zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 21, 2014 16:40:27 GMT -5
So YOU'RE sacrificing and he isn't?
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 21, 2014 17:13:50 GMT -5
Zib, if the girlfriend wasn't in the picture my DS would spend very little $$. This is my kid who does not need new shoes unless the old ones are falling off his feet and ditto for his clothes.
My DH does not want DS to work during the school year. He is welcome back at the job he worked last summer. DH would like him to work in his office (DH also would like me to work in his field). DH drives DS and me nuts most of the time so neither one of us is sure we want to take him up on that.
The college town DS lives in probably does not have a lot of retail opportunities. I thought on campus jobs were for the students with need based aid? We never really asked about it b/c DH thinks DS should not work during school year. Personally I am all for my kids working if it keeps them busy and away from potential bad influences.
We had an unusuall few months, paid taxes then tuition, issues with renters. I don't think we will repeat this scenario next winter. That said, we do want DS to reduce what he is spending.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 22, 2014 13:07:28 GMT -5
Your husband needs to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your son. Gold digger is a concept he may not be aware of.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 22, 2014 13:35:17 GMT -5
thought on campus jobs were for the students with need based aid?
Depends. Some are and some aren't. Sometimes the school's job web site will post jobs specifically for students, he should take a look there. UNMC/UNO posts student jobs and will specifically mention work study if it applies.
Working in the cafeteria at Simpson was part of work study, but the grill was not. The guy that ran the grill didn't like the hassle of having to deal with the work study program and it's people so he hired directly. He also paid $1/hr than the work study program.
At IWCC there were office jobs available to students but weren't work study. Students that work in my lab here at UNMC are not part of the work study program.
There aren't a lot of them but if he asks around he might find a non-work study position on campus.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Apr 22, 2014 16:57:33 GMT -5
Zib, if the girlfriend wasn't in the picture my DS would spend very little $$. This is my kid who does not need new shoes unless the old ones are falling off his feet and ditto for his clothes. The college town DS lives in probably does not have a lot of retail opportunities. I thought on campus jobs were for the students with need based aid? We never really asked about it b/c DH thinks DS should not work during school year. Personally I am all for my kids working if it keeps them busy and away from potential bad influences. I pay someone $25 to cut my grass...and I've been in my home more than a decade and have only had someone ask to shovel my sidewalk *once*. If he wanted to get her a gift, he could make it happen. And, as others have mentioned, the day doesn't actually have to cost much of anything.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Apr 22, 2014 17:19:32 GMT -5
I don't know if this will work for you son but - - - There are (obviously) ways to earn money (even on campus) without having a "job." My parents didn't want me working either, they wanted me to focus on studying and grades. But I took advantage of a couple of "casual labor"-type jobs on campus and worked whenever I had a little free time or needed a little extra cash. Ushering for the campus venues (concerts, movies, art exhibits, sporting events), working for the caterer at the campus Faculty Center and signing up to be a paid "subject" for grad student studies in the psych department were a few of the things I did. Most of these casual-labor jobs had weekly sign-ups, making it easy to pick and choose how much I wanted to work (or not). I hope your son comes to his senses soon about this girl .
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 11:50:53 GMT -5
Sooooooo much this ^^^^^^^^^ WHY ON EARTH would YOU fund HIS birthday present to HER? Tell him to man-up and spend what he can afford. If she doesn't like it, then she should move on . . . This girl is from an economically disadvatage family. She is as dumb as a box of rocks. Her uncle is the manager of the store she is currently working at. I am not sure how long this job will last but she has been through at least 6 jobs and she is banned from working at one place my kids work at (DD told me). She has no business spending so much on purses. She was going to technical school, but she is not currently going to school. Up until now I was thinking that when someone said - it was a compliment!!! All said about that girl...how smart is your son to be welcoming her back, that 'box of rocks' with greedy personality, who 'doesn't know what she wants so she is looking for greener pastures and when she can't find it (obviously because she 'rock'!) she keeps coming back to your house, had not attended a funeral... Maybe your son takes her back because he can't find anything better or too lazy to look? Seems like he needs major kick in the butt...out!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 11:54:45 GMT -5
Your husband needs to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your son. Gold digger is a concept he may not be aware of. Were gold diggers coming to Jesus?
