Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:33:42 GMT -5
Am I the only one who was unfamiliar with conviction, incarceration and probation for 'being a danger to yourself'? What was he actually convicted of? He was suicidal and the hospitals are overrun with mental health cases. A couple counts of disorderly conduct and one for a terroristic threats (told his Mom's boyfriend he would kill him if he called the cops). Both misdemeanors. His bail was only $500, but because he was homeless and living in the woods (winter was coming) and obviously suffering some mental health issues, they made a condition of bail be that he had to have a verifiable address and the person who lived there had to agree to him being there and to all this other stuff like getting him to treatment and such, so he basically sat out the winter and the sheriffs office took him to his appointments.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:36:51 GMT -5
My cousin was convicted of terroristic threats (they were against his ex) and he still hasn't seem his kid two years later..
He has a record. Use it if need be. Don't soften it.
I should have said the ex reported the threat. It wasnt to her specifically.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Jul 11, 2014 13:58:14 GMT -5
My cousin was convicted of terroristic threats (they were against his ex) and he still hasn't seem his kid two years later.. He has a record. Use it if need be. Don't soften it.
My ex-SIL has been black-balled from her previous industry because she started a fist-fight with her manager. And that was after she lost two other jobs for horrible verbal and physical behavior at work (she was a very high level manager making 200k+ per year!). And that was after she was accused of battery (and got the charges reduced, even WITH photos and an ER report) by hitting and bruising my DB during their horrendous divorce. She recently came at my DB *again* (threatening to take away joint custody) in retaliation because the courts found out he is collecting GR and going to the foodbank when she has a CS order in place she is NOT paying on because she is working under the table - and has hidden a recent inheritance too. This is the same ex-SIL that snubbed us at my nephew's recent HS graduation, pointedly did not invite our side of the family to his graduation dinner, and then had the gall to tell the boys that she invited us but we declined to come!
So in a way, I GET what MPL is thinking and feeling - and I'm just on the sidelines! People can manipulate and pull off some pretty sh*tty stuff - and actually get away with it, if one is not careful. You can "use" a "record" all you want - but sh*t happens, too. I don't think MPL should be running scared, but I GET that she wants to be careful. Even in the face of all DB's "evidence" the courts would not restrict her access to the boys. People can get away with some pretty demented stuff if they can "present" themselves well in court .
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 21:40:25 GMT -5
MPL's state sounds very much like mine. She is getting accurate counsel from her attorneys and needs to follow it. All of the comments that it can't possibly be like this are from people that haven't walked this path. States like this give a lot of latitude to parents and while it defies reason, it also protects spouses from drama-queen hysterics and lies about spousal behavior. Courts now lean over backwards to make sure they are 'fair'.
Filed complaints against the spouse, whether they resulted in conviction or not, can be used but you do have to be very careful.
MPL will have to appear very reasonable in court. She will have to say how much she wants her child to have a normal and healthy relationship with her ex and how pleased she is that he is being medication compliant by his own account and at this early point appears to be on a path to recovery. She will also be able to say what she is concerned about including: continuing relationships with former friends that were part of drug culture, continued use of alcohol even though contraindicated with his meds, his propensity for violence if drops the medication, and how rapidly his mental health deteriorated previously including the incident with him taking the child by force and using him as collateral in an attempted exchange with her. She will need to ask the court to approve a phased approach to increasing supervised time and specific check points to prudently allow increments of unsupervised time.
4 hours every other Sunday supervised by her. Alternate Sundays supervised by a service. After 3 months of consistent behavior (no complaints, arrests or erratic behavior), medical compliance (drs note), maintaining his job, attending supervised visits (excused only by work conflicts) & completion of parenting skills class she would like to then move to 2 hours unsupervised one evening per week and 4 hours with her supervision every other Sunday continuing. The attorneys will help guide her to what the court is likely to accept as step 1, step 2, step 3.
She must appear to be working towards establishing a normal parenting relationship between ex and child. If the ex goes off the rails & she sees evidence of dangerous behavior (drunk, high, unstable) she can immediately remove the child & call her attorney to file an emergency action. The state usually has a list of situations where the custodial parent is duty bound to remove the child from the affected person's presence. She needs to understand these rules and know where she can reasonably be expected to step in and protect the child.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:28:35 GMT -5
I don't know why carrying the insurance is something he's so set on, but he sent me another email last night saying he was going to request it in court in a few weeks when our hearing is, but I'm going to put up a fight on that one. He said it's cheaper so we should go with his. It is, but not by a lot. There are two plans and the one it would be $40/month cheaper, the other $70/month, but I think the $70/month cheaper one is restricted to one hospital network which we don't use. I have no details on either plan or deductibles or anything...just the price.
