NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,217
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 19, 2014 16:52:07 GMT -5
I have read that because pitocin can be released during sex, especially during orgasm, women actually can have a more difficult time with a FwB arrangement. Pitocin can facilitate bonding, so it makes the women more possessive of their partner, even if it is only just supposed to be an arrangement of convenience. Not a woman, though, so no idea if this is true. Well, I must be the odd woman out because I never bonded with a FWB. That's the purpose of FWB, no emotional bonding just friends who enjoy the benefits...
|
|
achelois
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,479
|
Post by achelois on Jul 19, 2014 17:11:45 GMT -5
I know what you mean.
The very first time I reached out to a girl for a date, the response was basically "Sorry, you don't make enough money for me." Her exact words were something along the lines of "sorry, not interested, I'm looking for someone established in the business world."
A great "welcome to dating" orientation, if there ever was one. Wow. You are better off without THAT one! T-dog and Phoenix, will your friends introduce you to potential dating partners? That generally worked better for me when I was dating. The nicer guys I met,though, generally seemed to want to either get married or have a live-in arrangement, and I didn't. The guys I met online were not suitable at all.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:18:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2014 17:47:07 GMT -5
Meh, men are a lot of work. I quit dating. The last guy tried to be very controlling. The one before him, I was finding myself wishing I was home mowing the lawn when we were together. I dont want to take care of a new old guy! Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, but the guys I met seemed to think that, because I am older, I should be grateful they were paying attention to me and they wanted to be taken care of and pampered. I don't want to be pestered for sex all the time. I don't want to cook and do laundry for someone else. I don't want to be a nurse with a purse. Amen, sister!!!!
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 20, 2014 1:19:17 GMT -5
I don't think it is a NEED, so much as it is a bonus. I don't NEED to have a girlfriend, because I was perfectly happy being single. I just happened to find someone who fits my personality, is fun to spend time with, and who shares a lot of my interests/philosophies on life. I have a very wide circle of friends, and with her it was just like I added one more to the group, although the depth of our relationship is obviously different from my other friends. Are you completely alone, or do you have pets? I live alone except for my two dachshunds. For me now, it would be more stress than bonus to have someone else in the house. I did not always feel that way. I was married to one husband for 22 years and another for ten, and I have two sons. The dogs are good company. I remember Old Tex also had dachshunds. I do have female friends with whom I go out to eat, etc, from time to time or shopping or whatever. Most recently, we went to a spa. So I wouldn't say I am completely alone as in isolated. But I am very content by myself and don't require much company. A little goes a long way. Today I spent a lot of time working in my yard. Ah, you have two dogs. You're really not alone then, you have two fur-people to come home to that need you.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 20, 2014 9:06:58 GMT -5
This has always been my observation. If you are looking for a partner, there won't be anyone for 3 states away. The minute you stop looking, they appear everywhere. I've been there myself. But an example I will give you is DFs aunt who lives in THE VILLAGES, home of the highest std rate among seniors probably in the whole world! She has had the luck to marry well 3X and outlive them all and is still heathy and a fine looking woman. Because she has ZERO interest in being a nurse with a purse and only lives in THE VILLAGES because her last husband bought them a place there and she likes the activities, what few decent men there are there chase her like there's no tomorrow. Why? Because she isn't interested, therefore she's attractive, unlike the other women whose goal it is to get some old fart at any cost. She has dates if she wants them and doesn't have to put out or hassle with any issues. Guys are lined up to date her. It's hysterical but its so true. Desperate men and women give out some aura that warns people off a mile away. Before I moved up here but was "off the market" I couldn't beat guys off with a stick. When I was available, I had guys in my life but nothing special really. The minute I was not looking anymore, out of the woodwork they appeared. Bizarre really. Stop looking. They will come to you. In the meantime, go to dog parks.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Jul 20, 2014 9:37:40 GMT -5
FWB a good subject. As NNP said, it can happen and be good, but you pick someone you wouldn't date but like as a friend and it is possible.