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 23, 2014 12:03:35 GMT -5
I'm glad you are a sympathetic person, bean. That said, her upbringing is not your problem. Her being banned from a store is not your problem. Her work history is not your problem.
But given what you wrote, it's easy to figure out whose problem she has been. Her family puts up with it (her uncle is an enabler, not an employer). She is not in school to make her life better. Your son is one more person in a long line of people who have apparently enabled this girl to think that the Money Fairy is going to fly to her rescue, designer purse in hand, anytime she needs it.
Close the Bank of Mom and Dad as far as buying gifts is concerned. If your son wants to do this, it becomes his problem. Not yours. You are not subsidizing his college education for him to spend money like that. If he doesn't have it, and she's mad, SHE'S SCREAMING "Everything you need to know about me is that it's all about ME, ME, ME!!!!". She could not make it plainer if she hired a banner plane and flew those words over your house.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 12:03:45 GMT -5
She is like a boomarang. She keeps comming back. We have celebrated the demise of this relationship several times. I just feel that I am funding it b/c we are funding his college expenses. DD and DH can't tolerate her and I am afraid they will push him away, so I am doing a balancing act. He is going to get a finance lecture b/c he is going to have to pay more of his own expenses. IMHO, funding college expenses includes books, tuition, room and board and a meal plan. Do you give him beer money too? A gift for a GF would fall under discretionary spending and the kid would be responsible for it if it were up to me.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 12:07:10 GMT -5
$50-100. It's not her fault he's chosen not to have a job. No need for you to fund his social life though. Sounds like he needs to get himself a job.
::How can ANYONE date anyone who is putting so much into gift giving? Flowers and hugs and if he is soooo good - order a pizza for a few friends and call it a party! Can you seriously date a person that you are afraid to give not good enough gift? ::
There's a big difference between a gift not being 'good enough' and someone who thinks you aren't planning on getting them anything for their birthday when you're dating.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 12:09:35 GMT -5
Your husband needs to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your son. Gold digger is a concept he may not be aware of. Are we classifying women who expect a birthday gift from their bf as a gold digger now? For reference, my wife and I don't exchange gifts on birthdays or anniversaries, most of my family doesn't exchange gifts other than a card. I'm about as solidly in the "gifts are dumb" camp as you can get. That said, i can't imagine not doing it if I were dating someone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 12:12:05 GMT -5
YOU do it, not your Mommy.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 12:14:17 GMT -5
YOU do it, not your Mommy. Absolutely. The problem is with the son expecting his family to buy his girlfriend gifts on his behalf.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 12:15:02 GMT -5
$50-100. It's not her fault he's chosen not to have a job. No need for you to fund his social life though. Sounds like he needs to get himself a job. ::How can ANYONE date anyone who is putting so much into gift giving? Flowers and hugs and if he is soooo good - order a pizza for a few friends and call it a party! Can you seriously date a person that you are afraid to give not good enough gift? :: There's a big difference between a gift not being 'good enough' and someone who thinks you aren't planning on getting them anything for their birthday when you're dating. Hoops is here! Hoorrayy! Listen, no one is supposed to GET anyone anything except saying 'happy birthday' and maybe adding some more wishes, whatever. Since when it is mandatory to give a gift? Yes, I am not planning on giving you gift for your BDay...said BF to the GF who is coming and going and described as a 'boomerang'... What is next?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 12:16:35 GMT -5
YOU do it, not your Mommy. Absolutely. The problem is with the son expecting his family to buy his girlfriend gifts on his behalf. So if Mommy is a frugal xxx - GF will her BF and fly to find someone who gives...a shit!
