Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 6, 2014 8:31:38 GMT -5
A while back I created a thread asking if people could change or not. The responses were mixed.
So now I pose a related, but slightly different question.
How have you changed throughout your life? Are you the same person you were 5, 10, 15, or 20+ years ago? Do you feel you're a better person, or not than you used to be?
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 8:59:36 GMT -5
IDK if I have changed all that much, but my life sure has!
I like to think I am the same person making more responsible decisions because I have more responsibilities. But the core hasn't changed that much!
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Jake 48
Senior Member
keeping the faith
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 16:06:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,337
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Post by Jake 48 on Mar 6, 2014 9:10:05 GMT -5
Life has surely changed, I'm more tolerant where/when I should be. Happy with my kids, accepted that their life plan will fall into place on their terms, not mine. Pretty much eliminated/avoid toxic people in my life.
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haapai
Junior Associate
Character
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:40:06 GMT -5
Posts: 5,983
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Post by haapai on Mar 6, 2014 9:15:34 GMT -5
I liked my younger self better but I'm a wiser person now. The last 10 years have been rough. I'm really not in a good place and I've picked up some bad habits.
I pay a lot more attention to other people's character these days. I trust other people less than I used to. My admiration for academic credentials and job status has evaporated.
I've come to despise manipulators and liars. When I was younger and more financially secure, I could dismiss their shenanigans as some sort of game, a strange perspective on the world, or something that would eventually catch up with them. Now I just get angry. How dare they make the world more confusing and difficult to navigate just for their own profit?
On a related note, when I was younger, I strongly believed that you could learn something from just about anyone that you stumbled across. I'd talk to anyone. Now I'm much more likely to write people off as unprofitable or costly sucks on my bandwidth and patience.
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cael
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 9:12:36 GMT -5
Posts: 5,745
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Post by cael on Mar 6, 2014 9:18:30 GMT -5
I have definitely changed in 5 years... I am no longer as shy as I used to be and am way more likely to get pissed and speak up about things. I've also become a jaded city employee.... sometimes I mourn that I've turned into a bitter jaded loudmouth, but in the end it'll probably serve me well. I still have the same objectivity and diplomacy in dealing with people as I've always had, I'm just more firm with it now. And I'm more willing to put myself out of my comfort zone for something I want. Oh also, I've become less likely to feel badly for doing something that I need to do for myself. No more guilt (at least not much) with doing what I need to do for me even if it affects someone else. I just sound like I've turned into a jackass! lol.
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Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 6, 2014 9:18:50 GMT -5
I think largely I'm the same person.
I think in some respects I'm more patient/tolerant than I used to be, and some less. In my working life, I think I have become a bit less patient/tolerant of unprofessional behavior, but I think that has more to do with my overal profesionalism growing. But I think I've gotten more patient with people who disagree with me, and I don't let little things bother me as much anymore.
I think overall I'm more likely now to stand up for myself or others if I don't like what's going on, or how I'm treated. But I also think I have a better sense of which battles aren't worth fighting.
I think I'm less willing to take risks now, and less "gung ho" on pursuing new opportunities or advancing. I'd still like to advance, but I've realized what it takes to be in a managerial position with a lot of responsibility, and realized that being a worker bee isn't so bad. There's more to being a manager and high up than just the bigger paycheck. So overall, I've toned down my career expectations/desires.
One area where I might be a bit worse is I don't have as much of a sense of humor as I once did. I've gotten so serious. It's something I've been working on lately, trying to be a bit more lighthearted about things, but it's something that burned me sometimes in the past.
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2014 9:23:59 GMT -5
Fundamentally I am the same person. I still have the same values and goals that I did years ago. I still have my strong, independent personality. I am still driven at work (driven to make more money, not necessarily WORK more!).
But I have softened over the years. I am not sure if that is from having kids or having a special needs child but I do see things differently now. Not that I ever thought that children should suffer because of their parents, I do think some of my old views didn't take into account the impact on children.
I also used to be 100% against gay marriage. Now I don't give a shit. Why should gay people have an easier time getting out of a relationship than I do?
So yes people, this is the softer, gentler me...imagine what I was like 15 years ago
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InsertCoolName
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 1, 2011 17:32:48 GMT -5
Posts: 972
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Post by InsertCoolName on Mar 6, 2014 9:26:27 GMT -5
Oh my gosh yes I have changed.
Life will do that though.
20 years is a long time. I look at life with completely different eyes today.
Drug use. Heartache. Divorces. Having babies. Near deaths. Death. Falling in love.
I will choose Joy though.
Through it all, I still believe it's been more joyful.
