As My Fostering World Turns

[Deleted]

LOL Just wait! Your day with this is coming.

[Value Buy]

Just caught this thread for the first time this morning.

It is amazing what some members here do outside the boards.

I commend you!

[Blonde Granny]

Sometimes the worst punishment is not doing or saying anything for a few days. Let her continue to worry about what's going to happen. I'm sure you know this, but don't do a knee jerk reaction to her stupidity.

[mmhmm]

Oh, dear, later! I saw you'd posted in this thread and was so excited! I look forward to reading how the girls are doing. This wasn't what I was looking for, dammit!

My daughter did the same thing, but she was a bit younger than GW. She was at private boarding school at the time. She was given a mop and a bucket and assigned to mop the dorm halls and her room, and clean the bathroom in her room, including walls and woodwork. She'd barfed all over the place! They called me, of course, and I flew out from Indonesia to jerk a knot in her. She'd wanted to go to this particular school instead of the international school in Jakarta. Darned school cost a freakin' fortune and she's going to pull that?!? Ooohhh, no!

I can really empathize with you. Raising kids is no picnic when they decide they're going to start trying out every darned thing they've been told isn't a good idea!  Good luck. I'll be anxious to hear what you decide will be a good lesson. You're good at that!

[Deleted]

She's spent the morning puking and just headed into work for a 6 hour shift. It's a start.

[mmhmm]

LOL! Yep, when they pull that particular trick they do impose some of their own punishment! 

[TheOtherMe]

Does sound like the alcohol did not agree with her since she is still paying for it big time.  

[marvholly]

Strange how different a bunch of kids & parents can be. We really pushed BOTH DDs to taste/experience beer, wine and/or booze their last year of high school here at home before they left for the temptations of college (away). We wanted to be around to pick up the pieces as needed. Both refused.

To thiws day DD1 drinks 1 maybe 2 glasses of wine at 'special' events. DD2 gave up just about all alcohol after her freshman year.

[The Captain]

Aug 19, 2014 8:29:22 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

GW is on a roll these days. Last night she got drunk. I mean can't talk, can't walk, puking on herself drunk. Apparently her and NGW decided they wanted to try alcohol and got an older friend to pick them up 2 mickey's and a 26er on Saturday. NGW snuck it into the house and they had tried a bit of it on Sunday but weren't too impressed with the taste. Somehow this led to GW doing shots in her bedroom last night when she was alone. NGW was out and came home to a very drunk friend. To make a long story short I had to peel the frame off the bathroom door to get her out and NGW had the fun task of holding the puke bucket for her. I'm grateful she did it at home or the consequences could have been much, much worse. Right now I am figuring out what the consequences will be.

GAWD!  You are doing much better then I would under the circumstances!!!

[Deleted]

Sigh, it is so hard to know what the right way to handle this is. The standard consequence of doing stupid stuff has been cleaning my bathroom once a week for a set time. I told GW I never have to clean my bathroom again as long as she lives there. She is also grounded for an indeterminate amount of time but that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense since she got the alcohol on her way to work and drank it at home. NGW is spending her weekend helping me paint the living room and GW is purging a big storage closet we have downstairs. Both jobs I was going to get to but I might as well take advantage of slave labour while I have it. Oh ya, part of NGW's punishment was having to hold the puke bucket for GW. I told her that she help get the alcohol she could deal with the aftermath. She just about puked on GW's head.

Then there was a verrrrrrrrrrry long talk about the danger in all the bad choices they have been making lately and how I'm not really sure how to handle this because there is a big difference if it is a one time incident or the start of a pattern of behaviour. I reassured them both that I love them but right now they are scaring the bejesus out of me. They are at an age where I can't protect them from the world anymore and it's moving on to them and the way they have been going it doesn't look like they are ready for it. Ya, I went there. I laid on as much of a guilt trip as I could. Don't judge me!

Of course I got the whole song and dance about how they have learned their lesson and know better now.

We'll see how it goes.

[zibazinski]

The time I did the underage drunk thing, it was the night before I left for Europe. Gin and sqirt. That I will never forget. Mom drove me to the airport while pulling off to the side while I continued to puke until she put me on the plane. I called her from Canada and asked her why she didnt chew me a new one and she said I was suffering so badly that nothing she could do would ever top that. 

[The Captain]

Aug 20, 2014 7:55:51 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Sigh, it is so hard to know what the right way to handle this is. The standard consequence of doing stupid stuff has been cleaning my bathroom once a week for a set time. I told GW I never have to clean my bathroom again as long as she lives there. She is also grounded for an indeterminate amount of time but that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense since she got the alcohol on her way to work and drank it at home. NGW is spending her weekend helping me paint the living room and GW is purging a big storage closet we have downstairs. Both jobs I was going to get to but I might as well take advantage of slave labour while I have it. Oh ya, part of NGW's punishment was having to hold the puke bucket for GW. I told her that she help get the alcohol she could deal with the aftermath. She just about puked on GW's head.

