Kids at work function

[Sunnyday]

What do you think about kids at a social function at work?

Would you bring them if they were not specifically invited? 

I organized a social event in the evening for our team. Our team leader asked if she could bring children. It's hard to say no to your superior, so I tried to wriggle out of it and say that the restaurant was not child friendly.

That didn't work. She asked, I said yes, and tried to hint in all possible ways that it would best if she left minor non-employees at home but to no avail.

I know that I could have just refused, but like I said, it's hard to say no to your boss.

Now, I'm SO not looking forward to this!!!! I WAS looking forward to a child-free evening, but now I'll be dealing with someone else's kids!!! 

So what do you think? Shouldn't it just be obvious that children shouldn't be allowed.

[swamp]

It should be obvious. Some people are stupid.

[mollyanna58]

Or some people don't want to find a sitter.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

UGH!

I was at a research meeting cocktail party in the atrium of a hotel one year. Someone brought their toddlers to the event. The kids ran around under the waiter's feet, tripping them up. The finale was when one climbed on the rail separating the escalator from the room and had one leg over the top rail. We had visions of the kid going "splat" on the escalator, so a friend grabbed a kid and pulled him down from the rails.

The parents chewed him out.

Kids are now allowed in poster sessions. One of the contributors provides a section for coffee/juice/danish or soda/water/ cookies during the day, WiFi and nice tables and chairs. I have yet to be able to get any cookies or danish because the kids hit the table like a herd of devouring locusts. This is covered in my $700 registration fee, and not a damn thing I could do about it.

[Deleted]

If you don't want to find a sitter then don't attend.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If the kid isn't invited the kid stays home. If we can't find a sitter then we decline the invite.

[HoneyBBQ]

Apr 25, 2014 11:26:36 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Now, I'm SO not looking forward to this!!!! I WAS looking forward to a child-free evening, but now I'll be dealing with someone else's kids!!! 

Why would you have to deal with someone else's kids?

The only time I've taken my kid to a work function is when I'm travelling for work (we often travel as a family to meetings since my H and I are in the same field). So there might be an evening reception or something and yeah, I bring my child along. But we don't stay long, and we don't bother anyone (nor does my child) and we certainly don't rely on someone else to 'deal' with our child. 

But in general, no. I wouldn't bring my kid along because it's unprofessional. If I'm home and have a work function I can hire a babysitter.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I bring my kids to mine. They were there when we looked at retail spaces, when we signed the lease, when I interviewed contractors, while the work was being done, helped with the parts of buildout we did ourselves, helped assemble fixtures, helped choose inventory, while we've negotiated with suppliers, helped inventory and shelve product, and have worked the register when we got open. They've been there or helped with every facet of opening the business.

[Sunnyday]

Apr 25, 2014 11:49:55 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Apr 25, 2014 11:26:36 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Now, I'm SO not looking forward to this!!!! I WAS looking forward to a child-free evening, but now I'll be dealing with someone else's kids!!! 

Why would you have to deal with someone else's kids?

The only time I've taken my kid to a work function is when I'm travelling for work (we often travel as a family to meetings since my H and I are in the same field). So there might be an evening reception or something and yeah, I bring my child along. But we don't stay long, and we don't bother anyone (nor does my child) and we certainly don't rely on someone else to 'deal' with our child. 

But in general, no. I wouldn't bring my kid along because it's unprofessional. If I'm home and have a work function I can hire a babysitter.

I don't think that I would be taking care of the children. Even if they misbehave, I'm not going to say anything or intervene. Other parents in general don't take kindly to that. They think it says something about their lack of parenting skills, which it does, but they hate having it pointed out to them.

But the event is a small sit down dinner of 6 people. The children will make their presence known. We're talking toddlers here. They won't like mommy not paying attention to them, and they are not well behaved from my past experience with them.

So when I say that I'll have to "deal" with them, it means that I will have to listen to them whine or cry or get fussy. We won't be able to have a leisurely adult conversation, which is really all I want in life right now!!!


I hear enough, "mommy.... mommy.. and 1000 variations of the same questions." (like nails down a chalkboard!!!) I truly don't want hear the same shit from someone's kid.  

I don't hate kids by the way, truly. Even if it sounds like I do right now.

[whoisjohngalt]

We brought our kids to my husband's work function but it was an outside BBQ where families were invited.

I gotta tell you - as much as I love free food, if I can help it, I am never doing that again.

I didn't enjoy it at all bc I wanted to make sure that NOTHING those 3 did would look bad on my husband.

I've never been so happy to see the rain coming bc then the whole thing was over

[Deleted]

I am picturing this as a sort of happy hour after work? Why on earth would I want to bring my kids to something like that??!?

