midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 27, 2014 19:13:07 GMT -5
The only people who seem compelled to talk to me about their sex lives are straight.
However, whenever my sister-in-law is asked about her boyfriend, whether she wants kids, etc., her responses tend to give away her sexuality. She has never said the first word to me (or anyone else, AFAIK) about her sex life.
I live in a state in which we had marriage equality for about 4 days. When the attorney general appealed it, SIL was crushed. One of my coworkers, who is not "out" and married VERY under the radar, was also crushed (I saw him crying on the way to the restroom the day they announced the repeal).
I'm sorry I live in such a backwards state, and I'm also sorry for anyone who thinks that those who are part of the Pride movement just want to discuss their sex lives.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 27, 2014 19:34:15 GMT -5
My gay coworker told me how afraid he was to tell his Dad. His Dad was very religious and a "manly" man. He said his Dad didn't react at all like he expected. He loved his son and that was all that mattered. I can see a teenager or even a young adult being scared to tell their parents. We don't want to tell our parents lots of things that will upset them or make them sad. And I think it does make a lot of parents sad, not because they think their kid did anything wrong, but because they're afraid wrong will be done to their child because of it. But why should rae, a grown woman, have to feel apprehension that borders on fear about how people might react when they learn about her? It's not like she's admitting to robbing and murdering people. I can't say why she feels that apprehension, but I bet there's a reason for it, and I'm guessing it's not because people are always nice and accepting. Changing one heart and mind at a time.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 27, 2014 19:34:53 GMT -5
It is a good peek into how people's brains work. If I say my husband and I went to dinner last night, that is the end of it. But if I replace husband with wife, then suddenly I'm sharing information about my sex life...
This is why there is a gay "pride" movement. Because (historically and still now by many people/cultures) us, our lives, our relationships are viewed as different, weird, gross, and less than. Not because we broke laws or hurt people but just for existing. If we can be judged and discriminated against because of that, why can't we choose to be proud of it too?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 19:43:26 GMT -5
Rae, I've seen others ask you questions and I've asked 1 or 2 myself, (none of them were about sex!), and I have to say I've always appreciated your honesty and admired how you've been so gracious about helping me (some of us?) understand things like the legalities of being married in one state vs another (I think that's what I asked you about) or subjects related to transgender people, another conversation I remember you participating in. Anyway, most of us know there's more to being gay/lesbian than the sex life. That's not what most of us are that have and ask questions are trying to be informed about. I guess I just feel like giving you a hug after your last post. ETA: I meant post 120. Sometimes it takes a minute for me to get my thoughts halfway together while I'm typing.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 27, 2014 20:13:10 GMT -5
Rae, I've seen others ask you questions and I've asked 1 or 2 myself, (none of them were about sex!), and I have to say I've always appreciated your honesty and admired how you've been so gracious about helping me (some of us?) understand things like the legalities of being married in one state vs another (I think that's what I asked you about) or subjects related to transgender people, another conversation I remember you participating in. Anyway, most of us know there's more to being gay/lesbian than the sex life. That's not what most of us are that have and ask questions are trying to be informed about. I guess I just feel like giving you a hug after your last post. ETA: I meant post 120. Sometimes it takes a minute for me to get my thoughts halfway together while I'm typing. Thanks pink! I appreciate it! I've been very lucky that I have had so many positive interactions and supportive people in my life including so many posters from this board. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 27, 2014 20:34:23 GMT -5
I wasn't personally telling you to STFU. I'm telling everyone who thinks other people are interested in their sex lives. Unless you're nuts, the only sex life you'd possibly be interested in is your own. I'm tired of listening to everyone, straight, gay, or whatever is in between or not at all, about their sex lives. Seriously? Isn't there anything interesting to talk about? There's so much going on in this country and in the world that whatever or whoever you are screwing right now just isn't all that important to anyone but yourself.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 27, 2014 20:52:21 GMT -5
Don't think I've ever gotten TMI about a gay persons sex life. Can't say the same about some straight people
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 27, 2014 20:53:22 GMT -5
I wasn't personally telling you to STFU. I'm telling everyone who thinks other people are interested in their sex lives. Unless you're nuts, the only sex life you'd possibly be interested in is your own. I'm tired of listening to everyone, straight, gay, or whatever is in between or not at all, about their sex lives. Seriously? Isn't there anything interesting to talk about? There's so much going on in this country and in the world that whatever or whoever you are screwing right now just isn't all that important to anyone but yourself. You and I are reading vastly different threads apparently because I can't piece together how that pertains to this discussion at all. Or how the original post I replied to relates if you weren't directing it to me. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 21:17:29 GMT -5
As soon as we can stop seeing other folks based solely on where their pee-pee is or who puts what where in the bedroom, the better off we will be because that simply is not relevant to the people who change our world for better or worse. Would Hitler have been more or less a monster if he were gay or would Mother Teresa have been more or less a saint if she were lesbian?
