Christmas/birthday gift ... But for the house?

[TheHaitian]

How do you feel about getting a gift for Christmas or birthday that is for the house?

Ex: my mom always said she is ok with getting appliances/kitchen stuff / bed sheets and others as gifts for her birthday or Christmas from people in general but her husband better think twice before doing that.

So I took that lesson into my own marriage and always buy my wife personal items (just for her or what she wanted) and not something that is needed for the house or she wants for the house.

But this year she asked me to get something that is for the house, she personally requested it. So can that be the exception to the rule if someone is personally requesting it? Also expensive enough that I don't to buy another personal gift on top of that...

Are you ok with getting "household gifts" as gift to you? Ex for my mom birthday she got lots of gifts but in a true Haitian tradition it was gifts for the house (woman owns the house, men just sleep there):
- kitchen appliances
- bedroom sheets / sets
- comforters
- picture frames
- more kitchen appliances

But nothing that was for "her" only!

Anyway what is your take? It's like in the old movies where the husband will buy his wife a vacuum cleaner and surprised she is not over the moon happy about it.

[swamp]

I would prefer gifts for the house.  I don't want more crap. 

The best Christmas present I got was a Dyson Animal vacuum.

[Cookies Galore]

Absolutely. If I ask for it, it's because I want it and will probably drag my feet buying it for myself. Last year I got a baker's rack from my MIL. Hubs bought me a food processor and i was so freaking excited.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they request practical gifts. It happens to the best of us.

[mmhmm]

Since your wife has asked it be done that way, I think it's fine. If you know of something she really, really wants for the house I think she'd be thrilled. I know, for me, it wasn't about whether a gift was personal to me, or not. It was about how much having that gift would mean to me. Sounds like Mrs. C is thinking the same way. She loves her home and really enjoys making it special.

[Cookies Galore]

The Macy's Charter Club damask sheets are amazing. As is the Hotel Collection down alternative comforter and duvet cover. Just some helpful hints!

[TheHaitian]

Nov 7, 2014 8:54:27 GMT -5 swamp said:

I would prefer gifts for the house.  I don't want more crap. 

CASH???

That is what I ask for every Christmas and Birthdays. I don't want anymore crap and I have everything I want or need.

From my wife: don't spend money on buying me anything

[goldensam]

We just had this discussion yesterday. I want stuff for the house. We've been there two years and have one thing on one wall...that's it. We should probably start making it look like adults live there. 

ETA - I don't want house stuff as gifts, I just want to redirect Christmas gift money to that instead. 

[swamp]

I get cash from my parents, unless I specifically request something.

It wouldn't make sense for DH to get me cash, we're common potters.

Sometimes, I buy something I would not ordinarily buy and assign it a holiday. I bought tickets to see Motley Crue around my birthday. The show wasn't until October, but I spent the money in March. DH didn't buy me anything, but ordinarly I would not spend $500 on a concert.

[TheHaitian]

Nov 7, 2014 8:57:46 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Sounds like Mrs. C is thinking the same way. She loves her home and really enjoys making it special.

Yeah I guess you are right but just feels weird. Here I buy you this "thing" that I will probably end up using just as much or often as you.

Off course if it was to me I probably would not spend that much on it but ok.

[vonna]

It seems like you wouldn't be going wrong buying what she asked for.

BUT, I need to add the disclaimer that I don't get the whole "gift" thing.

I have learned to "ooooo and ahhhh" over jewelry or purses or whatever else some of my friends gleefully show me their DH/SO gave them for birthday/anniversary/etc. 

On the other side, I have a harder time relating to the pouty sides some people display when they think their SO didn't give them something nice or thoughtful enough.  Uggh.

[steph08]

I would love a Dyson Animal vacuum for Christmas. That would be heaven.

My mom asked what I wanted for Christmas. The only things I could come up with so far are things for the house - a George Foreman grill and a new alarm clock.

[TheHaitian]

Nov 7, 2014 9:02:29 GMT -5 swamp said:

I get cash from my parents, unless I specifically request something.

It wouldn't make sense for DH to get me cash, we're common potters.

Sometimes, I buy something I would not ordinarily buy and assign it a holiday. I bought tickets to see Motley Crue around my birthday. The show wasn't until October, but I spent the money in March. DH didn't buy me anything, but ordinarly I would not spend $500 on a concert.

We do the same thing at times: her laptop was purchased in January but was her birthday gift in May.

The new drill set I just purchased are my Christmas gift

[alabamagal]

We enjoy getting stuff for the house.

