As My Fostering World Turns

[Deleted]

So I just got a call from a NW's worker's supervisor. I guess when they had their team meeting this morning it came up that I was planning to put NW on my car insurance like I did for GW. I guess we never mentioned it to GW's worker. I never saw the need, we weren't asking CAS to pay for it and since they paid for her driving course I assumed they expected her to drive. Turns out this is the first time they have come across this situation. I'm the first foster parent they know of that let's the kids drive her car. Now they are scrambling to find out if they have policies about this.

He was asking me all kinds of questions about how I handle it etc etc. You should have heard his voice when I mentioned letting GW drive on the 401 in Toronto

[TheOtherMe]

The 401!  The road is crazy.

Have you resolved the shower situation?

[The Captain]

May 1, 2014 8:20:51 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

May 1, 2014 7:27:26 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I'm curious as to Canada's rate of support for their foster children. US tries to stick theirs with family, not because its better for the kids but because its cheaper. 

It varies across the country. I have a cousin that fostered in New Brunswick and she got about $550/month for room and board and clothing and had an expense account for some extracurricular activities. And I don't think there was any increase for high needs kids. I'm in Ontario and get $32/day room and board for kids with no behaviours up to $52/day for "difficult" kids. There are whole other categories for kids that need therapeutic care. And here they have a clothing allowance on top of that, money for extra curricular activities, expense lines for miscellaneous that includes such things as period supplies for the girls, one laptop for high school, a bicycle...that is most of it. In Ontario the kids will have their college or university tuition paid and get a living allowance until they are 21.

They promote kin care here as well but the kin have to go through a qualifying process. It is cheaper but that doesn't hold a lot of weight when making the decision for the kids.

Things went well with NW last night. She got her stuff moved in and made big progress on organizing her room. GW and I are already noticing some adjustments we need to make. NW takes her showers in the morning. I usually take mine in the morning and GW takes hers the night before. So we are both off our routine as NW is using the water and GW's bathroom when we are used to being in there. GW and I heard the shower start and just looked at each other this morning. Then we started to laugh. We need to adjust.

I can't even begin to express how delighted I was to read this...

[taz157]

May 1, 2014 8:21:39 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Super!

Yeah that!

[Deleted]

May 1, 2014 21:48:12 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

The 401!  The road is crazy.

Have you resolved the shower situation?

LOL Yes, they worked it out last night I guess. They get their showers done first and I have the 7:20 time slot.

The two of them have been chosen to represent our city at the first annual Civic Youth Day at Queen's Park. It is a 3 day trip to Toronto, all expenses paid, spend the day at the Provincial legislature and meet some of our MPP's...and as their chaperone I have to go too...the sacrifices I make  

So apparently the mattress I have on the bed in the second room is uncomfortable despite the feather mattress I got for it. NW likes the colours in her room so we don't need to paint and she is happy with the furniture I have in there so I went top of the line with the new mattress. She is happy.

[mmhmm]

Too funny about the showers!  Beautifully handled!  Kudos to all!

How wonderful they've been chosen to represent the city.  That's got to be a big thing for both of them, and they should be very proud of themselves.  I know you'll all have a great time in Toronto.

[TheOtherMe]

Later, you are a true inspiration.   

[taz157]

May 3, 2014 18:17:16 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Later, you are a true inspiration.   

Yeah that!

[Deleted]

NW is making supper for the first time at our place. I'm having broccoli casserole for supper. BTW at her last place the SAHM had dinner ready when the kids got home from school. She hasn't cooked very often. GW managed to be working tonight the bum! I'm a solo guinea pig here. Wish me luck.

[mmhmm]

Aww!  I think it's cute she wants to make you dinner.  I can remember a couple of my daughter's early attempts.  I DID live through them. 

[Deleted]

Later I hope things are going well and that NW is settling in well!

Maybe set up a dinner rota? Each person makes dinner once or twice a week? Maybe at the beginning you and / or GW can show the new girl how to cook some favorites / easy meals? Or if your "friend" is a regular and likes to cook, he could cook one night too. You could freeze the leftovers for the other days (I'm sure you're not all there for dinner every night).

I'm not big on cookbooks but I sent both DS1 and DS2 off to college with a small cookbook specifically for college kids leaving home for the first time, so frugal and easy meals. It might be worth getting something like that for NW (or for the house), if only to give her some ideas since she's not used to cooking. 

