Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:27:23 GMT -5
This is a rant about my SIL.
She spent 45 minutes trying to justify why she wants to formula feed her baby to me. As if I cared!!!
She said that it was inconvenient because she wanted to go out with her friends, and she didn't want to take her baby with her because her boyfriend didn't want to come along because it was her friends. But if she was formula feeding, she would be able to leave her baby with her boyfriend. And she can't pump enough milk in a reasonable amount of time to make a bottle.
I don't care if other people formula feed or breast feed. I did the best thing for my children by breastfeeding, because I did the research and it was a choice that I made (along with my husband)! But why is it that every time that someone founds out that I breast fed and they don't want to or didn't breastfeed spend hours trying to justify their choice to me!!!
Like I care! And the entire time, all I'm doing is nodding my head WITHOUT saying anything!
But that judgemental side of me couldn't help but fucking wonder how the hell they were going to find money to formula feed their baby? Seriously, she's on maternity leave, she has nothing else to do but feed the baby and take care of it. And it's not like it's hard for her. She's doing quite fine with it! The baby is strong and healthy and fat. Why mess with a good thing? Oh right, because you want to hang out with your friends!
And she also makes a big deal about not eating processed foods, but she wants to feed her newborn one of the most processed foods ever? Great logic! Processed food isn't good enough for her, but good enough for her kid?
Sorry, I had to let it out. I was biting my tongue so hard during the entire conversation that I figuratively needed stitches.
Rant over!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 5, 2014 9:29:39 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to convince herself and you were just her sounding board.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Aug 5, 2014 9:32:17 GMT -5
Tell her it's possible to nurse 95% of the time and still give the formula when she wants to go out and party with her b*tches.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2014 9:33:50 GMT -5
I guess I don't get why you can't go out and continue to breastfeed? After all I worked full-time and managed it. But maybe what she really means is she wants to get royally f'd up with her friends a lot and her milk wouldn't be any good. My SIL was the same way. Five kids and she had to explain to me why she wasn't even going to try BF with every single one of them. I really didn't care either.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Aug 5, 2014 9:34:24 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to convince herself and you were just her sounding board. Or she is an attention whore and wanted the whole conversation to be about "her" and her boobs
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:35:40 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to convince herself and you were just her sounding board. Why me? We are not close. I'm pretty sure that she thinks that I would judge her because I didn't formula feed. Which is hilarious, because it's one of the few things that I'm not judgemental about!!!
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 5, 2014 9:36:48 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to convince herself and you were just her sounding board. Why me? We are not close. I'm pretty sure that she thinks that I would judge her because I didn't formula feed. Which is hilarious, because it's one of the few things that I'm not judgemental about!!! You aren't
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 5, 2014 9:37:27 GMT -5
Well dont disappoint her. Start judging!
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:38:12 GMT -5
Maybe she was trying to convince herself and you were just her sounding board. Or she is an attention whore and wanted the whole conversation to be about "her" and her boobs LOL, she's not an attention whore. She is actually a very laid back person like her brother (my husband). But at the dinner table, the entire family made up a jingle about her boobs. It was a play on words. It was pretty funny. But yeah, not an attention whore.
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cael
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Post by cael on Aug 5, 2014 9:39:37 GMT -5
Do people who FF feel the need to get defensive about it sometimes, because of the BFing nazis out there? I think my best friend is kind of defensive about FFing her baby, even though to my knowledge she doesn't have people in her life criticizing her for it.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 5, 2014 9:39:53 GMT -5
Thank God you just smiled and nodded and kept your judgements to yourself. I did the best I could breastfeeding DS but he was just too hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk for him. We ended up supplementing even though I wanted so badly for him to be on all breastmilk. Can't tell you how great it was that I didn't have to be the one feeding him all the time, especially since I'm pretty sure I was going through undiagnosed PPD at the time. I stayed out for 12 weeks with him - just me and him, no other adult interaction. I would have LOVED to have some friends to talk to and keep me company, and if I got a chance to hang with some GFs because I didn't have to nurse, I would have done it in a heartbeat. As soon as I was totally done with nursing, it was like a huge raincloud was lifted and I started feeling like myself again.
