Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 26, 2014 14:16:22 GMT -5
Maybe it's just because the last couple of weeks at work have been really busy, but I started thinking, how do you summon the energy to be "on" for your family after working a full day at work?
I work a 9 hour day, and I just get home drained and tired. It's hard to imagine doing that, and then coming home and having to cook dinner, do the dishes, take the trash out, give the kids a bath, ect. It's not just the work, but you have to be "on" for your kids and spouse, meaning attentive and responsive to what's going on with them.
Just seems exhausting thinking about it at 6:00 p.m. Plus after you get all you work done, you have what, like an hour at most of "down time?"
Just wondering how you guys who work and have a family manage. I guess you do what you have to, but after the busy times I've had over the past few weeks, just seems like it'd be tough.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Mar 26, 2014 14:19:54 GMT -5
It just becomes your new normal. I work the 9 hour days too, plus a 45 min commute each way. The 1-2 hours of down time at night seems like a huge luxury after a while because you've forgotten about the old days. Ssshhh, stop reminding me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 14:26:01 GMT -5
Early bedtimes! I get home between 5 and 6, spend two hours doing chores, making dinner and such and both kids are in bed by 8. Oldest can read in his room if he wants, but he's in bed. Then I usually collapse on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watch Netflix or something on the Tivo for a couple hours or read. Evenings are nice. Mornings are the kind of nutso time.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 26, 2014 14:31:21 GMT -5
Well, it depends. I have a spouse at home, so that helps, but even without a spouse at home there for most people with kids there is a partner to help around the house.
As for your list: having to cook dinner - cook on the weekends, leftovers or frozen meals during the week. Maybe the occasional crockpot meal, but 90% of the time, supper is taken care of by the time I get home.
do the dishes - not cooking a big meal at supper means not a ton of dishes. The dishwasher is also great.
take the trash out - Not really a big deal
give the kids a bath - Not an every night thing. DH use to take care of that during the day, but with DS in preschool, he needs a bath or shower Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights. Most of the time that happens before I get home.
You have to be "on" for your kids and spouse, meaning attentive and responsive to what's going on with them. - My kids go to bed early. So I get home at 6 and I'm on for an hour to eat supper with them and play with them. At 7pm, we start putting everything away. Most nights both kids are in bed by 7:30 at the latest. Some nights before 7. So, a lot of it is powering through it. After 8pm, most nights I'm done with the kids. DH and I tend to decompress individually or I go back to work at my home office. It leads to not a lot of quality time with DH, but with 2 little ones, just do what you have to do.
Like Yogiii says it becomes your new normal. Some nights, I'm not on for my family. Some nights I lay on the couch or the floor and let the kids just roll all over me. But at bed time, I take one kid and DH takes the other and away we go.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 26, 2014 14:32:13 GMT -5
It's not like dishes and laundry would cease to exist if I didn't have DH or the kid around. The nice thing is if I am too tired to do it DH can step up or vice versa.
As they get older kids can occupy themselves for periods of time. It was a lot harder when she needed me to nurse her or change her diaper. Now that she's almost four we have stretches of time where she entertains herself and I can catch a break.
I agree with Yogii, you adjust to it and becomes your new normal. I never know what to do if I have more than 30 minutes at a time to myself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 14:34:01 GMT -5
Oh, and Sesame Street!
I put on an episode when I get home and that gives me 60 minutes to do barn chores and make dinner with no interruptions. Even older son will watch it. LOL
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 26, 2014 14:35:59 GMT -5
Peppa Pig in our house. She adores that show and Nick Jr has been playing it non-stop recently.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 26, 2014 14:37:32 GMT -5
Peppa Pig is the big one at our house right now too. DS and DD love it.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 26, 2014 14:39:20 GMT -5
Tell me about it. And I don't even have kids. I was discussing this the other day with a lady I was interviewing. She started a baking business - just her doing all the work, from baking to packaging to marketing to selling and delivering. And she works a full-time job in addition. Single, no kids, however. I work full-time, plus part-time freelance, so both of us work at least six and often seven days a week, plus workouts and housework, etc. I have a spouse who helps, and while she does not, her parents do live nearby (they both work, but also provide her with maintenance help around the house.) We both came to the question: how on earth do we not collapse with only five or six hours of sleep each night? Answer: it's normal, and at least some of our waking hours involve doing something we are passionate about, so it makes everything else bearable.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 14:41:02 GMT -5
drinking and drugs.