If he was anyone else, I would assume he was thinking the tax savings by having the premiums taken out pre-tax, and saving him some money on support, but there's no way he's thinking that. I seriously doubt he even knows that is the case.
I'm all for saving money, but like I said before, I don't want to switch and then switch back or worse, have him lose his job and fail to mention it. Then there's also the issue that I keep an FSA for medical expenses and submit the EOB's for my claims. It would suck trying to get them from him, it was bad enough when older son's Dad carried the insurance and we get along and he's responsible.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:44:36 GMT -5
I don't know why carrying the insurance is something he's so set on, but he sent me another email last night saying he was going to request it in court in a few weeks when our hearing is, but I'm going to put up a fight on that one. He said it's cheaper so we should go with his. It is, but not by a lot. There are two plans and the one it would be $40/month cheaper, the other $70/month, but I think the $70/month cheaper one is restricted to one hospital network which we don't use. I have no details on either plan or deductibles or anything...just the price. If he was anyone else, I would assume he was thinking the tax savings by having the premiums taken out pre-tax, and saving him some money on support, but there's no way he's thinking that. I seriously doubt he even knows that is the case. I'm all for saving money, but like I said before, I don't want to switch and then switch back or worse, have him lose his job and fail to mention it. Then there's also the issue that I keep an FSA for medical expenses and submit the EOB's for my claims. It would suck trying to get them from him, it was bad enough when older son's Dad carried the insurance and we get along and he's responsible. so there's nothing saying you can't also carry insurance....
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:46:55 GMT -5
I don't know why carrying the insurance is something he's so set on, but he sent me another email last night saying he was going to request it in court in a few weeks when our hearing is, but I'm going to put up a fight on that one. He said it's cheaper so we should go with his. It is, but not by a lot. There are two plans and the one it would be $40/month cheaper, the other $70/month, but I think the $70/month cheaper one is restricted to one hospital network which we don't use. I have no details on either plan or deductibles or anything...just the price. If he was anyone else, I would assume he was thinking the tax savings by having the premiums taken out pre-tax, and saving him some money on support, but there's no way he's thinking that. I seriously doubt he even knows that is the case. I'm all for saving money, but like I said before, I don't want to switch and then switch back or worse, have him lose his job and fail to mention it. Then there's also the issue that I keep an FSA for medical expenses and submit the EOB's for my claims. It would suck trying to get them from him, it was bad enough when older son's Dad carried the insurance and we get along and he's responsible. so there's nothing saying you can't also carry insurance.... No, but I'd have to pay for all of mine, plus half of what he's carrying.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:49:25 GMT -5
so there's nothing saying you can't also carry insurance.... No, but I'd have to pay for all of mine, plus half of what he's carrying. you wouldn't have to pay half of what he's carrying, it would just change the child support calculation. and don't you have a family plan already for your other son? the cost wouldn't change, would it?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:52:28 GMT -5
No, but I'd have to pay for all of mine, plus half of what he's carrying. you wouldn't have to pay half of what he's carrying, it would just change the child support calculation. and don't you have a family plan already for your other son? the cost wouldn't change, would it? The net result is the same. The money he is paying towards insurance would be considered part of his child support. My older son is double covered. I didn't get family coverage until younger son was born because older is covered under his Dad's.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 10:54:04 GMT -5
you wouldn't have to pay half of what he's carrying, it would just change the child support calculation. and don't you have a family plan already for your other son? the cost wouldn't change, would it? The net result is the same. The money he is paying towards insurance would be considered part of his child support. My older son is double covered. I didn't get family coverage until younger son was born because older is covered under his Dad's. is it really that much money to worry about? I'd rather have the peace of mind.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:08:30 GMT -5
The net result is the same. The money he is paying towards insurance would be considered part of his child support. My older son is double covered. I didn't get family coverage until younger son was born because older is covered under his Dad's. is it really that much money to worry about? I'd rather have the peace of mind. The difference between single and family coverage is about $3400/year or 10% of my gross. But, yeah, if the judge lets him carry insurance as part of the deal, I still won't drop mine.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
Member is Online
|
Post by billisonboard on Jul 13, 2014 11:14:09 GMT -5