It's very easy to say she should nurse because xyx, but you don't know what she's really going through.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 5, 2014 9:40:54 GMT -5
People feel the need to justify everything to everyone. They don't have to.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:40:52 GMT -5
Why me? We are not close. I'm pretty sure that she thinks that I would judge her because I didn't formula feed. Which is hilarious, because it's one of the few things that I'm not judgemental about!!! You aren't I'm sincerely not. I frequented a parenting board, and the amount of emotional turmoil that some women go through because of it was a true eye opener. The only problem that I have is people saying that breastfeeding is gross or that formula is the same thing as breastmilk, which is just factually wrong.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 5, 2014 9:42:00 GMT -5
You aren't I'm sincerely not. I frequented a parenting board, and the amount of emotional turmoil that some women go through because of it was a true eye opener. The only problem that I have is people saying that breastfeeding is gross or that formula is the same thing as breastmilk, which is just factually wrong. This says otherwise: "And she also makes a big deal about not eating processed foods, but she wants to feed her newborn one of the most processed foods ever? Great logic! Processed food isn't good enough for her, but good enough for her kid?"
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:42:38 GMT -5
Well dont disappoint her. Start judging! It's okay. I judge her for plenty of other things. I don't need to judge her for formula feeding.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:44:25 GMT -5
I'm sincerely not. I frequented a parenting board, and the amount of emotional turmoil that some women go through because of it was a true eye opener. The only problem that I have is people saying that breastfeeding is gross or that formula is the same thing as breastmilk, which is just factually wrong. This says otherwise: "And she also makes a big deal about not eating processed foods, but she wants to feed her newborn one of the most processed foods ever? Great logic! Processed food isn't good enough for her, but good enough for her kid?" It's the fucked up logic that insults my intelligence that gets me. She has made comments about me eating twizzlers, because of the crap that's in them. It isn't judgement about the formula feeding.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 5, 2014 9:45:46 GMT -5
This says otherwise: "And she also makes a big deal about not eating processed foods, but she wants to feed her newborn one of the most processed foods ever? Great logic! Processed food isn't good enough for her, but good enough for her kid?" It's the fucked up logic that insults my intelligence that gets me. She has made comments about me eating twizzlers, because of the crap that's in them. It isn't judgement about the formula feeding. of course not
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 5, 2014 9:46:06 GMT -5
Which is hilarious, because it's one of the few things that I'm not judgemental about
But that judgemental side of me couldn't help but fucking wonder how the hell they were going to find money to formula feed their baby? Seriously, she's on maternity leave, she has nothing else to do but feed the baby and take care of it. And it's not like it's hard for her. She's doing quite fine with it! The baby is strong and healthy and fat. Why mess with a good thing? Oh right, because you want to hang out with your friends!
Oh yeah, that's not judgmental at all. You have no clue what her actual reasons are for deciding to switch to formula and you don't get to decide it's "easy" therefore she should keep doing it. Women switch to formula for various reasons.
I found breastfeeding vs formula feeding to be the #1 topic that people wanted to give totally unsolicited advice about. It was a lot to process and of course all of it was conflicting.
I probably did piss some people off by oversharing but I wasn't looking for anyone's approval. I just wanted someone to listen to me because I was so overwhelmed with the endless bombardment of advice/opinions I didn't know which way was up.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:46:48 GMT -5
Thank God you just smiled and nodded and kept your judgements to yourself. I did the best I could breastfeeding DS but he was just too hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk for him. We ended up supplementing even though I wanted so badly for him to be on all breastmilk. Can't tell you how great it was that I didn't have to be the one feeding him all the time, especially since I'm pretty sure I was going through undiagnosed PPD at the time. I stayed out for 12 weeks with him - just me and him, no other adult interaction. I would have LOVED to have some friends to talk to and keep me company, and if I got a chance to hang with some GFs because I didn't have to nurse, I would have done it in a heartbeat. As soon as I was totally done with nursing, it was like a huge raincloud was lifted and I started feeling like myself again. It's very easy to say she should nurse because xyx, but you don't know what she's really going through. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time with it. But I assure you that she is not. She told me very specifically that it was a convenience issue. She wanted to hang out with her friends and drink. period.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:48:24 GMT -5
Which is hilarious, because it's one of the few things that I'm not judgemental aboutBut that judgemental side of me couldn't help but fucking wonder how the hell they were going to find money to formula feed their baby? Seriously, she's on maternity leave, she has nothing else to do but feed the baby and take care of it. And it's not like it's hard for her. She's doing quite fine with it! The baby is strong and healthy and fat. Why mess with a good thing? Oh right, because you want to hang out with your friends!