Then there was a verrrrrrrrrrry long talk about the danger in all the bad choices they have been making lately and how I'm not really sure how to handle this because there is a big difference if it is a one time incident or the start of a pattern of behaviour. I reassured them both that I love them but right now they are scaring the bejesus out of me. They are at an age where I can't protect them from the world anymore and it's moving on to them and the way they have been going it doesn't look like they are ready for it. Ya, I went there. I laid on as much of a guilt trip as I could. Don't judge me!

Of course I got the whole song and dance about how they have learned their lesson and know better now.

We'll see how it goes.

Judge you?!? Heck I'm bookmarking this thread and taking notes. I honestly can't think of a way to handle it better!

It's sad they are testing their boundaries, but the fact that they accept their actions and follow through with the "punishment" tells me you really do have good girls there. 

Nothing wrong with laying on a good guilt trip, it shows them you care.

[ArchietheDragon]

Aug 20, 2014 8:10:49 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Aug 20, 2014 7:55:51 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Sigh, it is so hard to know what the right way to handle this is. The standard consequence of doing stupid stuff has been cleaning my bathroom once a week for a set time. I told GW I never have to clean my bathroom again as long as she lives there. She is also grounded for an indeterminate amount of time but that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense since she got the alcohol on her way to work and drank it at home. NGW is spending her weekend helping me paint the living room and GW is purging a big storage closet we have downstairs. Both jobs I was going to get to but I might as well take advantage of slave labour while I have it. Oh ya, part of NGW's punishment was having to hold the puke bucket for GW. I told her that she help get the alcohol she could deal with the aftermath. She just about puked on GW's head.

Then there was a verrrrrrrrrrry long talk about the danger in all the bad choices they have been making lately and how I'm not really sure how to handle this because there is a big difference if it is a one time incident or the start of a pattern of behaviour. I reassured them both that I love them but right now they are scaring the bejesus out of me. They are at an age where I can't protect them from the world anymore and it's moving on to them and the way they have been going it doesn't look like they are ready for it. Ya, I went there. I laid on as much of a guilt trip as I could. Don't judge me!

Of course I got the whole song and dance about how they have learned their lesson and know better now.

We'll see how it goes.

Judge you?!? Heck I'm bookmarking this thread and taking notes. I honestly can't think of a way to handle it better!

It's sad they are testing their boundaries, but the fact that they accept their actions and follow through with the "punishment" tells me you really do have good girls there. 

Nothing wrong with laying on a good guilt trip, it shows them you care.

Testing boundaries is normal.    Nothing sad about it.     

[Deleted]

She was really sick and has bruises that she doesn't know how she got. I told her as tempted as I was I didn't actually beat her.

[The Captain]

Aug 20, 2014 8:13:18 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Aug 20, 2014 8:10:49 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Judge you?!? Heck I'm bookmarking this thread and taking notes. I honestly can't think of a way to handle it better!

It's sad they are testing their boundaries, but the fact that they accept their actions and follow through with the "punishment" tells me you really do have good girls there. 

Nothing wrong with laying on a good guilt trip, it shows them you care.

Testing boundaries is normal.    Nothing sad about it.     

Nope, you're right.  I meant to say it's sad they are testing boundaries in this manner.  As Later said, it could get dangerous very quickly.

[TheOtherMe]

All four of DS's kids tested this boundary.  They were not allowed to do it at home because BIL is a recovering alcoholic and alcohol is not allowed in the house.  Around here, parents let the kids have house parties.  DS had told each of her kids that if they needed to be driven home, to call her, not their dad.  None ever did.  

3 of the 4 got tickets for underage drinking, but none for driving while impaired.  Niece's was at Senior Skip Day and she had no alcohol, but they wouldn't give her a breathalyzer.  That is when she took up drinking.  Dnephew1 got his when he was walking home from a party at college.  Dnephew2 got his when somebody at the party got mad and called the police.  Everybody left at the house got a ticket.

From listening to them, they've all become responsible drinkers.  My niece does more drinking now than her three brothers combined.  Sometimes I wonder if she is making up for all the high school drinking she didn't do.  

Dnephew2 almost lost out on an internship over his ticket so he has warned his younger brother.  I have seen drunken pictures of my two oldest nephews on Facebook, but none of the youngest.  Think he learned from their mistake on that also.  

I remember my own dad's hangover's when I was a kid.  We were not allowed to make noise until he had recovered.  I don't recall seeing my mom drunk.  Think she had that out of her system by the time she had children.

Good luck Later.  Yes NGW did get some punishment by having to hold the puke bucket.  She definitely saw the consequences of her bringing the alcohol in to the house.

[Deleted]

So they both turn 18 next month. At that point CAS gives them a cheque directly and they pay room and board. So I'm dealing with 2 girls that are balking at rules. And believe me, I have very few. Curfew is 11 on work nights, 12 on weekends unless something specific is going on. Each of them vacuum and dust one floor (less than an hour a week), they share cleaning their bathroom and we all clean the kitchen. I do groceries, prepare most meals and take care of all household repairs and maintenance. And they tell me where they are going and when they will be back. Apparently this is stifling.