[Deleted]

We do rotate the suppers debt. It's based on our schedules and who is available. Supper went well. It was a bit dry, she needed more cream of brocolli soup for the casserole but for her first time doing it she did just great.

[TheOtherMe]

Great to hear she did well with the cooking.  I am a terrible cook, so more power to her.

[Deleted]

GW and NW took me out to Red Lobster for dinner last night and GW2 texted me and invited me out to dinner tonight. GW also did a very nice blurb on FB about being happy to have her 2 mommas in her life. A really nice Mother's Day

I met NW's mother Friday. She is a nice woman but simple. I can see how she would have problems raising 3 kids, especially when 2 had behavioural issues.

[mmhmm]

Sounds like a wonderful Mother's Day for you and the girls, later.  I'm sure it means as much to them to be able to give something back as it does to you to be able to help them get a good start in life.  Really great to hear you'll be enjoying a meal with GW2 tonight, as well.  Give them all a hug from us.  I know I enjoy hearing about their progress. 

[taz157]

May 12, 2014 8:43:22 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Sounds like a wonderful Mother's Day for you and the girls, later.  I'm sure it means as much to them to be able to give something back as it does to you to be able to help them get a good start in life.  Really great to hear you'll be enjoying a meal with GW2 tonight, as well.  Give them all a hug from us.  I know I enjoy hearing about their progress. 

Yeah that!

[Deleted]

Okay, let's see...NGW has graduated. Well technically she has her final exams but even with a zero on the exam she will pass all her courses. GW went to prom with her. They looked sooo wonderful. After prom I let them have the car to go to a pit party. I was so nervous about that but it worked out so well for ME. Not many kids made it to that party so there wasn't any drunken debauchery, they had my car so neither one of them drank at all and they got home exactly on their 3 am curfew rather than stay out all night.

NGW also got a $500 bursary from her school for being the best double major Sports/Athletics graduate. I don't really know what that is but she got $500.

My friend had back surgery 3 weeks ago and has been staying in our spare room. The girls really, really like him and he likes them but this morning he made a comment about GW's moodiness. He said "She does really well as an only child"  I think being in a house of all women is wearing on him.

NGW got a ferret. I named her Farrah the ferret. Those little suckers STINK! GW complained about it and I said "let's see, we have a ferret that smells, a cat that ruins my furniture and pukes on your bed (that's her cat) and dog that poops in the house sometimes. Should we get rid of them?" She says "They're called animals for a reason!" and gives me one of her looks lol

That should bring folks up to speed.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Those little suckers STINK!

I don't know you feel about it, but you can have the stink glands removed which is what causes ferrets to smell so bad. DH had one when he was younger and did this, he said it makes a world of difference.

[zibazinski]

In some states that's a law, that and getting them fixed before selling them. We had two in Florida. Were they ever fun!

[zibazinski]

Ferrets need a buddy btw.

[Deleted]

Jun 12, 2014 15:49:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Those little suckers STINK!

I don't know you feel about it, but you can have the stink glands removed which is what causes ferrets to smell so bad. DH had one when he was younger and did this, he said it makes a world of difference.

I did not know about this. I will check into it!

[Deleted]

I spoke a little too soon. This afternoon I got a call that NGW had not only skipped afternoon classes, she had claimed it was because she had to go to court. Sooo, I called her from work, she fessed up to skipping classes. I did the spiel about this not being good, she has had a lot of time off lately, she is making it difficult for me just to have faith that she will do what she is supposed to...you know the routine. Then we talked about the school. I said I got a real person message, not the automated thing, and they worded it that she "claimed" to be at court. So what would the schools repercussions be for this. She said probably suspension. (stupid punishment for skipping but anyway) So I asked how she would write exams if she was suspended. She couldn't. How would she graduate? Probably not. What would that do to her plans for college AND getting her bursary? THAT is when she figured she might have REALLY screwed up.

So now I get my bathroom cleaned for a couple of weeks (that is for the aggravation of having to go to the school tomorrow) and she has to get up early tomorrow (a PD day) to go talk to the school.

Did I mention when I got home I had another LOOOOOONG talk with her about being an adult meant doing stuff you didn't think was necessary and the fact that she hasn't earned the right to dictate her own hours yet. As long as someone else is paying the bills or giving you a paycheque you will have to do what they say re being at school/work.

