Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 4, 2014 15:51:09 GMT -5
www.staradvertiser.com/news/breaking/20140529_Kauai_man_gets_probation_for_making_son_walk_1_mile_home.html?id=261148581A 36-year-old Kauai man, who was sentenced to probation for having his son walk a mile after being punished at an afterschool program, said he just wanted his 8-year-old son to be accountable for his actions. "I had no intent to harm my son," said Robert De Mond, a Kilauea landscaper, who also makes and sells jewelry with his wife and family. "I wasn't angry at all," he said. "The way I raise my kids is I want them to be accountable for their actions. ...This got blown out of proportion." When De Mond arrived with his 3-year-old son at Kilauea Elementary School to pick up his two older boys, ages 6 and 8, from an A-Plus Program one day in late August or early September, he noticed his eldest had been placed in time-out. "I asked him, 'Why were you in time-out at A-Plus?'" De Mond said. "He told me, 'I don't know.' I asked him again and he said, 'I don't know.'" He told his son: "I don't know is not an answer. You need to take responsibility for your actions. There has to be a reason that you were placed in time-out." A mile from their house, he dropped his son off and asked him to "please walk home. When you walk home, you will have an answer better than 'I don't know.' And when you do come home you'll have an answer," he said. De Mond said the stretch of the two-lane roadway -- Kuhio Highway -- is in a safe, rural area with acre-size agricultural lots, and a wide shoulder, 10 to 25 feet wide, where it's not uncommon to see people walking or riding their bikes. When De Mond got home, he said he turned around and within five minutes was back at the location where he dropped him off. "I was hollering his name, and he's nowhere to be found," he said. De Mond called his wife at work. "I went back and forth three times along the road," he said. "At this point, I'm pretty frantic." He called police dispatch, and learned police had his son at the school. De Mond and his wife arrived at the school, not knowing how or why his son got there. "I wanted to see my son to see if everything's OK and talk to my son," he said. Instead, his wife signaled to him that he was going to be arrested. He learned that his neighbor found the boy, but rather than bring him home, took him to school and called police. "It's been pretty hard on the kids," De Mond said. "I just wanted to get it over with, so I pleaded no contest" to second-degree child endangerment. He was sentenced to probation, a $200 fine and parenting classes. De Mond said his final court hearing on the matter was Wednesday, but he is continuing to take parenting classes. He said it has also been difficult for his wife and him, especially since he coaches kids' soccer and football sports. "I'm a pretty big figure in the community for multiple sports," he said. "For me getting through this and past it was my concern. I'ts made me a stronger person, and made me think about being a parent a lot more. "It also puts me in a spot," De Mond said. "I'm happy to be accountable for my actions if I'm going to preach and tell that to my kids."
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jun 4, 2014 15:55:13 GMT -5
I think I'd have to see the stretch of road. 1 mile doesn't sound unreasonable for an 8 year old but if it's a high traffic area with no sidewalk, I can see where they would say he went too far.
But it does make you wonder how the kid normally gets home. Does someone always pick him up or does he ride the bus? If he rides the bus- what happens if he misses it. Here the kid would have to walk. Would the school then be liable or just the Dad because he used it as punishment?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 4, 2014 15:57:20 GMT -5
That's complete overkill. It was a MILE, it isn't like he asked the kid to walk the entire island.
Meanwhile in Iowa a sexual predator got let out after only 6 months because of "good behavior" then turned around and killed another girl.
This country has screwed up priorities.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2014 15:59:43 GMT -5
Sorry, but if the above is true I think that's ridiculous! And I also think this is what is wrong with society today. People rarely even discipline their kids any more and seem to never think they ever do anything wrong and cater to them. And those that do try to teach get into trouble for "abuse" and in this case, based on what I've read about it, that's absurd!