I'm straight and I just texted "good night and I love you" to a friend who put in a full day with me for a volunteer organization we both dedicate our lives to, after she worked a 50 hour week. She is so smart and amazing and, yes, btw, she is a lesbian.
Our sexuality is such a small part of who we are, just like the color of our skin or the origin of our last name. When you see others through a really small lens, you will have to look back at yourself through that same tiny aperture.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 27, 2014 21:48:06 GMT -5
I work with two lesbians and they openly talk about their wives. I could care less who they are married to or what they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms. They talk about their families in the same way the rest of is do. No would get annoyed if they were all political and yammering about gay pride all of the time (they aren't and they don't). I did send a congratulatory email to the one when our state legalized gay marriage...not so she can get married but so she can divorce the crazy ex! Getting married in a different state was a great idea until she wanted a divorce less than two years later...since our state didn't recognize the marriage they woulldnt issue a divorce
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 27, 2014 23:31:36 GMT -5
Then so be it. Its their problem not hers unless she makes it hers. I'm tired of anyone's sex life but my own. Keep it to yourself. If you're happy with who you are then STFU about it and leave the rest of us in peace. I think you protest too much because you aren't all that comfortable with yourself. So if I'm wrong then just quietly go about your business. Just like anyone else. I'm curious as to what brought on such a strong reaction and why you are even reading this thread given what the OP is about. If you really don't want to hear ever about non-heterosexuals, why don't you avoid places where non-heterosexual lives are discussed.
Here's the tail end of the OP: "Stuff like that pisses me off. I posted with a short explanation of why the statements "I'm proud to be gay" and "I'm proud to be straight" are not equivalent statements (namely, it's really freaking easy to be "proud" of something that society expects you to be and applauds you for being... not so much to be proud of something society is constantly discriminating against you for being). Which of course opened a huge can of worms.
I really have a hard time fathoming why people still don't get the very basic concept that their morals should not necessarily inform our LAWS. Or that being a supporter of gay marriage means you are somehow against straight marriage.
It is really pointless to argue with people who will never change. Why do we do it? "
Anyone who is on this thread to discuss the above should talk up not be silent just because you have your own issues with this. In the past your posting on this confused me as I thought when you meant discuss your sex life, you actually meant a literary dictionary definition. But you don't. You really mean, if it references a non-heterosexual lifestyle or person, I don't want to hear about it. Its going to be a real long rest of your life if you want others to do something you aren't willing to do yourself. Can you purge from all your conversations anything and everything that references your life as a heterosexual female and anything that references lives you are connected to that are heterosexual?