After my kids are done I have some, too.
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genericname
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Post by genericname on Mar 26, 2014 14:45:53 GMT -5
(Not the drinking/drugs, lol) You just deal, I guess. Vacation helps
My one hour commute each way is somewhat down time, since I drive back country roads and two lane highways with little traffic, so I can decompress as I drive a little.
I'm up and out the door by 5:30AM, so I don't have much time after getting dinner ready and playing with the kids a little to get 'me time' - usually I go to bed right after they do. My DH gets his 'me time' in front of the TV before he comes to bed, since he has daddy duty in the morning and goes to bed later than I do. The only problem with that is it makes intimacy that much harder, so we have to work on our relationship with extra care.
Since I've gone back to work after baby #2, I've carved out an hour or so on Saturday and Sunday for working out, and my DH pretty much knows that's non-negotiable. If I don't get exercise, I'm shot for the week. We all have to develop coping strategies.
ETA: oh yeah, and coffee. LOTS OF COFFEE
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 26, 2014 14:46:45 GMT -5
Just lying on the couch or floor and letting the kids roll over you? That actually sounds like little kids would have a grand time just doing that actually.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 14:47:24 GMT -5
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Mar 26, 2014 14:49:28 GMT -5
What MPL said!
But seriously, you're probably not going to like my answer, but here ya go anyway . . . .
Remove from your life the things that are known to drain your energy: alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, recreational drugs, refined sugars and carbs, toxic people, toxic environmental chemicals, etc. Most of us are familiar with the brief euphoria and then the crash-and-burn that come with chemicals like sugar and caffeine, but we seem to do it anyway - many of us are just unwilling to get off that particular merry-go-round, for whatever reason.
Do things that increase your energy: turn off the TV (!) and get enough sleep! No less than 7 hours every night (figure out what YOU need - some people need 8 or 9, but current research is saying that for the vast majority of people, 7 seems to be the minimum). Eat real food that is as close to nature as possible: lots of vegetables, some fruits, some unrefined grains, nuts and seeds, good fats, small amounts of unrefined or cultured dairy, small amounts of meat and fish. Ditch any beverage that comes in a container from a store - especially if it was "manufactured" with food chemicals. Drink water and green tea.
Exercise regularly - it increases the endorphins in your brain (the natural "feel good" brain chemicals). Make sure *some* of your exercise is vigorous enough to increase your heartrate.
Do things that "turn on" the parasympathic nervous system (the "rest and digest" or "feed and frolic" part of the nervous system). It kinda doesn't matter what that is - you just have to enjoy what you're doing to activate that system. Read, meditate, hang upside down, play video games, hug a dog, pet a cat, get out in nature, find a regular sex partner - whatever floats your boat and helps you relax. Some of us live constantly in the realm of the sympathetic nervous system (the "fight or flight" part), and over time if you live in constant stress you can suffer from adrenal exhaustion which will drop your energy down to nil.
And make your health (and therefore good energy levels) a priority in your life. Taking care of yourself is actually very simple. It is NOT easy - sadly, almost everything in popular culture conspires against good health habits and routines (hard partying, alcohol, tobacco, lack of sleep, frankenfood, poorly prepared food, bad nutrition in general, recreational chemicals, stress, couch potato-ing endlessly in front of the TV, etc etc etc) all conspire against the glowing good health you want. And when you have good health you have enough energy to live your life to the fullest - including being "on" for your family at the end of the day.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Mar 26, 2014 14:57:01 GMT -5
Maybe it's just because the last couple of weeks at work have been really busy, but I started thinking, how do you summon the energy to be "on" for your family after working a full day at work? I work a 9 hour day, and I just get home drained and tired. It's hard to imagine doing that, and then coming home and having to cook dinner, do the dishes, take the trash out, give the kids a bath, ect. It's not just the work, but you have to be "on" for your kids and spouse, meaning attentive and responsive to what's going on with them. Just seems exhausting thinking about it at 6:00 p.m. Plus after you get all you work done, you have what, like an hour at most of "down time?" Just wondering how you guys who work and have a family manage. I guess you do what you have to, but after the busy times I've had over the past few weeks, just seems like it'd be tough. This is EXACTLY why I want to transition to part-time or SAHM once we can afford it. My work/life balance is off-kilter and I feel like my family is getting the short end of the deal.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Mar 26, 2014 14:57:21 GMT -5
I don't have kids... but i have a dog and husband that need attending to.
