiting in some cases to have to be so strictly adhering to one. 

I did wonder if a schedule were actually necessary from birth? Or if introducing one makes one dependent on it? I also wondered if people had to do a lot of rearranging for their kids schedules because having to nap at a specific time and place, or go to bed at 6-7, it's a little foreign to me. It's just not something I would have even consider or known existed had I not heard from friends that's how they do it. So I'm not sure under what circumstances it arises?

The issue came to me because, 1) I couldn't remember ever being as psyched out by the idea of a kid traveling/going to a wedding as G is and 2) I just had a moms meeting last week where the conversation went  'C Party is at 10 am? '... 'I had to accommodate people who needed to be home for naps' and two or three moms rolled their eyes and did a giggle, because this has come up before and their kids just go where they go and nap where they are if need be. 

[Shooby]

Well, first of all why is judgment "bad"? Are people not allowed to have different opinions? And it seems people never view their OWN opinions as Judgment but when someone disagrees with them , then it is 'judgment'.

[thyme4change]

First off, we worked - so it was really only a question twice a week.  In general, I planned our days around napping, but if there was something going on that we wanted to do - we usually went.  I wasn't offered weekly things that sounded like fun with an infant that happened Saturday at noon, so it wasn't a huge issue.  My daughter was one of those babies that would sleep in her car seat, just about anywhere, or my arms, etc.  She would also sleep in a pack n' play.  She also didn't get too cranky - she would just fall asleep.  My son didn't sleep much in his car seat - on occasion, but only when he could not hold himself awake any longer.  So, we never planned on that.  When he was a baby my daughter was 2.  I think I planned everything around nap time because *I* needed the break from both of them.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

Nov 18, 2014 21:21:12 GMT -5 oped said:

Reading G's wedding thread put me in mind of an ongoing issue we have in homeschool group. There seems to be some ongoing tension between those who believe 'the kids go where we go... If they need to sleep, they sleep where we are', and the 'I must be home for nap time' factions. 

How did/does this work for your family? What factors do you think influence these decisions, because it doesn't seem to be consistent in people I see? 

DH and I both worked.  Naptime was mostly dealt with my dcp or the grandparents. 

On weekends, we did make a point of trying to be home in the afternoons for naptime because the cranky child (or children, depending on how far back we're looking at) sucked.  For a while, one of us would take DD to grocery shop or whatever while the other stayed home with a napping DS.  He's pretty much done with naps for us now which frees up our afternoons.  But bedtime starts around 7pm.  I don't like having the kids out later than 8-830pm because bedtime is still another 30 minutes or so. 

I like to think I can flex where necessary.  But if I don't think an event is worth it, I'll invoke "kid bedtimes" to get out of something.

[Lizard Queen]

Would you schedule a party at 2 a.m.?  Some people are up that late, but most aren't.  People get used to sleeping at the same times every day, and if they don't, they're really tired.  Kids don't have the assistance of caffeine in these cases, so they should get a little more slack.


That said, I grew up without naps or a schedule, and I have some major problems with sleep from time to time.  It seems like I've been sleep deprived for 99% of my life, and I sometimes wonder how much more energy I would have to do the things that are most important to me if I weren't so tired all of the time.

[Deleted]

Nov 19, 2014 8:54:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Would you schedule a party at 2 a.m.?  Some people are up that late, but most aren't.  People get used to sleeping at the same times every day, and if they don't, they're really tired.  Kids don't have the assistance of caffeine in these cases, so they should get a little more slack.


That said, I grew up without naps or a schedule, and I have some major problems with sleep from time to time.  It seems like I've been sleep deprived for 99% of my life, and I sometimes wonder how much more energy I would have to do the things that are most important to me if I weren't so tired all of the time.

I don't know if I would blame that on growing up without naps.  I was the most schedule-less kid on the planet, left wherever with whoever, and no bedtime with a tv in my room starting at age 6 or 7.  I sleep like the dead. 

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 19, 2014 8:59:57 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 19, 2014 8:54:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Would you schedule a party at 2 a.m.?  Some people are up that late, but most aren't.  People get used to sleeping at the same times every day, and if they don't, they're really tired.  Kids don't have the assistance of caffeine in these cases, so they should get a little more slack.


That said, I grew up without naps or a schedule, and I have some major problems with sleep from time to time.  It seems like I've been sleep deprived for 99% of my life, and I sometimes wonder how much more energy I would have to do the things that are most important to me if I weren't so tired all of the time.

I don't know if I would blame that on growing up without naps.  I was the most schedule-less kid on the planet, left wherever with whoever, and no bedtime with a tv in my room starting at age 6 or 7.  I sleep like the dead. 

Maybe, but when I did manage to be really consistent with my own schedule, it made a world of difference in my sleep quality and quantity.