gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Mar 12, 2014 8:58:33 GMT -5
I'm not sure from your replies if this man is just a major annoyance or if you are concerned he could be dangerous. I certainly hope it is the former and he'll eventually get bored and move on to someone else. If he thrives on drama and you are not responding he won't be getting much out of the situation. I would probably try one more time with a text saying something along the lines that you should both move on to meeting other people and therefore, it's not a good idea to keep in contact and you don't intend to respond to any other texts, messages, etc. Then follow through.
If you suspect the man is in fact dangerous, I am not qualified to offer any advice and would seek out a professional trained to deal with these situations.
Good luck!
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Mar 12, 2014 8:58:49 GMT -5
One last text to him:
Stop contacting me or I will call the police. Then call them. Theyre used to dealing with guys like this. And they'll do what? Tell him to stop calling me? He doesn't care about that. Make it official that he's not suppose to contact me? He doesn't care about that either. I keep saying he lives by his own rules. They will arrest him if he keeps contacting you. Then an Order of Protection will be issued. And then he gets arrested for violating that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 8:59:20 GMT -5
I am sorry I made light of your situation, @pinkcshmere. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I hope you can figure out a way to get him out of your life. Oh, it's ok. It was funny. My picker did fail me on that one. I'm not sad or heartbroken or anything. A bit concerned that it might get worse before it gets better, that's all. Thanks!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 12, 2014 9:10:13 GMT -5
One last text to him:
Stop contacting me or I will call the police. Then call them. Theyre used to dealing with guys like this. And they'll do what? Tell him to stop calling me? He doesn't care about that. Make it official that he's not suppose to contact me? He doesn't care about that either. I keep saying he lives by his own rules. Well, it is sounds like there is no exit out of it but I know there is always way. There must be some organization that can help. If not police. Hope you will find a way out of it. Does he afraid of anything? Anyone?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Mar 12, 2014 9:13:49 GMT -5
Anyway, I started the thread because I'd never realized someone could really drain your energy from you like it happened to me. I wasn't trying to bore you all with the whole story about him. I just wondered if anyone else had dealt with someone that left them feeling like they needed to take a nap to recover from interacting with them. So...Lili's solution seems like too much work?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 9:59:35 GMT -5
I'm not sure from your replies if this man is just a major annoyance or if you are concerned he could be dangerous. I certainly hope it is the former and he'll eventually get bored and move on to someone else. If he thrives on drama and you are not responding he won't be getting much out of the situation. I would probably try one more time with a text saying something along the lines that you should both move on to meeting other people and therefore, it's not a good idea to keep in contact and you don't intend to respond to any other texts, messages, etc. Then follow through. If you suspect the man is in fact dangerous, I am not qualified to offer any advice and would seek out a professional trained to deal with these situations. Good luck! He's never even come close to being violent towards me, but I've learned that he's been violent with women he was involved with in his past. And men that have known him for decades seem to know when to back down before he does something crazy. So while he's never done anything to physically harm me in any way, I know he's capable of violence. I know ignoring him makes him crazier and I'm a little concerned that he might resort to something drastic to get my attention or "punish" me for ignoring him. I've already tried your "one more time" text. It's been ok to meet other people for a while. Last week when I got off work, I saw his car parked down the street from my job at a restaurant we use to go to. I know it was him because he parked on the street and deliberately waited to get out of his car just as I was passing by and he texted me to tell me he was meeting someone there to eat. I guess that was suppose to ruin my day or something. Instead, I was hoping he really was meeting someone and that she'd keep him occupied so he wouldn't bother me. I didn't respond. He says I'm going to see that he's serious, one way or another. Serious about what, I'm not sure. And swamp, your advice is spot on. But jail isn't really a deterrment for him. What's funny (not really) is that he's a respected business man, and really involved in his church. These people have no clue about who he really is. The elders at his church think they've helped him turn his life around. No, he just hides it better. He leads a double life and admits it. Oh well, I've devoted enough energy to him today already, just talking about him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 10:06:44 GMT -5
And they'll do what? Tell him to stop calling me? He doesn't care about that. Make it official that he's not suppose to contact me? He doesn't care about that either. I keep saying he lives by his own rules. Well, it is sounds like there is no exit out of it but I know there is always way. There must be some organization that can help. If not police. Hope you will find a way out of it. Does he afraid of anything? Anyone? No, he's not afraid of anything or anyone. He thinks he's invincible. Or that he has 9 lives. And he's been to jail before, jail doesn't scare him. He's said those things more than once and his actions say he's serious. The only people whose opinions he half-way cares about are the elders at his church. That doesn't stop him from doing anything though, he just makes sure they don't know about it.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Mar 12, 2014 11:26:09 GMT -5
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you're dealing with this. I've dealt with something similar in the past (including him serving jail time AND being involved in a church). Sadly, the only way I truly got rid of him is because he found someone else to stalk / vicitmize. I felt guilty knowing there would be another (who knows how many?) vicitims in his future, but I had to just move on and let everyone else figure it out themselves.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 11:38:09 GMT -5
He's never even come close to being violent towards me, but I've learned that he's been violent with women he was involved with in his past. And men that have known him for decades seem to know when to back down before he does something crazy.
