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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 10:53:05 GMT -5
Damn, I missed that. Do you have a lawyer? I would get one ASAP for this because this seems worth fighting over. But he has yet to serve her. The only reason she knows the date is because she is looking at the court records. When is the drop dead date that he needs to serve you by? Is he smart enough to try to wait until the last minute, thinking to catch you flat footed? I can't remember right off hand, but I thought it was 14 days before, which still isn't much time if you figure I need to make an appointment with my attorney to write up a response and serve him with that.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 9, 2014 10:53:06 GMT -5
Damn, I missed that. Do you have a lawyer? I would get one ASAP for this because this seems worth fighting over. But he has yet to serve her. The only reason she knows the date is because she is looking at the court records. When is the drop dead date that he needs to serve you by? Is he smart enough to try to wait until the last minute, thinking to catch you flat footed? If I recall the stuff MPL mentioned earlier, the last day he can serve her is July 25th - 14 days prior to the court date.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 10:56:24 GMT -5
But last time when I was talking to the court administrator she told me even if I get served the day before I need to show up in court. I would assume I could just say then that I wasn't served in time and it needs to be moved out, but apparently I can't just blow it off, even though the papers SAY that if you're not filed by such and such a date the hearing will not take place. He still had his hearing with no filing of anything.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 11:15:16 GMT -5
and the tea needs reheating. On a more serious note, a fourth DUI should put this person into the habitual offender category, thus making her a convicted felon. With a probation extending into 2018, I would think she's definitely a felon. No way I would want anyone I knew around her, regardless of age. Heck, I would not want to be around her. Nope. Nothing more than a gross misdemeanor. No felonies. NancysSummerSip I guess it was her third DWI now that I look at it closer. There were two different DWI charges under one in 2010.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 11:19:15 GMT -5
But last time when I was talking to the court administrator she told me even if I get served the day before I need to show up in court. I would assume I could just say then that I wasn't served in time and it needs to be moved out, but apparently I can't just blow it off, even though the papers SAY that if you're not filed by such and such a date the hearing will not take place. He still had his hearing with no filing of anything. Yeah, I would definitely go. But just tell the judge that you need time to get a lawyer. I can't imagine they would make any sort of ruling with that request. And in this situation they might want a GAL appointed, so I don't see anything happening quickly unless you agree to his request.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 11:21:24 GMT -5
But last time when I was talking to the court administrator she told me even if I get served the day before I need to show up in court. I would assume I could just say then that I wasn't served in time and it needs to be moved out, but apparently I can't just blow it off, even though the papers SAY that if you're not filed by such and such a date the hearing will not take place. He still had his hearing with no filing of anything. Yeah, I would definitely go. But just tell the judge that you need time to get a lawyer. I can't imagine they would make any sort of ruling with that request. And in this situation they might want a GAL appointed, so I don't see anything happening quickly unless you agree to his request. I have a lawyer and last time he said wait to get papers then call me. Well, I never got anything...
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 11:23:15 GMT -5
Yeah, I would definitely go. But just tell the judge that you need time to get a lawyer. I can't imagine they would make any sort of ruling with that request. And in this situation they might want a GAL appointed, so I don't see anything happening quickly unless you agree to his request. I have a lawyer and last time he said wait to get papers then call me. Well, I never got anything... Well hopefully he will make the same mistake again. But, I can't imagine the stress you are under in this situation. This truly sucks
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 11:28:17 GMT -5
I have a lawyer and last time he said wait to get papers then call me. Well, I never got anything... Well hopefully he will make the same mistake again. But, I can't imagine the stress you are under in this situation. This truly sucks I want to just pack up in the middle of the night and leave, but yet, I can't...I have to stay and deal with this somehow. For 14 more years..