is it really that much money to worry about? I'd rather have the peace of mind. The difference between single and family coverage is about $3400/year or 10% of my gross. But, yeah, if the judge lets him carry insurance as part of the deal, I still won't drop mine. What is the difference between covering one son and covering two sons?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:15:13 GMT -5
The difference between single and family coverage is about $3400/year or 10% of my gross. But, yeah, if the judge lets him carry insurance as part of the deal, I still won't drop mine. What is the difference between covering one son and covering two sons? Not an option. There is single or family.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:16:05 GMT -5
What is the difference between covering one son and covering two sons? Not an option. There is single or family. exactly....so do you currently have family coverage?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:19:26 GMT -5
Not an option. There is single or family. exactly....so do you currently have family coverage? Yes... But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:38:22 GMT -5
exactly....so do you currently have family coverage? Yes... But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind. so it doesn't matter how much of your gross income it is if you're currently paying it. I know you think I'm a crappy parent because I don't have college funds for my kids, but this is the kind of stuff I had no choice about - I HAD to have insurance coverage for the kids and paid all of the medical/dental expenses even though he was supposed to provide the insurance and pay half of the unreimbursed.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:51:09 GMT -5
But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind. Easy fix. You agree to let him pay you 50% of what his coverage would cost, so he is not burdened by the fact that you want the child on your insurance. This way you get partial payment for the coverage you will provide. Why is he emailing you this stuff? I would not discuss anything as a one off. I hope that you are not responding to him. You need to see what he files in total before considering any of it.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:51:49 GMT -5
Yes... But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind. so it doesn't matter how much of your gross income it is if you're currently paying it. I know you think I'm a crappy parent because I don't have college funds for my kids, but this is the kind of stuff I had no choice about - I HAD to have insurance coverage for the kids and paid all of the medical/dental expenses even though he was supposed to provide the insurance and pay half of the unreimbursed. Ok, first off. I never would think anyone was a crappy parent for not having college funds. I don't even think parents have an obligation to their kids once they are adults, so not sure why you would think I feel they should foot the bill for college? And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:54:19 GMT -5
But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind. Easy fix. You agree to let him pay you 50% of what his coverage would cost, so he is not burdened by the fact that you want the child on your insurance. This way you get partial payment for the coverage you will provide. Why is he emailing you this stuff? I would not discuss anything as a one off. I hope that you are not responding to him. You need to see what he files in total before considering any of it. He's emailing me this so we can work something out? We're supposed to be doing this.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 11:57:49 GMT -5
so it doesn't matter how much of your gross income it is if you're currently paying it. I know you think I'm a crappy parent because I don't have college funds for my kids, but this is the kind of stuff I had no choice about - I HAD to have insurance coverage for the kids and paid all of the medical/dental expenses even though he was supposed to provide the insurance and pay half of the unreimbursed. Ok, first off. I never would think anyone was a crappy parent for not having college funds. I don't even think parents have an obligation to their kids once they are adults, so not sure why you would think I feel they should foot the bill for college? And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not. what is he going to pay half of? your insurance costs don't increase if you add younger son to your plan.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:02:34 GMT -5
He can pay half of what it would cost to add son to his policy, as Lily said...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:09:46 GMT -5
Ok, first off. I never would think anyone was a crappy parent for not having college funds. I don't even think parents have an obligation to their kids once they are adults, so not sure why you would think I feel they should foot the bill for college? And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not. what is he going to pay half of? your insurance costs don't increase if you add younger son to your plan. Younger son is the only reason I have family insurance. Older son is covered under his Dad's and always has been. He is covered under mine as well the last 4 years just because HE is a freebie. Not younger son. The current sheets from DHS have ex obligated to pay $140/month towards medical/dental coverage.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:10:37 GMT -5
You need him to send you the entire package he wants you to agree to; or you write up what changes you would accept in their entirety and send it to him. Otherwise he'll wave around emails that say you agreed to insurance deal, even though that was before you knew he didn't want to pay calculated child support.