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 4, 2014 15:59:56 GMT -5
I think I'd have to see the stretch of road. 1 mile doesn't sound unreasonable for an 8 year old but if it's a high traffic area with no sidewalk, I can see where they would say he went too far. But it does make you wonder how the kid normally gets home. Does someone always pick him up or does he ride the bus? If he rides the bus- what happens if he misses it. Here the kid would have to walk. Would the school then be liable or just the Dad because he used it as punishment? De Mond said the stretch of the two-lane roadway -- Kuhio Highway -- is in a safe, rural area with acre-size agricultural lots, and a wide shoulder, 10 to 25 feet wide, where it's not uncommon to see people walking or riding their bikes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 16:00:48 GMT -5
My son has been walking about that far home from school when he goes to his Dad's quite a bit. He can't take the bus because they can only be on one route and he's scheduled for our house. A couple years ago when he got kicked off the bus for two weeks I intentionally dropped him off about a mile away even though I drive right by. It was the only time he ever got kicked off.
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jun 4, 2014 16:03:37 GMT -5
I walked to school every day at that age, about the same distance. Cannot believe this stuff. I agree with the father.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jun 4, 2014 16:03:48 GMT -5
My father did that once to my brother - also to teach him a lesson. BUT my dad followed my brother home by driving the car behind him. And now I know why . . .
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 4, 2014 16:05:14 GMT -5
I walked to school every day at that age, about the same distance. Cannot believe this stuff. I agree with the father. At 8, my trip to school took 2 hrs each way and involved bicycling, train, streetcar and walking.... (Of course that was when dinosaurs roamed the earth...  
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jun 4, 2014 16:11:55 GMT -5
I think I'd have to see the stretch of road. 1 mile doesn't sound unreasonable for an 8 year old but if it's a high traffic area with no sidewalk, I can see where they would say he went too far. But it does make you wonder how the kid normally gets home. Does someone always pick him up or does he ride the bus? If he rides the bus- what happens if he misses it. Here the kid would have to walk. Would the school then be liable or just the Dad because he used it as punishment? De Mond said the stretch of the two-lane roadway -- Kuhio Highway -- is in a safe, rural area with acre-size agricultural lots, and a wide shoulder, 10 to 25 feet wide, where it's not uncommon to see people walking or riding their bikes. But that doesn't tell you what the actual feel of the road is. We have such several similar roads in our area. One I would be completely ok with my 8 year old kid walking down, the other I would not. The second does have a lot of foot and bike traffic, but way too much auto traffic. The distance isn't an issue. It's the road itself that may or may not be unsuitable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 16:16:07 GMT -5
The fact remains, some person picked this kid up in a car... Luckily it was a Good Samaritan who took him to school... Could have been do done else. If that is a possibility, the kid shouldn't have been on the road alone ...
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 4, 2014 16:38:16 GMT -5
My guess - and it's only a guess - is that there is more to this story. Much more.
On the face of it, dad's actions do not sound unreasonable at all. But most of the CPS departments are overworked with more serious cases than they can handle. If they pursued this, I'm guessing that there was a prior record of other issues or that there were other things involved, such as the kid had marks on him when found. Remember, when these stories break, the accused dad can say whatever he wants to the media, but CPS is bound by confidentiality laws. So unless the court hearing is open and the media can read the record of testimony and evidence, there may be more to the story that CPS can't say.
But yes, if all there is to the fact set is what is described in the OP, it would seem overkill to arrest and prosecute the dad.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jun 4, 2014 16:43:18 GMT -5
Well, you have to admit that it's going to be the dad that learned a valuable lesson. If I went back to get my kid and he was gone I'd be freaking out (I would have driven next to him while he walked) and then getting arrested would make me rethink the form of punishment in the future.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 4, 2014 16:44:11 GMT -5
My guess - and it's only a guess - is that there is more to this story. Much more.
On the face of it, dad's actions do not sound unreasonable at all. But most of the CPS departments are overworked with more serious cases than they can handle. If they pursued this, I'm guessing that there was a prior record of other issues or that there were other things involved, such as the kid had marks on him when found. Remember, when these stories break, the accused dad can say whatever he wants to the media, but CPS is bound by confidentiality laws. So unless the court hearing is open and the media can read the record of testimony and evidence, there may be more to the story that CPS can't say.
But yes, if all there is to the fact set is what is described in the OP, it would seem overkill to arrest and prosecute the dad. That is what I was thinking as well. It could have been dark, maybe the kid was dehydrated, maybe the kid was crying & scared, something that made this a cruel punishment. They probably took down the pic you saw MM because it wasn't the actual road. That highway appears to be paved the entire length (and appears to be pretty busy), so not a gravel road in fields. 1 mile walk isn't too far (I just found out DD's class of 3-year olds walks on fieldtrips shorter than 1 mile), 1 mile when alone & maybe scared might be too much for an 8 year old.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 16:48:20 GMT -5
Do they use Highway to name the gravel roads around you?
