Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 11:16:22 GMT -5
Maybe they think you aren't interested because you don't mention a second date? What would happen if you told her "I really enjoyed tonight how about getting together again next week? I'll call you with a firm date in mind". That might get you more responses. I know as a woman I generally take a generic "I'll call you" as "He's just not that into you honey" The guys that I've really liked (and liked me) wouldn't let me leave without having the second date planned. Or at the very least a plan to do "something" on a specific day in the near future. I found it nice and refreshing to not be questioning at the end whether the guy wants to see me again or not. I suppose when/if I have another date, if I like where it's going, I'll do something along those lines. I suppose the worst that could happen is they say no, in which case I havne't lost anything.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jun 5, 2014 11:17:49 GMT -5
And you won't have to worry/question/freak out for that day or two before you call!
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 11:17:53 GMT -5
So, Justme,
What are your deal breakers? It's always good to get an idea of common dealbrakers so one can avoid them.
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by souldoubt on Jun 5, 2014 11:18:36 GMT -5
I think I'm about your age and I've had 2 serious or long term relationships. The first was a puppy love high school relationship and the second is my current one with my gf who I'll marry some day. I didn't go on many dates over the years because quite honestly it's not a process I like or one that I was good at. I'm not a talkative person as I'm an introvert and many times I don't have much to say until I get more comfortable with people. Being the way that I am it's hard to impress or engage someone enough when I don't know them. I met my gf through mutual friends, we hit it off and ended up talking for hours about things neither of us discussed with friends and realized we had a lot in common.
To go along with what swasat said if you come off as disinterested or not engaging that's a huge turn off. I've been where you are before so don't take this the wrong way but if you come off as a 'woe is me' person because you're not the life of the party the opposite sex will pick up on that. It doesn't mean you need to change who you are but most people aren't looking for someone who seems depressed or down on themselves. I've got a buddy who would have no problem meeting women and going on a first date but he was a major Debbie downer and either ended up in the friend category or not getting a second date.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 5, 2014 11:19:00 GMT -5
Also, if you are scheduling activity dates, specifically so that you don't have to do much talking, I can see how that might be backfiring. First dates are so you can get to know the other person. If you schedule a date at a bowling place, where there is hardly any space or time to talk about you or her or your common interests, what message does that give to the girl? That its an obligatory thing. That you are not interested in knowing more about her, or sharing more about you. Sometimes what we do and the setting where it happens speaks more than what we say
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 11:21:20 GMT -5
What kind of relationship do you want and are you sure you're picking girls that want that too? DH is my second boyfriend. Before that I had one back in high school, that's it. Part of my problem was I don't really enjoy dating. If I was going to date it was with the intent of finding someone to settle down with. Yeah. .. that's going to cause the majority of 20 something males to run for the hills. I ended up meeting DH who was 30 at the time and at the stage in his life where he was done with the party/dating scene and looking to settle down. So our dating goals lined up perfectly. I'm looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage. But I'm not desperate to be married in and of itself. I know how miserable a bad spouse can make you, so I'm okay with putting that off for a year or two. I'm right now looking for a long term relationship that could go in that direction.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 5, 2014 11:25:44 GMT -5
You're also rather dramatic thinking of yourself as coming across as Ted Bundy (who ironically was quite the charmer!). That could be showing in how you interact with your dates. You're already assuming there is something "wrong" with you and they won't be interested. Part of what attracted DH to me is that I appear to be comfortable in my own skin. Which at that time I had finally decided I was done trying to figure out what men wanted. If they didn't want ME, then fine I wasn't going to play anymore. If you're not comfortable in your own skin it'll show and in turn they're going to wonder what's wrong with you. You may be trying TOO hard to appear "normal" and instead are making girls wonder WTF is up with this dude why is he having to try so hard? I do tone down my crazy when the situation calls for it, DH didn't need to see all my warts on the first date. But I wasn't going to try to pretend to be what guys my age wanted either, that's NOT me and if I try to do so I come off as extremely fake and even more weird that I really am.
|
|
Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
|
Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 5, 2014 11:28:34 GMT -5
I feel for you, Phoenix. It's tough out there. For women (at least for this one), it can also be pretty scary. It may be the same for men, but I don't know because I'm not one! You sound like a great guy and I wish I had some suggestions for you. Just know that the ladies you date are probably having the same feelings of nervousness, etc., that you are having. If I did have a suggestion, it would be that you take a couple months off from worrying/thinking about it. Go take some golf lessons, join a community organization, volunteer at your church, help organize your town's 4th of July celebration, join a softball team...get yourself out there. Just work on you. You just might run into someone who is out there trying to develop outside interests for herself and you'll already have something in common!
