How have you changed over the years?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think I'm pretty much the same person I always was deep down, we did a lot of those "who are you" type projects in school where you had someone you admired or a parent write an essay about you.  I still have a few and when reading them I  recognize myself.

What I've gotten better at is smoothing the sharper edges and toning down the less desireable aspects of my personality.  I used to be painfully introverted as a freshman, I barely said two words to anyone. I will always be an introvert but I have become much better at playing the extrovert when the need arises.

I am still a rescuer, I want to save people from themselves.  There is nothing wrong with the desire to help but I'd take it too far and wind up in co-dependent land.  As I've grown older I've learned to stop the process in it's tracks and close the door to relationships that aren't healthy for me.

I'm also a lot less drama prone.   All teenagers are drama queens, I also tended to have a lot of drama queen friends which reinforced the cycle.  Cutting people out of my life who are nothing but a soap opera has gone a long way towards peace of mind.  I used to thrive on it back in high school but come college I found it exhausting, I have very littel patience for people whose lives are one endless fiasco after another.

[sheilaincali]

Phoenix- I don't necessarily abide by that philosophy. I don't generally talk politics/religion at work but in my private life we do.  I've found once I opened up more and spoke up more I started to feel less alone in my opinions. 

 

[busymom]

I agree that life experiences will change you.  I am definitely more mellow than I was in my 20's, & less likely to panic if life isn't going smoothly (but, that doesn't make it any less annoying). I have lost a parent, & have one on the decline, & lost some friends much too young, so I've learned life goes on, it's just different. I am more likely to speak up now (I'm less shy) when I see cruelty, or just plain stupidity.   I've been on the edge of financial disaster, worked for a company that filed for bankruptcy (and lost that job), and learned NOT to define myself by what I do for a living.  I think, in spite of life's troubles, that I am more content, & cautiously optimistic about my future.  (Sheesh, reading through this, it sounds like I'm back in creative writing class in school.) 

[Phoenix84]

Mar 6, 2014 10:41:21 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Phoenix- I don't necessarily abide by that philosophy. I don't generally talk politics/religion at work but in my private life we do.  I've found once I opened up more and spoke up more I started to feel less alone in my opinions. 

 

To each their own.  I never felt a burning desire to find people who agree with me.  I've often found the most interesting discussions/debates are with people who don't agree with me, rather than finding an echo chamber.

I don't know what your political views are, but athiesm is not that uncommon of a belief.  Many posters here in fact share that viewpoint.

[movingforward]

I identify a lot with what nancy said.  My core values haven't changed much but I am definitely not the same person I was 20 yrs ago, 10 yrs ago or even 5 yrs ago.  I have always been one to stand up for myself and the rights of others but I am even more likely to do so now.  That being said, I have also learned to pick my battles.  Some you just aren't going to win so I have learned more about when to let it go and when to stand up and fight.  Experiences through the years have also shaped my opinion and changed my attitude about certain things.  I realized that I never want to live paycheck to paycheck ever again.  I want a large enough "kiss my ass" fund to be able to walk out the door if I need/want to... be it from a job, a man, whatever... During the last few yeas I have become respected in my line of work.  Maybe it is age, my current place of employment or other factors but I feel valued in my career more than ever.  I think most of what I feel/believe now just comes with age and life experience...

[mmhmm]

I don't believe the vast majority of people vary much in their core beliefs.  I think, rather, we grow and adjust as new information is learned and applied.  At least, this has been true for me. I'm still the same person I've always been.  My mother has verified that and she'd know.  Hopefully, I've learned to use my strengths better and to compensate better for my weaknesses.

