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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 11:50:47 GMT -5
I can't think that you are the only one who can testify to the fact if need be.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 11:53:39 GMT -5
I can't think that you are the only one who can testify to the fact if need be. I am REALLY leary of throwing the "He's a druggie" accusations out there. I don't even think MN cares, they are so hung up on the every parent has a right to their child no matter what deal.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 12:05:53 GMT -5
Sweetie. You need to throw it out to him if he threatens you.
Personally, I don't think he is serious. He just thinks you'll back down. He needs to know you won't back down. Push come to shove, you'll use ANYTHING in your arsenal.
This is IF he threatens you about numbers or seeking custody. You need to call his bluff with backbone.
You need to do everything with backbone.
I wish I was there to kick him in the balls for you, seriously, or hold have your back. You just need to know that at a distance we do.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 12:33:15 GMT -5
He did get the job. So he passed another drug test. He claims he's been clean for 9 months now.
He starts Monday morning at 6am! This will be a change. I think he's been sleeping in until at least noon everyday for a long time.
I asked him about travel and weekends, but he never replied. Originally it sounded like he'd be helping set up some new plant somewhere.
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 11, 2014 12:34:09 GMT -5
He did get the job. So he passed another drug test. He claims he's been clean for 9 months now. He starts Monday morning at 6am! This will be a change. I think he's been sleeping in until at least noon everyday for a long time. I asked him about travel and weekends, but he never replied. Originally it sounded like he'd be helping set up some new plant somewhere. I forsee this job lasting 7 weeks.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 11, 2014 12:34:43 GMT -5
I can't think that you are the only one who can testify to the fact if need be. I am REALLY leary of throwing the "He's a druggie" accusations out there. I don't even think MN cares, they are so hung up on the every parent has a right to their child no matter what deal. But he is, MPL.... Just because he is not abusing now does not mean that under the right opportunity that he won't in the future. And you have seen what happens when he abuses drugs, because it sends him into a mental spiral. Use every weapon you have, if you need it. Let him deal with the fall out.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2014 12:39:48 GMT -5
Just because he is not abusing now does not mean that under the right opportunity that he won't in the future DH hadn't used drugs in over 10 years when he relapsed. If he relapses again I told him that we are done and I will pull no punches in regards to our children. Their safety and well being comes first if I have to play "evil ex wife" I will. He totally agrees with me and doesn't blame me at all for my stance. He would have walked over burning coals barefoot to prove to me the relapse was a mistake and it'd never happen again. The fact that your ex whines, stomps his feet and threatens to take you to court when all of this is HIS fault should tell you something.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 12:40:13 GMT -5
I am REALLY leary of throwing the "He's a druggie" accusations out there. I don't even think MN cares, they are so hung up on the every parent has a right to their child no matter what deal. But he is, MPL.... Just because he is not abusing now does not mean that under the right opportunity that he won't in the future. And you have seen what happens when he abuses drugs, because it sends him into a mental spiral. Use every weapon you have, if you need it. Let him deal with the fall out. I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusations. They said if there is high risk I can maybe get mandatory testing put in as a condition, but he already has that as a condition of his probation.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 11, 2014 12:40:13 GMT -5
He did get the job. So he passed another drug test. He claims he's been clean for 9 months now. He starts Monday morning at 6am! This will be a change. I think he's been sleeping in until at least noon everyday for a long time. I asked him about travel and weekends, but he never replied. Originally it sounded like he'd be helping set up some new plant somewhere. I forsee this job lasting 7 weeks. So Archie, are your posts meant to sound like an ass because you have nothing to contribute, or do you have anything helpful to add? Cause personally I can't figure out why you post these one-line pieces of (IMHO) crap on some pretty serious threads.
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 11, 2014 12:41:55 GMT -5
I forsee this job lasting 7 weeks. So Archie, are your posts meant to sound like an ass because you have nothing to contribute, or do you have anything helpful to add? Cause personally I can't figure out why you post these one-line pieces of (IMHO) crap on some pretty serious threads. I love being an ass.