I doubt it. To help you notice your hypocrisy and inaccuracy in saying people are discussing their sex lives I will do my best to post "STFU, I don't want to hear about your sex life" every time you post anything about your wedding, DD's boyfriends or anything similar. (For regular folk, discussing your sex life, is actually talking about the sex... )
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jul 28, 2014 5:19:13 GMT -5
Any interaction on Facebook is pointless. Yes, there is absolutely no need for me to know my kids activities are cancelled. Nor do I want to join my friends for happy hour. I also don't care to hear from my cousins in Colorado whom I haven't seen since my grandmother died in 2000. A complete waste of time. Agreed. All of those things could be communicated with a phone call.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 28, 2014 5:47:08 GMT -5
Yes, there is absolutely no need for me to know my kids activities are cancelled. Nor do I want to join my friends for happy hour. I also don't care to hear from my cousins in Colorado whom I haven't seen since my grandmother died in 2000. A complete waste of time. Agreed. All of those things could be communicated with a phone call. I prefer to send my family updates be telegram
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 28, 2014 7:17:54 GMT -5
I only commented because it goes on and on. But you're absolutely right. No one will ever change anyone's mind about most things but with time most people will accept them. Ten years ago, I'd have been shocked at the idea of gay marriage. Now I figure they have the right to be as miserable as any hetero couple or as happy. Whichever happens for them. Discussing weddings or children seems to have very little to do with sexual orientation even though it certainly can happen because of them. As far as baking cakes, go to another baker. Boycott the offending one and tell everyone why. Sue them? Seriously? Now YOU look bad. But I know I'm in the big bad minority that wants to keep things quiet as opposed to in your face. Don't worry, me and my ilk will die off and then the world will be all rainbows and unicorn farts.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 28, 2014 7:38:08 GMT -5
Agreed. All of those things could be communicated with a phone call. I prefer to send my family updates be telegram You're technology advanced. We use smoke signals
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 7:58:37 GMT -5
I prefer to send my family updates be telegram You're technology advanced. We use smoke signals I've been doing the message in a bottle technique, but have yet to hear back from anyone.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 28, 2014 8:03:58 GMT -5
I only commented because it goes on and on. But you're absolutely right. No one will ever change anyone's mind about most things but with time most people will accept them. Ten years ago, I'd have been shocked at the idea of gay marriage. Now I figure they have the right to be as miserable as any hetero couple or as happy. Whichever happens for them. Discussing weddings or children seems to have very little to do with sexual orientation even though it certainly can happen because of them. As far as baking cakes, go to another baker. Boycott the offending one and tell everyone why. Sue them? Seriously? Now YOU look bad. But I know I'm in the big bad minority that wants to keep things quiet as opposed to in your face. Don't worry, me and my ilk will die off and then the world will be all rainbows and unicorn farts. Those are the people who change the world, and your generation had them too. I question how much people talk about it, compared to how much you choose to read about it. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 28, 2014 8:26:46 GMT -5
I prefer to send my family updates be telegram You're technology advanced. We use smoke signals Wish those damn passenger pigeons weren't extinct...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 28, 2014 8:40:41 GMT -5
Yup, I don't read about it because I don't care. I care about things that pertain to me and my family. Selfish and self centered, I know. If DD or DS decide to become gay or transgendered, then it affects me and I will deal with it. Right now, it's not on my plate. DF and his heart issues are and I read extensively on those issues.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 9:00:30 GMT -5
I only commented because it goes on and on. But you're absolutely right. No one will ever change anyone's mind about most things but with time most people will accept them. Ten years ago, I'd have been shocked at the idea of gay marriage. Now I figure they have the right to be as miserable as any hetero couple or as happy. Whichever happens for them. Discussing weddings or children seems to have very little to do with sexual orientation even though it certainly can happen because of them. As far as baking cakes, go to another baker. Boycott the offending one and tell everyone why. Sue them? Seriously? Now YOU look bad. But I know I'm in the big bad minority that wants to keep things quiet as opposed to in your face. Don't worry, me and my ilk will die off and then the world will be all rainbows and unicorn farts. Right there is reason #1 for getting into the debate.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 28, 2014 9:35:08 GMT -5
You were on that thread. How do you keep forgetting it was the government that chose to sue not the couple? The couple made a complaint, the government decided to sue.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 28, 2014 9:41:22 GMT -5
Given if we kept the world the way you prefer, weddings would only happen if you were heterosexual, so yes it has everything to do with sexual orientation. Especially since some states do not allow gay marriage.
And yeah kids. If you are of a non-heterosexual orientation you are adopting, using non-couple sperm and/or eggs. At the heart of it there as well. The world will likely never be perfect. I expect that is part of the point, that as humans we evolve individually and as a society.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 28, 2014 9:43:19 GMT -5
Yup, I don't read about it because I don't care. I care about things that pertain to me and my family. Selfish and self centered, I know. If DD or DS decide to become gay or transgendered, then it affects me and I will deal with it. Right now, it's not on my plate. DF and his heart issues are and I read extensively on those issues. You have been on this thread. You are reading about it.