[Deleted]

at the crux of the matter, i am still basically the same person

but yes.....oooooh how i have changed over the years

i have more patience with youth, and less with adults

i volunteer now....used to think that was for suckers

i am a much better manager, because i continue to learn.....i refuse to be one of those assholes who think they know it all

my expectations for myself keep increasing.....i dont like to settle

i have begun writing again after 35 years......and i am in negotiations on one of my works

and finally, i have reached a happiness/contentment with my life that i never had before....

and that is all because of my DW.....who puts up with all my antics, and still loves me anyway

[kcladyjane]

I have changed some in the last 5 years.  I NEVER wanted kids previously...and now we are expecting our 1st in September...and it was on purpose.  I miss my 5 years ago body.  I am fatter now...and after this pregnancy I will be even heavier.  So after the baby comes I will have to go on a major diet.  My joints hurt more now then they used to.  I expect our next 5 years to be vastly different with the new baby.  Our focus in life will definately change. 

From 10 years ago...I would say I am a lot different too.  Went from college to getting my first real job to getting married.  I am much more responsible then I used to be.  I am a better worker. 

[cktc]

Mar 6, 2014 9:28:14 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

I don't consider it "changing" more "evolving".  I try to continually improve myself.  Whether it be my attitude, my physical appearance, my knowledge of something, etc. I will never understand people that get stuck in a rut and don't want to grow at all.

I'm the same way. IMHO, if a person can't change it's because they don't want to change.

Maybe at the core I've always been someone who values self improvement, but finding the right tack is definitely a process. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

KC prompted me to remember something that's changed.  10-15 years ago I had no real interest in getting married, let alone having children.  I was 100% focused on being a "career woman".  Then I met DH and decided maybe I wanted a personal life outside of work after all.

As little as 4 years ago I didn't know if I wanted kids at all.  Eventually I came around.  Then I was pretty firmly in the "one and done camp".  Everyone over on WIR and in RL was shocked when I announced I was pregnant with kid #2.

DEFINETLY done after #2, DH and I are both in agreement about that.

[sheilaincali]

Phoenix- I think I was unclear.  I don't search for people with similar opinions- I search for people with opinions- any opinion. I like to talk to people that have a brain in their head and an opinion on life. It doesn't have to match my beliefs or lack there of at all.  I feel less alone in having An Opinion.   

I spent a lot of time dumbing myself down and not speaking out because I didn't want a spotlight on me. Once I started speaking up and found more people that were speaking up as well.

I would much rather prefer a philosophical debate with someone who's opinions differed from mine than have a conversation with same beliefs.  There's no growth in the second- it just reaffirms my original thoughts. Whereas a debate makes you think.

My group of friends and I will get together and go to a winery, take over a table, order a few bottles and spend hours discussing every topic under the sun.  We come from a wide variety of backgrounds and have very different careers and families.  I don't want cookie cutter friends and I don't have that.  All of my closest friends are all people full of ideas, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.  That's what makes hanging out with them so much fun.

[movingforward]

Congrats Drama!!

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2014 10:35:38 GMT -5 @familycfo said:

I can say "no" now and not feel guilty. I could not do that ten years ago.

It is incredible how big a life lesson that is!  Congratulations.

[Deleted]

Over the last 10-12 years, I've discovered that I hadn't really changed at all. When I was 18, the only things on my radar were being a kick-ass career woman and maybe having ONE kid... couldn't count on marriage because that is out of my control. Met DH in college and "became" all about us/family/the American Dream. And after 10 years, I realized that I was right the first time. Sigh.

I've changed in that I can be a bigger ice queen/manipulator now than I ever thought possible. It's a pretty ugly realization, and it's definitely something I need to work on pronto. Also, I've learned that real, true love is possible for me (I didn't believe that when I was younger).

[movingforward]

I am the opposite of others on this board... When I was in my early 20's I thought I would have a child (just one and only one) but when I was around 26 or 27 I started to doubt that I wanted kids at all.  By the time I reached 30 I definitely knew I didn't want children.  I realized it just wasn't for me...

[Phoenix84]

Mar 6, 2014 11:48:06 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

KC prompted me to remember something that's changed.  10-15 years ago I had no real interest in getting married, let alone having children.  I was 100% focused on being a "career woman".  Then I met DH and decided maybe I wanted a personal life outside of work after all.

As little as 4 years ago I didn't know if I wanted kids at all.  Eventually I came around.  Then I was pretty firmly in the "one and done camp".  Everyone over on WIR and in RL was shocked when I announced I was pregnant with kid #2.