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2014 12:44:47 GMT -5
I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusations
He doesn't know that. He needs to be put on notice that he f-ed up BIG TIME and that you're not going to sit around take his crap. It's HIS choices that lead him to where he is today.
He should be willing to eat fire in order to get back into your good graces and see his son. Instead he's stomping his feet and using scare tactics to convince you that you are in the wrong.
When he tries to bully you and makes big proclamations about things like custody you need to remind him of why he is supervised in the first place. It hasn't been swept under the rug and he needs to be put on notice that you'll use every weapon you have in your arsenal to protect your son.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 12:44:59 GMT -5
I forsee this job lasting 7 weeks. So Archie, are your posts meant to sound like an ass because you have nothing to contribute, or do you have anything helpful to add? Cause personally I can't figure out why you post these one-line pieces of (IMHO) crap on some pretty serious threads. Archie and I go way back. That comment wasn't really any different than all the others. He's expected to be a fuck up forever. Maybe he will be I don't know.
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2014 12:47:18 GMT -5
He did get the job. So he passed another drug test. He claims he's been clean for 9 months now.
I'm not saying he's not clean, but don't automatically assume it because he passed a drug test. I found out how incredibly easy is to pass depending on his drug of choice.
DH had co-workers who did cocaine IN THE BREAK ROOM at work. Coke clears your system in 24 hours so anytime they were drug tested they just waited to snort till after they'd peed in a cup. They passed every time.
Pot sticks around for 3 days so he'd just not have to smoke a joint for 72 hours.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 12:47:57 GMT -5
He did get the job. So he passed another drug test. He claims he's been clean for 9 months now. He starts Monday morning at 6am! This will be a change. I think he's been sleeping in until at least noon everyday for a long time. I asked him about travel and weekends, but he never replied. Originally it sounded like he'd be helping set up some new plant somewhere. I forsee this job lasting 7 weeks. We should probably start a pool. But, really job-wise he's always been not "horrible" He had one job for 5 years and everything else on his resume is 2 years nearly to the day. I could tell when he was about to get canned from the last one because he just changed his attitude about the place and thought he was too good for them. That seems to be the pattern. Who knows how it will be now. A lot has changed the last year.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 11, 2014 12:48:10 GMT -5
So Archie, are your posts meant to sound like an ass because you have nothing to contribute, or do you have anything helpful to add? Cause personally I can't figure out why you post these one-line pieces of (IMHO) crap on some pretty serious threads. Archie and I go way back. That comment wasn't really any different than all the others. He's expected to be a fuck up forever. Maybe he will be I don't know. Doesn't make it right. Some things should be called out, like telling someone to tell a sick scared kid going into surgery that they will be with Jesus soon. You're thread though, I'll drop it if you want me to.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2014 12:48:24 GMT -5
So Archie, are your posts meant to sound like an ass because you have nothing to contribute, or do you have anything helpful to add? Cause personally I can't figure out why you post these one-line pieces of (IMHO) crap on some pretty serious threads. Archie and I go way back. That comment wasn't really any different than all the others. He's expected to be a fuck up forever. Maybe he will be I don't know. T obe honest, I agree with Archie's comment about 7 weeks. I don't have a lot of hope that the idiot ex isn't going to be a deadbeat dad in addition to a pita.
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 11, 2014 12:51:49 GMT -5
Archie and I go way back. That comment wasn't really any different than all the others. He's expected to be a fuck up forever. Maybe he will be I don't know. Doesn't make it right. Some things should be called out, like telling someone to tell a sick scared kid going into surgery that they will be with Jesus soon. You're thread though, I'll drop it if you want me to. No. I have been a bad boy. I need a spanking and a come on Jesus. I mean come to Jesus. Pardon moi.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 11, 2014 12:52:12 GMT -5
I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusationsHe doesn't know that. He needs to be put on notice that he f-ed up BIG TIME and that you're not going to sit around take his crap. It's HIS choices that lead him to where he is today. He should be willing to eat fire in order to get back into your good graces and see his son. Instead he's stomping his feet and using scare tactics to convince you that you are in the wrong. When he tries to bully you and makes big proclamations about things like custody you need to remind him of why he is supervised in the first place. It hasn't been swept under the rug and he needs to be put on notice that you'll use every weapon you have in your arsenal to protect your son. But he DOES use, MPL.....not only that, he is getting regular testing as a condition of his probation. These are NOT accusations, but the truth. As he IS an addict, he shouldn't even be drinking either and I think you said he is. As Drama said, if your ex was really on the road about recovering from his additions, he would be toeing the line to the letter. As of now, he is associating with known sources of drugs in his past and has not done the mandated classes that are required. It would seem to me that if I truly was wanting unsupervised visitation with my child, I'd be asking how high I needed to jump through the hoops. Your ex is doing the bare minimum to keep himself from getting dragged back to jail.