All the best to you.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 5, 2014 11:29:19 GMT -5
I'm looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage
I forget, how old are you? I'm 30 and I believe you're a year or two younger than me right?
You're not going to find a lot of girls our age that are ready to have a relationship leading towards marriage. Most women (and men) our age aren't thinking about that right now. I had quite a few friends tell me I was far "too young" to get married and have children when I did. I needed to "live my life"
So you're going to have trouble finding dates, just like I did. You're pool is going to be much much smaller than people our age who are enjoying the single life and just looking for a good time.
Does your web profile give any indication this is what you are looking for? You might want to ask a female friend/relative to help you word it so you attract women who are also looking for something potentially long term. You may have cast your net too wide and aren't attracting women whose relationship goals line up with yours.
|
|
gooddecisions
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:42:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,418
|
Post by gooddecisions on Jun 5, 2014 11:30:53 GMT -5
Judging from what's been shared so far, I think you might be coming across as "0 personality guy". Watch a few morning talk shows and listen to Elvis Duran in the morning to hear what small talk sounds like. It will probably annoy you, but it will be good preparation for your dates. Read headlines (but don't actually take the paper with you) and just like Regis, discuss. The best dates are with someone who can talk about anything and make it sound interesting.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jun 5, 2014 11:33:59 GMT -5
A lot of the deal breakers you've already passed. I dated a lot of guys that were, uh, subpar in my younger days of "I don't want to get married, I just want to have fun!". There's the big ones that most (sane) people have with some variations. I want someone with a career that mostly has the same schedule as me days-off wise. I prefer someone that has his own place. No smoker. No recreational drugs, or alcohol enough that makes me wonder if they're an alcoholic. Someone who is decently comfortable money wise (i.e. I don't hear a "well we can't do that babe because I just spent all my free money on getting drunk last night with the boys" or gets their phone cut off). A similar education to mine is preferred, but I know that a diploma doesn't mean everything. But then there's some more nuanced ones that are less hard and fast deal breakers. We need to get each others sense of humor. Not a huge fan of guys whose biggest hobby is video games. I like someone that's more direct and purposeful. No lets get together sometime, lets do something soon. It works once you get into the groove in a relationship, but not in the beginning. It's old school, but I like the guy to take the initiative in the beginning...the whole he's just not into you passive thing has happened to me a lot so I avoid that now. And to be perfectly honest, a lot of it comes down to just how I feel with a guy. The better first dates usually don't have much awkward silence. Oh, as for online dating - there's a few things that make my friends and I more leery than others. Though it does vary between us. Asking for a date in the first message or two is a bit strong, but dragging it on for weeks before asking isn't good either. So something like after 10 messages are exchanged would be a good time to ask. Don't send super long messages, at least at first. Also, don't make your profile a book - I'll often move on if I get bored reading it because it's too long. A hey how are you is ok, but I like questions better that ask me something about my profile.
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by souldoubt on Jun 5, 2014 11:38:17 GMT -5
I think ultimately most people want to find that one person they can settle down with. If you go into every date with that mentality you're fighting an uphill battle because you've got high expectations and unless you really hit it off you probably aren't going to come off like you'd like to. I spent a few months putzing around with a girl who was to her own credit honest but quite frankly just not someone you'd ever want to build a life with. It relaxed me quite a bit and helped me realize you're going to come across some real misses before you end up with who you're supposed to be with. A few months later I met my gf and was in a much better place to just sit with her and talk.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,692
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
Member is Online
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 5, 2014 11:38:29 GMT -5
I could have written this about a friend of mine, except it would be the female version. She 40, married and divorced once, and utterly desperate to find someone, anyone at all. She is so uncomfortable about finding her own happiness first, being on her own and enjoying a life she could create for herself, that the men she winds up with don't stick around. She's literally spent herself in bankruptcy trying to impress men.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 11:40:32 GMT -5
I'm looking for a long term relationship leading to marriageI forget, how old are you? I'm 30 and I believe you're a year or two younger than me right? You're not going to find a lot of girls our age that are ready to have a relationship leading towards marriage. Most women (and men) our age aren't thinking about that right now. I had quite a few friends tell me I was far "too young" to get married and have children when I did. I needed to "live my life" So you're going to have trouble finding dates, just like I did. You're pool is going to be much much smaller than people our age who are enjoying the single life and just looking for a good time. Does your web profile give any indication this is what you are looking for? You might want to ask a female friend/relative to help you word it so you attract women who are also looking for something potentially long term. You may have cast your net too wide and aren't attracting women whose relationship goals line up with yours. I'm 29. I'll turn 30 in November. No, my online profile does not mention that. I figured it might scare of potential dates, or make me come off as desperate or creepy.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 5, 2014 11:44:37 GMT -5
I'm looking for a long term relationship leading to marriageI forget, how old are you? I'm 30 and I believe you're a year or two younger than me right? You're not going to find a lot of girls our age that are ready to have a relationship leading towards marriage. Most women (and men) our age aren't thinking about that right now. I had quite a few friends tell me I was far "too young" to get married and have children when I did. I needed to "live my life" So you're going to have trouble finding dates, just like I did. You're pool is going to be much much smaller than people our age who are enjoying the single life and just looking for a good time. Does your web profile give any indication this is what you are looking for? You might want to ask a female friend/relative to help you word it so you attract women who are also looking for something potentially long term. You may have cast your net too wide and aren't attracting women whose relationship goals line up with yours. I'm 29. I'll turn 30 in November. No, my online profile does not mention that. I figured it might scare of potential dates, or make me come off as desperate or creepy.OTOH it might bring you to an audience who might be more mature. A 27yo female looks for a different type of date than a 23 yo. Why not be honest and see if filters out the younger ones who might not suit you?
