Would you want your spouse to remarry?

[Firebird]

This is obviously a spinoff of the "backup husband" thread but I think it's an interesting question.

If you died, would you want your spouse to marry again?  How about if you got divorced? 

If I died anytime soon (knock on wood) I would kind of want DH to marry again if he happened to find someone he loved who would be a good mother to our daughter while she was still young enough to get used to a "new mommy."  Which would be a pretty tall order. 

And if she were older and that was no longer a concern, it would be all about his happiness.  We're 28 and 31, I wouldn't want him to spend the next 50 years alone if I went before my time. 

If we got divorced, my only thing is that I wouldn't want a constant parade of parental figures in my kid's life - a standard to which I would also hold myself.  If I went on a casual date now and then, he wouldn't be meeting my kid.  (This would also apply if I died, only I wouldn't be around to remind him Thankfully, we're on the same page about this part.)

[Firebird]

Lots of points if you already have a backup spouse picked out for your spouse

[swamp]

yes. I have a backup spouse for him.

[Malarky]

If I died, yes, I would want him to remarry if he was so inclined.  He's a wonderful person and I would want him to be happy.

If we divorced, no, he should have a long miserable existence complete with loneliness, poverty and ill health.  

[Wisconsin Beth]

If I died, I'd want DH to be happy.  If we divorced, not so sure I'd be able to be that high minded. 

But yeah, I'd prefer not to have a stream of short term friends or ISOs walking in and out of my kids' lives - for either of us. 

[swamp]

Oct 6, 2014 11:07:04 GMT -5 Malarky said:

If I died, yes, I would want him to remarry if he was so inclined.  He's a wonderful person and I would want him to be happy.

If we divorced, no, he should have a long miserable existence complete with loneliness, poverty and ill health.  

and his dick should fall off from random sex with STD infected 'ho.

[The Captain]

I'd want him to remarry.  He would be a complete mess without someone to keep him in line.

[cael]

Oct 6, 2014 11:08:06 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I'd want him to remarry.  He would be a complete mess without someone to keep him in line.

[ArchietheDragon]

Would she want to remarry?  If so, then yes.  If not, then no. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If am dead, I am pretty sure my opinion on the matter of remarriage is moot.

If we divorce as long as she is good to my kids and doesn't stand in the way of my relationship with them or any interactions DH and I would need to have b/c of them that is fine.

Me, I don't ever want to remarry.   I love DH with all my heart but I have no desire to break in another husband should he pass or we divorce.   I would be quite happy living the single life.  I am not even sure I would have the desire to date to be honest.

[ArchietheDragon]

Oct 6, 2014 11:26:36 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

If am dead, I am pretty sure my opinion on the matter of remarriage is moot.

If we divorce as long as she is good to my kids and doesn't stand in the way of my relationship with them or any interactions DH and I would need to have b/c of them that is fine.

Me, I don't ever want to remarry.   I love DH with all my heart but I have no desire to break in another husband should he pass or we divorce.   I would be quite happy living the single life.  I am not even sure I would have the desire to date to be honest.

What about your carnal needs?

[HoneyBBQ]

Yes, as long as she's good to my daughter.

[swasat]

Oct 6, 2014 11:28:13 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Oct 6, 2014 11:26:36 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

If am dead, I am pretty sure my opinion on the matter of remarriage is moot.

If we divorce as long as she is good to my kids and doesn't stand in the way of my relationship with them or any interactions DH and I would need to have b/c of them that is fine.

Me, I don't ever want to remarry.   I love DH with all my heart but I have no desire to break in another husband should he pass or we divorce.   I would be quite happy living the single life.  I am not even sure I would have the desire to date to be honest.

What about your carnal needs?

Who said you need a husband for that?


 

[Firebird]

If am dead, I am pretty sure my opinion on the matter of remarriage is moot.

Duh, you haunt him if you don't like what he's doing.

Especially while they're doing "stuff."

[sarcasticgirl]

yeah, if I died, he should remarry- he says he won't because he'll never find someone to love as much as he loves me.   He won't freaking take care of himself without someone there to practically do it for him. 

If we divorce? who cares. he's probably effed up majorly so who cares what he does. 

[giramomma]

I would prefer my DH not to marry until the last one is in HS.

If I die, any time spent in growing a new relationship will come at the expense of my children.

I also know some people are awesome at making blended families work. I just haven't seen enough examples of that to be confident that the norm is you make blended families work and there's no issues, and everyone coparents with the best interest of the children first.

If Dh and I divorce. I have no desire to date. 1) Investing in a relationship has the potential to take time away from my kids, 2) I'm not attractive enough and 3) with three kids, my life is complicated enough. I don't really need to invite more complication into my life.

If DH dies. It's the same as above.

One can have companionship without being married. I do believe the term when I was in my twenties was "Friends with benefits." As you get older, the term becomes "Special Lady Friend."

ETA: But my husband can take care of himself and knows how to run a household.

