Shaking hands with women

[sheilaincali]

It seems some people have a problem with being touched.

Handshakes don't bother me, can't say I'd be a big fan of hugging non family members though.

I have issues but it's a mental thing.  DH is pushing me to go back on my meds.  I had a couple of panic attacks in the past week.  One day a man touched my hand when I opened a door (he put his hand on top of mine to grab the door too) and yesterday a woman at the movies kept touching my arm (wanted the armrest) and I nearly had to leave the movies.  But like I said- I'm a weirdo and it's a mental disorder.

I don't get this hugging trend people have.  I hug my husband, my son and my nieces and nephews.  That's it.  Anyone else tries to hug me and they are liable to get punched.  I'll hid behind DH and employ other evasive tactics to get out of being hugged by people.

[tloonya]

Jun 16, 2014 13:40:18 GMT -5 andreawick said:

sometimes instead of shaking hands, my friends and  I will just give each other a quick boob squeeze.

Are you both guys, gals, one of each?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 16, 2014 13:55:04 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

It seems some people have a problem with being touched.

Handshakes don't bother me, can't say I'd be a big fan of hugging non family members though.

I have issues but it's a mental thing.  DH is pushing me to go back on my meds.  I had a couple of panic attacks in the past week.  One day a man touched my hand when I opened a door (he put his hand on top of mine to grab the door too) and yesterday a woman at the movies kept touching my arm (wanted the armrest) and I nearly had to leave the movies.  But like I said- I'm a weirdo and it's a mental disorder.

I don't get this hugging trend people have.  I hug my husband, my son and my nieces and nephews.  That's it.  Anyone else tries to hug me and they are liable to get punched.  I'll hid behind DH and employ other evasive tactics to get out of being hugged by people.

I won't hug people once I know they don't want to be hugged.  My younger sister, for one, doesn't like being touched and once she told me that, I stopped.  If you avoid me, eventually it will sink in that you don't want me hugging you but please, just tell me.  I may feel weird about it for 10 minutes, then I move on. 

[sheilaincali]

Most people I encounter on a regular basis are used to my "issues" and don't push it. It's just the random people that throws me for a loop. Why does the aide at my grandma's nursing home feel the need to hug me? Bitch I don't even know your name- we are not on a Hug level of acquaintance. Teller at the bank? Yes I've lost like 90 lbs but you don't need to come around your desk to hug me because you are excited for me that's just weird.  Random high school classmate- if you had to tell me your name to remind me who you are there's a good chance I don't need you to hug me.  

[The Captain]

I love to give and recieve a firm handshake.

However, I will take any handshake over refusing to shake my hand simply because I'm female .



This is becoming more commen in the recent years as we become more multi-cultural and "tolerant".  I thought tolerance went both ways?

[achelois]

I am with Sheila and Ziba.  Don't touch me!  

At least not til I can prepare myself mentally. For example, I like pedicures, but I consciously and deliberately make an appt for one. 

But  don't be hugging me or shaking me or putting arms around me first thing. And don't crowd me.  

My family were not touchy, freely emotional types. 

[sheilaincali]

My family is very cold and unemotional. I think my dad gave me one of those side by side one arm hugs when I graduated basic training. I think that's the only time past toddler hood that my parents have ever hugged me or anything.  But seriously- my family could keep a therapist in vacation homes and new cars for years.

I tried doing some immersion therapy that was recommended by my therapist and got a facial once. It was sheer torture. I've been wanting a pedicure for a while now but I just can't pull the trigger and schedule one. Maybe I will make that my goal to do before the end of the summer.

[JustLurkin]

Jun 16, 2014 12:53:41 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

I have this thing about touching/being touched, so I won't initiate shaking hands at all. But if someone extends their hand first then I will shake it. And yes, it's supposed to be an actual handshake - firm, not crushing, with eye contact and a greeting for the person shaking your hand.

I hate when people offer their left hand for a shake (without a good reason to). That's always awkward.

 I've never had the left hand shake though.  Shaking hands is bad enough, but when the other person doesn't do it right it's all I can do to not wipe my hand on my pants leg, it's a weird feeling. And, I'm female, so if you thought I was going to kiss your hand, you were WRONG! 

[chen35]

Jun 16, 2014 14:11:42 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Most people I encounter on a regular basis are used to my "issues" and don't push it. It's just the random people that throws me for a loop. Why does the aide at my grandma's nursing home feel the need to hug me? Bitch I don't even know your name- we are not on a Hug level of acquaintance. Teller at the bank? Yes I've lost like 90 lbs but you don't need to come around your desk to hug me because you are excited for me that's just weird.  Random high school classmate- if you had to tell me your name to remind me who you are there's a good chance I don't need you to hug me.  

Hugging is the worst! DHs family are huggers, it drives me crazy! My family doesn't hug much, so I'm just not used to it.