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 4, 2014 16:55:52 GMT -5
Do they use Highway to name the gravel roads around you? Not sure if you were asking me, but here generally (but not always) highway is used to designate ownership of the roadway - state owned roads are highways. Most highways are paved, but I can think of at least one that isn't. I just said it is paved because I went into google earth & looked at the road & it looked paved along the entire length.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 16:57:36 GMT -5
Yes, but I thought you were implying the road was gravel... I misunderstood. I doubt a highway is gravel... But that's not what you were saying, so...
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 4, 2014 16:57:48 GMT -5
My guess is it would take an 8 year old 20 ish minutes to walk a mile if they stayed focused on the journey... but 20 minutes to an 8 yr old can seem like a very long time and I imagine they could start to panic. I don't know.. I get angry at my kids and they get punished and I have yelled at them in the car that if they don't stop whatever if is they're doing "I'll turn this car around right now"... but to actually physically make them get out of the car to walk while I drive home? Ugh.. I don't think I could do it. Exactly. We also don't know if the son's story agreed with dad's.
For example, Dad sounds very calm, rational, loving but strict. Reasonable.
But maybe when the neighbor found the child, he was walking the wrong direction, scared and saying that his dad pushed him out of the car after screaming at him for being a f7cking liar.
Don't know.
I do know I'm probably a little biased on this one, though, because some of that sounds similar to things from my childhood. We walked about a mile to school from kindergarten on and that wasn't a big deal, wouldn't have been considered abusive or abnormal in any way at that time IMHO. Other times, however, my mother would get angry with us and leave us places. Wasn't at all unusual. Once when I was 7 or so, she got angry with me at the grocery store, screamed about it for much of the ride home and finally got so worked up she screeched to a halt, shoved me from the car and drove off. It was dark and about 3 miles from home. I walked. Another time, I don't know what happened but we had gone to buy dog food at the pet store about 4 or 5 miles from home and she just left. I waited for around half an hour, but she never came back; i was probably 9 by then. It was light and I walked home. About a mile from home, a neighbor saw me and picked me up. I didn't say anything about why I was walking, but when the neighbor dropped me off, my mom sweetly explained to the neighbor how naughty I was to have been wandering away from home like that (implying that I had left home, not that she left me somewhere.) So I'm familiar with a parent having a melt down, doing something they're embarrassed about and telling a lie to cover up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 17:05:00 GMT -5
And, frankly, he settled it pretty fast. That also makes me wonder if he wants things kept as quiet as possible...
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achelois
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Post by achelois on Jun 4, 2014 17:14:36 GMT -5
I walked to school every day at that age, about the same distance. Cannot believe this stuff. I agree with the father. At 8, my trip to school took 2 hrs each way and involved bicycling, train, streetcar and walking.... (Of course that was when dinosaurs roamed the earth... I caught the tail end of the dinosaur age, but wasn't cleaning up after that asteroid a PITA! Dust everywhere. Have to say, I was glad when daddy got me a bicycle. Alas, we had neither train nor streetcar. We did have a nice racetrack, but I could never catch any of the horses.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 4, 2014 17:20:31 GMT -5
And, frankly, he settled it pretty fast. That also makes me wonder if he wants things kept as quiet as possible... I'd want to put it behind me as fast as possible too. Obviously I think he's a caring father who was trying to teach his kid a lesson. And, obviously, I think a lot of kids today are over coddled. No wonder an 18 year old is considered "just a kid".... Sheesh!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 17:23:07 GMT -5
Not leaving a kid at the side of a highway at 8 has no bearing on his ability to launch at 18...
The kid was picked up. He could easily have been taken by someone who didn't deposit him back at school...
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jun 4, 2014 17:26:53 GMT -5
Sure seems like over kill to me. We used to walk a mile to school each way in 1st grade. In second grade a second school opened up closer to home and our whole class walked that same mile carrying our books; the horror! It was a four lane road but had a sidewalk on a least one side.