[lynnerself]

I'd want my DH to find a new loving partner.
But possibly not remarry, just because of the finances.

We have actually discussed this, and are on the same page.

We would like the surviving spouse to find someone to love again, but not to co-mingle assets with.

[Deleted]

Oct 6, 2014 11:40:20 GMT -5 lynnerself said:

I'd want my DH to find a new loving partner.
But possibly not remarry, just because of the finances.

We have actually discussed this, and are on the same page.

We would like the surviving spouse to find someone to love again, but not to co-mingle assets with.

DH and I had the same discussion after the "back-up husband" thread.  He said he'd be very wary about remarrying because of potential gold-diggers.  I'd hope he'd find companionship, though.

[busymom]

Nope. But my reasons are selfish. I don't want my kids ending up without an interitance.

(Some of you know that I have a relative who has been married 4 times. Each time she has outlived her spouse, she has managed to end up with most, if not all of the money, & some very angry stepchildren. And no, I don't know how she's doing it.)

[Happy prose]

I guess I'm in the minority. I wouldn't want DH to remarry. I'd like to see him take care of himself for once. 

[swasat]

Oct 6, 2014 11:44:42 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nope. But my reasons are selfish. I don't want my kids ending up without an interitance.

(Some of you know that I have a relative who has been married 4 times. Each time she has outlived her spouse, she has managed to end up with most, if not all of the money, & some very angry stepchildren. And no, I don't know how she's doing it.)

She has a real knack for getting hold of rich, one foot in the grave type husband?

Seriously though, its also on her now dead and defunct spouses. WHy dd they not leave their kids enough money in their will?

[ArchietheDragon]

Oct 6, 2014 11:49:16 GMT -5 swasat said:

Oct 6, 2014 11:44:42 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nope. But my reasons are selfish. I don't want my kids ending up without an interitance.

(Some of you know that I have a relative who has been married 4 times. Each time she has outlived her spouse, she has managed to end up with most, if not all of the money, & some very angry stepchildren. And no, I don't know how she's doing it.)

She has a real knack for getting hold of rich, one foot in the grave type husband?

Seriously though, its also on her now dead and defunct spouses. WHy dd they not leave their kids enough money in their will?

Because the things she does with her tongue makes them leave it all to her. 

[swasat]

Oct 6, 2014 11:51:14 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Oct 6, 2014 11:49:16 GMT -5 swasat said:

She has a real knack for getting hold of rich, one foot in the grave type husband?

Seriously though, its also on her now dead and defunct spouses. WHy dd they not leave their kids enough money in their will?

Because the things she does with her tongue makes them leave it all to them. 

I am SURE you mean

[Chocolate Lover]

I thought that said "would you remarry your spouse" that's an entirely different question


Probably though, most days.


Off to actually read the thread now. 

[busymom]

PatStab: Exactly! My DH tends to believe the best about everyone, & probably wouldn't bother to get a prenup. Then, he'd die, & wife #2 would take it ALL!

[Shooby]

If I am not here, I guess I don't need to worry about it either way. But, yes, if someone could be loving to my children, the absolutely.

[sesfw]

Both DH and I are widowed that met and married. Both of our first loves were 59 at time of death. We 'met' on the internet in a grief recovery chat room. He lived in Michigan and I lived in AZ.

His sons were paranoid that I married him for his money. We have pre-nups that are still in effect and anything coming from those funds we keep as straight as possible. RMDs, etc.

Monthly incomes from his multiple retirements and our SS are joint.

We talk about Bill and Barbara fairly often and our lives with them.  They were parts of our lives for too many years to stop talking about it.  When you have several children each one is unique and each is loved for their specialness.  It's this way when you find another person to love.  The old love never dies, but hearts are big enough to add more. 

If you find another to love ......... go for it.  

We had two attorneys tell us not to marry but I was not going to move 1800 miles without marriage.  So he is stuck with me .....

[Firebird]

Wow, sesfw!!  What a wonderful love story

I especially love how you guys met in a grief recovery chat room and so talking about your first spouses feels really natural to you.  Occasionally you hear about a new spouse asking the widowed spouse to take down pictures of their first spouse, or not to talk about the first spouse... and that's really heartbreaking.  I'm glad that didn't happen to you. 

I hope you guys have many more years of happiness together

[NancysSummerSip]

Oct 6, 2014 11:07:46 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 6, 2014 11:07:04 GMT -5 Malarky said:

If I died, yes, I would want him to remarry if he was so inclined.  He's a wonderful person and I would want him to be happy.

If we divorced, no, he should have a long miserable existence complete with loneliness, poverty and ill health.  

and his dick should fall off from random sex with STD infected 'ho.

Water met monitor. Never, ever mess with da Swamp!

[Phoenix84]

I don't see any reason why someone who loses a spouse can't marry again.

But I might feel different when/if I ever get married *shrugs.*

But, as DramaQ pointed out, if I'm dead, I won't really be in a position to do anything about it one way or the other.