Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 12:15:31 GMT -5
It's a minor pet peeve of mine, but I'm curious, what is the proper way to shake hands with a woman?
I've always thought it was just like with a man. You reach out, clasp their hand firmly, but not too hard and not too limp, and shake. But I've noticed a lot of women will reach out with their hand curved and their fingers pointing downward and towards you. You then are forced to grasp their fingers and shake, which just seems weird to me.
Is this the proper way, or is the more traditional method the proper way?
If I'm not making sense, let me know, I can probably find videos or pictures or something to illustrate my point.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2014 12:17:46 GMT -5
It's a lazy handshake. I got called out on it during practice interviews in high school, you're supposed to shake hands not act like you expect someone to kiss it.
You should shake hands the exact same way you do with a guy.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jun 16, 2014 12:20:46 GMT -5
I agree with Drama, and I'm guilty of not shaking hands as firmly as I should. I'm just not very good at it.
Plus, I've had people shake/grasp my hand WAY too hard and smash my rings into my fingers. It hurts like heck and I have a hard time not thinking about that when someone extends a hand for a hand shake. I do try to work on it, though.
Limply offering your fingers is pretty silly, IMHO.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jun 16, 2014 12:20:57 GMT -5
I WISH men would shake my hand firmly like they do with other men. I like/appreciate a good, firm handshake - that is how I was taught to shake hands. However, most men I've met puss out on shaking hands with women (perhaps because other women do the limp hand thing). Funny story - my mom and I recently met my BFF's new boyfriend one day at church. He shook our hands. Afterwards, the first comment my mom had was that he had a wussy handshake. Guess my mom and I think alike!
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jun 16, 2014 12:21:06 GMT -5
Those women are exhibiting what those of us in the business world call "Terrible Handshaking." Shake women's hand like you would shake anyone's hand.
Also these women are usually terrible people.*
*Note: Anecdotal.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2014 12:29:41 GMT -5
Plus, I've had people shake/grasp my hand WAY too hard and smash my rings into my fingers. It hurts like heck and I have a hard time not thinking about that when someone extends a hand for a hand shake. I do try to work on it, though.
The trick is to get the crease between your thumb and forefinger fit snugly in with the crease between their thumb and forefinger. They end up clasping around the palm of your hand that way and not your fingers. They also have to try harder to squeeze enough to hurt and at that point your perfectly sensible to call them out on it.
That fingertip thing is ridiculous.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 12:38:11 GMT -5
It's a lazy handshake. I got called out on it during practice interviews in high school, you're supposed to shake hands not act like you expect someone to kiss it. You should shake hands the exact same way you do with a guy. Yeah, that's what bothered me about it. They give you their hand like they expect your to kiss it, or shake it like prince charming in a fairy tale, or at least a Victorian lady. Just seems weird and out of place in today's modern world.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2014 12:41:45 GMT -5
Lots of people don't know how to shake hands properly. I get what I call "limp noodles" when shaking hands with men as well as "kissy hand" with women. I don't get it, it's not that hard to learn to shake properly, but whatever they've gotten this far without knowing how to do it right.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 12:43:03 GMT -5
Plus, I've had people shake/grasp my hand WAY too hard and smash my rings into my fingers. It hurts like heck and I have a hard time not thinking about that when someone extends a hand for a hand shake. I do try to work on it, though.
The trick is to get the crease between your thumb and forefinger fit snugly in with the crease between their thumb and forefinger. They end up clasping around the palm of your hand that way and not your fingers. They also have to try harder to squeeze enough to hurt and at that point your perfectly sensible to call them out on it.
That fingertip thing is ridiculous.
I haven't done any research, or counted the number of times myself, but I'd say about a third of women to the limp fish finger thing.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 16, 2014 12:44:40 GMT -5
I'm guilty. Even though I've fought tooth and nail against traditional gender roles growing up, it seems to sneak up on me in social formalities like this. As long as you're not squeezing the crap out of her hand, you're probably fine.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 16, 2014 12:44:50 GMT -5
Why do you have to shake hand with a woman? Its such a manly thing to do so I am always surprised when I see extended hand. Why can't that be just 'hello, how are you doing, nice meeting you' etc. Leave hands to man!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2014 12:52:58 GMT -5
What's so terrible about shaking hands?
My hand shaking pet peeve is when people are brought into the lab and go to shake hands while I am wearing gloves. I assume they don't know what it means when I am wearing gloves. I remove them if I have a moment, but if I am holding something I simply tell them "Sorry, gloves".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2014 12:53:06 GMT -5
Why do you have to shake hand with a woman? Its such a manly thing to do so I am always surprised when I see extended hand. Why can't that be just 'hello, how are you doing, nice meeting you' etc. Leave hands to man! Oh no! Shake my hand. I'm in a decision making position and want the same courtesies extended to me as my male counterparts.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 16, 2014 12:53:41 GMT -5
I have this thing about touching/being touched, so I won't initiate shaking hands at all. But if someone extends their hand first then I will shake it. And yes, it's supposed to be an actual handshake - firm, not crushing, with eye contact and a greeting for the person shaking your hand.
I hate when people offer their left hand for a shake (without a good reason to). That's always awkward.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 16, 2014 13:01:48 GMT -5
I work in a male dominated field (engineering). PLEASE do not treat me any differently. Don't crush my hand but a firm handshake is fine. Also, PLEASE don't run around may and open the door for me - I am perfectly capable of opening it myself (unless I am carrying something.
2 hand shaking pet peeves.