DEFINETLY done after #2, DH and I are both in agreement about that.

Meh, you'll have a full brood before you know it.

[Formerly SK]

Mar 6, 2014 10:41:21 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Phoenix- I don't necessarily abide by that philosophy. I don't generally talk politics/religion at work but in my private life we do.  I've found once I opened up more and spoke up more I started to feel less alone in my opinions. 

 

I love to talk about politics/religion.  BUT, I only love to talk about it with people who are thoughtful/curious.  I don't talk about it with uninformed/hyperbolic people because it's a waste of my energy.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Meh, you'll have a full brood before you know it.

Nope, DH is getting snipped.  It's twice now I've gotten pregnant in less than a month, he's not allowed to so much as look at me cross eyed.  

[swamp]

When i was 22, i was positive i would never get married and never have kids.

Um, yeah.........

[movingforward]

Mar 6, 2014 11:59:35 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

Mar 6, 2014 10:41:21 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Phoenix- I don't necessarily abide by that philosophy. I don't generally talk politics/religion at work but in my private life we do.  I've found once I opened up more and spoke up more I started to feel less alone in my opinions. 

 

I love to talk about politics/religion.  BUT, I only love to talk about it with people who are thoughtful/curious.  I don't talk about it with uninformed/hyperbolic people because it's a waste of my energy.

  I enjoy having a discussion with people who are open minded.  It doesn't mean they have the same opinion that I do but we are both open to hearing others point of view.  I don't; however, enjoy being around people who use the bible as their only source of reference and start every single counterpoint with "the bible says blah, blah, blah..."  That does not equal an intelligent conversation to me...

[swamp]

Mar 6, 2014 12:04:52 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Mar 6, 2014 11:59:35 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

I love to talk about politics/religion.  BUT, I only love to talk about it with people who are thoughtful/curious.  I don't talk about it with uninformed/hyperbolic people because it's a waste of my energy.

  I enjoy having a discussion with people who are open minded.  It doesn't mean they have the same opinion that I do but we are both open to hearing others point of view.  I don't; however, enjoy being around people who use the bible as their only source of reference and start every single counterpoint with "the bible says blah, blah, blah..."  That does not equal an intelligent conversation to me...

i also feel that way about people who only get their news from Fox. 

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2014 12:05:35 GMT -5 swamp said:

Mar 6, 2014 12:04:52 GMT -5 movingforward said:

  I enjoy having a discussion with people who are open minded.  It doesn't mean they have the same opinion that I do but we are both open to hearing others point of view.  I don't; however, enjoy being around people who use the bible as their only source of reference and start every single counterpoint with "the bible says blah, blah, blah..."  That does not equal an intelligent conversation to me...

i also feel that way about people who only get their news from Fox. 

<<takes her ball, Bible, and Fox News app and goes home>>

[Tiny]

Mar 6, 2014 8:31:38 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

 
How have you changed throughout your life?  Are you the same person you were 5, 10, 15, or 20+ years ago?  Do you feel you're a better person, or not than you used to be?

That's a good question.  I like to spend time on introspection and tinkering with my inner thoughts and pondering the possible answers to the Big Questions,  so I've  been actively working to make myself a 'better person' <-- yes I do have a definition for that   -- for a very long time.  It's hard work - old habits and behaviors don't go away all that easily.  And some 'buttons' and the responses to those buttons are really deeply ingrained and difficult to change.   

Way back when - when my 10 year HS re-union came up - I decided not to go.   When some of my friends who DID go were talking about it - they remarked how the other people hadn't really changed all that much (and they didn't seem to be aware of this fact).  I got asked why I didn't go and I blurted out the truth... I was afriad "I hadn't changed" and didn't want to confront that bit of boogie monster (my own personal one).

That said, I think  that I have changed - for the better.   I'm more comfortable with myself and more confident.   I know what I value and WHY I value it.   - it could be anything from a possession to some duty or obligation I willingly perform.

But, there are days when I think the 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' wouldn't be so bad.  
   