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 5, 2014 11:45:31 GMT -5
I wouldn't be talking wedding bells and honeymoons on your profile, which would be creepy. But if you're never getting second dates with anyone then somewhere along the way your dating goals aren't lining up.
I didn't announce to DH that I wanted a wedding band on my finger on the first date, but just by talking with each other over time we realize our goals lined up. And a huge part of that was he was older than me, he'd BTDT that with all the partying and crazy dating, he no longer had any interest in it. I could tell that by the types of dates he picked and how he conducted himself with me. I had pretty much nothing in common with guys my own age, I would have been waiting a LONG time for them to catch up to where I was at in my life/head.
You need to find someone whose goals line up more with your own, take a good look at all the dates you have been on. There is probably a pattern in there somewhere.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Jun 5, 2014 11:46:07 GMT -5
I've never done online dating (I got married when the internet was still a toddler). What does a profile look like? Do you just type random info about yourself?
Would you be wiling to share your profile wording with us? Not like a link just copy and paste your "description" or whatever it is.
I'm sure those of us here would be happy to help you polish it up some if you are interested.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jun 5, 2014 11:49:51 GMT -5
What did you check on your profile? In your situation I'd only have friends/activity partners and long term relationship checked. Or whatever the equivalent is on the site you use.
Oh, and as for the numerous messages. Sorry, you're a guy and get screwed in the online world. You're probably only going to hear back about 10% of the time. If the site shows on her page how selective she is at responding - go ahead and message if you like her well enough, but assume she's in the 90%. I'm rated very selectively - pretty sure I'm well below a 10% response rate, possibly even below 5%. There's a lot of crazies that message me.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 11:52:43 GMT -5
Justme,
That's pretty much what I do when online dating.
I browse profiles, and if I'm interested I'll send a email.
Typically I'll ask one or two questions about their profile. Like, for example, how they chose their profession or how long they've lived in the area or talk about dogs or whatever they mention.
I'll then usually conclude by saying I hope to hear from them soon.
It's usually pretty short, usually just a couple of short paragraphs.
Hmmm, I usually send and receive three e-mails back before asking for their phone number. I'll then usually call them and ask for a date. Maybe that's coming across as too strong?
In general though, I feel like dragging out the messenging phase hurts you too, you run out of topics to e-mail about before long. I think 10 is a little too high. Most women will only send you one e-mail a day (which is fine). So 10 days seems like a bit much to get the ball moving.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 18:28:07 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2014 11:58:06 GMT -5
I am more interested at the discussion/conversation that takes places during dinner?
Do you flirt? Compliment? Flirt some more? Try to make her laugh?
Think of a first date as an audition or job interview: you present the best "YOU" possible to the hiring manager.
Keep it light but keep it fun. And hell yeah you mention you want to see them again before dinner is over or mention a event (gallery opening, movie coming out, don't care think of something ) that is happening in a couple of weeks, would they like to accompany you?