So while he's never done anything to physically harm me in any way, I know he's capable of violence. I know ignoring him makes him crazier and I'm a little concerned that he might resort to something drastic to get my attention or "punish" me for ignoring him.
This is quite alarming, Pink. I would be considering a CWP if this escalates any further, learning how to shoot and carrying 24/7. If he does not care about rules and has the propensity for violence (even though he has never displayed any towards you), being spurned could change the rules for him.
At least look at some of what's involved in your state. If you are in NY and CA, it will be difficult.
If there is a shooting range in your city, consider going out there and asking someone to show you what to do. IME, they are extraordinarily helpful and usually have firearms that you can try out before you purchase. Taking some classes at this time would not be remiss.
Even if it does not escalate, at least you'll have the knowledge in the future.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Mar 12, 2014 11:48:49 GMT -5
Well, it is sounds like there is no exit out of it but I know there is always way. There must be some organization that can help. If not police. Hope you will find a way out of it. Does he afraid of anything? Anyone? No, he's not afraid of anything or anyone. He thinks he's invincible. Or that he has 9 lives. And he's been to jail before, jail doesn't scare him. He's said those things more than once and his actions say he's serious. The only people whose opinions he half-way cares about are the elders at his church. That doesn't stop him from doing anything though, he just makes sure they don't know about it. So in other words, he's the self-flagellation guy from The Da Vinci Code? Sounds like a peach. You two should get Starbucks.
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Mar 12, 2014 12:32:23 GMT -5
Pink, I'm sorry you are having to deal with someone like this. It really sounds like it has the potential to become a dangerous situation for you... please handle this carefully and keep us posted.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 12:54:48 GMT -5
Greenlis, he has other people to focus on. Apparently that's not enough.
MM, thanks.
Mich, I do have weapons. Its not hard to get a permit to carry here, but I'd still have to leave it home when I go to work. When I bought my last gun, HE started taking me to the range and taught me how to use it. HE taught me about owning, handling, and using guns and coached me on handling myself in a bad situation.He's very knowledgeable on the subject and he taught me a lot. :-(
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 12:58:07 GMT -5
MM, you didn't have to delete your posts. I'm sure you didn't realize the joke might be a bit close to home for me. It's ok. :-)
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 13:05:40 GMT -5
Mich, I do have weapons. Its not hard to get a permit to carry here, but I'd still have to leave it home when I go to work. When I bought my last gun, HE started taking me to the range and taught me how to use it. HE taught me about owning, handling, and using guns and coached me on handling myself in a bad situation.He's very knowledgeable on the subject and he taught me a lot. :-(
Could you keep it in your car in a lock box? I ran into this conundrum when I was looking at carrying at work. The campus is supposed to be gun free, but there were a lot of assaults on campus and I was frequently walking into parking garages 3-6 blocks away unescorted at 10-11 at night (after class). I never had to make a decision as to whether or not to break the rules though, because I never went back after I got sick. At the end, I really was considering carrying in my purse (I bought one that specifically fit my 1911) and leaving it locked in my desk drawer at work during the day. I probably would have only carried it on the days where I knew that I was going to be late.
The idea that he taught you how to handle weapons and use them makes me just a little uncomfortable (and I imagine it does you too).
Regardless, I think I'd start the paperwork rolling for a CWP.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 13:25:01 GMT -5
No weapons on the premises, period. Not even locked away in your car. I'd have to park on the street. I'm not sure how much good carrying will do me anyway. More variables than if something happened while I'm home alone.
And yes, its kind of scary that he's one of the few people IRL that knows I have guns that I'm not afraid to use, and that my aim is pretty good. I prefer that anyone that means to harm me, not know any of that.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 13:28:59 GMT -5
I'm not sure how much good carrying will do me anyway. More variables than if something happened while I'm home alone.
Whatever you do, do NOT go to your car alone after work. Another suggestion would be to vary up your schedule if at all possible. If you can vary your work times between 5-9am and 2-6pm, it might make it more difficult for him to track you.
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Mar 12, 2014 13:33:10 GMT -5
break all contact. change your number. go away for a while.
ETA I just realize that this situation was a bit more serious.
Are you sure that you are the only one who sees that he's off. I mean, how can he be a respectable businessman with a jail record?