[hoops902]

Jun 16, 2014 12:44:50 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Why do you have to shake hand with a woman?
Its such a manly thing to do so I am always surprised when I see extended hand.
Why can't that be just 'hello, how are you doing, nice meeting you' etc.
Leave hands to man!

Totally agree, and when it's time to get down to business and make some decisions, let the ladies go get some tea while the men tend to business.  Maybe they can stop by the steno pool to lend a hand while the men smoke cigars and run the company.

[sarcasticgirl]

shake hands with a woman just like you shake hands with a man. 

It makes my skin crawl when a man gives me a limp handshake. it oddly reminds me of having a bad kissing who puts a limp tongue in your mouth! gag. 

[hoops902]

Jun 16, 2014 16:57:40 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

shake hands with a woman just like you shake hands with a man. 

It makes my skin crawl when a man gives me a limp handshake. it oddly reminds me of having a bad kissing who puts a limp tongue in your mouth! gag. 

Hmmm, I shake hands with a man as if my hand were a vice meant to crush his hand, that's how men assert their dominance.

[sarcasticgirl]

Jun 16, 2014 12:44:50 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Why do you have to shake hand with a woman?
Its such a manly thing to do so I am always surprised when I see extended hand.
Why can't that be just 'hello, how are you doing, nice meeting you' etc.
Leave hands to man!

should we also leave the work to the men while the women stay home barefoot and preggo?

[sarcasticgirl]

Jun 16, 2014 16:58:51 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Jun 16, 2014 16:57:40 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

shake hands with a woman just like you shake hands with a man. 

It makes my skin crawl when a man gives me a limp handshake. it oddly reminds me of having a bad kissing who puts a limp tongue in your mouth! gag. 

Hmmm, I shake hands with a man as if my hand were a vice meant to crush his hand, that's how men assert their dominance.

I've had men shake my hand that way before. And I don't have small dainty hands... 

[sarcasticgirl]

Jun 16, 2014 16:36:49 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Jun 16, 2014 12:44:50 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Why do you have to shake hand with a woman?
Its such a manly thing to do so I am always surprised when I see extended hand.
Why can't that be just 'hello, how are you doing, nice meeting you' etc.
Leave hands to man!

Totally agree, and when it's time to get down to business and make some decisions, let the ladies go get some tea while the men tend to business.  Maybe they can stop by the steno pool to lend a hand while the men smoke cigars and run the company.

we'll be getting ice for your whiskey. 

[sunshinegal1981]

Bunch of antisocial weirdos. 

Hugs are awesome!       

[msventoux]

Jun 16, 2014 16:02:10 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

My family is very cold and unemotional. I think my dad gave me one of those side by side one arm hugs when I graduated basic training. I think that's the only time past toddler hood that my parents have ever hugged me or anything.  But seriously- my family could keep a therapist in vacation homes and new cars for years.

I tried doing some immersion therapy that was recommended by my therapist and got a facial once. It was sheer torture. I've been wanting a pedicure for a while now but I just can't pull the trigger and schedule one. Maybe I will make that my goal to do before the end of the summer.

My family was never demonstrative and it makes me very uncomfortable to have close contact with most people.  There's a couple of close friends that I can tolerate hugging me and any romantic interest, but the rest make my skin crawl.  One friend keeps trying to talk me into a spa day and have us get facials, mani/pedis and a massage.  That will never happen...it sounds like torture!

[achelois]

Jun 16, 2014 16:02:10 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

My family is very cold and unemotional. I think my dad gave me one of those side by side one arm hugs when I graduated basic training. I think that's the only time past toddler hood that my parents have ever hugged me or anything.  But seriously- my family could keep a therapist in vacation homes and new cars for years.

I tried doing some immersion therapy that was recommended by my therapist and got a facial once. It was sheer torture. I've been wanting a pedicure for a while now but I just can't pull the trigger and schedule one. Maybe I will make that my goal to do before the end of the summer.

I like facials, pedis, massages, but probably because they are business transactions and not emotional other than relaxing. I expect the physical contact and none is expected from me, if that makes sense. 

I wouldnt say say my family are cold, but were are not given to display especially in public. 

[mrnewengland]

Why are her hands free? Shouldn't she be making a sandwich or doing laundry?

[Deleted]

So you mean to say that I'M one of the most affectionate people here? You guys are weird! That NEVER happens.

[flamingo]

I'm not big on being touched either. I have coworkers who like to hug and I try to avoid them. But the worst is my gramma. Gotta love her, but she has no respect for personal boundaries. Not only does she hug me multiple times when I'm there, but when I first get there and then when I'm leaving she wants to kiss me. ON THE LIPS! She's like a heat seeking missile and follows my face tip she can get to my lips. UGH! I'm not 5 anymore! I barely let my DH kiss me on the lips, I certainly don't want gramma doing it!!