One year when my DD was 10, she accidentally opened my Mom & Dad's gift to us on Christmas morning.  After opening it, she let out a loud, unhappy cry  "Grandma got me a battery charger (it was car type)"  had to calm her down and remind her of the American Girl doll she got from Grandma and that the battery charger was for us.  And we were quite happy with it.

[mmhmm]

Has Mrs. C mentioned things she'd really like to have, or oohed and ahhed over something she's seen somewhere? Has she given you any good ideas?

[Deleted]

I don't really get the 'things for the house as christmas gift' concept.  if you need something for the house, buy it.  if it means there's less to spend on christmas gifts, so be it. 

[Deleted]

Nov 7, 2014 9:31:02 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

I don't really get the 'things for the house as christmas gift' concept.  if you need something for the house, buy it.  if it means there's less to spend on christmas gifts, so be it. 

I totally get it.  Maybe there isn't money in the budget for a new comforter set, but there IS money in there to buy each other presents.  The present I might like is the comforter set of my choice.

When I was pregnant with my daughter years ago, I asked for a specific set of curtains for the nursery as a birthday present from my aunt/uncle.  We had just built the house and had no extra money.  I thought it was the most awesome present ever.

What I don't get is buying people clothes, etc.  Very few clothing items are one-style-fits-all.   

[Tennesseer]

If your wife asks for it and she will benefit from the gift, then yes, buy it.

[zibazinski]

But is she the type to ask for something for the house but you better get her something personal, too?

[Deleted]

I think it's sort of like the Time vs. Money balance.

Sometimes if there's a lot going on, taking care of stuff that has been bothering someone or stuff that makes life easier can be much nicer than a random trinket.

When I was with my parents, I loved random stuff that had little to no practical value, whatever was fascinating.   

Now that I'm in charge of chainsaw work exclusively and do our plumbing repairs and whatnot, practical items make life so much smoother.  I totally get my dad's fascination with tools now.  He's maul shopping currently, which sounds hilarious if you know him and don't realize he's looking for a new tool to split wood.


But yeah, in general, if someone asks for a type of item, I assume they're serious about it.

[NancysSummerSip]

I'm at the age where I don't need anything, but I ogle lots of stuff.

I'm a handbag whore, and DH has excellent taste, so he knows he can always get me at least one. The man always gets it right when it comes to the perfect purse.

Other than that, I like house stuff, and no, I am not insulted by it at all. If I ask for it, I really do mean that's what I want. Or just gift cards to places I frequent, like my bike/running shop, hair/nail salon, etc.

[Pants]

Last year, I wanted to buy DH a snow-blower for Christmas. My mom talked me out of it. DH was sooooooo angry at my mother, (especially given the snow and temps last winter!) so I bought him one for our anniversary.

Her argument was that it would be the same as him buying me a washing machine for Christmas. I would be fine with that, if we needed a washing machine. But we don't.

Then DH accidentally blew up our riding mower, so now he's going to be asking for money towards a new one for Christmas.

There was a time where I would have been upset not to get something "personal" from my SO. But that time is past and if I get a new washing machine one year because we need it, then awesome! 

[Deleted]

Nov 7, 2014 9:40:20 GMT -5 @southernsusana said:

Nov 7, 2014 9:31:02 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

I don't really get the 'things for the house as christmas gift' concept.  if you need something for the house, buy it.  if it means there's less to spend on christmas gifts, so be it. 

I totally get it.  Maybe there isn't money in the budget for a new comforter set, but there IS money in there to buy each other presents.  The present I might like is the comforter set of my choice.

When I was pregnant with my daughter years ago, I asked for a specific set of curtains for the nursery as a birthday present from my aunt/uncle.  We had just built the house and had no extra money.  I thought it was the most awesome present ever.

What I don't get is buying people clothes, etc.  Very few clothing items are one-style-fits-all.   

I'm talking about gifts between husband/wife.

[trippypea]

Nov 7, 2014 9:31:02 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

I don't really get the 'things for the house as christmas gift' concept.  if you need something for the house, buy it.  if it means there's less to spend on christmas gifts, so be it. 

I'm the reverse. If there is something I really want, I will buy it myself. I don't want to buy house stuff, but may need to, so give it to me as a present and I'm happy I still got it but didn't have to get it myself. DH is giving me a new Keurig and a new regular coffee pot this Christmas. And I told my mother I want a new crock pot. DH then gets me smaller items, like books and music that are more 'fun' gifts...

[bean29]

Nov 7, 2014 8:52:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

How do you feel about getting a gift for Christmas or birthday that is for the house?

Ex: my mom always said she is ok with getting appliances/kitchen stuff / bed sheets and others as gifts for her birthday or Christmas from people in general but her husband better think twice before doing that.