Oh yeah, that's not judgmental at all. You have no clue what her actual reasons are for deciding to switch to formula and you don't get to decide it's "easy" therefore she should keep doing it. Women switch to formula for various reasons. I found breastfeeding vs formula feeding to be the #1 topic that people wanted to give totally unsolicited advice about. It was a lot to process and of course all of it was conflicting. I probably did piss some people off by oversharing but I wasn't looking for anyone's approval. I just wanted someone to listen to me because I was so overwhelmed with the endless bombardment of advice/opinions I didn't know which way was up. See my last post, she was very clear with me about it. She told me that breastfeeding was simple, and it was truly a convenience issue.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Aug 5, 2014 9:53:54 GMT -5
It is just like the mommy wars. Work/dont work, breastfeed/formula feed.
Kids usually do fine either way, assuming parents are good parents.
There are things more worth worrying about.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 5, 2014 9:53:59 GMT -5
<Beth backs slowly out of the thread and plans to sprint to the safety of EE for what little time she can get online for the rest of the day.>
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 5, 2014 9:54:06 GMT -5
I was determined to breastfeed my first child and it was a total disaster right from the start. I just couldn't get the hang of it at all and the pain was incredible. I remember shaking in the hospital and the lactation nurse telling me it couldn't possibly be that bad. I wanted to smack her hard. I did feel guilty about using formula and supplementing with pumped milk. My second child, I was more prepared for the pain but she was two weeks early, had jaundice and was so sleepy she wouldn't suck. The new lactation nurse told me I was going to need to give her a bottle. I could have kissed her with relief. I didn't feel so guilty the second time around and felt absolutely no need to lie to the total strangers who would ask me if I was nursing.
Both friends and strangers can be extremely judgmental of formula feeding. The last thing a new, exhausted mother needs is people making her feel guilty.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:54:18 GMT -5
Do people who FF feel the need to get defensive about it sometimes, because of the BFing nazis out there? I think my best friend is kind of defensive about FFing her baby, even though to my knowledge she doesn't have people in her life criticizing her for it. That made me think, are there really hordes of bf nazis out there? The term bf nazis is pretty derogatory, but I actually never met one. I breastfed, but never advocated it. I was always discrete about it, and didn't do it uncovered. I always wondered how true is this myth or is it just people being defensive by making up some imagined enemy? I'm curious, because you always hear about them, but never met a real life example of one before, during or after my breastfeeding period. eta big grammar mistake
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 5, 2014 9:54:28 GMT -5
Thank God you just smiled and nodded and kept your judgements to yourself. I did the best I could breastfeeding DS but he was just too hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk for him. We ended up supplementing even though I wanted so badly for him to be on all breastmilk. Can't tell you how great it was that I didn't have to be the one feeding him all the time, especially since I'm pretty sure I was going through undiagnosed PPD at the time. I stayed out for 12 weeks with him - just me and him, no other adult interaction. I would have LOVED to have some friends to talk to and keep me company, and if I got a chance to hang with some GFs because I didn't have to nurse, I would have done it in a heartbeat. As soon as I was totally done with nursing, it was like a huge raincloud was lifted and I started feeling like myself again. It's very easy to say she should nurse because xyx, but you don't know what she's really going through. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time with it. But I assure you that she is not. She told me very specifically that it was a convenience issue. She wanted to hang out with her friends and drink. period. oh.... well then, let me sharpen a pike for her head! Seriously though, she could really need the adult interaction and the opportunity to stop being Mommy for just a couple of hours. There seems to be this unspoken idea that being a mom means completely forsaking your own needs for the good of the family. I see that as one of the most detrimental things that a woman can do to herself as well as the family. There's a reason for the saying "happy wife, happy life/if Mama's not happy, NOBODY's happy"!
