What is the budget for a BDay gift

[bean29]

for the Girlfriend of a College student who doesn't have a job.

He worked last summer and earned over $4500 but consider it gone. He will start working again this summer, but his GF is having a temper tantrum b/c he hasn't asked her what she wants for her b-day. I sent DD a text and asked her what the budget is for the gf of a college student that don't have a job and she said $50.  That just pisses me off b/c that means that there is an expectation that I will fund it.

I won't tell you what I suggested.  DD told me to go to bed.

[Deleted]

Have him ask her what she wants... I'm curious, and I'm guessing it will prove illustrative... 

[bean29]

LOL. 

Just for information.  Their first Christmas together, when he was a HS student without a job, she wanted (and got) a coach purse.  DS got her Dad and Grandma to go in on it. She is never satisfied.  We just keep hoping he will see the light.

[Deleted]

Oh man, I'd not be doing anything then myself... He needs to run fast ...

[sesfw]

My b-day gifts to adult kids get one dollar per year.

[whoisjohngalt]

Apr 19, 2014 22:07:38 GMT -5 bean29 said:

for the Girlfriend of a College student who doesn't have a job.

He worked last summer and earned over $4500 but consider it gone. He will start working again this summer, but his GF is having a temper tantrum b/c he hasn't asked her what she wants for her b-day. I sent DD a text and asked her what the budget is for the gf of a college student that don't have a job and she said $50.  That just pisses me off b/c that means that there is an expectation that I will fund it.

I won't tell you what I suggested.  DD told me to go to bed.

Well, even my 2.5 yr old knows that he will never EVER EVER get anything by throwing a temper tantrum.

My 4 yr old and  my 5.5 yr old also are very familiar with the concept of "you don't demand presents". 

So, all that being said - I would say the budget should be equal to the price of the book on manners and proper behaviour.  $9.99?

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Nothing. Give nothing but a card. Like it or lump it, princess.

If it's love, that's all you need -not "stuff".

[Deleted]

Oh. There is an idea... Tell him you will give him HIS birthday present from you early and if he wants to spend it on her... His choice. After all, he should get used to all his money going to her...

[resolution]

Why would you be paying for a birthday present from your adult son to his girlfriend? Is he still a minor and just went to college really young? 

[zibazinski]

Why are you not using this as a teaching lesson to your son? No wonder is worth it.

[Otto the Orange]

Apr 20, 2014 6:24:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Why are you not using this as a teaching lesson to your son? No wonder is worth it.

have you seen the pictures yet?

[Deleted]

what happened to all the money he earned last summer?  does he not have a job during the school year to pay for personal expenses (of which this is one)?  this is his problem, not sure why you need to be involved.

[Deleted]

Always a girl before her  birthday.   Who wants to deal with that?  There are plenty of fish in the college sea who's birthday's have just past who are vulnerable from just being dumped.

[Deleted]

You don't have to a materialistic, uh lady, before her birthday. You just give her a handmade coupon book for Free Hugs/Massage/Car Wash/etc.... And she dumps you...

[mmhmm]

One red rose and a birthday card.  If he's got any sense, the rose will outlast the relationship.

[Deleted]

What is this college student living on? Doesn't he have a set amount for the school year? Or do you give him money on demand? When a kid is in college the routine is that they have their student loans and savings and they budget for the year. Then they call their parents for extra money. But the extra is always for essentials like food and books, not drinking or presents for girl friends. At least that is what they say, and everyone pretends to believe it.

[geenamercile]

Apr 20, 2014 12:08:11 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

What is this college student living on? Doesn't he have a set amount for the school year? Or do you give him money on demand? When a kid is in college the routine is that they have their student loans and savings and they budget for the year. Then they call their parents for extra money. But the extra is always for essentials like food and books, not drinking or presents for girl friends. At least that is what they say, and everyone pretends to believe it.

I to am wondering what your son has for money at college.  Ideally he should have been budgeting that and a reasonable amount set aside for a present for his GF.  Considering this seems like the relationship has been on for awhile her birthday should not be a surprised.  And while I don't consider myself materialistic I do not think some sort of acknowledgement for her birthday is an unreasonable expectation.  Truth be told I don't think 50 dollars is that unrealistic of a price range either. 

I am thinking that once the girls get to college we will give them a set amount a month for stuff and things like birthday presents will have to come out of that.  At least that is how it was done for me.