I don't really have to be "on" for my husband. Or maybe I am and I don't know it?!? Sometimes when I'm done walking the dog, working out, cooking, showering etc. I can't do anything but crash out on the sofa for an hour in front of the TV.
DH has dog duty in the morning so I go into the office early. I have dog duty after work, so he can stay late if he needs to. I can log in from home if i need to in order to finish up work.
About once a week we throw dinner in the crock pot or get take out/ go out to dinner. so that leaves a couple nights where we don't have to worry about dinner so that makes things easier.
We also clean up after ourselves as we go... which makes life easier. Plus I am OCD about the house.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 26, 2014 14:59:18 GMT -5
Some days you don't. You come home, take the family to dinner somewhere, leave the mess for them to clean up, then go home and veg. I love my kids, and the vast majority of the time I look forward to doing something with them in the evenings. It can be the only part of my day that doesn't suck. Once in a while though I go home and retreat to the bedroom to read a book and be left alone.
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amishgal
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Post by amishgal on Mar 26, 2014 15:04:26 GMT -5
I'm "on" for my family when I get home from work at 6 because I'm happy to see them and happy to be home! If DH isn't traveling and we have nothing going on that evening, I get home, change, pour a glass of wine and make dinner. Usually DH is in the kitchen talking and "helping", then we eat and everyone helps clean up. If he's out of town and it's just youngest DD and I, we'll have something simple like grilled cheese and soup. In the summer we might all take a walk, but lately we've been watching a LOT of tv after dinner and of course making sure DD gets her homework done. I might throw in a load of laundry and sweep a floor, but most cleaning gets done on the weekend. My youngest is 11 so I don't have to do things anymore like give baths, etc. so that does make a difference, she is very self sufficient and independent.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 26, 2014 15:17:01 GMT -5
Right now I don't have any. Generally, though, the answer is that I get my energy from DD. She's happy to see me and when she runs across the room and barrells into me, I get a huge burst of energy. I take that, drive her home, get her dinner (we don't cook during the week almost at all, so dinner is leftovers or yogurt and veggies or something.) Then DH comes home, puts her in the bath and we both put her to bed.
So, usually I have to be "on" for about an hour and then another 15 minutes. It's doable.
Then there are they days where she screams all the way home and is a general disaster. Those days, there is no on. There is only wine.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 26, 2014 15:17:52 GMT -5
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 26, 2014 15:17:54 GMT -5
This year, I'm going away twice (!) for a long weekend to recharge. To say I am looking forward to it is an understatement.
DH works part time and we make a good team. We've streamlined our tasks and don't allow much time to get them done. I can't tell how how much time I used to waste when I had more of it.
I also take the bus when I can to get some "me" time in.
It helps that my day job does not require me to be "on" and my night job energizes me, actually.
And, you do what you need to do. Sometimes, you just have to muddle through.
Oh, and DH and I don't wait until the kids are in bed to reconnect. Mostly because we are toast by then. We generally talk throughout the day. We also try to have lunch once a month, and get away for a full day, just us a couple times a year. We can't do anything past 7, as the littlest won't go down unless one of us puts her down, and it's not worth making the sitter deal with a toddler screaming bloody murder for a couple of hours.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Mar 26, 2014 15:33:48 GMT -5
I dunno. Red Bull & Adderall?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 15:47:24 GMT -5
Let's see : my MIL moved in and in exchange for food/shelter she cooks/clean and sometimes does the laundry!