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 11:36:33 GMT -5
Well hopefully he will make the same mistake again. But, I can't imagine the stress you are under in this situation. This truly sucks I want to just pack up in the middle of the night and leave, but yet, I can't...I have to stay and deal with this somehow. For 14 more years.. It will get better. Hopefully he will either get better & make it so he can be a good father or get worse so there is no question he should only have supervised visits. If nothing else, in around 8 years the kid will get to have some say in the situation. If the kid has valid complaints about time spent with Dad, a judge won't ignore that. In the mean time, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 11:43:30 GMT -5
I want to just pack up in the middle of the night and leave, but yet, I can't...I have to stay and deal with this somehow. For 14 more years.. It will get better. Hopefully he will either get better & make it so he can be a good father or get worse so there is no question he should only have supervised visits. If nothing else, in around 8 years the kid will get to have some say in the situation. If the kid has valid complaints about time spent with Dad, a judge won't ignore that. In the mean time, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Oh God. I'm afraid of that. DS thinks his Dad hung the moon. Dad caters to him 100%. Whatever our son wants he gets (that contributed to a lot of marital grief btw). I'm sure a preteen isn't going to care if Dad is hanging around with drinkers or stoners, They get to go boating and kayaking and ride in the back of pick ups at 3am. Dad will probably even let him sample some of the fun stuff. He sure didn't care about getting high with a 15 year old.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 9, 2014 12:17:41 GMT -5
It will get better. Hopefully he will either get better & make it so he can be a good father or get worse so there is no question he should only have supervised visits. If nothing else, in around 8 years the kid will get to have some say in the situation. If the kid has valid complaints about time spent with Dad, a judge won't ignore that. In the mean time, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Oh God. I'm afraid of that. DS thinks his Dad hung the moon. Dad caters to him 100%. Whatever our son wants he gets (that contributed to a lot of marital grief btw). I'm sure a preteen isn't going to care if Dad is hanging around with drinkers or stoners, They get to go boating and kayaking and ride in the back of pick ups at 3am. Dad will probably even let him sample some of the fun stuff. He sure didn't care about getting high with a 15 year old. He's 4. Of course he thinks Dad hung the moon. Wait until he becomes a smart mouthed kid/preteen. And Dad blows up at him. Or dumps water on him. Or tries to make him do something he doesn't want to do instead of what he DOES want to do (play video games or hang out with his buddies)
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 9, 2014 12:28:38 GMT -5
Oh God. I'm afraid of that. DS thinks his Dad hung the moon. Dad caters to him 100%. Whatever our son wants he gets (that contributed to a lot of marital grief btw). I'm sure a preteen isn't going to care if Dad is hanging around with drinkers or stoners, They get to go boating and kayaking and ride in the back of pick ups at 3am. Dad will probably even let him sample some of the fun stuff. He sure didn't care about getting high with a 15 year old. He's 4. Of course he thinks Dad hung the moon. Wait until he becomes a smart mouthed kid/preteen. And Dad blows up at him. Or dumps water on him. Or tries to make him do something he doesn't want to do instead of what he DOES want to do (play video games or hang out with his buddies) Yep, what Beth said! I'm always the person talking about how teenagers become these crazy people you no longer know and it's a wonder parents survive those years without killing their children, but teenagers are also very smart and intuitive. They just don't want adults to know that. Don't worry about what you can't control and don't worry about what may happen in the future! (easier said that done, yes) Just keep giving your son the constant love and stability you always have and he WILL see early on what his dad really is all about, even if won't admit it to you until he's 20!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 9, 2014 13:19:11 GMT -5
My oldest son has a dad that still cares more about video games and goofing off more than anything else and guess where oldest lives? Not with dad. Even when dad lived with his parents and DS was not subjected to dad's challenged stepson (IDK what the official diagnosis of the kid is, but he does have problems), he preferred the stability of my house. Dad's house might be fun for your son MPL, until he gets hungry and there's nothing to eat or the power gets shut off because he can't pay the bill (extreme example yes, but maybe not...).
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 9, 2014 13:57:11 GMT -5
Can you ask the court to assign a gal?
Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 15:30:00 GMT -5
Can you ask the court to assign a gal? Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards I always thought that would just happen during the divorce due to all the issues, but it was seriously over in like 10 days. We never even went to court. He's texting me again this afternoon whining about missing his son so much and wishing he could see him more. He wanted me to meet him to go kayaking after work, but he has an appointment with his counselor at 4 and I have a migraine and don't really want to stay in town. Not sure what I'll do. Last Friday he had 6 hours with him at his Dad's farm where his brother and nieces and nephews met up for 4th of July...but I guess it has been 5 days <sigh>.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 9, 2014 15:31:38 GMT -5
Can you ask the court to assign a gal? Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards I always thought that would just happen during the divorce due to all the issues, but it was seriously over in like 10 days. We never even went to court. He's texting me again this afternoon whining about missing his son so much and wishing he could see him more. He wanted me to meet him to go kayaking after work, but he has an appointment with his counselor at 4 and I have a migraine and don't really want to stay in town. Not sure what I'll do. Last Friday he had 6 hours with him at his Dad's farm where his brother and nieces and nephews met up for 4th of July...but I guess it has been 5 days <sigh>. You reply that you will make arrangements for a visit with him soon but not tonight you have a migraine, you'll text tomorrow. And don't answer anything else.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 15:33:03 GMT -5
I always thought that would just happen during the divorce due to all the issues, but it was seriously over in like 10 days. We never even went to court. He's texting me again this afternoon whining about missing his son so much and wishing he could see him more. He wanted me to meet him to go kayaking after work, but he has an appointment with his counselor at 4 and I have a migraine and don't really want to stay in town. Not sure what I'll do. Last Friday he had 6 hours with him at his Dad's farm where his brother and nieces and nephews met up for 4th of July...but I guess it has been 5 days <sigh>. You reply that you will make arrangements for a visit with him soon but not tonight you have a migraine, you'll text tomorrow. And don't answer anything else. I won't want to meet him tomorrow either and once the migraine meds kick in I'll be kind of in la-la land.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 9, 2014 15:33:16 GMT -5
Don't answer his texts. If you can block them, block them. No kayaking after work. Darn it, MPL, NO!!! is a full sentence with very clear meaning. USE IT! Say NO!!!!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 9, 2014 15:34:48 GMT -5
You reply that you will make arrangements for a visit with him soon but not tonight you have a migraine, you'll text tomorrow. And don't answer anything else. I won't want to meet him tomorrow either and once the migraine meds kick in I'll be kind of in la-la land. You say ARRANGEMENTS, not "I'll bring him to you tomorrow" And if you're asleep good, you won't answer him.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 9, 2014 15:37:04 GMT -5
HE HAS MONEY! If he wants to see his son, he can pay the effing $35 for supervised visitation!
Sorry for yelling. But it's not your problem!
The decree calls for "reasonable" supervised visitation, correct?
Reasonable is a very squishy word... Once every 2 years is probably unreasonable. But even parents who qualify for UNsupervised visitation sometimes only get the every-other-weekend-and-two-weeks-in-summer deal. You're not being unreasonable if X goes a week or more without seeing him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 15:38:23 GMT -5
I guess I don't get what I'm supposed to do here. According to the divorce decree, I need to give him reasonable parenting time which is to be supervised and a lot of people said that one weeknight and one weekend afternoon were not out of line?
I document every single visit so I can give it to a judge if he says I'm keeping his son from him.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jul 9, 2014 15:38:24 GMT -5
As everyone here says: 'No.' is a complete sentance
Feel better. Ignore the texts. Set a visitation schedule.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2014 15:40:19 GMT -5
JHC, MPL.....
Set a freaking schedule and stick to it. Give him one afternoon a week and half a day on a weekend. If he wants any more time from you, then HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.
You are letting him push your buttons.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2014 15:42:18 GMT -5
I guess I don't get what I'm supposed to do here. According to the divorce decree, I need to give him reasonable parenting time which is to be supervised and a lot of people said that one weeknight and one weekend afternoon were not out of line? I document every single visit so I can give it to a judge if he says I'm keeping his son from him. If he wants to see your son this afternoon, tell your ex you have a migraine and cannot supervise him. If your ex wants supervision so bad, then have him ante up the $$ for someone.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jul 9, 2014 15:42:21 GMT -5
I think that is reasonable, but I also think once every 2 weeks or once a month is also reasonable.