[violagirl]

 I prefer a firm handshake over a "limp fish" handshake.  I don't have massive hands, but I guess I have bigger hands for a woman. It kind of feels weird to shake a man's hand and discover that my hand is bigger. Also some people's hands are really fleshy and kind of gross to touch. And I also think it is weird when some men have softer hands than I do. 

I am not a hugger. My family hug for weddings, funerals, special occasions and long trips. Yet I wouldn't say we were cold, we just aren't very physically affectionate. I am comfortable hugging my spouse and will hug close family members but wont' generally initiate those. 

While I hate when people outside of my inner circle touch me or hug me, I am perfectly happy to get a full body massage at the spa. I guess I view it in a professional context so I am not weirded out by it.  

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

In business settings, or even being introduced to new people in a social setting, I always extend my hand and clasp firmly on the recipient - without added pressure, of course - for both male & female hand-shakers.

The hands should grasp together, thumb-over-thumb.

I treat it as not only a sign of greeting or introduction, but respect.

[nutty]

I must shake like a man then. No limp wristed shit for me.

[sheilaincali]

Jun 16, 2014 20:07:43 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Jun 16, 2014 16:02:10 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

My family is very cold and unemotional. I think my dad gave me one of those side by side one arm hugs when I graduated basic training. I think that's the only time past toddler hood that my parents have ever hugged me or anything.  But seriously- my family could keep a therapist in vacation homes and new cars for years.

I tried doing some immersion therapy that was recommended by my therapist and got a facial once. It was sheer torture. I've been wanting a pedicure for a while now but I just can't pull the trigger and schedule one. Maybe I will make that my goal to do before the end of the summer.

My family was never demonstrative and it makes me very uncomfortable to have close contact with most people.  There's a couple of close friends that I can tolerate hugging me and any romantic interest, but the rest make my skin crawl.  One friend keeps trying to talk me into a spa day and have us get facials, mani/pedis and a massage.  That will never happen...it sounds like torture!

You understand me!!! This thread makes me feel less of a weird-o. Thank you.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jun 16, 2014 13:26:28 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Jun 16, 2014 12:44:40 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I'm guilty.    Even though I've fought tooth and nail against traditional gender roles growing up, it seems to sneak up on me in social formalities like this.

As long as you're not squeezing the crap out of her hand, you're probably fine.

I'm not worried about how I do it, I'm complaining about how they do it. I have no problem with the way I shake hands, because I do it the right way.

phoenix, I say this with good intentions of trying to be helpful. If this egotism is a dominate trait in your personality, it may be part of the reason you are having trouble successfully dating. I realize this is one sentence in a fairly trivial topic, and it may not be indicative of your normal conversation. 

I have two sisters, no brothers. While my father was a true alpha, assholish, proper American male, we were never taught to shake hands. It has become a part of my societal norms, and I hate it. I often forget to do it, and then other opposite person doesn't know what to do with me. I'm working on it. I don't do the limp handshake though, I'm pretty sure. 

[Pants]

I was lucky in many ways - my father never expected me not to earn my own living. He sat me down at the age of 9 and taught me how to shake hands.

I still get compliments on my handshake, actually.

[spicyhotpepper]

Women and men generally shake hands the same in my opinion, and I like tend to do a lot of hand shaking.  I always think it's weird when a people have a limp handshake, especially men. 

On another note, I like being touched!  Hugs, handshakes, etc don't bother me at all.  I especially love going to the doctor as their touch/attention makes me feel good-  I don't know how to explain that without sounding weird! 

My husband's family takes it to another level.  Maybe it's cultural as they are Mexican and I'm not, I don't know, but every time we get together with either side of his family you go around and hug every single person and all the men and sometimes the women kiss me on the cheek.  Even if there's dozens of people there.  And every time we get together.  It doesn't bother me except if someone gets lipstick on my face.  

[Abby Normal]

 I work in a male dominated industry as well.  I hate shaking hands. I will do it, but I hate it.  I always wonder " where has that hand been?" and can't wait to get to the restroom to wash.  I'm not germaphobic but shaking hands (especially with a stranger) is rather disgusting.   Guy I had to meet with this morning- his hands were all clammy.  I had to sit there for 30 minutes before I could go was the slime off my hands.

[tloonya]

Jun 17, 2014 11:17:06 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

 I work in a male dominated industry as well.  I hate shaking hands. I will do it, but I hate it.  I always wonder " where has that hand been?" and can't wait to get to the restroom to wash.  I'm not germaphobic but shaking hands (especially with a stranger) is rather disgusting.   Guy I had to meet with this morning- his hands were all clammy.  I had to sit there for 30 minutes before I could go was the slime off my hands.

I am wondering how long ago its been in it?