Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 30, 2014 13:10:13 GMT -5
My schedule is not all that unusual in this area. There are people on my train line who commute even further out (each day) and have a ride of 1 hour 40 minutes each way just on the train alone.Yeah, I remember it well. I used to commute to the city every day. Leave the house at 7ish, get in by 8:30. Leave at 4:30 - 5:30, home by 6ish or 7ish. It was my normal for many years but it totally sucked, especially after I had a kid. (Actually, I just did this on Monday for a special event and I couldn't believe how tired and drained I was when I got home.) Working in my hometown has been freaking magic. Seriously, an extra 3 hours just suddenly appeared in my day and life has been so much less stressful. It's amazing what a difference it makes - only problem is I'm spoiled now. I don't think I can deal with a 3 hour RT commute anymore. No question that 3-4 hours each way wouldn't be worth it! That's pretty much commuting as long as you are working.
|
|
Pants
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 19:26:44 GMT -5
Posts: 7,579
|
Post by Pants on Oct 30, 2014 13:25:08 GMT -5
My schedule is not all that unusual in this area. There are people on my train line who commute even further out (each day) and have a ride of 1 hour 40 minutes each way just on the train alone.Yeah, I remember it well. I used to commute to the city every day. Leave the house at 7ish, get in by 8:30. Leave at 4:30 - 5:30, home by 6ish or 7ish. It was my normal for many years but it totally sucked, especially after I had a kid. (Actually, I just did this on Monday for a special event and I couldn't believe how tired and drained I was when I got home.) Working in my hometown has been freaking magic. Seriously, an extra 3 hours just suddenly appeared in my day and life has been so much less stressful. It's amazing what a difference it makes - only problem is I'm spoiled now. I don't think I can deal with a 3 hour RT commute anymore. No question that 3-4 hours each way wouldn't be worth it! That's pretty much commuting as long as you are working. I did the opposite and moved from downtown to the burbs near work. Then apparently I took that extra 3 hours a day and thought, hey, now I'll have another kid with all my free time! Dumb, dumb, dumb.
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Oct 30, 2014 13:29:03 GMT -5
When we're out and about, my husband is usually the default parent- when we eat out, I get both hands free. Yay!
At home, I am the default parent. Because boobs. And my kid likes it better when I read to him.
We use Google calendar to schedule stuff, so no one has an excuse not to remember when something is.
He does have the burden of being the breadwinner- which does not bother him or stress him out at all, because of our cash reserves and his belief that the right people know his value so he's pretty likely to keep making a high wage. He also knows we are both willing to live on less, and I would look for a job in a heartbeat if needed. So...no stress.
If all he wanted to contribute to a family was money, he could donate to various charities.
My working part time/SAH is more for taking care of household crap and freeing up time for both of us than being the "default parent." I do get a bit bristly at the idea of someone painted as clueless with the kids called a "good parent." A "good parent" does not "babysit" their own kids, can be trusted alone with their kids, would not be lost and aimless if their spouse was hospitalized/on a business trip/deceased. (Allowances to be made for grieving a deceased spouse!)
|
|
973beachbum
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:13 GMT -5
Posts: 10,501
|
Post by 973beachbum on Oct 31, 2014 8:15:42 GMT -5
I know I am going to get flamed for this but here I go anyway. I used to think we had everything wrapped up with a neat little bow when we only had one kid and she was still in preschool. Little did I know that all our perfect living was really only because that was the easy part. And I mean the REALLY easy part! The fun starts when you have more than one kid who is older and they are in different schools. So instead of getting to set a schedule and dividing it up based on what we feel fits our schedule that never changes like daycare it is totally decided by outside forces. And with different schools comes totally different schedules. In our case those different schools were in different districts which didn't even have the same holidays and vacations half the time. One year one school had the Easter vacation the week before Easter and the other the week after. It also has to do with kids deciding for themselves what they want to do. So one kid may sign up for band/choir at school and soccer and the other may do stage crew and 4-H. If I got hit by a bus today I'm absolutely positive that DH would make sure everyone lived indoors and had plenty to eat. It would probably involve a lot of McD's and frozen pizza but they wouldn't starve. Clothes would probably be a little more hit and miss but when the kids complained about the lack of underwear, or whatever, I'm sure he would get them something. The schools would send home notes for things like required health checkups and vaccines so he would get that done. As far as extras like band and 4-H it would just never occur to him to do that. I don't even want to imagine what the house would look like!
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Oct 31, 2014 10:44:44 GMT -5
I think one of the things we forget when thinking about what would fall apart if we weren't there to do it, is that idea of necessity, and how that shapes our lives. There are certain things that are necessary for the adults to do in all families with kids. When there are two parents, those things get divided, often not purposefully, but by habit, time, inclination, whatever. And once they are divided, each of us get to stop thinking about the things that fall on our partner, because we no longer need to. Someone else has that handled.