For the past 2 days I have worked from 7:00 AM to 7:30 PM, add in two hours round trip commute and I am done.
The only reason I am leaving at 6:30 PM today is because I have to drive to Logan Airport to pick up my wife.
I never thought I would be one of those people that is too tired for even sex... Guess what? I am there! I dunno how we are going to do it when we have kids but I truly appreciate my MIL more and more everyday!
I skipped hanging out with the guys last Saturday because I haven't hang out with my wife in awhile and she started with: you don't have time for me but you have time for your friends.
I guess you just cope!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 26, 2014 15:50:10 GMT -5
I dunno. Red Bull & Adderall? I must be tired. I read that as "Red Bull and Underalls."
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 26, 2014 16:24:15 GMT -5
Back in the stone age when the kids were younger, I was married and that did help. We each had a day off, which meant we could sleep in and just get until we were ready to face e kids and the day. I didn't get divorced until my kids were in school, thank GOD, and my job was fairly well geared toward their schedules. Maybe off by an hour or so here and there but that as okay. I could stop after work on the way home and either grab a chicken meal which used to be a good deal, a whole chicken either fried or broiled, rolls, and a couple of sides for less than $6. We had easy meals during the week. Laundry was a no brainer, a load goes in and it comes out and into the dryer. Then folded and kids take their clothes to their rooms. I had a maid every other week so the bad stuff was done for me. If I had had an 8-5 job it would have been a LOT harder, I am sure.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Mar 26, 2014 16:26:09 GMT -5
I don't. If I have a busy week at work, some things just have to slide. I do what I have to do to make it through. It is what it is.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 26, 2014 16:30:22 GMT -5
I also planned my meals in advance, as in on a calendar. DF thinks that's very funny but I needed to know what we were going to eat and when. Then I shopped accordingly. He wanted pasta for dinner tonight. Great idea except I had no pasta sauce. That would have never happened back in the day when I was organized. Yes, a last minute trip to the store is no biggie but its a pita because it wasnt necessary.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Mar 26, 2014 16:34:26 GMT -5
I dunno. Red Bull & Adderall? What he said. I dunno. You just do it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2014 17:10:21 GMT -5
Energy?
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teen persuasion
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Post by teen persuasion on Mar 26, 2014 19:04:34 GMT -5
Maybe it's just because the last couple of weeks at work have been really busy, but I started thinking, how do you summon the energy to be "on" for your family after working a full day at work? I work a 9 hour day, and I just get home drained and tired. It's hard to imagine doing that, and then coming home and having to cook dinner, do the dishes, take the trash out, give the kids a bath, ect. It's not just the work, but you have to be "on" for your kids and spouse, meaning attentive and responsive to what's going on with them. Just seems exhausting thinking about it at 6:00 p.m. Plus after you get all you work done, you have what, like an hour at most of "down time?" Just wondering how you guys who work and have a family manage. I guess you do what you have to, but after the busy times I've had over the past few weeks, just seems like it'd be tough. I think having a family to come home to changes the equation. As another poster mentioned, getting to see your loved ones perks you up. I was a SAHM for a long time, until the youngest hit school age, so in many ways I was "on" 24/7, especially when there was a baby in the house and I was nursing. Things got easier as the kids got more independent, at least until they began school activities. Then I got busier picking them up and taking them places, and working that around mealtimes, since I considered that part of my SAHM duties while DH was the primary breadwinner. As more of the kids got involved in activities, DH and I eventually developed a divide & conquer strategy for everything that needs to get done. Now I'm working part time, and to be honest, being out and with other people for a time energizes me to come back home to my family and do things for and with them. In my limited time at work I have to be efficient to get everything done, so that carries over to my time at home. On my days off, it is way too easy to put things off, since I " have all day". There is a limit to how busy I like to be. I really dislike when my kids have so many commitments that they are at school from 7 a.m. to nearly 10 pm. Everyday for two weeks. And the moderators see no problem with a cast party till 2am on the weekend, including the elementary school age kids.
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