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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 16:40:36 GMT -5
Wow. That's quite old to have a baby.
But it looks like his new wife does indeed do SOMETHING.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 23:01:36 GMT -5
Oh jeez. I know I'm not supposed to be doing the creepy stalker thing, but I pulled up the criminal record for the girl I think he might be seeing (he's at least texting her all the time) and she has a history longer than his. She's on probation until 2018 for what looks to be her 4th DUI, there is theft, drugs, domestic assault charges...and she's just 30. I seriously don't want my son anywhere near this woman or her nutjob 16 year old daughter.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 9, 2014 6:55:47 GMT -5
Oh jeez. I know I'm not supposed to be doing the creepy stalker thing, but I pulled up the criminal record for the girl I think he might be seeing (he's at least texting her all the time) and she has a history longer than his. She's on probation until 2018 for what looks to be her 4th DUI, there is theft, drugs, domestic assault charges...and she's just 30. I seriously don't want my son anywhere near this woman or her nutjob 16 year old daughter. Don't you have to pay now for checking these things out? I know they used to be free. Just wondering about the money for such since you said something about paying for trial phone info lookup. Only asking since something was said about not being able to pay for visitation center or whatever it is called. But I get wanting to know what kind of people you son will be around too. But I feel that you are doing yourself more mental harm by doing this. JMO which ain't worth shit
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Post by Shooby on Jul 9, 2014 7:06:46 GMT -5
What did u use for a background check? There is someone I want to check out. Could you pm me the link?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 7:25:40 GMT -5
What did u use for a background check? There is someone I want to check out. Could you pm me the link? I just went to our state's online court access and searched on her name. MN has all cases available for the public and I'm on there all the time anyhow the last year or so checking on husband's case and for our upcoming dates. You might want to just see if your state has something similar. I know WI you can just search by name on the court site too.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 7:26:55 GMT -5
Oh jeez. I know I'm not supposed to be doing the creepy stalker thing, but I pulled up the criminal record for the girl I think he might be seeing (he's at least texting her all the time) and she has a history longer than his. She's on probation until 2018 for what looks to be her 4th DUI, there is theft, drugs, domestic assault charges...and she's just 30. I seriously don't want my son anywhere near this woman or her nutjob 16 year old daughter. Don't you have to pay now for checking these things out? I know they used to be free. Just wondering about the money for such since you said something about paying for trial phone info lookup. Only asking since something was said about not being able to pay for visitation center or whatever it is called. But I get wanting to know what kind of people you son will be around too. But I feel that you are doing yourself more mental harm by doing this. JMO which ain't worth shit It doesn't cost anything. This is just a MN case search, not a national criminal background check. For all I know, her history is even worse!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 7:51:06 GMT -5
But I get wanting to know what kind of people you son will be around too. But I feel that you are doing yourself more mental harm by doing this. JMO which ain't worth shit Oh, you aren't kidding. Last night I had to remind myself to breathe and relax. I mean I just started getting my hair back. I just do not want my son around these people. I've seen videos of her daughter and holy shit that girl is messed up. I can't believe the stuff she says and does and it all apparently is perfectly acceptable to Mom and my Ex. If she was my daughter I'd have her locked in her room.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 9, 2014 7:55:46 GMT -5
WEll, at least you know that you can't back down on the unsupervised visits (I'm trying to put a positive spin on this and this is the best I can come up with. Sorry.)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 9, 2014 8:04:49 GMT -5
Well, at least you know that you can't back down on the unsupervised visits Use the information to reinforce in your mind you're doing the right thing. That way the next time your ex tries to guilt trip you or scare you because he'll "go to court" you'll recall that his actions speak louder than his words. If he was as interested in being a good father as he claims to be he wouldn't be hanging ou with these kinds of people and bringing them around his kid because he'd know you could potentially use that against him at a later date.