She threw up the "well I'm not on drugs or in trouble with the law like some other foster kids" bit. I said that only buys you so much. For you that is the minimum standard. You should be insulted if people don't expect more from you than that.

And then I had to tell GW to quit enjoying NGW getting in trouble.

[Deleted]

Atta Girl laterbloomer!  

[tcu2003]

Jun 12, 2014 21:36:51 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

She threw up the "well I'm not on drugs or in trouble with the law like some other foster kids" bit. I said that only buys you so much. For you that is the minimum standard. You should be insulted if people don't expect more from you than that.

And then I had to tell GW to quit enjoying NGW getting in trouble.

Sorry you get to deal with all of this, but kudos to you for holding her to a higher standard and expecting more! She's too smart for anything less, and I'm so happy she has someone who cares enough about her to make her accountable.

[TheOtherMe]

I hope you got it worked out so that NGW can take her exams and graduate.  

Even when I want to school in the dark ages, I never understood why suspending kids who skipped school.  One of my friend's brother did it all the time and their mother could not get the school to understand they were giving her son exactly what he wanted--no school.  He should have graduated the year before us, but ended up graduating a year later with us.

[taz157]

Jun 13, 2014 8:22:24 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Jun 12, 2014 21:36:51 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

She threw up the "well I'm not on drugs or in trouble with the law like some other foster kids" bit. I said that only buys you so much. For you that is the minimum standard. You should be insulted if people don't expect more from you than that.

And then I had to tell GW to quit enjoying NGW getting in trouble.

Sorry you get to deal with all of this, but kudos to you for holding her to a higher standard and expecting more! She's too smart for anything less, and I'm so happy she has someone who cares enough about her to make her accountable.

Yeah that.

[Deleted]

Okay, it's been an interesting summer. Both girls are doing well and getting geared up to go back to school. GW passed math by the skin of her teeth. Personally I wish anything under 65 would mean she has to retake it but that isn't going to happen. I had promised her my car if she stayed on the honor roll all through high school and last year she didn't make it. One of the other girls was talking to me about when GW gets the car and I told her that wasn't happening since she didn't get the marks. That obviously got back to GW and she came to me with a proposal. She would pay 1/4 of the value of the car if she gets honour roll this year. The logic is that there are 4 years to high school and she got honours for 3 of the 4 so I should pay for those 3 years. I asked her where this came from and she said she knew getting it free was out of the question so she tried to figure something else out lol

GW2 (the one that moved out) says she is going to college in September. We will see if that really happens.

NGW is getting ready for college. She has a boyfriend now. Her first one so she is all excited. I'm nervous. He's only 18 but he went out with a girl for 7 years and was living with her the last year so I figure that is what NGW is working towards. He is working and going to college for electrician so she could do worse I guess.

GW is still going out with her guy. The sex discussions have now gone from theoretical to practical. Without breaking her privacy too much she asked me how long it was before I started enjoying sex. I told her it obviously isn't her thing so she should probably give it up for a few years and try again when she's 40. She didn't go for it.

Overall life is good in casa laterbloomer.

[mollyanna58]

Aug 14, 2014 13:53:10 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

 

GW is still going out with her guy. The sex discussions have now gone from theoretical to practical. Without breaking her privacy too much she asked me how long it was before I started enjoying sex. I told her it obviously isn't her thing so she should probably give it up for a few years and try again when she's 40. She didn't go for it.

 

Nice try.

Overall life is good in casa laterbloomer.

[Deleted]

GW is on a roll these days. Last night she got drunk. I mean can't talk, can't walk, puking on herself drunk. Apparently her and NGW decided they wanted to try alcohol and got an older friend to pick them up 2 mickey's and a 26er on Saturday. NGW snuck it into the house and they had tried a bit of it on Sunday but weren't too impressed with the taste. Somehow this led to GW doing shots in her bedroom last night when she was alone. NGW was out and came home to a very drunk friend. To make a long story short I had to peel the frame off the bathroom door to get her out and NGW had the fun task of holding the puke bucket for her. I'm grateful she did it at home or the consequences could have been much, much worse. Right now I am figuring out what the consequences will be.

[ArchietheDragon]

Make her do it again tonight.