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 20, 2014 18:37:40 GMT -5
Agree, zib.
I always tell people when you're not looking, your partner will find you.
I was perfectly happy being single and being alone when my GF found me.
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Jul 20, 2014 18:44:24 GMT -5
When you are not looking or unavailable they do come out of the woodwork. I can attest to the that.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 20, 2014 19:02:20 GMT -5
Its amazingly true. I have no no clue as to why but it is what it is. She says she has to beat the old goats off with a stick and she even tells them she has zero interest in being a nurse with a purse and still they flock like she's golden!
|
|
nutty
Well-Known Member
Joined: Mar 31, 2014 5:37:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,166
|
Post by nutty on Jul 20, 2014 19:25:05 GMT -5
I have no idea what the deal is either.
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 21, 2014 15:22:51 GMT -5
They see her as a challenge.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 21, 2014 15:47:10 GMT -5
Yes. Easy is just that- easy=boring
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 22, 2014 22:39:18 GMT -5
I know what you mean.
The very first time I reached out to a girl for a date, the response was basically "Sorry, you don't make enough money for me." Her exact words were something along the lines of "sorry, not interested, I'm looking for someone established in the business world."
A great "welcome to dating" orientation, if there ever was one. Wow. You are better off without THAT one! T-dog and Phoenix, will your friends introduce you to potential dating partners? That generally worked better for me when I was dating. The nicer guys I met,though, generally seemed to want to either get married or have a live-in arrangement, and I didn't. The guys I met online were not suitable at all. Yeah, I know. I can understand someone in their late 20's or later being concerned over one's career prospects. But when you're 22-25, everyone is getting their act together and finding their way. It's just kinda funny since she was a teacher and I probably make more than twice what she does now.
That's good in theory, in practice I don't really have any friends, not in the area anyway. I was going to start trying to make some, but then all this work crap happened and I've been distracted since.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 22, 2014 23:08:48 GMT -5
My DD had completely given up on ever finding someone she was compatible with, much less true love, after two years of finding only clods. Not a diamond amongst them.
After three-four months of being in "no-dating" mode ( not even for a cup of coffee ), here she is dating an engineer from her Catholic singles group that she's known for two years, but always thought of as "an owl exterminator" ( see Futurama references ). I very much doubt that he's an "owl exterminator," but she did not sense any sparks. Now, they're having a wonderful time getting to know each other, and doing fun things such as canoeing and kayaking.
They both have some troubles and it helps them understand one another. I hope it blossoms into something deeper, as long as it's working out. But, she never would have started to date him unless she was off the market. I have no idea why.
|
|
achelois
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 9:55:44 GMT -5
Posts: 1,479
|
Post by achelois on Jul 22, 2014 23:13:11 GMT -5
Wow. You are better off without THAT one! T-dog and Phoenix, will your friends introduce you to potential dating partners? That generally worked better for me when I was dating. The nicer guys I met,though, generally seemed to want to either get married or have a live-in arrangement, and I didn't. The guys I met online were not suitable at all. Yeah, I know. I can understand someone in their late 20's or later being concerned over one's career prospects. But when you're 22-25, everyone is getting their act together and finding their way. It's just kinda funny since she was a teacher and I probably make more than twice what she does now.
That's good in theory, in practice I don't really have any friends, not in the area anyway. I was going to start trying to make some, but then all this work crap happened and I've been distracted since.