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Apr 23, 2014 12:21:54 GMT -5
The CORRECT answer:
[
Case closed.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 12:23:15 GMT -5
The CORRECT answer: Case closed. It's the gift that keeps on giving. In at least 20 minutes. They aren't machines, you know.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 23, 2014 12:36:47 GMT -5
Absolutely. The problem is with the son expecting his family to buy his girlfriend gifts on his behalf. So if Mommy is a frugal xxx - GF will her BF and fly to find someone who gives...a shit! Well, that would be a good solution. Might break the son's heart for a bit, but as for the girlfriend...sounds like whatever heart she has is shaped like a piggybank and ready to receive something. I doubt it's love and affection. Perhaps she never received much of either growing up, and learned early that money was something she could always get from people, if she pushed the right buttons.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 12:39:28 GMT -5
So if Mommy is a frugal xxx - GF will her BF and fly to find someone who gives...a shit! Well, that would be a good solution. Might break the son's heart for a bit, but as for the girlfriend...sounds like whatever heart she has is shaped like a piggybank and ready to receive something. I doubt it's love and affection. Perhaps she never received much of either growing up, and learned early that money was something she could always get from people, if she pushed the right buttons. I am finding it odd that n one asked WHY is this son keeps letting her back in his life.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Apr 23, 2014 12:58:57 GMT -5
Well, that would be a good solution. Might break the son's heart for a bit, but as for the girlfriend...sounds like whatever heart she has is shaped like a piggybank and ready to receive something. I doubt it's love and affection. Perhaps she never received much of either growing up, and learned early that money was something she could always get from people, if she pushed the right buttons. I am finding it odd that n one asked WHY is this son keeps letting her back in his life. C'mon Loony, even you can figure that one out. What do young guys want? sex
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 13:04:59 GMT -5
::Since when it is mandatory to give a gift? ::
Since you want to keep your gf.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 13:10:12 GMT -5
::Since when it is mandatory to give a gift? :: Since you want to keep your gf. She is a boomerang. Not his GF. She said she doesn't know what she wants.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 23, 2014 13:12:35 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 13:13:30 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college. You don't pay a hooker for sex. You pay them to go away afterwards.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 13:14:07 GMT -5
::Since when it is mandatory to give a gift? :: Since you want to keep your gf. She is a boomerang. Not his GF. She said she doesn't know what she wants. That's what his mom calls her. It's already been established it is his gf. I don't think she said she doesn't know what she wants...she's mad he hasn't even asked her yet.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 13:16:00 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college. That is exactly what he is dating. Unfortunately. I hope she is hot but something tells me she is not.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 23, 2014 13:18:42 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college. You don't pay a hooker for sex. You pay them to go away afterwards. So you are saying if you didn't pay a hooker - she will stay forever and become your piece of furniture? No! Her 'manager' would blow your brain out and THAT is what you are paying for to NOT to happen. Right?
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 13:19:13 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college. People can complain that it isn't fair all they want. That doesn't change the reality that at that age pretty much most women worth dating are going to expect their boyfriend to get them SOMETHING for their birthday. He's got money for all this other stuff he wants to do. He is eating "all those meals outside the dining hall because the food is gross", weight room, extracurriculars, etc. He has money to spend on himself. Choosing to spend nothing on a gf is basically a big waving flag that she doesn't mean anything to him. It doesn't have to be a huge gift, on that I agree. But it can't be nothing if you expect to keep any girl around. In response to Loony - I agree nobody is owed a gift. That doesn't change the reality that it's expected in most relationships. There is what SHOULD happen, and there's reality. Reality is that most are going to expect their bf to get them something on their birthday.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Apr 23, 2014 13:21:57 GMT -5
No matter what he gives her even via mom, it won't be enough. So now the son is paying or sex? We call those women hookers. Is that what he's dating? A hooker? He's in college and not much money. Pick some flowers, get a 50 cent card from dollar store and call it good. I wouldn't expect a huge gift from a guy in college. That is exactly what he is dating. Unfortunately. I hope she is hot but something tells me she is not. Ok, she's a hooker. As is every woman who has ever received a gift from a man they were in a relationship with since that's the criteria. So now that we've established most of you are hookers, let's start revealing what your prices are!
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