The Kuhlo Hwy is different things in different areas. I looked up the school and it's just outside of Princeville. The dad is right; very rural and a lot of people walking and biking in the area.
FWIW my parents probably would have done the same thing. They would have had me "think about what I had done" on the walk home.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jun 4, 2014 17:30:52 GMT -5
Not leaving a kid at the side of a highway at 8 has no bearing on his ability to launch at 18... The kid was picked up. He could easily have been taken by someone who didn't deposit him back at school... Coddling and helicoptering a kid definitely has a bearing on their ability to launch.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 4, 2014 17:35:42 GMT -5
Oh, boy, I'm a child abuser alright. DS kept leaving something he needed at school so I always drove him back. One time, I'd had it and made him ride his bike back and get it. He was in third grade so he was eight. He cried all the way. But he did it and didnt get killed by a car or a predator. Plus, he never forgot what he needed from school again. To think I could get arrested for teaching him a lesson floors me. Of course the schools teach kids if they're punished, they can call CPS. Told him if he did, I hope he liked wherever they placed him because I was Mom, it was My house and My rules.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jun 4, 2014 17:40:56 GMT -5
The kid was picked up. He could easily have been taken by someone who didn't deposit him back at school... And that could happen in his front yard as well. Plus if it's after school it could be an area well traveled by other kids. We just don't know the circumstances. Is a mile to much for an 8 year old- No Our elementary students have to be over a mile before they are bussed. Even 1st graders Is this road safe for an 8 year old to walk- Maybe yes, Maybe no.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 4, 2014 17:41:27 GMT -5
My guess is it would take an 8 year old 20 ish minutes to walk a mile if they stayed focused on the journey... but 20 minutes to an 8 yr old can seem like a very long time and I imagine they could start to panic. I don't know.. I get angry at my kids and they get punished and I have yelled at them in the car that if they don't stop whatever if is they're doing "I'll turn this car around right now"... but to actually physically make them get out of the car to walk while I drive home? Ugh.. I don't think I could do it. Exactly. We also don't know if the son's story agreed with dad's.
For example, Dad sounds very calm, rational, loving but strict. Reasonable.
But maybe when the neighbor found the child, he was walking the wrong direction, scared and saying that his dad pushed him out of the car after screaming at him for being a f7cking liar.
Don't know.
I do know I'm probably a little biased on this one, though, because some of that sounds similar to things from my childhood. We walked about a mile to school from kindergarten on and that wasn't a big deal, wouldn't have been considered abusive or abnormal in any way at that time IMHO. Other times, however, my mother would get angry with us and leave us places. Wasn't at all unusual. Once when I was 7 or so, she got angry with me at the grocery store, screamed about it for much of the ride home and finally got so worked up she screeched to a halt, shoved me from the car and drove off. It was dark and about 3 miles from home. I walked. Another time, I don't know what happened but we had gone to buy dog food at the pet store about 4 or 5 miles from home and she just left. I waited for around half an hour, but she never came back; i was probably 9 by then. It was light and I walked home. About a mile from home, a neighbor saw me and picked me up. I didn't say anything about why I was walking, but when the neighbor dropped me off, my mom sweetly explained to the neighbor how naughty I was to have been wandering away from home like that (implying that I had left home, not that she left me somewhere.) So I'm familiar with a parent having a melt down, doing something they're embarrassed about and telling a lie to cover up.
God milee, this just makes me want to cry. I'm sorry you had to go through stuff like this.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 4, 2014 17:42:04 GMT -5
Coddling and helicoptering a kid definitely has a bearing on their ability to launch. I don't coddle or helicopter.. I still say 8 is too young. But maybe I'm just taking into consideration the level of maturity (or lack thereof) of my now 9 yr old. He can't get from his bedroom to the kitchen without getting distracted.. he'd never make it home if I made him walk a mile.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 17:42:15 GMT -5
So not dropping your kid along the highway because he doesn't understand why he was in time out = coddling...
You understand the kid WAS picked up... If he'd been raped, or killed, or disappeared, or hit, or got lost... I'm guessing your response would have been? What... Kid was just too soft? Parents were just trying to do the right thing...?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jun 4, 2014 17:43:45 GMT -5
My 2.5 yr old walked a mile last weekend when we were hiking down a trail. So it can't be the distance that's the issue.
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