I'm interested in what the next 20 will bring.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:26:43 GMT -5
I'm more of the person I always wanted to be. I'm more capable of living up to my ideals than I was when I was younger and had less experience and less understanding of how things play out.
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sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
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Post by sheilaincali on Mar 6, 2014 9:28:14 GMT -5
Dude, I'm not even the same person today that I was yesterday!
I don't consider it "changing" more "evolving". I try to continually improve myself. Whether it be my attitude, my physical appearance, my knowledge of something, etc. I will never understand people that get stuck in a rut and don't want to grow at all.
In the past 5 years- I've become more social and confident. I've stopped hiding my political and atheist views. I've made a dozen new friends and tried dozens of new things.
In the past 5 months- I've lost 65 lbs. Joined a weight loss team challenge in our city. Volunteered with a couple of the clubs/activities my son is part of. Met new people and tried new things. Who knew rutabaga was so tasty? Or that I really like Indian food?
In the past week- I'm learning a new accounting system at work. It's Thursday and last night I finished my 4th book of the week so far. DH and I perfected our homemade granola bar recipe yesterday.
Today- I'm working on letting my son have control of his life. We've been in a big AP or PSEO debate at our house for his junior year and I am working on letting go and letting him pick the path he wants for his junior year. Which is AP as opposed to the PSEO that I prefer.
Who the heck knows what tomorrow will bring.
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,767
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 6, 2014 9:30:57 GMT -5
My hair is the same color, and every year I seem to spend more to keep it that color.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2014 9:32:07 GMT -5
My hair is the same color, and every year I seem to spend more to keep it that color.
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 16:21:23 GMT -5
Posts: 8,717
Location: State of confusion
Favorite Drink: Whinnnne
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Post by The Captain on Mar 6, 2014 9:34:01 GMT -5
I liked my younger self better but I'm a wiser person now. The last 10 years have been rough. I'm really not in a good place and I've picked up some bad habits. I pay a lot more attention to other people's character these days. I trust other people less than I used to. My admiration for academic credentials and job status has evaporated. I've come to despise manipulators and liars. When I was younger and more financially secure, I could dismiss their shenanigans as some sort of game, a strange perspective on the world, or something that would eventually catch up with them. Now I just get angry. How dare they make the world more confusing and difficult to navigate just for their own profit? On a related note, when I was younger, I strongly believed that you could learn something from just about anyone that you stumbled across. I'd talk to anyone. Now I'm much more likely to write people off as unprofitable or costly sucks on my bandwidth and patience.
This pretty much sums it up for me. My view of people in "bad situations" has also become less tolerant. As I've gotten older I see people getting into bad situations more because of a series of their bad choices rather than simple bad luck. On a (somewhat) more positive note I've become a much stronger believer in what people can accomplish and how anyone is capable of overcoming obstacles based on what I've observed.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 6, 2014 9:37:06 GMT -5
I've become more interested in how I'm going to retire. Where, with whom, how much will I need to do so. Things I never worried or even thought about when I was young. Glad that DS is thinking about his retirement already.
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2014 9:39:13 GMT -5
I've become more interested in how I'm going to retire. Where, with whom, how much will I need to do so. Things I never worried or even thought about when I was young. Glad that DS is thinking about his retirement already. I thought you were retired?
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2014 9:39:38 GMT -5
My hair is the same color, and every year I seem to spend more to keep it that color. I'm not even sure I remember what my real hair color is
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:40:52 GMT -5
YM,
Have I changed over the years?
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:42:10 GMT -5
Do we even know the "real" you?!?
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:42:35 GMT -5
Do we even know the "real" you?!? Real and raw.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:45:03 GMT -5
How YOU doin'?
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 6, 2014 9:45:36 GMT -5
I am but when I did, I had plenty of money for retirement. Now it's being quickly eroded and 2/3rds of my pension was stolen and if the lawsuit is successful, I will probably be dead before I get any of it back. Not that I planned on that or SS but everything has gone up on my rentals but I can't charge more rent. It's a vicious cycle. Health care is horrendously priced and you get very little for it. Doctors and hospitals just order tests willy nilly with no regard if you can pay for it. If you ask them if this is covered they don't know and it can depend on how it's coded. When you're standing there, you can't just call insurance company and ask. A simple blood test can be $250-300 and that's after insurance pays maybe 30-40 bucks of it. You get bills for months after as well. Try to keep that straight. Everything is so much more expensive and I hate feeling that if it weren't for DF, I might end up shits creek. I don't want to be a user like his ex and kids.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 9:48:18 GMT -5
Even if he ended up helping you out you'd never be "using" him because your intentions are honorable.