[justme]

I've found the way to deal with it is to say "Adult only". I was trying to organize a work group when all the nice restaurants were doing specials for the charity. It involved a really well price 3 course dinner (a few had 4 courses) and restaurants where most entrees were over $25 and some choices where the cheapest entrée was $35. And there were coworkers that wanted to bring their 3 year olds!! I was dumbfounded that parents would try to make their 3 year olds sit through a 3 course meal AND that they'd pay that much $$ for their kids to eat. I don't even think most of the places had a kids meal!

And we also have plenty of family friendly get togethers. Actually, 99% of the after work things are family friendly.

[hoops902]

::So what do you think? Shouldn't it just be obvious that children shouldn't be allowed.::

No, I don't think it's obvious depending on the environment.  It should be obvious that a cocktail hour with senior VPs should have no kids.  It shouldn't be obvious that a company picnic at a local park shouldn't have kids allowed.  If you don't know, then you ask.

It isn't like she just showed up with kids.  She asked you, and you said she could.  I think it's hard to fault someone who had the decency to ask first just because people think she should "just know".

[The Captain]

If the event is a small sit down dinner then kids absolutely have no place there.

Grow a spine and tell the parent who wants to inflict their kids on their coworkers that upon further consideration you've determined this was meant to be a show of appreciation for employees only, and only employees are to attend.

Done.  Easy.

[wvugurl26]

A small sit down dinner for six doesn't say kid friendly to me. 

[movingforward]

Apr 25, 2014 11:44:07 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

If you don't want to find a sitter then don't attend.

x100

[justme]

I agree with hoops though. You should have just said "I'm sorry, this is meant to be an adults only function." to her. And maybe throw in a "But we should plan a family event soon."

[movingforward]

Apr 25, 2014 12:06:06 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

::So what do you think? Shouldn't it just be obvious that children shouldn't be allowed.::

No, I don't think it's obvious depending on the environment.  It should be obvious that a cocktail hour with senior VPs should have no kids.  It shouldn't be obvious that a company picnic at a local park shouldn't have kids allowed.  If you don't know, then you ask.

It isn't like she just showed up with kids.  She asked you, and you said she could.  I think it's hard to fault someone who had the decency to ask first just because people think she should "just know".

Well, she told the person it wasn't a kid friendly environment which didn't work.  It is her superior so I understand why she didn't want to just say NO.  Saying the restaurant isn't kid friendly should give the person a clue that kids aren't really appropriate.  I have met people who honestly don't care though.  They are going to bring their kids no matter what and by them "asking" you it is really their way of TELLING you they are bringing their children. 

[Sunnyday]

Apr 25, 2014 12:06:46 GMT -5 The Captain said:

If the event is a small sit down dinner then kids absolutely have no place there.

Grow a spine and tell the parent who wants to inflict their kids on their coworkers that upon further consideration you've determined this was meant to be a show of appreciation for employees only, and only employees are to attend.

Done.  Easy.

To your boss? You would say that to your boss? She is responsible for any and all salary increases. She determines my work load. She determines my future at my work place.

I guess I must not have a spine, but I just consider it office politics to say yes for things that ultimately don't matter to appease people who have a say in my future.

In the end, it's one night.

[The Captain]

I guess I've been lucky enough to work for bosses who were professionals.  Do you honestly think she would hold this against you come raise time?  If so, I'd be looking for a new boss.

I've said no to my superior when I believed it appropriate and have found that they seem to respect me more for it.

Either way, I hope it works out for you.

[movingforward]

This thread is timely for me in that I am going through a similar situation (though not work related).  A group of 5 people (including myself) have been getting together the last Thursday of every month for the past 3 yrs.  We all used to work together and became very close friends.  When our entire dept was shut down we decided to have a monthly dinner to stay in touch.  2 of us have no children, 1 is an older lady with adult children, and 2 have small children.  For the last 3 months one person in our group, for some unknown reason, has decided to bring her 4 yr old.  She never asked... just started showing up with her.  The first time this happened we asked if her DH had to work late, etc. because we thought maybe she had a last minute issue and needed to bring the kid with her.  She said no, he is at home and the little girl just wanted to come with mommy so she brought her.  Hmmm... okay... nobody said anything.  Then last month it happens again.  The other person in the group who has 2 children (ages 3 and 5) was pissed!!  She calls me immediately after the dinner and is livid because this is one of the rare occasions she has to get out of the house without her kids.  She always give her husband plenty of notice so he is home to be with the children or if he has to work late then she hires a sitter.  We really didn't know what to do so this month we all started saying things about how this months restaurant is not kid friendly and the other person in the group with small children made a point of saying how she will be grateful to be out of the house for a few hours with NO kids, etc.  She shows up again with her kid .  Here's the thing... these dinners are not short and sweet.  We haven't seen one another for a month so we end up sitting around talking for 2-3 hrs.  NO 4 yr old wants to sit there for that long and who can blame them.  We are at a lose as to what to do here... My suggestion is to have the other person with kids talk to her because if it comes from one of use childless heathens she might take it wrong.  Anyway, sorry rainyday.  I probably should have started my own thread...