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Post by Shooby on Jul 9, 2014 8:05:18 GMT -5
I think doing the background check was a good idea. At least you have some info now of the type of people that are around your child. However, unless they are actively engaged criminally, not sure you can do much about that other than hope for the best.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:08:45 GMT -5
Well, at least you know that you can't back down on the unsupervised visits Use the information to reinforce in your mind you're doing the right thing. That way the next time your ex tries to guilt trip you or scare you because he'll "go to court" you'll recall that his actions speak louder than his words. If he was as interested in being a good father as he claims to be he wouldn't be hanging ou with these kinds of people and bringing them around his kid because he'd know you could potentially use that against him at a later date. It sucks so bad because I WANT him to be able to have unsupervised visits. I WANT him to be able to help me out with this child rearing stuff. I'm not just a pissy ex that is using her son as a revenge toy.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:11:21 GMT -5
I think doing the background check was a good idea. At least you have some info now of the type of people that are around your child. However, unless they are actively engaged criminally, not sure you can do much about that other than hope for the best. I know. It's not even something I can bring up in court. One of her charges was child endangerment. Apparently drunken boating with a young child in the boat with no life vest.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 9, 2014 8:16:56 GMT -5
can't you say something about having qualms about the company he keeps? Lawyers, help me out here. There's got to be a way to ask the judge to consider the company he's keeping without sounding like a bitch, right? It's all about wording.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:28:23 GMT -5
can't you say something about having qualms about the company he keeps? Lawyers, help me out here. There's got to be a way to ask the judge to consider the company he's keeping without sounding like a bitch, right? It's all about wording. I don't know. I've been doing a lot of Googling on that and the results haven't been good. Also, I don't even really have any proof about who he's hanging around with or what they're doing. I mean I have my suspicions and I have phone logs that he talks to them, but for all I know, he takes her to AA meetings when they're together.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:28:41 GMT -5
can't you say something about having qualms about the company he keeps? Lawyers, help me out here. There's got to be a way to ask the judge to consider the company he's keeping without sounding like a bitch, right? It's all about wording. nope....unless the person is a child molester, and even then it's iffy, you can't dictate who your child can be around when they're not with you
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Post by midjd on Jul 9, 2014 8:32:41 GMT -5
can't you say something about having qualms about the company he keeps? Lawyers, help me out here. There's got to be a way to ask the judge to consider the company he's keeping without sounding like a bitch, right? It's all about wording. nope....unless the person is a child molester, and even then it's iffy, you can't dictate who your child can be around when they're not with you Not necessarily. I've seen women held in contempt for violating custody orders which forbade them from having unrelated males spend the night. But unless the X is living with this woman (or the 16yo) it's unlikely to go anywhere. It does go to his judgment, though, particularly if these were the people supplying him with the drugs that fueled his mental breakdown...
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 9, 2014 8:33:58 GMT -5
It sucks so bad because I WANT him to be able to have unsupervised visits. I WANT him to be able to help me out with this child rearing stuff.
If wishes were fishes we'd have a lakeful.
As my therapist told me when we were dealing with DH's problems. . .I need to accept things as they are not how I wish them to be. I also need to focus on DH's actions, not DH's words. He can promise me the moon but unless he actually delivers it doesn't mean squat.
You need to look at your ex as who he is today, not who he was when you got married and not how you hope he'll ever be. I understand it's hard because nobody wants to look at the ugly truth when it comes to someone they used to care about but it's what you have to do.
When you start basing your decisions on what you hope the outcome to be that's when bad things/mistakes happen.
MAYBE someday way down the road he'll get his shit together and be the stellar father you hope and he can have unlimited unsupervised visits. But that day isn't today, you need to deal with and make decisions based on TODAY.
It's not being vengeful or spiteful, it's being responsible and a good parent.
Like I said if your ex was really as intent as he claims on being a good father then he'd be willing to walk barefoot over hot coals to get supervision lifted. If he was as intent as he claims on taking you to court he would be following the rules as Swamp said instead of giving out hand written letters.
What you got going on in your head isn't lining up with reality. Start looking at reality and quit letting him intimidate you or guilt trip you. You're doing the right thing.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 9, 2014 8:36:06 GMT -5
nope....unless the person is a child molester, and even then it's iffy, you can't dictate who your child can be around when they're not with you Not necessarily. I've seen women held in contempt for violating custody orders which forbade them from having unrelated males spend the night. But unless the X is living with this woman (or the 16yo) it's unlikely to go anywhere. It does go to his judgment, though, particularly if these were the people supplying him with the drugs that fueled his mental breakdown... Is he on probation or something? Any way this can be construed as failing to follow the conditions set? Not that he's done such a good job of fulfilling them...
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 8:52:15 GMT -5
Not necessarily. I've seen women held in contempt for violating custody orders which forbade them from having unrelated males spend the night. But unless the X is living with this woman (or the 16yo) it's unlikely to go anywhere. It does go to his judgment, though, particularly if these were the people supplying him with the drugs that fueled his mental breakdown... Is he on probation or something? Any way this can be construed as failing to follow the conditions set? Not that he's done such a good job of fulfilling them... Yeah, he's not supposed to even be around people who are drinking. I'm pretty sure this is never enforced. He was also supposed to complete the program at the halfway house and got kicked out, but they didn't seem to care. They just said, ok, where do you want to live?
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 9:37:35 GMT -5
I think doing the background check was a good idea. At least you have some info now of the type of people that are around your child. However, unless they are actively engaged criminally, not sure you can do much about that other than hope for the best. I know. It's not even something I can bring up in court. One of her charges was child endangerment. Apparently drunken boating with a young child in the boat with no life vest. But right now you have supervised visits, correct? So this is only an issue IF he gets his shit together & goes to court & tries to fight for unsupervised visits. And I would think he would have to prove a dramatic change in his situation to warrant a judge signing off on the change. Realistically how likely is it he will do this? My guess is that he is all talk, but won't actually take the steps. My ex has been telling me he is going to fight for custody for the past year & hasn't done anything. Then he tries to guilt me into just changing it like that is going to happen. ETA - The one thing you shouldn't do is start letting him have unsupervised visits without a court order. Because then he could use that to show you trust him & the court order should be changed.