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 12:02:31 GMT -5
What did you check on your profile? In your situation I'd only have friends/activity partners and long term relationship checked. Or whatever the equivalent is on the site you use. Oh, and as for the numerous messages. Sorry, you're a guy and get screwed in the online world. You're probably only going to hear back about 10% of the time. If the site shows on her page how selective she is at responding - go ahead and message if you like her well enough, but assume she's in the 90%. I'm rated very selectively - pretty sure I'm well below a 10% response rate, possibly even below 5%. There's a lot of crazies that message me. Getting a response back about 10% of the time seems about right. I figured a big part of it was the sites I use typically lump subscribers in with non subscribers, and you have no way of k nowing who is and is not a subscriber. So if someone doesn't respond, i figure it's probably because they weren't a subscriber, and don't really take it personally. Maybe I'm wrong, but I envision the whole dating thing being easier for women, especially in the online setting. If a woman puts up a profile she'll get messaged, and you just have to selectively respond to and engage the men that interest you. Must be nice. I do get smiles, winks, and the like, and the occasional e-mail, but usually not from the type of ladies I'm interested in.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 5, 2014 12:02:34 GMT -5
Let me give you another perspective, from a guy I dated.
To set the scene, every single one of my friends and siblings were getting married (everyone I knew got married off in 2 years) and I was lonely. REALLY lonely.
There was a guy in my apartment complex building and he was nice. He was nice to look at and he liked me. I really tried to like him, I must have dated him half a dozen times over 6 years or so, trying to get something.....ANYTHING out of him. There had to be something that I was missing there.
There were 3 problems. One of them (probably the biggest) was that he was so busy waiting for someone to do something in his life that he didn't do anything. Because he didn't go or do, trying to have a conversation with him was like pulling healthy teeth. The second thing was that he refused to move out of his comfort zone and there was only so much prodding that I could (or wanted to) do. Also, he was desperate for a relationship and it showed. Going on a date with him was a LOT of work as I felt like I was carrying 110% of the conversation ball. I'd be exhausted at the end of the evening....dinner/drink dates were the worst, movies were ok only so much as there was no conversation needed.
I still think about him, and I really hope he found someone who is good to him. He deserved it. I guess I really should have thanked him, because it was after dating him that I realized that anybody is not better than nobody.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jun 5, 2014 12:08:05 GMT -5
What did you check on your profile? In your situation I'd only have friends/activity partners and long term relationship checked. Or whatever the equivalent is on the site you use. Oh, and as for the numerous messages. Sorry, you're a guy and get screwed in the online world. You're probably only going to hear back about 10% of the time. If the site shows on her page how selective she is at responding - go ahead and message if you like her well enough, but assume she's in the 90%. I'm rated very selectively - pretty sure I'm well below a 10% response rate, possibly even below 5%. There's a lot of crazies that message me. Getting a response back about 10% of the time seems about right. I figured a big part of it was the sites I use typically lump subscribers in with non subscribers, and you have no way of k nowing who is and is not a subscriber. So if someone doesn't respond, i figure it's probably because they weren't a subscriber, and don't really take it personally. Maybe I'm wrong, but I envision the whole dating thing being easier for women, especially in the online setting. If a woman puts up a profile she'll get messaged, and you just have to selectively respond to and engage the men that interest you. Must be nice. On the initiated messages it's easier. (Though, truthfully, I stopped initiating because I'd send messages to guys and not get a response.) But on the messages we get it's not so great. I know, I know, at least I have messages to go through. But it gets disheartening to have the majority of messages be "you're hot" or asking something sexually explicit or getting mad because I didn't respond to your first message (cuz that will get a response ), or from those old enough to be my father, or the teens, or guys calling me a liar because I don't look as old as I am. If I get a run of bad messages I often won't go back and check for weeks. I tried the pay ones once but barely got any messages - most from those 10+ years old, no one responded to mine, and I didn't get a single date out of it. Waste of $100.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 12:09:33 GMT -5
I am more interested at the discussion/conversation that takes places during dinner? Do you flirt? Compliment? Flirt some more? Try to make her laugh? Think of a first date as an audition or job interview: you present the best "YOU" possible to the hiring manager. Keep it light but keep it fun. And hell yeah you mention you want to see them again before dinner is over or mention a event (gallery opening, movie coming out, don't care think of something ) that is happening in a couple of weeks, would they like to accompany you? Well, this is something I perhaps did not do on past dates, but have been trying to change. I think sometimes I get overly serious and analytical, and have been trying to "lighten up" in general, even on these very message boards. So, it seems like the general idea I'm getting from everyone is on a first date, try to set up the second. I guess I can do that.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
Member is Online
|
Post by billisonboard on Jun 5, 2014 12:10:55 GMT -5
... I have gone to some church singles groups, but honestly never found a woman worth asking out. ... What makes a woman "worth asking out"? I ask this as a something for you to think about. My ex talked about not being willing to"compromise or settle" when she was dating. I figured out too late that it meant compromise or settle for anything short of 24/7 total perfection (as she defined it at any given moment).