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2014 11:56:00 GMT -5 hkguy said:

Mar 6, 2014 10:35:38 GMT -5 @familycfo said:

I can say "no" now and not feel guilty. I could not do that ten years ago.

It is incredible how big a life lesson that is!  Congratulations.

Thank you.

It is very freeing for sure.

[haapai]

Remember when you were much younger and you told an older person some hot gossip and they responded that what other people did with their bodies was none of their business and of no concern to them? 

I've become that person.  I also regret to tell you that I'm not being piously non-judgemental.  I really, honestly, do not care.  My lack of interest in other people's sex lives, love lives and sexualities is not an act.  It's gotten to the point that I find it difficult to fake even the politest level of interest and have difficulty remembering what I have been told. 

[souldoubt]

In my experience everyone I know has changed or rather their situation in life has changed because that's a part of getting older.  Some people own houses and have families, some of those people are now paying child support, some are divorced and on marriage #2, some became more of the person they were when we were younger (not always a good thing), some did a complete 180 and this all happened in less than 5 years.  5 years ago I was living with roommates, enjoying being young and single and saving money to buy a place but I didn't have a time table of when that would be.  I knew it would happen eventually but at the time I was happy and out of my friends none of us had taken that next step in life.  It started to happen and that's one thing that made me focus more on buying a place and looking forward to the future more.  In another 5 years I'll likely be married and have a kid or two which will make me look back at today as a much quieter and more relaxed time in life.  Whenever I look back in life things seemed better or more fun but I realize it's just because things were different, my priorities were different and I usually had less responsibility. 

[Tiny]

Mar 6, 2014 9:34:01 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Mar 6, 2014 9:15:34 GMT -5 haapai said:

On a related note, when I was younger, I strongly believed that you could learn something from just about anyone that you stumbled across.  I'd talk to anyone.  Now I'm much more likely to write people off as unprofitable or costly sucks on my bandwidth and patience. 

This pretty much sums it up for me.  My view of people in "bad situations" has also become less tolerant.  As I've gotten older I see people getting into bad situations more because of a series of their bad choices rather than simple bad luck.

On a (somewhat) more positive note I've become a much stronger believer in what people can accomplish and how anyone is capable of overcoming obstacles based on what I've observed.

Yeah that.    I use to go along with the idea that 'bad luck' happened and was responsible for most 'bad situations' that people got into.   But now I know that 'bad luck' or unfortunate circumstances do happen, but for the most part people's bad situations are just culminations of their own choices.    I'll also add that sometimes people feel they have NO choice - basically they are required to do X and are honor bound to to do it... and that leads to their bad situation. I firmly believe we all have a choice and making no choice is a choice.     

I also find it weird that people seem to take the "if at first you dont' succeed, try, try again" fairly literally.  They keep trying but DOING THE EXACT SAME THING.    <--which works great if you trying to perfect a physical motor skill (like playing an instrument or learning to cook)  not so good for other things.   

I also find it odd that people seem to buy into the idea that they should be able to make the Square Peg they are holding fit into the Round Hole they've chosen.    I can't quite understand why they don't realize at some point that they need to pick a different peg OR a different hole.    

Maybe these were 'qualities' that were impressed into people my age when we were young...  I don't know.

[movingforward]

When I was a teenager my parents used to tell me nothing good happens after midnight.  I used to think they were looney tunes and now I agree .  When I watch the news there are always drunk driving/fatal accidents in the late night/very early morning hours.  I am extra careful now when I am out late and when I was young the thought of something bad happening never crossed my mind. 

[Phoenix84]

Mar 6, 2014 9:40:52 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

YM,



Have I changed over the years?

Well, you never would have changed your avatar if I never brought it up.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I think that the biggest thing that I have learned is choosing which battles to fight and which to let go. Sometimes, it does not always set well with me, but I now tend to look more at the big picture in what forcing the issue would resolve.....and many times, it's not worth bad feelings.

The past 2 years for me have probably been the biggest change, because for once I am at least partially dependent upon someone else, not necessarily financially but physically. This is hard for me to chew and swallow.