Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2014 14:51:42 GMT -5
There's someone I'm trying to get out of my life because he's crazy. I've mentioned here before that I know someone that I honestly believe is a sociopath. Never known anyone like that before. I knew getting rid of him was probably going to be a problem because I had doubts that he'd go away quietly. He's not. Refusing to deal with his craziness makes him even crazier.
Anyway, I went a few days without contact with him. Then today I stupidly responded to a text. Long story short, just trying to have a rational conversation left me feeling seriously drained. I see clearly how the time with no contact made a huge difference. I knew I needed to get away from him, but I didn't realize that just talking to him had such a direct negative impact on me.
I've heard of people that are energy vampires, but never experienced it to this extent. Has anyone else ever dealt with someone that exhausts you and makes you just want to take a nap?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 11, 2014 14:53:37 GMT -5
Yes.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 11, 2014 14:55:29 GMT -5
Yep, I made the mistake of surrounding myself with a few in high school. I no longer speak to any of them. I do feel bad about my former BFF. It's the right thing to not be involved in his life anymore, it just depresses me b/c a couple years back we ran into each other again and his life was even WORSE than it was in high school. I made the mistake of inviting him over and his sister shows up to say his crazy ex figured out where he is hiding, don't come home. Took one look at DH and Gwen, couldn't get him out of my house fast enough. The old part of me was tempted to let him hide at my house but no way am I going to endager Gwen or DH with his drama. If he can't get his act together then I need to shut the door on the friendship. The other one her mother married my mom's first cousin. Fortunately she seems to hate my extended family so I never have to see her. I like her mom.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2014 14:56:09 GMT -5
Was it someone you were able to cut all contact with, or did you learn how to manage how they affected you?
ETA: That was for gira
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 11, 2014 15:02:50 GMT -5
Was it someone you were able to cut all contact with, or did you learn how to manage how they affected you? ETA: That was for gira Well, I tried basic boundaries (I won't tolerate verbal abuse and being in codependent relationship) and the boundaries were not well received. We've had an estranged relationship for fairly long time now. It's not worth it for me to try and manage how they affect me. I need that emotional energy for my H and kids. My folks installed all my buttons, and then know how to push them. My mom knows how to cut me down to nothing in less than 5 minutes. (Actually, also learned how to do that from her, too.) They will not get emotionally healthy. There isn't much more I can do.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Mar 11, 2014 15:17:27 GMT -5
My ex was a psychic vampire. Well, I should say "is" instead of "was", because even though I haven't had contact with her in years, one doesn't get cured of that level of cray-cray without an army of shrinks and a steady diet of mind-bending pills, so I can safely assume that not much has changed. The scary part about such people is the more you feed the beast, the hungrier it gets.
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InsertCoolName
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Post by InsertCoolName on Mar 11, 2014 15:32:09 GMT -5
I know plenty. They don't change. Only get worse.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Mar 11, 2014 15:34:52 GMT -5
You can not deal rationally with an irrational person.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2014 15:53:34 GMT -5
My ex was a psychic vampire. Well, I should say "is" instead of "was", because even though I haven't had contact with her in years, one doesn't get cured of that level of cray-cray without an army of shrinks and a steady diet of mind-bending pills, so I can safely assume that not much has changed. The scary part about such people is the more you feed the beast, the hungrier it gets. Yes, I believe that's true. It's all kind of mind-boggling to me.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 11, 2014 16:20:17 GMT -5
Oh, heck yes. I know my share of people like that. And the less contact, the better. When you have to, keep it short, simple and civilized, and then get out of their ozone layer. Whatever it is they are inhaling, you don't want it. Energy vampires make drama queens look good.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2014 16:30:45 GMT -5
Well this energy vampire is also a drama queen (king?). I think he thrives on drama and turmoil and will create it just to keep things interesting to him. I do think he's a sociopath, but I also think he's a bit evil. The best thing to do for myself is also one of the things that makes him even crazier than he is. That's ignoring him. But dealing with him in any kind of way makes ME crazy. Not sure how exactly I'm going to get away from him. MM, that's not really funny right now. But it's ok.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 11, 2014 16:41:18 GMT -5
My ex was a psychic vampire. Well, I should say "is" instead of "was", because even though I haven't had contact with her in years, one doesn't get cured of that level of cray-cray without an army of shrinks and a steady diet of mind-bending pills, so I can safely assume that not much has changed. The scary part about such people is the more you feed the beast, the hungrier it gets. Oh I'm still watching you, pooky... I know it's only a matter of time before you realize you can't live without me... And by that, she means you literally will not live without her!