No one I know has been to jail. Going to jail is not a normal thing for normal people. I think you might be surprised by how many people realize that he's got issues. Perhaps you may have more supporters or allies than you think.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 13:36:31 GMT -5
No weapons on the premises, period. Not even locked away in your car. I'd have to park on the street. I'm not sure how much good carrying will do me anyway. More variables than if something happened while I'm home alone. And yes, its kind of scary that he's one of the few people IRL that knows I have guns that I'm not afraid to use, and that my aim is pretty good. I prefer that anyone that means to harm me, not know any of that. How about a can of pepper spray that you can keep on your keychain and some sort of handheld alarm or whistle? That would likely just make him angrier and it is very possible that he is carrying. I think I'd be reluctant to do something physical that would antagonize him and that would not stop him in his tracks. Pink, does this guy have a CWP?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 13:41:20 GMT -5
There's someone I'm trying to get out of my life because he's crazy. I've mentioned here before that I know someone that I honestly believe is a sociopath. Never known anyone like that before. I knew getting rid of him was probably going to be a problem because I had doubts that he'd go away quietly. He's not. Refusing to deal with his craziness makes him even crazier. Anyway, I went a few days without contact with him. Then today I stupidly responded to a text. Long story short, just trying to have a rational conversation left me feeling seriously drained. I see clearly how the time with no contact made a huge difference. I knew I needed to get away from him, but I didn't realize that just talking to him had such a direct negative impact on me. I've heard of people that are energy vampires, but never experienced it to this extent. Has anyone else ever dealt with someone that exhausts you and makes you just want to take a nap? Love that description, I know the type. I've always called them brain drains. I avoid them as much as possible. You can't be nice to them, the common greeting, hello how are you? is seen as in invitation to eat your brains. Beware...
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Mar 12, 2014 13:45:51 GMT -5
I read the book by that guy that was on Oprah. (I dont' remember the name of the book OR the guy). He was the guy that said "never let them take you to a second location".
Ok I googled. It is called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. He had tips in there about how to respond to stalkers. I don't remember much, but I think responding to his texts at all just encourages him. But ... I'm not an expert.
I do not believe I know any energy vampires. I'm not their type. I guess I'm just not nice enough to feel bad for them so they don't even try to suck me in. My friends call me a sociopath, but that isn't really true. I'm just not that into people and I'm not the person you want if you are looking for sympathy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 14:42:22 GMT -5
I'm not sure how much good carrying will do me anyway. More variables than if something happened while I'm home alone. Whatever you do, do NOT go to your car alone after work. Another suggestion would be to vary up your schedule if at all possible. If you can vary your work times between 5-9am and 2-6pm, it might make it more difficult for him to track you. My work schedule is set in stone. That's how he was able to make sure I saw him last week. I can vary my route going to and from work, but I'm still going to end up at the same places around the same times.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 12, 2014 14:45:51 GMT -5
I'd have security escort you to your car and building if possible. If he sees you're never alone he might back off at least at work.
Got anyone who could stay with you randomly at home? Having another person/car come and go without predictably means he'd never know for sure when you might be alone. We used to do that when I'd house sit for my parents. DH would come over at random times during my stay. So anyone potentially watching the house knew there were others who might show up at any time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 15:19:57 GMT -5
break all contact. change your number. go away for a while. ETA I just realize that this situation was a bit more serious. Are you sure that you are the only one who sees that he's off. I mean, how can he be a respectable businessman with a jail record?
No one I know has been to jail. Going to jail is not a normal thing for normal people. I think you might be surprised by how many people realize that he's got issues. Perhaps you may have more supporters or allies than you think. Start your own business. And try to act like you have some sense when you're handling business. His friends and family just shrug and say "that's just him". They know he's crazy but they're not going to be my allies, I'm just some chick he knows as far as they're concerned. From what I can tell, most people that stick by him have their own agendas. They need jobs, money, or favors. I think he hates women. They're objects that exist solely for his pleasure and he's use to getting his way with women. Especially young women that need a man to do things for them. I'm not young and dumb and I'm not for sale, so I think when he realized that, it messed with his ego and I became a challenge. The more I resist or try to distance myself, the more he acts out. I don't even think it's about ME, or because I'm such a great catch. He's just crazy. Damn, just seeing all this stuff in black and white is awful. And what I've written is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm very private IRL, so I just say he's crazy and don't get into details. I do have one friend who I gave his name, address and other info and told her to keep it just in case something happened to me. That was a while back and I don't even remember what prompted me to do it, so I guess it's been in the back of my mind for a long time that he might try to do something bad to me at some point.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 15:31:44 GMT -5