He fucked up. He has to be supervised when interacting with his own son because he fucked up so much and so badly. YOU did nothing wrong. You shouldn't be stressed out by his frenetic texting and requests to see his son. If that means further limiting visitation, so be it. Tell him he can't see his son tonight and to give you a list of available dates/times in the next couple of weeks and you'll pick one. And then he needs to stop texting until that time comes.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 9, 2014 15:42:40 GMT -5
Mich is absolutely right, MPL. I suggested some time ago you set a schedule and stick to it. No exceptions unless somebody is bleeding out! He's playing you like a violin, hon.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 9, 2014 15:43:01 GMT -5
Ask your lawyer about getting a gal assigned, or contact a Casa group in your area. It sucks but I don't think you can assume that anyone else is looking out for you in this. The gal isnt looking out for you either, but then you have a 3rd party that the court will rely on to determine his visitation.
And the fact that you have been doing frequent visits with him, in a variety of settings might make the court assume that you're ok with your arrangement.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 15:44:20 GMT -5
You guys all act like I'm seeing him all the time. This is the entire list.
10/15/13/-11/20/13 - Houston County Jail 11/21/13 – One hour visit at Hiawatha Hall 11/27/13 – One hour visit at Hiawatha Hall 12/2/13-2/17/14 – Houston County Jail 2/18/14 – One hour visit at Hiawatha Hall 2/24/14 – One and a half hour visit at Hiawatha Hall 2/26/14 – One hour visit at Hiawatha Hall 3/2/14 – Two hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (1-3pm) 3/9/14 – Two hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (2-4pm) 3/16/14 – One and a half hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (11am-12:30pm) 3/20/14 – One and a half hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (4:30-6:00pm) 3/23/13 – Two hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (12:00-2:00) 3/25/14 – One hour visit at Hiawatha Hall (4:30-5:30) 3/28/14-4/7/14 – Houston County Jail 4/8/14- Two hour visit at Lake Park 4/12/14 – Two hour visit at Winona Hall 4/14/14 – One hour visit at YMCA (soccer) 4/19/14 – Two hour visit at Lake Park – fought about the supervised visitation 4/21/14 – One hour visit at Lake Park (soccer) 4/25/14 – Two hour visit at Lake Park 4/30/14 – Two hour visit at Lake Park (walked to Lake View Drive Inn) 5/4/14- One and a half hour visit – Mass at St. Mary’s. I waited in the van. 5/5/14 – One hour visit at Lake Park (soccer practice) 5/6/14-5/11/14 – Never contacted me about wanting to see E. 5/12/14 – One hour visit at Lake Park (soccer practice) 5/14/14 – One hour visit at Lake Park Lodge (canoeing) 5/21/14 – One and a half hour visit at Lake Park Lodge (canoeing) 5/30/14 – One and a half hour visit at Sinclair Park 6/6/14 – YMCA 1.5 hours. 6/8/14 – Dinner at Strawberry Fest (Sinclair Park) 1.5 hours 6/11/14 – Lake Park Lodge and park. 1.5 hours. 6/15/14 – Steamboat Days Carnival. 3.5 hours. 6/19/14 – Rode along to Sam’s Club. 2 hours. 6/27/14 – Dinner at China King 1.5 hours 7/4/14 – 4th of July party – 6 hours
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 15:49:59 GMT -5
You guys all act like I'm seeing him all the time. This is the entire list. 6/8/14 – Dinner at Strawberry Fest (Sinclair Park) 1.5 hours 6/11/14 – Lake Park Lodge and park. 1.5 hours. 6/15/14 – Steamboat Days Carnival. 3.5 hours. 6/19/14 – Rode along to Sam’s Club. 2 hours. 6/27/14 – Dinner at China King 1.5 hours 7/4/14 – 4th of July party – 6 hours So, only 6 dates in the last month... I know. That's kind of mean. But it's the quality, and potential mixed messages of the meetings I'd worry about.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 9, 2014 15:50:43 GMT -5
That looks more than reasonable to me.
ETA: That's pretty much all he can get if YOU are the one supervising, it has to be done around your schedule and life. Neither need to stop to accommodate him. OR he can PAY for someone to supervise and see him more.
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