I don't think I would want him in the drivers seat on re-organizing all the provisions. I would suggest calculating the support on the new income, organize the visitation with provisions that protect the child from a future MH deterioration. Assuming your prior decree assigned responsibility for insurance to you, refuse to alter it since you don't consider it a changed circumstance based on a job he's had for a week. Once his employment is stable (2 years of constant employment) then that is a basis to change things like insurance responsibility.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:12:21 GMT -5
But, if he covered our son, I wouldn't technically NEED it. It would just be an extra expense for peace of mind. Easy fix. You agree to let him pay you 50% of what his coverage would cost, so he is not burdened by the fact that you want the child on your insurance. This way you get partial payment for the coverage you will provide. Why is he emailing you this stuff? I would not discuss anything as a one off. I hope that you are not responding to him. You need to see what he files in total before considering any of it. I'll ask him about this today. I'd be willing to even give him more of a break. Even $75/month towards my insurance instead of him getting his own would be better for me. Actually, any amount towards mine would be better than him getting his own if I still was going to keep mine...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:13:09 GMT -5
I also don't understand why you are letting him take lead here. Are you writing up your own package ideas...
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,217
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
Member is Online
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 13, 2014 12:13:55 GMT -5
Are you comparing apples to apples where insurance coverage is concerned?
Can your children still use their same doctors or will that change with change in coverage/carrier?
Is your employer covering a certain % of your premium. Is his employer covering a % of his premium?
Don't know if any of these question make one iota of difference but just popped into my head.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
Member is Online
|
Post by billisonboard on Jul 13, 2014 12:14:40 GMT -5
... And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not. Here is the math as I see it: You are currently paying $3400 a year to cover your two sons. If you stop covering son #2 you will pay $3400 to cover one son. If you continue to cover both sons, you will pay $3400 to cover two sons in the future. What does make a difference is how much you will receive from one or two of your ex husbands. It sounds like you have chosen to cover son #1 even though ex #1 has him covered. That I assume means you are not getting any money to cover that expense. If you continue to cover son #2, ex #2 will have to pay half of that expense. I would contend that amount should be $850. That is half of the half of the insurance for family coverage that covers two children.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:16:44 GMT -5
Are you comparing apples to apples where insurance coverage is concerned? Can your children still use their same doctors or will that change with change in coverage/carrier? Is your employer covering a certain % of your premium. Is his employer covering a % of his premium? Don't know if any of these question make one iota of difference but just popped into my head. I don't know anything about the coverage his company offers. Only the price list. One is named after a healthcare system in our area, so I'm pretty sure you can only use the doctors in that network which totally wouldn't fly with me.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:17:44 GMT -5
... And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not. Here is the math as I see it: You are currently paying $3400 a year to cover your two sons. If you stop covering son #2 you will pay $3400 to cover one son. If you continue to cover both sons, you will pay $3400 to cover two sons in the future. What does make a difference is how much you will receive from one or two of your ex husbands. It sounds like you have chosen to cover son #1 even though ex #1 has him covered. That I assume means you are not getting any money to cover that expense. If you continue to cover son #2, ex #2 will have to pay half of that expense. I would contend that amount should be $850. That is half of the half of the insurance for family coverage that covers two children.
how did you get that amount? you would first need to know the difference in cost between individual coverage and family coverage.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 10, 2024 8:30:22 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 12:20:38 GMT -5
... And yes, I'm currently paying insurance, but I guess I don't understand what you're saying. We're talking either he's required to pay half of it, or he's not. Here is the math as I see it: You are currently paying $3400 a year to cover your two sons. If you stop covering son #2 you will pay $3400 to cover one son. If you continue to cover both sons, you will pay $3400 to cover two sons in the future. What does make a difference is how much you will receive from one or two of your ex husbands. It sounds like you have chosen to cover son #1 even though ex #1 has him covered. That I assume means you are not getting any money to cover that expense. If you continue to cover son #2, ex #2 will have to pay half of that expense. I would contend that amount should be $850. That is half of the half of the insurance for family coverage that covers two children.
No. I'm not sure why you're not getting this. If I stopped covering son number 2. My insurance would drop $3400/year. I don't have to cover son #1. He is a FREE add on. It's stupid not to include him as a covered person when I'm paying family insurance, but he has good insurance with his Dad and his Dad has been with the same company for 20 years so I'm not worried about his coverage lapsing.
|
|