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2014 9:41:10 GMT -5
Oh jeez. I know I'm not supposed to be doing the creepy stalker thing, but I pulled up the criminal record for the girl I think he might be seeing (he's at least texting her all the time) and she has a history longer than his. She's on probation until 2018 for what looks to be her 4th DUI, there is theft, drugs, domestic assault charges...and she's just 30. I seriously don't want my son anywhere near this woman or her nutjob 16 year old daughter. Don't you have to pay now for checking these things out? I know they used to be free. Just wondering about the money for such since you said something about paying for trial phone info lookup. Only asking since something was said about not being able to pay for visitation center or whatever it is called. But I get wanting to know what kind of people you son will be around too. But I feel that you are doing yourself more mental harm by doing this. JMO which ain't worth shit Depends on the jurisdiction. Some states require payment, some don't. Assuming this check was done in MN, it's a free one. And FWIW, MN actually does a fairly good job with their records. Not the case for all states, though.
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 9, 2014 9:46:31 GMT -5
Don't you have to pay now for checking these things out? I know they used to be free. Just wondering about the money for such since you said something about paying for trial phone info lookup. Only asking since something was said about not being able to pay for visitation center or whatever it is called. But I get wanting to know what kind of people you son will be around too. But I feel that you are doing yourself more mental harm by doing this. JMO which ain't worth shit Depends on the jurisdiction. Some states require payment, some don't. Assuming this check was done in MN, it's a free one. And FWIW, MN actually does a fairly good job with their records. Not the case for all states, though. She explained in post to me that it was free in MN.
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2014 9:50:36 GMT -5
Depends on the jurisdiction. Some states require payment, some don't. Assuming this check was done in MN, it's a free one. And FWIW, MN actually does a fairly good job with their records. Not the case for all states, though. She explained in post to me that it was free in MN. Sorry, I missed that. Lack of caffeine thus far this morning.
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 9, 2014 9:52:52 GMT -5
She explained in post to me that it was free in MN. Sorry, I missed that. Lack of caffeine thus far this morning. No problem, afterall it is a 13 page thread. Maybe the #13 threw you off your game
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 9, 2014 9:55:46 GMT -5
Sorry, I missed that. Lack of caffeine thus far this morning. No problem, afterall it is a 13 page thread. Maybe the #13 threw you off your game and the tea needs reheating. On a more serious note, a fourth DUI should put this person into the habitual offender category, thus making her a convicted felon. With a probation extending into 2018, I would think she's definitely a felon. No way I would want anyone I knew around her, regardless of age. Heck, I would not want to be around her.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 10:12:34 GMT -5
I know. It's not even something I can bring up in court. One of her charges was child endangerment. Apparently drunken boating with a young child in the boat with no life vest. But right now you have supervised visits, correct? So this is only an issue IF he gets his shit together & goes to court & tries to fight for unsupervised visits. And I would think he would have to prove a dramatic change in his situation to warrant a judge signing off on the change. Realistically how likely is it he will do this? My guess is that he is all talk, but won't actually take the steps. My ex has been telling me he is going to fight for custody for the past year & hasn't done anything. Then he tries to guilt me into just changing it like that is going to happen. ETA - The one thing you shouldn't do is start letting him have unsupervised visits without a court order. Because then he could use that to show you trust him & the court order should be changed. He petitioned and we have a court date August 8th.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 10:13:28 GMT -5
No problem, afterall it is a 13 page thread. Maybe the #13 threw you off your game and the tea needs reheating. On a more serious note, a fourth DUI should put this person into the habitual offender category, thus making her a convicted felon. With a probation extending into 2018, I would think she's definitely a felon. No way I would want anyone I knew around her, regardless of age. Heck, I would not want to be around her. Nope. Nothing more than a gross misdemeanor. No felonies.
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Post by Angel! on Jul 9, 2014 10:17:47 GMT -5
But right now you have supervised visits, correct? So this is only an issue IF he gets his shit together & goes to court & tries to fight for unsupervised visits. And I would think he would have to prove a dramatic change in his situation to warrant a judge signing off on the change. Realistically how likely is it he will do this? My guess is that he is all talk, but won't actually take the steps. My ex has been telling me he is going to fight for custody for the past year & hasn't done anything. Then he tries to guilt me into just changing it like that is going to happen. ETA - The one thing you shouldn't do is start letting him have unsupervised visits without a court order. Because then he could use that to show you trust him & the court order should be changed. He petitioned and we have a court date August 8th. Damn, I missed that. Do you have a lawyer? I would get one ASAP for this because this seems worth fighting over.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2014 10:50:40 GMT -5
He petitioned and we have a court date August 8th. Damn, I missed that. Do you have a lawyer? I would get one ASAP for this because this seems worth fighting over. I'm not too excited yet. We had a court date June 12th as well but he never got his shit together to have me served properly so I just didn't show up. He went and the hearing was held anyhow, but I think the judge just told him what he needed to do for next time.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 9, 2014 10:50:51 GMT -5
He petitioned and we have a court date August 8th. Damn, I missed that. Do you have a lawyer? I would get one ASAP for this because this seems worth fighting over. But he has yet to serve her. The only reason she knows the date is because she is looking at the court records. When is the drop dead date that he needs to serve you by? Is he smart enough to try to wait until the last minute, thinking to catch you flat footed?
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