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Formerly SK
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 27, 2011 14:23:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,255
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 6, 2014 10:03:30 GMT -5
I've become more defined as I've gotten older. As a teen I always believed my 40s would be my best decade - don't know how or why I thought that but it seems to be true. It took my 20s to recover from my childhood (such a shame it took this long), and my 30s were about gaining courage, strength, wisdom, and a core value set (mostly, I think, because of my autistic son). Now I'm 40 and it's like I'm wearing glasses for the first time and I can see clearly. It's hard to explain. x infinity. I don't care what a person looks like, their wealth, their social status, their marriage/kids, their education level, etc. Character is the ONLY thing I care about when I meet people, and if I find it lacking I dismiss them from my life. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that life is hard enough without inviting more bullshit into it from toxic people.
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 6, 2014 10:14:21 GMT -5
I am but when I did, I had plenty of money for retirement. Now it's being quickly eroded and 2/3rds of my pension was stolen and if the lawsuit is successful, I will probably be dead before I get any of it back. Not that I planned on that or SS but everything has gone up on my rentals but I can't charge more rent. It's a vicious cycle. Health care is horrendously priced and you get very little for it. Doctors and hospitals just order tests willy nilly with no regard if you can pay for it. If you ask them if this is covered they don't know and it can depend on how it's coded. When you're standing there, you can't just call insurance company and ask. A simple blood test can be $250-300 and that's after insurance pays maybe 30-40 bucks of it. You get bills for months after as well. Try to keep that straight. Everything is so much more expensive and I hate feeling that if it weren't for DF, I might end up shits creek. I don't want to be a user like his ex and kids. zib, that really sucks. I hope you can find a way to make it all work for you.
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Phoenix84
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 17, 2011 21:42:35 GMT -5
Posts: 10,056
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Post by Phoenix84 on Mar 6, 2014 10:17:06 GMT -5
Dude, I'm not even the same person today that I was yesterday!
I don't consider it "changing" more "evolving". I try to continually improve myself. Whether it be my attitude, my physical appearance, my knowledge of something, etc. I will never understand people that get stuck in a rut and don't want to grow at all.
In the past 5 years- I've become more social and confident. I've stopped hiding my political and atheist views. I've made a dozen new friends and tried dozens of new things.
In the past 5 months- I've lost 65 lbs. Joined a weight loss team challenge in our city. Volunteered with a couple of the clubs/activities my son is part of. Met new people and tried new things. Who knew rutabaga was so tasty? Or that I really like Indian food?
In the past week- I'm learning a new accounting system at work. It's Thursday and last night I finished my 4th book of the week so far. DH and I perfected our homemade granola bar recipe yesterday.
Today- I'm working on letting my son have control of his life. We've been in a big AP or PSEO debate at our house for his junior year and I am working on letting go and letting him pick the path he wants for his junior year. Which is AP as opposed to the PSEO that I prefer.
Who the heck knows what tomorrow will bring. You know they say never discuss religion and politics amongst friends or co workers. That's what message boards are for.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,617
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Post by swamp on Mar 6, 2014 10:19:35 GMT -5
I used to be nice. I'm an asshole now. I have no tolerance for bullshit.
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milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
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Post by milee on Mar 6, 2014 10:21:22 GMT -5
Very different.
I'm less intelligent now than I was when I was younger, but the offsets of increased ability to view shades of grey, tolerance and ability to be softer are worth it. It's a work in progress, but so far my 40s have been the best years of my life and I'm looking forward to continuing to grow.
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NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,687
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 6, 2014 10:21:43 GMT -5
I'm more of an activist than I was years ago; more vocal and willing to do what it takes for causes I care about. I'm more athletically inclined, though not much better at it than I was years ago. I blame a sports-deprived childhood for that. I'm more inclined to take chances and explore new things; less likely to stay home and wonder "what if" than I used to be. Fundamentally, my core beliefs have not changed. I still read a lot, look at the world with an open and curious mind and I am willing to listen to any point of view. I don't suffer fools at all, and I've gotten better at picking them out and getting them out of my life, which has left me more time for the things that matter. Years ago, I would not have considered separating myself from toxic family members. Now I know it sometimes has to be done.
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milee
Senior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2012 13:20:00 GMT -5
Posts: 12,344
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Post by milee on Mar 6, 2014 10:34:22 GMT -5
YM, Have I changed over the years? You've always joked around, but the tone of the jokes has varied.
For the last few months, you seem to be "lighter" and just generally very happy. I think you're excited about your son and it's nice to see.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 8, 2024 22:21:57 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2014 10:35:38 GMT -5
I can say "no" now and not feel guilty. I could not do that ten years ago.
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