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Aug 5, 2014 9:54:55 GMT -5
<Beth backs slowly out of the thread and plans to sprint to the safety of EE for what little time she can get online for the rest of the day.> I'm telling you, it's a real slow work day!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 5, 2014 10:00:13 GMT -5
It is just like the mommy wars. Work/dont work, breastfeed/formula feed. Kids usually do fine either way, assuming parents are good parents. There are things more worth worrying about. Exactly. I figure if I didn't work full-time and continued to struggle to nurse DS, he wouldn't live long enough to complain to a psychiatrist how fucked up his childhood was.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Aug 5, 2014 10:01:32 GMT -5
Do people who FF feel the need to get defensive about it sometimes, because of the BFing nazis out there? I think my best friend is kind of defensive about FFing her baby, even though to my knowledge she doesn't have people in her life criticizing her for it. That made me think, are there really hordes of bf nazis out there? The term bf nazis is pretty derogatory, but I actually never met one. I breastfed, but never advocated it. I was always discrete about it, and didn't do it uncovered. I always wondered how true is this myth or is it just people being defensive by making up some imagined enemy? I'm curious, because you always hear about them, but never met a real life example of one before, during or after my breastfeeding period. eta big grammar mistake A friend of a friend adopted a newborn baby and she was feeding him formula on a park bench. A complete stranger came up and asked why she wasn't breastfeeding. The mother explained that the child was adopted and the stranger instructed to go to her doctor. Why? Apparently, there are drugs that will make you lactate and allow the adopted baby to breastfeed. After all, not only is it best for baby it is the only way she could truly bond with her new child. Yes, breastfeeding Nazis do exist and the term is most definitely derogatory.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Aug 5, 2014 10:03:26 GMT -5
It is just like the mommy wars. Work/dont work, breastfeed/formula feed. Kids usually do fine either way, assuming parents are good parents. There are things more worth worrying about. Exactly. I figure if I didn't work full-time and continued to struggle to nurse DS, he wouldn't live long enough to complain to a psychiatrist how fucked up his childhood was. There you go! You know you're gonna be blamed for something, so it is very liberating to just go ahead and do what you think is best for you. OTOH, I could see being concerned if someone weren't feeding the baby anything at all.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Aug 5, 2014 10:03:34 GMT -5
Thank God you just smiled and nodded and kept your judgements to yourself. I did the best I could breastfeeding DS but he was just too hungry and I wasn't producing enough milk for him. We ended up supplementing even though I wanted so badly for him to be on all breastmilk. Can't tell you how great it was that I didn't have to be the one feeding him all the time, especially since I'm pretty sure I was going through undiagnosed PPD at the time. I stayed out for 12 weeks with him - just me and him, no other adult interaction. I would have LOVED to have some friends to talk to and keep me company, and if I got a chance to hang with some GFs because I didn't have to nurse, I would have done it in a heartbeat. As soon as I was totally done with nursing, it was like a huge raincloud was lifted and I started feeling like myself again. It's very easy to say she should nurse because xyx, but you don't know what she's really going through. My Son was 6lbs 1 oz when he was born and he was jaundiced. They were very concerned that he gain weight. I tried breastfeeding and I met with a lactation consultant but it was not working out. I was advised to stop breastfeeding and give him formula. When I had my 2nd child my Mother advised me not to attempt breastfeeding b/c she thought I had PPD pretty bad with my oldest and she felt that if I tried again and failed it would be very hard on me. There was a lot of guilt laid on Mothers about breastfeeding in the 90's - it is probably 10 times worse now. Sorry but Breastfeeding is not right for everyone and you are not better than me just b/c you managed to breastfeed successfully. Get off your F'in high horse. My kids are 21 and 17 and they are very healthy teens/young adults. They did not suffer a lifetime of damage b/c they were bottle fed.
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