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 22,141
|
Post by giramomma on Jun 5, 2014 12:12:15 GMT -5
I'm sorry Phoenix. It's a hard world out there. My BIL didn't have a whole lot of luck dating women. Partly because he was career focused. But also he wasn't landing good ones. He told us one date he went on, the girl proceeded to talk about her boyfriend for quite a long time.
He's been seeing a woman now for the past year. He's 35. He was introduced to her through mutual friends.
I suspect my H is much like you, except for the job thing. We knew each other a long time (6 years) before we started dating.
I'm also one that likes activity dates. We have a small, free zoo in town. I've had a fair amount of first dates there. Or things like bowling. But, I'm the type that usually has to be doing something. Coffee houses are for studying or doing reading/type work, in my opinion. So, what I'm trying to say is don't worry about trying to play the game right. All women are different. And I don't think there's a fail-safe recipe for dating.
|
|
Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
|
Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 5, 2014 12:13:20 GMT -5
I've never done online dating (I got married when the internet was still a toddler). What does a profile look like? Do you just type random info about yourself?
Would you be wiling to share your profile wording with us? Not like a link just copy and paste your "description" or whatever it is.
I'm sure those of us here would be happy to help you polish it up some if you are interested. I'll think about it. My profile text contains more personal info than a picture would, but then again, it's already up for everyone to view anyway so....
|
|
sunshinegal1981
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 12:40:31 GMT -5
Posts: 373
|
Post by sunshinegal1981 on Jun 5, 2014 12:14:34 GMT -5
I'm running the risk of sounding like a shill here, but: When I was in college, I randomly stumbled upon the website of some dude who claims to help men who are in situations exactly like yours. There are many so called "dating coaches" out there (promoting various degrees of douchebaggery in order to help their students "score"), but when I started reading his material, all I could think was "Omg, someone finally nailed it." I wished I could forward the info to every guy on the planet, because, quite frankly, being a cute girl on a lousy date with a guy you really WANT to like is very frustrating as well. But that would be weird, so I kept the info to myself. Mostly. I happened to have a friend in my department who sounds a lot like you. Very narrow interests, a bit awkward, questionable social skills, but otherwise a great dude. (I learned years later that he DOES have Aspergers, which didn't come as a surprise to me at all.) He'd complain to me all the time that he had a hard time dating girls, so I started "advising" him, mainly by paraphrasing the email newsletters that I received from the dating "guru" I mentioned above, because I felt that his material was so spot-on, I could've written it myself (except he did it better). (Yep, I signed up to the newsletters out of curiosity, because I was so intrigued that someone had actually figured women out.) After a few months of telling me I'm full of shit, my friend finally threw caution to the wind and followed my advice at a departmental wine and cheese party. That's the night he finally lost his virginity. (I've never had anyone thank me so profusely before... ha ha.) He's had many long-term girlfriends since, and I think he's gearing up to propose to the current one. Basically, the key is: Attraction. "Bad boys" and "losers" get girls because they can create ATTRACTION. Awesome "nice guys with good jobs" who CANNOT create attraction are left holding the bag. That's it. You just reminded me of this dating coach dude, so I googled, and the guy still exists: David DeAngelo at Don't even buy the paid stuff, just sign up to the newsletter and I bet you'll learn a few things very quickly. Have an open mind though.... some of the points run directly counter to the things that women THINK they want in a partner. (Sometimes we are poor judges of our our own needs?) Hope it helps a bit.
|
|
billisonboard
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 22:45:44 GMT -5
Posts: 38,230
Member is Online
|
Post by billisonboard on Jun 5, 2014 12:15:28 GMT -5
... not from the type of ladies I'm interested in. Again, ? ? ? You talked earlier about women going for the "bad boys". Guys can have their own interesting selection criteria.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 48,090
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 5, 2014 12:15:50 GMT -5
You can try asking what she is interested in for the second date. DH asked me if I wanted to go see The Passion for our first date (yes I know, weird movie choice) and I wanted to see it so I said yes. It was sold out so we saw Secret Window instead.
During our first date we discovered we both loved the Omaha Zoo, so he suggested we make that our second date.
Suggest something light or you're comfortable with for the first date, then as you listen to her talk about herself and if you end up liking her make the second date something she'd like. That shows you're interested AND you were listening.
|
|