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Post by Apple on Jul 11, 2014 12:55:39 GMT -5
I'm one HOPING he will keep the job. My ex is a fuck up. 13 years later I'm STILL getting collection calls on him (I don't admit any past relationship to him, just say "there is no one by that name living here, please remove my phone number"). It's hurt my son. I'd love for it to get better for you, so you don't have to deal with the same issues, but right now it has to be handled as it IS, and has been, not as the future could be.
Kind of like Scrooge--if he puts in the attempt to change, his future will be brighter. But he has to be the one to make the changes.
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 11, 2014 13:01:37 GMT -5
But he is, MPL.... Just because he is not abusing now does not mean that under the right opportunity that he won't in the future. And you have seen what happens when he abuses drugs, because it sends him into a mental spiral. Use every weapon you have, if you need it. Let him deal with the fall out. I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusations. They said if there is high risk I can maybe get mandatory testing put in as a condition, but he already has that as a condition of his probation. THIS is the point MPL and her attorney is talking about. I agree with the daily realities of what everyone is saying about the ex and his past/current drug use, but MPL also has to be aware of the law and use that knowledge as she proceeds. By law, he does not have drug abuse on his record. There is very little on his actual "record" as she detailed earlier in the thread. Sadly, the domestic violence, drug usage, alcohol abuse, etc. doesn't exist in the courts eyes even if it did happen. I know, I dealt with something similar years ago. So, if he has drug or alcohol-related conditions already attached to his probation it is very unlikely that would also be attached to child custody. Logically, it should go hand in hand. Legally, it seems to be kept separate. Hope I end up being wrong, though.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:06:28 GMT -5
I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusationsHe doesn't know that. He needs to be put on notice that he f-ed up BIG TIME and that you're not going to sit around take his crap. It's HIS choices that lead him to where he is today. He should be willing to eat fire in order to get back into your good graces and see his son. Instead he's stomping his feet and using scare tactics to convince you that you are in the wrong. When he tries to bully you and makes big proclamations about things like custody you need to remind him of why he is supervised in the first place. It hasn't been swept under the rug and he needs to be put on notice that you'll use every weapon you have in your arsenal to protect your son. But he DOES use, MPL.....not only that, he is getting regular testing as a condition of his probation. These are NOT accusations, but the truth. As he IS an addict, he shouldn't even be drinking either and I think you said he is. As Drama said, if your ex was really on the road about recovering from his additions, he would be toeing the line to the letter. As of now, he is associating with known sources of drugs in his past and has not done the mandated classes that are required. It would seem to me that if I truly was wanting unsupervised visitation with my child, I'd be asking how high I needed to jump through the hoops. Your ex is doing the bare minimum to keep himself from getting dragged back to jail. DID USE. That's all we really know now and that's a huge thing. I'm being told that problem must be a present one, not a history of abuse, and even if he was using he can still have parenting time with sobriety being a condition. Now, how long he has to be clean and appearing on the straight and narrow to the courts I don't know.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:09:05 GMT -5
I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusations. They said if there is high risk I can maybe get mandatory testing put in as a condition, but he already has that as a condition of his probation. THIS is the point MPL and her attorney is talking about. I agree with the daily realities of what everyone is saying about the ex and his past/current drug use, but MPL also has to be aware of the law and use that knowledge as she proceeds. By law, he does not have drug abuse on his record. There is very little on his actual "record" as she detailed earlier in the thread. Sadly, the domestic violence, drug usage, alcohol abuse, etc. doesn't exist in the courts eyes even if it did happen. I know, I dealt with something similar years ago. So, if he has drug or alcohol-related conditions already attached to his probation it is very unlikely that would also be attached to child custody. Logically, it should go hand in hand. Legally, it seems to be kept separate. Hope I end up being wrong, though. Thank you! I'm being warned about drugs and alcohol being "shit slinging" that could backfire. My biggest recourse is the mental health issues which are very well documented.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:11:20 GMT -5