[bean29]

Apr 19, 2014 22:16:53 GMT -5 bean29 said:

LOL. 

Just for information.  Their first Christmas together, when he was a HS student without a job, she wanted (and got) a coach purse.  DS got her Dad and Grandma to go in on it. She is never satisfied.  We just keep hoping he will see the light.

Yeah, she works retail. She recently bought a Michael Kors? Purse & Wallet. Today she showed up with a 9 west purse and wallet. I'd guess at least 1 per month.

[JustLurkin]

Apr 20, 2014 21:16:45 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Apr 19, 2014 22:16:53 GMT -5 bean29 said:

LOL. 

Just for information.  Their first Christmas together, when he was a HS student without a job, she wanted (and got) a coach purse.  DS got her Dad and Grandma to go in on it. She is never satisfied.  We just keep hoping he will see the light.

Yeah, she works retail. She recently bought a Michael Kors? Purse & Wallet. Today she showed up with a 9 west purse and wallet. I'd guess at least 1 per month.

Sorry, he set the bar high and now has to bring it back down. I'm in the $50 group...and he needs to get his hustle on to come up with it. If she can hustle up a couple hundred dollars a month for a purse  

Sorry again, I have to doubt "I work retail while going to college so I can buy purses every month"...is she in college?  <removed snarky notes, but you can probably guess where it was headed>

[geenamercile]

Apr 20, 2014 21:16:45 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Apr 19, 2014 22:16:53 GMT -5 bean29 said:

LOL. 

Just for information.  Their first Christmas together, when he was a HS student without a job, she wanted (and got) a coach purse.  DS got her Dad and Grandma to go in on it. She is never satisfied.  We just keep hoping he will see the light.

Yeah, she works retail. She recently bought a Michael Kors? Purse & Wallet. Today she showed up with a 9 west purse and wallet. I'd guess at least 1 per month.

My guess is in someway her life is being supplemented by someone, has too.  And considering these are still very young adults (what 18 or 19 year olds), at least one in college that is okay, as long as they are still working to becoming independent.  Another thing to consider is that differnt families have a differnt "normal" for gift giving.  That took DH and I some time to get use too with each other.  For example with Christmas his family is about 50 dollars per person, mine is about 200.  First Christmas he felt uncomfortable getting so much from my family while I was left wondering if his family liked me or if I was just more of an after thought.  So this girl may not be so much a gold digger, but someone with a differnt normal then your son and his family.  

How much does she spend on him on his birthday?    

[tloonya]

How can ANYONE date anyone who is putting so much into gift giving?
Flowers and hugs and if he is soooo good - order a pizza for a few friends and call it a party!
Can you seriously date a person that you are afraid to give not good enough gift?

[kittensaver]

Apr 21, 2014 13:01:59 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Maybe talk to your son about thoughtful, cheap birthday presents like a picnic, hike, etc.  If you give him money and she rejects the gift he may take away the message that he didn't have enough money to buy a nice gift.  If he puts a little of himself into planning a nice day or making a thoughtful card and she rejects it then he'll know she's rejecting him for money.

Sooooooo much this ^^^^^^^^^

WHY ON EARTH would YOU fund HIS birthday present to HER? Tell him to man-up and spend what he can afford. If she doesn't like it, then she should move on . . .

[bean29]

Apr 21, 2014 13:27:12 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Apr 21, 2014 13:01:59 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Maybe talk to your son about thoughtful, cheap birthday presents like a picnic, hike, etc.  If you give him money and she rejects the gift he may take away the message that he didn't have enough money to buy a nice gift.  If he puts a little of himself into planning a nice day or making a thoughtful card and she rejects it then he'll know she's rejecting him for money.

Sooooooo much this ^^^^^^^^^

WHY ON EARTH would YOU fund HIS birthday present to HER? Tell him to man-up and spend what he can afford. If she doesn't like it, then she should move on . . .

Well in his defense, He did not bring it up to us, but I overheard her having a temper tantrum about her b-day gift.  I was brought up that gifts were not expected, and when recieved you thanked the giver graciously.  I taught my kids the same.

This girl is from an economically disadvatage family.  She is as dumb as a box of rocks.  Her uncle is the manager of the store she is currently working at.  I am not sure how long this job will last but she has been through at least 6 jobs and she is banned from working at one place my kids work at (DD told me).  She has no business spending so much on purses.  She was going to technical school, but she is not currently going to school.