How about a can of pepper spray that you can keep on your keychain and some sort of handheld alarm or whistle? That would likely just make him angrier and it is very possible that he is carrying. I think I'd be reluctant to do something physical that would antagonize him and that would not stop him in his tracks. Pink, does this guy have a CWP? I agree on the pepper spray. He'd laugh his ass off if I blew a whistle or something to try to attract attention. I don't know if he can even get a CWP, he's said before that he can't get a passport because he's a felon. I don't know if that's true or not. But he has all kinds of guns. Pistols, rifles, and shotguns. I've never seen him carry one on his person, but I've stumbled upon one or two in his car.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 15:52:54 GMT -5
I'd have security escort you to your car and building if possible. If he sees you're never alone he might back off at least at work. Got anyone who could stay with you randomly at home? Having another person/car come and go without predictably means he'd never know for sure when you might be alone. We used to do that when I'd house sit for my parents. DH would come over at random times during my stay. So anyone potentially watching the house knew there were others who might show up at any time. I guess I'm not painting a clear picture of how crazy he is. I honestly believe that if he decided to try to harm me, he won't care about anyone seeing him. He's showed up in the parking lot at my job because I was ignoring him. He wanted me to let him see my phone. I refused and reminded him that there were live cameras everywhere and our security watches them. His response to that was to call his friend and tell him he needed him to come get his car because he was getting ready to go to jail. Maybe I should be, but I'm not really scared. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I just want him to go away and leave me alone.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Mar 12, 2014 15:55:55 GMT -5
Holy Shit, Pink!!! He is definitely a psychopath and one thing I've learned about psychopaths is they can't stand rejection. The more you break away the harder they try to contact you. My suggestion is to remain cordial and pleasant but do not interact in any way. Remain calm and keep your mouth shut at how you really feel about him or his behavior. If you run into him just be pleasant and very, very busy and leave his presence immediately. Do not interact or be ugly or tell him off. Always smile, pretend you are happy to see him (but not with too many words) and say "Hi! I'm sorry, but I'm late" and get the hell away from him. Stop responding to texts, phone calls, etc. Don't give him any reason to go off on you. DO NOT feed the monster that is in him! That is what he wants - your reaction. He'll eventually get bored and move on to some other poor soul. (((Hugs))) and please be safe. I'm no expert but I do know how to deal with crazy from when I worked and from playing on the internet.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 15:56:49 GMT -5
That would likely just make him angrier and it is very possible that he is carrying. I think I'd be reluctant to do something physical that would antagonize him and that would not stop him in his tracks. Pink, does this guy have a CWP? I agree on the pepper spray. He'd laugh his ass off if I blew a whistle or something to try to attract attention. I don't know if he can even get a CWP, he's said before that he can't get a passport because he's a felon. I don't know if that's true or not. But he has all kinds of guns. Pistols, rifles, and shotguns. I've never seen him carry one on his person, but I've stumbled upon one or two in his car. If he is a felon, how has he gotten his guns?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Mar 12, 2014 16:02:02 GMT -5
Pink...I think you need to start a paper trail with the police right now. They probably won't be able to do anything, but at least you will have made them aware that there is something funky going on. Look up what your state's stalking laws are and see if he has broken any of them.
Inform the police that you KNOW that this guy has an arsenal and claims to be a felon. Is there any way of validating this?
At this point, it sounds like you might have enough to get a restraining order against him. And as Drama says, see if you cannot get someone to walk you to your car when you leave work.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 17:03:28 GMT -5
Holy Shit, Pink!!! He is definitely a psychopath and one thing I've learned about psychopaths is they can't stand rejection. The more you break away the harder they try to contact you. My suggestion is to remain cordial and pleasant but do not interact in any way. Remain calm and keep your mouth shut at how you really feel about him or his behavior. If you run into him just be pleasant and very, very busy and leave his presence immediately. Do not interact or be ugly or tell him off. Always smile, pretend you are happy to see him (but not with too many words) and say "Hi! I'm sorry, but I'm late" and get the hell away from him. Stop responding to texts, phone calls, etc. Don't give him any reason to go off on you. DO NOT feed the monster that is in him! That is what he wants - your reaction. He'll eventually get bored and move on to some other poor soul. (((Hugs))) and please be safe. I'm no expert but I do know how to deal with crazy from when I worked and from playing on the internet. POM, that's almost exactly how I've tried to handle him before. It was a real struggle to keep my mouth shut and it didn't always help anyway. I'm not responding to any more texts and such. He did finally get a reaction yesterday after I'd been doing so good ignoring him, but it was a wake-up call for me, realizing just how much dealing with him drains me. If I hadn'tbeen ignoring him for a while before yesterday, I probably wouldn't have noticed the difference yesterday. He's still at it, and I'm back to ignoring him. I've already been going out of my way to try to avoid running into him, and I'll keep doing that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2014 17:06:02 GMT -5
If he is a felon, how has he gotten his guns?
I'm guessing off the streets. I don't really know. Having a record doesn't stop you from being able to get a gun.
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