Why, especially if you don't "care"?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 28, 2014 9:51:57 GMT -5
Then so be it. Its their problem not hers unless she makes it hers. I'm tired of anyone's sex life but my own. Keep it to yourself. If you're happy with who you are then STFU about it and leave the rest of us in peace. I think you protest too much because you aren't all that comfortable with yourself. So if I'm wrong then just quietly go about your business. Just like anyone else. So easy to say crap like this when it's not your life, your partner, your own self that's being criticized. When you go through life hearing about how much you suck because of x quality from a number of different people, then it's kinda hard not to internalize that. I was reading a really horrid story this weekend about a little kid (~7 years old) who was overweight. Not only did kids at school give him shit about it, his whole family (including his younger sister) shamed him for it - constantly telling the babysitters not to let him eat anything, putting up lists of "no" foods and "yes" foods for [kid] on the fridge - even going so far as to yank food out of his hand. Growing up like that, it shouldn't be hard to understand why he would hate himself for being fat. Or let's say they treated a fat friend of his that way - even without being fat himself, he'd internalize the fat hatred thing. Now pretend that the fat kid in that story was a gay kid and you start to see why these kids commit suicide. It's not something you can just stop yourself from caring about, unless you have an unusually high tolerance for bullying, which is a quality no one should have to cultivate.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 28, 2014 9:58:07 GMT -5
It is a good peek into how people's brains work. If I say my husband and I went to dinner last night, that is the end of it. But if I replace husband with wife, then suddenly I'm sharing information about my sex life...
This! Anytime ANYONE mentions their spouse, they are indirectly referring to their primary sexual relationship. Yet no one seems to feel like someone is sharing "TMI" when it's a straight partnership.
If anything, the gay people I know in long term partnerships tend to avoid directly referencing their spouse at all. They stick with generalities - "we took the kids to the beach this weekend."
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 28, 2014 10:11:11 GMT -5
A mixed bag of an update: The Bad: Apparently Facebook took down the guy's OP. I was pretty pissed about that since it seemed to support the "you can't say certain things" part of his point. I'm against censorship and always will be, and I said so in my comment on his new post explaining what happened to the first one. While I didn't like a lot of what he (and others) were saying, I defend their right to say it. The Good: He replied and said that he already knew I would never have been the one to report that post (he has no idea who did) AND that my posts on the subject made him rethink his position He also admitted that he'd pulled the graphic from a Christian group with heavy anti-gay overtones (duh). If I (and his other friends who posted disagreement) got him thinking about his position, then it wasn't so pointless after all. I felt pretty good about my involvement after reading that, and give him a lot of credit for admitting it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 28, 2014 12:17:08 GMT -5
Yup, well unless you agree that this is all great and okay, you're garbage. I have a problem with that. You want respect? How about giving some of it in return? Because of a lot of those bad older people, you have the rights that you do to live the life you choose. I'm not married in a community that just about shuns you if you're not. I deal with it. I was short and was teased unmercifully as well as bullied. I didn't shoot anyone and I lived with it. I even managed to survive. No one goes through life unscathed and not everyone is going to accept everything about you, no matter how much you wish to force them to. The best Christians I know just live their lives quietly. The worst ones I know spout their religion all the time.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 28, 2014 12:43:53 GMT -5
as much as it pains me to admit this, I kinda agree with Zib's last post. The world will be greatly improved once everyone stops caring about everyone else.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 28, 2014 12:50:45 GMT -5
as much as it pains me to admit this, I kinda agree with Zib's last post. The world will be greatly improved once everyone stops caring about everyone else. That's the whole point. No one would give a rip about "not allowing" gay marriage if everyone could just MTOFB. At the end of the day, "allowing" gay marriage (and I hate that term, like it's some kind of favor we're doing for Teh Gayz) affects my hetero marriage not at all. So as I said in my first post, I really have a tough time understanding why so many straight people are so deeply determined to make gay people behave in a way that they think is more moral. Apparently "living in sin" is better than getting married, if you're gay. Because heaven forbid we screw with the sanctity of marriage.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 28, 2014 12:51:42 GMT -5
Well, I wouldn't go that far. I don't want to stop caring about people but I do want to stop knowing their business. I know the sales clerk is gay and I know he's talking about his boyfriend when he says what they did last weekend. He knows I'm not and if I say what I did last weekend, he knows it was with DF. He's okay with me being straight. I'm okay with him not being. It doesn't affect our relationship or each others lives at all. We are just two people trying to buy clothes that fit and look nice.
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