We will be having a finance discussion with DS soon. 

She is a long term GF but when DS was on winter break they were "just friends".  She did not attend my Dad's funeral (Jan 20th) even though she was at my house just before we left.  When I asked DS if they were in a relationship he said "I don't know B/C I don't know what I want".  She played the field and could not find anything better, so now she is back.

[souldoubt]

You still didn't answer why you would fund this.  Considering what you said about her it seems like it would be in your best interest to tell your son he's on his own so that he can disappoint her (due to her expensive tastes).  Why open your purse so that he can help buy her new ones when by all accounts there's nothing about her that says she's any kind of long term investment as a partner?  I realize they're young but the sooner he gets away from her the better.  We all make mistakes when we're young but some people never learn and end up like the people I know in their late 20's or early 30's dating losers.   

[bean29]

She is like a boomarang.  She keeps comming back.  We have celebrated the demise of this relationship several times.

I just feel that I am funding it b/c we are funding his college expenses.  DD and DH can't tolerate her and I am afraid they will push him away, so I am doing a balancing act.  He is going to get a finance lecture b/c he is going to have to pay more of his own expenses.

[zibazinski]

I talked "turkey" to DS when he dated a " hot mess." Told him he was following my EXs footsteps and if that's how he wanted it to go in his life, he was headed in the right direction. He got the message and dumped her. 

[kittensaver]

Apr 21, 2014 14:41:34 GMT -5 bean29 said:

She is like a boomarang.  She keeps comming back.  We have celebrated the demise of this relationship several times.

I just feel that I am funding it b/c we are funding his college expenses.  DD and DH can't tolerate her and I am afraid they will push him away, so I am doing a balancing act.  He is going to get a finance lecture b/c he is going to have to pay more of his own expenses.

And JMHO, it should be starting with this gift!

[bean29]

Apr 20, 2014 7:45:26 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

what happened to all the money he earned last summer?  does he not have a job during the school year to pay for personal expenses (of which this is one)?  this is his problem, not sure why you need to be involved.

Seriously.  Have you seen college costs lately? 

Full Time (12-18 credits) Tuition and Fees for the 2013-2014 academic year:

Wisconsin Resident: $7,578

Housing and Meal Plan:

Wisconsin Resident: $6,000

Total Cost: (Based on tuition and fees + most common housing and meal option)

Wisconsin Resident: $13,578


Not including fees for use of weight room, extracurriculars, gas, care expenses, parking etc.  Plus all those meals outside the meal plan becasue the food is gross.

I cleaned out the last of his savings to pay second semester tuition, then I cleaned out our bank accts and we lived on nothing for a month.  We make too much $ for him to get anything other than a non-guaranteed student loan and that covers about 50% of his cost of attendance.

[Peace Of Mind]

Apr 20, 2014 6:24:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Why are you not using this as a teaching lesson to your son? No wonder is worth it.

LMAO!!!!  I wonder if I have one of those?  If not - I totally need to get one. 

for the Girlfriend of a College student who doesn't have a job.

A list of job suggestions?  But I'd get a card to put the list in.  

[Deleted]

Apr 21, 2014 15:18:20 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Apr 20, 2014 7:45:26 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

what happened to all the money he earned last summer?  does he not have a job during the school year to pay for personal expenses (of which this is one)?  this is his problem, not sure why you need to be involved.

Seriously.  Have you seen college costs lately? 

Full Time (12-18 credits) Tuition and Fees for the 2013-2014 academic year:

Wisconsin Resident: $7,578

Housing and Meal Plan:

Wisconsin Resident: $6,000

Total Cost: (Based on tuition and fees + most common housing and meal option)

Wisconsin Resident: $13,578


Not including fees for use of weight room, extracurriculars, gas, care expenses, parking etc.  Plus all those meals outside the meal plan becasue the food is gross.

I cleaned out the last of his savings to pay second semester tuition, then I cleaned out our bank accts and we lived on nothing for a month.  We make too much $ for him to get anything other than a non-guaranteed student loan and that covers about 50% of his cost of attendance.

yeah, I have a DD at an out-of-state university..total cost of attendance for an out-of-state, off campus student is $35K, and all she qualifies for is an unsubsidized loan.  I didn't get from your post that he had to use all his earnings from the previous summer for tuition.  Does he have a job during the school year - what does he use that money for?  or better question is, how does he pay his personal expenses?