[zibazinski]

Well, they have the option of moving out but I think they won't. The cruel world out there doesn't care about them like you do.

[Peace77]

Do they do their own laundry?  If you're doing it, Stop.

[Deleted]

Oh no Peace, they do their own laundry and rooms. And zib they're 18. Moving out is exciting to them at this age.

[zibazinski]

Argh. Well, roots and wings. Maybe you'll give a home to some new ones. 

[Peace77]

Well maybe you should have them think about what they will need when the do someday move out.  After all, they won't be taking your sheets, towels and dishes with them.  Maybe they should start buying their own now.

[TheOtherMe]

Moving out does appear exciting at 18.  Perhaps you should sit down with them and do a budget.  Might open their eyes a bit.

[marvholly]

Later
Your rules are VERY much like mine when my DDs were seniors in high school and home on college breaks. Curfew was somewhat later. They couldn't wait to move out when they finished college either. In fact, DD2 lived w/DD1 for 2 years rather than move back home. You could have knocked me over w/a feather when that happened. All her friends had too much credit card debt to be able to $$ get a shared apt AND DD2 already have most kitchen & linen stuff she needed. Both my kids had NO debt out of college - student loans or credit card.

[Deleted]

Sept 3, 2014 6:16:02 GMT -5 marvholly said:

Later
Your rules are VERY much like mine when my DDs were seniors in high school and home on college breaks. Curfew was somewhat later. They couldn't wait to move out when they finished college either. In fact, DD2 lived w/DD1 for 2 years rather than move back home. You could have knocked me over w/a feather when that happened. All her friends had too much credit card debt to be able to $$ get a shared apt AND DD2 already have most kitchen & linen stuff she needed. Both my kids had NO debt out of college - student loans or credit card.

From that story I'm not sure if you are saying my rules are a good thing or a bad thing lol

Anyway, I think I came to an understanding of where the girls and I have such different views of what will happen when they are 18. I am looking at it like I am offering them a continuation of the deal they have now at a 25% discount, basically a continuation of the fostering situation with rules and a family set up. They think they suddenly become room mates. I talked to each of them individually last night and explained this. I told them that I signed up for fostering and only offer room and board so they aren't kicked out to the street when they are 18. I don't rent out rooms in my house to make money and I'm not looking to start that. It should be interesting to see what they decide to do.

[The Captain]

Sept 4, 2014 9:50:53 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Sept 3, 2014 6:16:02 GMT -5 marvholly said:

Later
Your rules are VERY much like mine when my DDs were seniors in high school and home on college breaks. Curfew was somewhat later. They couldn't wait to move out when they finished college either. In fact, DD2 lived w/DD1 for 2 years rather than move back home. You could have knocked me over w/a feather when that happened. All her friends had too much credit card debt to be able to $$ get a shared apt AND DD2 already have most kitchen & linen stuff she needed. Both my kids had NO debt out of college - student loans or credit card.

From that story I'm not sure if you are saying my rules are a good thing or a bad thing lol

Anyway, I think I came to an understanding of where the girls and I have such different views of what will happen when they are 18. I am looking at it like I am offering them a continuation of the deal they have now at a 25% discount, basically a continuation of the fostering situation with rules and a family set up. They think they suddenly become room mates. I talked to each of them individually last night and explained this. I told them that I signed up for fostering and only offer room and board so they aren't kicked out to the street when they are 18. I don't rent out rooms in my house to make money and I'm not looking to start that. It should be interesting to see what they decide to do.

Extremely.well.put!

[marvholly]

Later
I meant your rule were pretty ok. The only thing I would/did do differently is the curfew. Made it somewhat later in upper hgh school and pretty much dropped it when they hit college. After all, I had NO control over how late they were out 8 months/year.

[Deleted]

Can't tell you how many times I was puke it out drunk before I was 18... I turned out ok... Not that it's not good to have expectations, but it's a rather common thing to experiment with.. I'd personally rather my kids experiment at home. I always offer they try on the rare occasions we have alcohol,  but they haven't taken me up on it yet...

[Deleted]

So NGW is looking for apartments and hopes to move out Nov 1st. She turns 18 Oct 29th She was nervous about giving me a set date but I talked to her tonight and got her to tell me about it. It is easier on my nerves to have a date and make my plans. Her worker is giving her some good guidelines about what she can and can't do if she wants the living allowance. A big one is that she can't move in with her boyfriend. She is also getting guidelines about what parts of town she can live in. So I have a couple of lamps and some curtains she can have. I will be watching for other things as well. I think I will get her a set of pots and pans for her birthday.

This is the hardest part to get used to. But her and GW are best friends so I won't lose touch with her.

[zibazinski]

Roots then wings. Good job, Later.