Maybe even acquaintances at work? I really hope things will work out for you both at work and in your personal life. In the meantime, try to do things that you enjoy even if it is doing things alone or "solo" in a group. I went on group trips, canoeing, etc.--I did meet a nice man several years ago while canoeing with a group, we dated briefly, but he was dead set on marriage after awhile and I do not wish to marry. I am an old broad, so if meeting people can happen to me, it can certainly happen to a good looking young man like you. It it is funny; seems like women when they are younger are the ones who want to marry, but when people are older, it is the men who push for it. Heck, I was in a McDonalds not long ago and some starts chatting. I THINK he was interested because he hung around while I was eating, talking, although I did not invite him to sit with me, so he stood. Finally I finished and excused myself, but, you just never know where and when you might meet someone. I am a pretty reclusive person, so I guess it is good I can take people or leave 'em, but it it harder when you are young.
|
|
beergut
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 13:58:39 GMT -5
Posts: 2,184
|
Post by beergut on Jul 23, 2014 2:48:33 GMT -5
If you think of a date as less of 'the great mate search' and more of an opportunity to make a friend, I'm sure that would make things easier.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
|
Post by zibazinski on Jul 23, 2014 7:20:10 GMT -5
It happens very strangely. I babysat someone's dog while they went to Europe for a month. While walking dog I chatted with a man on my street who was messing with his lawn. He had a son who was single, next thing I know, I have a date and we dated for a very long time. Simple as that. Was I looking for a date when I chatted with an old man? Nope. Did I end up with one? Yup. Old people have family or friends with younger family.
|
|
moon/Laura
Administrator
Forum Owner
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:05:36 GMT -5
Posts: 10,088
Mini-Profile Text Color: f8fb10
|
Post by moon/Laura on Jul 23, 2014 9:38:36 GMT -5
I met a guy about 9 months ago at a little burrito place i sometimes stop at for breakfast on the way to work. we only talked for a few minutes, but he really made an impression. ran into each other one other time (same place), exchanged a few more words and went on our way. saw him again the first week of july and this time we exchanged numbers and are now talking. all this time, he'd been going there at that same time- even on his days off from work - just to try and find me again, lol. things work out if they're meant to, i guess.
|
|
t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
|
Post by t-dog on Jul 23, 2014 17:22:59 GMT -5
Ok so finally heard from the guy with an apology and a reason for no-call no-show. apparently an emergency called him out of state totally unexpectedly (as is the nature of emergencies). We have been talking.
|
|
moon/Laura
Administrator
Forum Owner
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:05:36 GMT -5
Posts: 10,088
Mini-Profile Text Color: f8fb10
|
Post by moon/Laura on Jul 23, 2014 17:42:29 GMT -5
Things do crop up. But even so, you would think he could have taken 30 seconds to call and SAY SO.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jul 23, 2014 17:55:18 GMT -5
I suggest one more change only. I gave a guy a third chance at the first date. I shoulda just saved myself the trouble of dealing with him after the first date by just not going.
|
|
t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
|
Post by t-dog on Jul 23, 2014 17:57:32 GMT -5
Agreed Moon and that is why this is the last chance.
|
|
ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
|
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 23, 2014 18:01:39 GMT -5
First of all, not all men expect the woman to cook & clean up after them.
(I digress, but when my brother's wife (my SIL) passed away at a young age, he was left to raise 2 young children.
They'd always shared equally as a team doing the household chores/laundry/cooking etc. When he became widowed he didn't need a woman to do that for him - he already was doing it. Now with his current live-in girlfriend ,they share equally in running the house - and are together because they have an emotional and loving relationship on top of that.
My DH and I were the same - we cooked most meals together - and would tackle the housework as a team to get it done in 1/2 the time it would take one. We also enjoyed doing many things together aside from that - had the same interests, and enjoyed each other's company.
He's been gone 3 years now, and if I met someone who expected me to take care of him, I'd quickly lose interest. He wouldn't be telling me what to do either.)
I think you might be giving up on the idea too soon. You just haven't met the right person - or aren't really looking - or putting yourself out there to take a chance on finding each other.
I had a similar thing happen as Moon - a nice looking guy always seemed to be at the coffee place I frequent - we'd occasionally smile or nod to each other or say hi. One morning the place was busy, and not much room to sit. He came to my table and asked if he could use the spare chair - I thought he wanted to take it to another table to sit with people & said "Sure". He sat down, and made small talk, and when I was finished, I said bye & left. We ran into each other a couple more times when he asked me out for lunch. That led to a few dates. Unfortunately, he moved away not long after, but who knows what might have been - I'm still not closing the door on someone else walking into my life.