So I took that lesson into my own marriage and always buy my wife personal items (just for her or what she wanted) and not something that is needed for the house or she wants for the house.

But this year she asked me to get something that is for the house, she personally requested it. So can that be the exception to the rule if someone is personally requesting it? Also expensive enough that I don't to buy another personal gift on top of that...

Are you ok with getting "household gifts" as gift to you? Ex for my mom birthday she got lots of gifts but in a true Haitian tradition it was gifts for the house (woman owns the house, men just sleep there):
- kitchen appliances
- bedroom sheets / sets
- comforters
- picture frames
- more kitchen appliances

But nothing that was for "her" only!

Anyway what is your take? It's like in the old movies where the husband will buy his wife a vacuum cleaner and surprised she is not over the moon happy about it.

LOL, My Mom has always said that when she had my brother (her 3rd) she refused to come home from the hospital until Dad bought a Dishwasher.  She said he went and picked up the dishwasher and then picked up her and DB.

My neighbor toured me through her house durning a block party a few weeks ago and commented on how much she hated her side by side refrigerator - I agreed.  My side by side refrigerator is on the top of my "things to replace list".

DH and I have a pretty good lifestyle.  That means that we buy clothes and personal items for ourselves when we want them.  The larger items we think a little harder about.  I also tend to research the purchase.  My DH does a pretty good job buying clothes, but my neighbor works at Kohl's in our city and the last few years she helped him with his purchases.  I only returned one or two things and I think she picked some of the stuff off the clearance rack. 

My DH likes colonge, but hey even that can be impersonal, or you can spend a ton of time picking the right fragrance and the recipient dosn't share your opinion.

[kittensaver]

House gifts? LOVE them - ESPECIALLY if I ask for them.

I'm all down with anything that makes my life easier

[sunshinegal1981]

What's the house thing that she wants? Dying of curiosity now.

[bean29]

Nov 7, 2014 10:14:48 GMT -5 Pants said:

Last year, I wanted to buy DH a snow-blower for Christmas. My mom talked me out of it. DH was sooooooo angry at my mother, (especially given the snow and temps last winter!) so I bought him one for our anniversary.

Her argument was that it would be the same as him buying me a washing machine for Christmas. I would be fine with that, if we needed a washing machine. But we don't.

Then DH accidentally blew up our riding mower, so now he's going to be asking for money towards a new one for Christmas.

There was a time where I would have been upset not to get something "personal" from my SO. But that time is past and if I get a new washing machine one year because we need it, then awesome! 

LOL, my Most awsome "gift" to myself this year was my super Capacty Samsung Washer and Dryer frontloaders.  I spend so much less time doing laundry now than I did before.  Buying something like that that will save someone "work" so they have more fun time really is a gift.

My DH often snowblows the neighbor's driveways.  DD says her friends Mom never cuts her lawn or clears her own driveway - her neighbor does it.  I think lawn mowers and snowblowers often fall into the "Toy" category for Men.

[Deleted]

Nov 7, 2014 9:31:02 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

I don't really get the 'things for the house as christmas gift' concept.  if you need something for the house, buy it.  if it means there's less to spend on christmas gifts, so be it. 

I think the thing is that there are large gray areas of need.  

A lot of times practical items aren't technically needed, there's already a clunky or time consuming system in place, it can just be a hassle and annoying to the person who does it.  

So an upgrade that isn't technically needed (the work is still getting done) can seem really nice especially if money is tight.  

Just my understanding.  I do think it's often best to default to more traditional gifts, but if someone asks specifically for something else, it makes sense to me, like a family with little kids getting a cleaning service for Christmas or something.  Less stress can be super good.

[gooddecisions]

I've been begging for a window seat with storage to be built in my bedroom walk-out bay window, but I doubt I'll get it. Something like this:

[NancysSummerSip]

I think the longer a couple is together, the less personally we tend to take the whole "personal vs. stuff for the house house" gift idea.

How much jewelry can a person wear? How many watches (heck, assuming anyone still wears one)? And unless you have a walk in closet or innumerable drawers for storage, how many clothes, shoes, etc. do you need? Perfume and after shave? Everyone is scent-sensitive these days.

And over the years, you accumulate stuff. Stuff you get as gifts from others, stuff left behind by others who move in and out or just out (hopefully, in the case of the kids). Stuff you inherit. Stuff you find on your travels.

And the whole needs versus wants thing changes over the years, too. Thirty years ago, I wanted all kinds of blingy crap. Now, I look back at the twenty-something me and wonder what the freak I would have done with any of it.

I'm definitely in the needs-only stage now. Well, except for the purse thing.