If I could go back in time I would have filed reports and charges on several incidents, but I can't say I was really thinking about establishing a case back then.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 11, 2014 13:12:56 GMT -5
If I could go back in time I would have filed reports and charges on several incidents, but I can't say I was really thinking about establishing a case back then. So take this knowledge and apply it to your current situation and be as proactive about protecting your family as possible.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 11, 2014 13:13:49 GMT -5
Doesn't make it right. Some things should be called out, like telling someone to tell a sick scared kid going into surgery that they will be with Jesus soon. You're thread though, I'll drop it if you want me to. No. I have been a bad boy. I need a spanking and a come on Jesus. I mean come to Jesus. Pardon moi. Personally, I generally enjoy Archie's one-liners and I'm glad he's back, but it all depends on the type of sense of humor one has and we all tend to differ a bit. Yes, this is a serious thread due to the topic but a little humor is welcome, too. It's easy to take things the wrong way on the internet since we can't hear tone or facial expressions. I really don't think Archie is a mean person and he doesn't intend to hurt feelings purposely.
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 11, 2014 13:14:53 GMT -5
. My biggest recourse is the mental health issues which are very well documented.
Then make that known to him. I know he's said he has "letters" from people saying he's just fine now but as Swamp said unless these people are willing to actually testify on his behalf then the letters are worth about as much as toilet paper.
He thinks he has you over a barrel otherwise he wouldn't be throwing out tidbits like he has "letters" to prove that he is mentally stable and will win in court. If you push back with the fact that all his shit is a matter of court records he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Basically what people are trying to tell you is stop letting him guilt/scare YOU. HE fucked up, HE is the one that needs to walk over hot coals to earn back your trust and more time with his son.
You've been pretty generous over all with the divorce decree and visitation. You could be A LOT tougher and it'd be warranted considering his mental issues. Stop letting him get into your head and make you think you're a "bad" ex wife because you're not. He is a bad ex-husband. YOU don't have to prove anything to anyone.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:17:42 GMT -5
Am I the only one who was unfamiliar with conviction, incarceration and probation for 'being a danger to yourself'?
What was he actually convicted of?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 13:21:21 GMT -5
No. I have been a bad boy. I need a spanking and a come on Jesus. I mean come to Jesus. Pardon moi. Personally, I generally enjoy Archie's one-liners and I'm glad he's back, but it all depends on the type of sense of humor one has and we all tend to differ a bit. Yes, this is a serious thread due to the topic but a little humor is welcome, too. It's easy to take things the wrong way on the internet since we can't hear tone or facial expressions. I really don't think Archie is a mean person and he doesn't intend to hurt feelings purposely. Archie and I totally share the same sense of humor. He definitely got a smile out of me with the 7 weeks comment.
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Post by Angel! on Jul 11, 2014 13:26:10 GMT -5
But he is, MPL.... Just because he is not abusing now does not mean that under the right opportunity that he won't in the future. And you have seen what happens when he abuses drugs, because it sends him into a mental spiral. Use every weapon you have, if you need it. Let him deal with the fall out. I've been warned by two attorneys about being very careful with the alcoholic/druggie accusations. They said if there is high risk I can maybe get mandatory testing put in as a condition, but he already has that as a condition of his probation. Which doesn't help much. A standard drug test doesn't test for synthetic marijuana & they change the ingredients so often that it is difficult to test for even when they want to. And that is the shit you need to be scared of, but the hardest to prove.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jul 11, 2014 13:27:44 GMT -5
Time for a good old fashioned word cloud.
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