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 11, 2014 17:22:27 GMT -5
Yes, I have one in my family, after 30 plus years of trying to cater to her, tolerating her melt downs, hysteria, sulks and general crazy talk (everyone in the world hated her and was trying to make her life hard) finally just had to tell her I couldn't deal with her anymore.
Which resulted in a nuclear melt down and long term sulk, but that's fine, because that means she's no longer speaking to me. Feel bad for her DH and her two kids, but what can you do.
In her case, though, I don't think she's a sociopath, I think she's a hard core narcisist.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Mar 11, 2014 19:12:42 GMT -5
There's someone I'm trying to get out of my life because he's crazy. I've mentioned here before that I know someone that I honestly believe is a sociopath. Never known anyone like that before. I knew getting rid of him was probably going to be a problem because I had doubts that he'd go away quietly. He's not. Refusing to deal with his craziness makes him even crazier. Anyway, I went a few days without contact with him. Then today I stupidly responded to a text. Long story short, just trying to have a rational conversation left me feeling seriously drained. I see clearly how the time with no contact made a huge difference. I knew I needed to get away from him, but I didn't realize that just talking to him had such a direct negative impact on me. I've heard of people that are energy vampires, but never experienced it to this extent. Has anyone else ever dealt with someone that exhausts you and makes you just want to take a nap? Yup. An ex-girlfriend who was not all that mentally stable. And a neighbor who is manic depressive. I find it just takes an enormous amount of energy to deal with these types of people. Somehow they are able to shift their burdens in life onto others. So you spend your time and energy trying to find ways to improve their lives, and worrying about them, to the detriment of your own life. And it just kind of consumes and exhasuts you. My advice to you. Cut the cord and run like hell. Do not respond to attempts at contact. Avoid them at all possible costs. Otherwise they will suck you into their whirlpool. Accept that there are problems you just aren't qualified to fix. Without you as a crutch, they are more likely to get the help of qualified professionals.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Mar 11, 2014 21:19:16 GMT -5
We arent bad people. We are just not really a people. So what do you want to know? ...and I am offended by 'they will suck you into their whirlpool' setense. We buy jacuzzies from other companies as well as you humans...sometimes it is dream Makers or Aquaviva spa...so get it real!
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 11, 2014 21:45:36 GMT -5
I know a lot of relatives, coworkers, and members of the public that are energy vampires. I avoid them whenever possible.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Mar 12, 2014 6:02:07 GMT -5
I never really have purposefully cut someone out of my life. There are some relationships that just don't gel. Like my SIL, it seems the whole family has tried to make her happy but to no avail. I think we have all just accepted that our relationships with her are what they are and that is all it will ever be.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:23:24 GMT -5
Just end the relationship. There is no way to make it easier on the person. Tell them to stop contact AND DO NOT RESPOND. Then restraining orders if they get kooky. If the vampire is your kid, ignore above, you are the one who has to deal with it
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Mar 12, 2014 8:26:43 GMT -5
Yes, there have been plenty of emotional vampires, and I have learned that despite my best efforts, I cannot fix anyone.
I don't have the energy to even try now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:36:26 GMT -5
I find it just takes an enormous amount of energy to deal with these types of people. Somehow they are able to shift their burdens in life onto others. So you spend your time and energy trying to find ways to improve their lives, and worrying about them, to the detriment of your own life. And it just kind of consumes and exhasuts you.