If you're giving off a vibe that you're stand-offish, or uninterested, men aren't going to give you a second glance.
.
|
|
t-dog
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 17, 2011 13:46:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,016
|
Post by t-dog on Jul 23, 2014 18:18:44 GMT -5
Just for clarity - Scottish the quoted portion was another poster, not me.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,217
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 23, 2014 18:58:46 GMT -5
I skimmed thru the post looking for answer to this question and may have overlooked it. But curious how you met this guy?
|
|
ZaireinHD
Senior Associate
Joined: Mar 4, 2011 22:14:27 GMT -5
Posts: 12,407
|
Post by ZaireinHD on Jul 27, 2014 12:14:42 GMT -5
men can have a change of mind as well he made a suggestion to go out wasn't sure of a good place to meet for first impressions / date or - had thoughts he rather keep casual / not ready or too nervous for a date didn't know what to say before time came to call off finally thought of something as an excuse worked past the nerves to see damage caused and called
|
|
JustLurkin
Well-Known Member
This is what you look like right now.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 5:28:20 GMT -5
Posts: 1,109
|
Post by JustLurkin on Jul 27, 2014 17:02:37 GMT -5
men can have a change of mind as well he made a suggestion to go out wasn't sure of a good place to meet for first impressions / date or - had thoughts he rather keep casual / not ready or too nervous for a date didn't know what to say before time came to call off finally thought of something as an excuse worked past the nerves to see damage caused and called He's 40, not 14. You ask me out, I accept. I get my hair done, my nails done, may get a new outfit, definitely get a sitter--and you don't even have the decency to call to say you're not showing up...no reason to call for anything else.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 12:18:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2014 18:32:49 GMT -5
I don't think it is a NEED, so much as it is a bonus. I don't NEED to have a girlfriend, because I was perfectly happy being single. I just happened to find someone who fits my personality, is fun to spend time with, and who shares a lot of my interests/philosophies on life. I have a very wide circle of friends, and with her it was just like I added one more to the group, although the depth of our relationship is obviously different from my other friends. Are you completely alone, or do you have pets? I live alone except for my two dachshunds. For me now, it would be more stress than bonus to have someone else in the house. I did not always feel that way. I was married to one husband for 22 years and another for ten, and I have two sons. The dogs are good company. I remember Old Tex also had dachshunds. I do have female friends with whom I go out to eat, etc, from time to time or shopping or whatever. Most recently, we went to a spa. So I wouldn't say I am completely alone as in isolated. But I am very content by myself and don't require much company. A little goes a long way. Today I spent a lot of time working in my yard. The problem I have with older men is that they never shut up. I think that's because they had wives that stopped listening to them 30 years ago. I am very content with my own company (and that of a few female friends once in a while) rather than all the noise!
|
|
ZaireinHD
Senior Associate
Joined: Mar 4, 2011 22:14:27 GMT -5
Posts: 12,407
|
Post by ZaireinHD on Jul 27, 2014 20:11:26 GMT -5
He's 40, not 14. You ask me out, I accept. I get my hair done, my nails done, may get a new outfit, definitely get a sitter--and you don't even have the decency to call to say you're not showing up...no reason to call for anything else. not saying dude was right for not calling age 14, 25, 30, 40 - men can change their minds about a date. men do get nervous at any age, of what to say, how will she react. rejection is taken differently by everyone.
|
|
JustLurkin
Well-Known Member
This is what you look like right now.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 5:28:20 GMT -5
Posts: 1,109
|
Post by JustLurkin on Jul 27, 2014 22:19:25 GMT -5
Yes, I agree. However, once you've changed your mind--in a disrespectful manner--don't call back.
|
|