I have to host a rabbi for a kosher inspection several times a year. He does not shake hands with women. It is very awkward, but I learned my first time. You know us women are "unclean"
On the other end of the spectrum, I spent 3 months working in France. There they shake hands with everyone, everyday. It is part of greeting someone, not just the first time you meet them. When I first was there I had a bit of a cold, but you pretty much had to do it. I'm not a germophobe, but it seemed pretty easy to transmit germs that way. After my first cold I was pretty healthy there.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 16, 2014 13:15:00 GMT -5
I hate the guys who think they should crush all the bones in your hand when they shake it. I had a great uncle like that. I think it was overcompensation for missing a thumb though. DDs 6th grade teacher taught them all kinds of useful stuff, like how to shake hands this year. She won't be doing that kissy hand thing.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 16, 2014 13:18:57 GMT -5
Like Georgiagal- I work in a male dominated field and go with the firm handshake philosophy as well. I've never had a "crush my fingers" shake or at least not one that phased me enough to remember it. Could have something to do with the fact that I don't wear rings on my right hand.
It does bug me when women I encounter do that weak hand thing. I don't know why- I've just always been told to maintain a firm, professional handshake.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jun 16, 2014 13:26:22 GMT -5
Technically the lady is supposed to be sitting down when she shakes hands..... I would kiss people I know quite well on the cheek......but then I'm European No tongues, of course.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 13:26:28 GMT -5
I'm guilty. Even though I've fought tooth and nail against traditional gender roles growing up, it seems to sneak up on me in social formalities like this. As long as you're not squeezing the crap out of her hand, you're probably fine. I'm not worried about how I do it, I'm complaining about how they do it. I have no problem with the way I shake hands, because I do it the right way.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 16, 2014 13:26:43 GMT -5
What's so terrible about shaking hands? My hand shaking pet peeve is when people are brought into the lab and go to shake hands while I am wearing gloves. I assume they don't know what it means when I am wearing gloves. I remove them if I have a moment, but if I am holding something I simply tell them "Sorry, gloves". What so stupid about body shakes? When someone grabs you and shaking you? Its barbaric way of greeting and shoud DIE!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 13:29:44 GMT -5
I work in a male dominated field (engineering). PLEASE do not treat me any differently. Don't crush my hand but a firm handshake is fine. Also, PLEASE don't run around may and open the door for me - I am perfectly capable of opening it myself (unless I am carrying something. 2 hand shaking pet peeves. I have to host a rabbi for a kosher inspection several times a year. He does not shake hands with women. It is very awkward, but I learned my first time. You know us women are "unclean" On the other end of the spectrum, I spent 3 months working in France. There they shake hands with everyone, everyday. It is part of greeting someone, not just the first time you meet them. When I first was there I had a bit of a cold, but you pretty much had to do it. I'm not a germophobe, but it seemed pretty easy to transmit germs that way. After my first cold I was pretty healthy there. Hmmm, I thought in France the commonly accepted greeting was a quick kiss on each cheek.
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Spellbound454
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Post by Spellbound454 on Jun 16, 2014 13:33:51 GMT -5
If you are a really affected lovvie, you go.....mua......mua......as you're doing it....with a "Daaarrrling how wonderful to see you" to follow
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Jun 16, 2014 13:36:03 GMT -5
The only time, I guess, that I've seen the limp, fingers down offer of a hand is from older women at church. With them I assume that arthritis or something similar prevents a regular handshake, so I gently clasp her hand with one or both of my hands and just give a gentle squeeze while greeting her.
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flutterby
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Post by flutterby on Jun 16, 2014 13:36:31 GMT -5
Isn't it some sort of etiquette thing that, between a man and a woman shaking hands, the man never offers his hand first? It's the woman's place to offer to shake (or not), not the man's. I swear I learned that somewhere, Miss Manners maybe?
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 16, 2014 13:37:20 GMT -5
I'd rather someone shake my hand then kiss my cheek or try to hug me. I'm kind of a freak though. I can't stand being touched but I can usually tolerate a handshake if I know I'll be able to wash my hand soon.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 16, 2014 13:37:56 GMT -5
I'm guilty. Even though I've fought tooth and nail against traditional gender roles growing up, it seems to sneak up on me in social formalities like this. As long as you're not squeezing the crap out of her hand, you're probably fine. I'm not worried about how I do it, I'm complaining about how they do it. I have no problem with the way I shake hands, because I do it the right way. I guess I misunderstood your question then. If you know you're in the right, why let what other people do bug you? IMO, I think we, as a society, are still kind of working out the proper etiquette as far as women in business are concerned. (i.e., golf courses, restrooms) And for the record, I did grow up with kisses on the cheeks, as well as hand-kissing when I visited Europe as a teen. It got me all screwed up!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 16, 2014 13:39:14 GMT -5
I hate the hand shake, but I do it. Can we eliminate this from the business world? But then again - I have clients who hug me....sheesh....can we go back to handshakes It seems some people have a problem with being touched.
Handshakes don't bother me, can't say I'd be a big fan of hugging non family members though.
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andreawick
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Post by andreawick on Jun 16, 2014 13:40:18 GMT -5
sometimes instead of shaking hands, my friends and I will just give each other a quick boob squeeze.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 13:48:16 GMT -5
I wish they'd stop that hand shaking stuff in church. I don't want to exchange germs with strangers! I discreetly use hand sanitizer after.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 16, 2014 13:51:38 GMT -5
Technically the lady is supposed to be sitting down when she shakes hands..... I would kiss people I know quite well on the cheek......but then I'm European No tongues, of course. You mean no tongue in cheeks...
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