My advice to you. Cut the cord and run like hell. Do not respond to attempts at contact. Avoid them at all possible costs. Otherwise they will suck you into their whirlpool. Accept that there are problems you just aren't qualified to fix. Without you as a crutch, they are more likely to get the help of qualified professionals.
It does take a lot of energy to deal with him, but for different reasons. I don't know how to describe it without going into details of the things he does, but every description of sociopaths I've read, fits him. He's very intelligent, but doesn't live by the same rules most of us do. He doesn't take responsibility for anything he does or justifies it in some warped way. If you're not sure of yourself, he can make you think you're the one that's crazy. He's irrational and like someone said already, you can't deal rationally with an irrational person.
How did I get mixed up with someone like that? He's very nice (at first), charming, generous, is well read enough and intelligent enough to have interesting conversations about all sorts of things and can be a lot of fun. People love him. Either they're not around him enough to see the other side, they don't realize how manipulative he is, or they stick around because he's generous and they need what he has to offer.
Most normal people, you can say "hey, this isn't working for me, but I wish you well" and they may not like it, but they'll go away. Not him. I'll keep ignoring his texts but I won't be surprised if he shows up in person. Call the police if he does that...... he won't care.
I'm not interested in trying to fix him. He'll probably never seek help because he doesn't think he needs it, although he does know he's not normal. To him, he's just living his life however he wants to. Laws, societal rules, and normal behaviors are for other people.
My phone buzzed off and on all night, until after 3am. I didn't check it yet to see what he was saying. It's kind of stressful not knowing what's next. I know something is coming next.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Mar 12, 2014 8:38:14 GMT -5
One last text to him:
Stop contacting me or I will call the police. Then call them. Theyre used to dealing with guys like this.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:40:21 GMT -5
Just end the relationship. There is no way to make it easier on the person. Tell them to stop contact AND DO NOT RESPOND. Then restraining orders if they get kooky. If the vampire is your kid, ignore above, you are the one who has to deal with it I'm not trying to make it easier on him. I'm trying to make it easier on ME. lol I've told him we can't be friends and not to call or text me. He's not hearing that. He acts out when I ignore him. He doesn't care about any restraining orders. No, it's not my kid.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 12, 2014 8:43:28 GMT -5
Is this man your boyfriend or just a regular friend?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:47:45 GMT -5
One last text to him:
Stop contacting me or I will call the police. Then call them. Theyre used to dealing with guys like this. And they'll do what? Tell him to stop calling me? He doesn't care about that. Make it official that he's not suppose to contact me? He doesn't care about that either. I keep saying he lives by his own rules.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:49:05 GMT -5
Is this man your boyfriend or just a regular friend? He was something between the two briefly a while back. Then I tried to let him just be a regular friend, but even that is too much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:50:09 GMT -5
Man, your picker IS broken!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:52:24 GMT -5
You can't stop him from doing whatever he chooses to do, but you are reinforcing by responding if he escalates. So you are training him to up his game. Get off the merry-go-round.
Tell him no more contact. Then write him 'no contact' including a list of date you told him no contact and all his subsequent contacts (that you do not respond to). Then have an attorney write him a warning that if he continues the harassment you will file for restraining order. Then file for restraining order.
In the middle of that process you put a security system on your house, go to kick boxing class and get buff, buy pepper spray (the big cans you can buy at sporting good store for bears), and a gun.
If he is really a crazy you might have to move and change job. Depends how much you want to stay alive or how much you want to shoot another human being.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:53:33 GMT -5
Anyway, I started the thread because I'd never realized someone could really drain your energy from you like it happened to me. I wasn't trying to bore you all with the whole story about him. I just wondered if anyone else had dealt with someone that left them feeling like they needed to take a nap to recover from interacting with them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:54:36 GMT -5
Man, your picker IS broken!! Completely!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:54:45 GMT -5
I am sorry I made light of your situation, @pinkcshmere. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I hope you can figure out a way to get him out of your life.
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