In my family, I have no idea when the dogs last got flea treated. I don't know the phone number to the yard guy, or what he charges for the end of year ivy and blackberry cutback. I have only once driven by Mini Wheat's school, and I don't have the phone number for his best friend's mom. And as for what size clothes either kid wears- I ask them. I tell them to go look at the tags in something that fits. I don't know/think about these things because they are something that falls on C. C takes care of these in our family. If something were to happen to him, and suddenly I needed to be the one that paid attention to this, would I figure it out? Yes. I mean, it might take the dogs waking me up in the middle of the night with their scratching a few times before I realized they needed new flea treatment. I might get lost or need printed directions to Mini Wheat's school, and I'd have to ask for a phone number all over again. It would take time for these things to become default for me the way they currently are for C, but I have no doubt in my mind they would become default.
So I very much assume that if I were gone, Pop Tart might miss a month of swim lessons, but they'd eventually get back in the swing of things. C might have to call and ask utilities to send paper bills to get him back in the hang of paying monthly bills, but it would happen. He would also get a job and figure out how to do it all as a single, working adult, if that's what needed to happen. Again, it might not happen instantly, but it would happen, there is no doubt in my mind that he would make it work, just as well as I would make it work.
But until either of us actually needs to make it work (and I hope that is NEVER), the fact that some stuff is default me and some stuff is default him is fine. If I need him to help with something that is normally default me, then I just make sure to tell him, and email him, and send him a text. And if he needs me to help with something that is default him, he tells me and then puts it on the calendar (with a reminder, that goes to my email and my phone). And I will happily trade having to ask him to take Pop Tart to swim lessons on a Saturday morning and telling him the time (because those times can change month to month) when I need it for not having to remember how long ago the dogs got Frontline.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 31, 2014 10:46:01 GMT -5
We use Google calendar to schedule stuff, so no one has an excuse not to remember when something is. We've been talking about doing that because DH has a serious case of CRS. I haven't looked into it yet. Can you link them all with individual google accounts? How is it working for you?
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Oct 31, 2014 10:49:10 GMT -5
We've been talking about doing that because DH has a serious case of CRS. I haven't looked into it yet. Can you link them all with individual google accounts? How is it working for you?
It's easy, and yes it's very helpful. You just make a Google calendar invite (you can do this on your phone) and then it will show up in your phone's calendar with a reminder.
At first I thought our former babysitter was a little too anal for putting her times in Google calendar and sending them to both of us but it turned out to be VERY helpful more than once. Once Babybird starts taking lessons, I'll definitely do it for me and DH and probably my mom.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Oct 31, 2014 10:49:53 GMT -5
I love Google calendar. We have a family calendar, but it also happens to be synched with our former roommates calendar (which is great because then I know when he's free to babysit). Both C and I have our phones linked into it, and it's just super helpful.
|
|
milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
|
Post by milee on Oct 31, 2014 10:56:05 GMT -5
We use Google calendar to schedule stuff, so no one has an excuse not to remember when something is. We've been talking about doing that because DH has a serious case of CRS. I haven't looked into it yet. Can you link them all with individual google accounts? How is it working for you? Another big vote "yes" on the Google calendar.
We have it set up so each of our individual family members has a calendar and they're all synched into the master "family" calendar. And the 3 of us who have an iPhone have an app that allows us to access the calendars, make changes, add appts, at any time.
It's really great for not just keeping track of everybody, but being able to plan on the fly knowing what everybody else has going on. Love it.
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 31, 2014 11:11:05 GMT -5
Dang- sounds like we have a weekend project now. I was so looking forward to sitting on my bum...
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Oct 31, 2014 11:43:38 GMT -5
These calls typically start out with, "What time does Lily get out of jazz?" I already want to punch him in the face. It's the same time EVERY week!
The correct answer is "She gets out at 4 pm. I usually park at X location so that's where you'll find her"
Or you can shoot your husband down so you can keep being a whiny bitch. She should also be happy he remembers she is in jazz & he needs to pick her up that day. Forgetting the time is really a minor detail at that point.
|
|
ArchietheDragon
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 7, 2014 14:29:23 GMT -5
Posts: 6,380
|
Post by ArchietheDragon on Oct 31, 2014 11:49:52 GMT -5
|
|
quince
Senior Member
Joined: Sept 23, 2011 17:51:12 GMT -5
Posts: 2,699
|
Post by quince on Oct 31, 2014 12:27:54 GMT -5
We also use "Our Groceries" to sync grocery lists.
With smartphones, a lot of the "clueless" types lose their excuse. (Including me!)
|
|
Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
|
Post by Abby Normal on Oct 31, 2014 12:41:57 GMT -5
Idiot's guide! I love it. My quest to sit on my bum continues!
|
|