[HoneyBBQ]

Apr 25, 2014 12:04:57 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I am picturing this as a sort of happy hour after work? Why on earth would I want to bring my kids to something like that??!?

I'd bring my kid to happy hour! LOL. I get to drink and socialize, kid gets to be somewhere new and eat some crappy bar food, she'd love it! She likes watching people and listening to whatever hub-ub is going on. Maybe she's strange?? I dunno.

My kid is pretty well behaved though, we've taken her to white cloth napkin places and she's really happy and quiet. But she looooves food so as long as she's eating she's good.

[Abby Normal]

Uggh- I get to deal with this every year.  I plan a  very nice christmas party for our employees which is located between our divisions.  We pay for rooms overnight.  The owner has custody of his granddaughter and he brings her to the event every year.  

I plan the dinner so that we have the correct number of seats for those attending (otherwise we'll end up at a table with hardly anyone at it).  This first year he brought his GD we ended up having to scramble to add a seat because he didn't tell me he was bringing her.  Oh- and his wife was upset with me that their room didn't have sleeping space for her.  I was not very gracious when I replied " Well, if anyone would have bothered to tell me she was coming, I would have made arrangements"        

It totally not an appropriate event for her to be at.  Even my boss, the president, gets irritated by her attendance. 

[hoops902]

Apr 25, 2014 12:24:39 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Apr 25, 2014 12:06:46 GMT -5 The Captain said:

If the event is a small sit down dinner then kids absolutely have no place there.

Grow a spine and tell the parent who wants to inflict their kids on their coworkers that upon further consideration you've determined this was meant to be a show of appreciation for employees only, and only employees are to attend.

Done.  Easy.

To your boss? You would say that to your boss? She is responsible for any and all salary increases. She determines my work load. She determines my future at my work place.

I guess I must not have a spine, but I just consider it office politics to say yes for things that ultimately don't matter to appease people who have a say in my future.

In the end, it's one night.

I'd tell my boss no.  You probably shouldn't if your boss is the type to ding you on salary or job load because you told her that an event was adults only though.  I guess I don't see a difference though between just saying "no it's adults only" or trying to hint strongly that she shouldn't bring her kids.  Even if she gets the hint it still comes across as you saying no to her. 

[Deleted]

My opinion has nothing to do with how well behaved a kid is.  I consider a work happy hour for employees only. 

[Sunnyday]

Apr 25, 2014 12:33:47 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I guess I've been lucky enough to work for bosses who were professionals.  Do you honestly think she would hold this against you come raise time?  If so, I'd be looking for a new boss.

I've said no to my superior when I believed it appropriate and have found that they seem to respect me more for it.

Either way, I hope it works out for you.

I've been looking for the past six months now. No luck. I'm looking for a new job because of my changing needs and nothing to do with my manager. But even if I wasn't looking for a job already, this issue would not make me look for another job. 

She's a great manager and great at what she does, but she has (completely off topic) a incomprehensible family situation. I know why she's bringing the kids. The dad won't take care of them even though she's the breadwinner and he is a stay-at-home dad whose kids both go to daycare (?).

I never understand how someone who I admire so professionally can have her finances and personal life such a mess.

[gs11rmb]

Apr 25, 2014 12:56:12 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My opinion has nothing to do with how well behaved a kid is.  I consider a work happy hour for employees only. 

I agree.  When a small child is present (I have 2) the conversation is, and quite frankly should, be different.

[HoneyBBQ]

Apr 25, 2014 12:56:12 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My opinion has nothing to do with how well behaved a kid is.  I consider a work happy hour for employees only. 

Huh. I consider it socializing with coworkers after work. If beer and alcohol can attend, why not a kid? I dunno. Sorry we can't have happy hour together.

[HoneyBBQ]

Apr 25, 2014 13:03:14 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Apr 25, 2014 12:56:12 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My opinion has nothing to do with how well behaved a kid is.  I consider a work happy hour for employees only. 

I agree.  When a small child is present (I have 2) the conversation is, and quite frankly should, be different.

That's true. I guess I haven't done happy hour in so long I forgot what it's like. 

[Cookies Galore]

Apr 25, 2014 13:07:31 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Apr 25, 2014 13:03:14 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I agree.  When a small child is present (I have 2) the conversation is, and quite frankly should, be different.

That's true. I guess I haven't done happy hour in so long I forgot what it's like. 

There's a lot of drinking and cursing.