How do I know if my kid is ready for kindergarten?

[raeoflyte]

I think it was Davebo who had a thread last year on red shirting his preschooler.  I'm faced with the same decision and I'm not really sure what I need to be looking for.  The preschool teachers won't give me a yay or nay.  They say that kindergarten is very academic now (not sure I love that idea, but ok) and they say that he's ahead on all of that stuff.  It's the social part that I'm concerned with.  He finally doesn't hate preschool, but still doesn't do well with crowds and rambunctious kids.  He sits by himself while they do their song and dance in the mornings and then joins the group once everyone sits down for story time.  

Dh and I need to figure out some time to go observe him in preschool, but what should I be looking for?  I think once we're there he is going to glue himself to us so I don't know how accurate the results we see will be.  He has an end of June birthday so he'll be the youngest if he starts this year, or he'll be the oldest if we wait another year.  I really don't like either option.  If it matters physically he's in the 90th percentiles for height and weight.  He doesn't tower over the other kids, but he's not small either.  

Thoughts?  

[Sum Dum Gai]

Unless the kid is academically delayed somehow I think they're ready for kindergarten when they're old enough to attend.

[whoisjohngalt]

Jan 14, 2014 11:21:29 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Unless the kid is academically delayed somehow I think they're ready for kindergarten when they're old enough to attend.

COMPLETELY disagree

[Deleted]

If he was ONE of the rambunctious kids, is say wait. But he is academically good and likes to sit still is say go for it. But always monitor. It's not like you are stuck. If something isn't working, you can always reassess and do something else. 

[whoisjohngalt]

I am going to keep my opinion to myself, but will only say what my pediatrician warned me about my youngest who is a HUGE baby - be careful in any kind of day care/preschool/school setting bc people subconsciously think that if the kid is "big" he should be able to do certain things. 

It didn't apply to us, since we are homeschooling, but I thought it was an interesting observation

[The Captain]

@southernsusana is a teacher and someone who's opinion I would listen to on this topic.

Do you have a pre-k program you could get him into then ask the teacher their opinion?

[Sum Dum Gai]

My issue with redshirting kindergartners is that you're making a choice that effects their entire school career based on their behavior at age 4. They might a little behind socially at that age but they'll catch up by second grade at the latest. If you redshirt it's harder to jump up a grade if they're academically way ahead and bored out of their minds later.

[Deleted]

The way we decided is did we think our daughter would get more out of another year of preschool or a year of kindergarten. In our circumstances we thought she would get more out of kindergarten. In your case, it doesn't sound like the preschool and he are a good fit, so I am not sure how much more he would gain in another year there.

[Deleted]

My boys are both summer babies.  Older son was born mid-July and is the youngest in his class.  He's in 6th grade now and has struggled with some social issues, but honestly it was more because he was academically AHEAD and couldn't relate well. 

Younger son is just 3 and was born mid-June.  I have no plans of holding him back a year.  He started preschool part-time this Fall and at the school he's attending it's combined with the Kindergarten, so really he's going to end up with 3 years of Kindergarten as it is.  He will be more than ready to get out of there and onto first grade.

[muttleynfelix]

I had a coworker who had twins who were age wise ready for Kindergarten (January birthday and our state has an August 1 cut off, so it wasn't like it was even close). They were not ready for Kindergarten at all. They ended up repeating.  This was 6 years ago, so I'm not remembering all the details. They really struggled following directions, staying on task, etc.  There was a lot of social immaturity that played into that.  That said, they had not been in any sort of preschool program. They were babysat all day by a Great Aunt and it was really babysitting, not providing a learning environment.  But the parents could not afford anything else. So it was, what it was. 

Rae, you still have 7 months before your DS would start Kindergarten. Kids still make a lot of progress in a short time at this age.  I think in your shoes, if you have to register for Kindergarten soon, I would go ahead and do it and then talk to the school and if August comes and you and the school and preschool teachers don't think he is ready, then pull him out.

[raeoflyte]

Jan 14, 2014 11:25:43 GMT -5 The Captain said:

@southernsusana is a teacher and someone who's opinion I would listen to on this topic.

Do you have a pre-k program you could get him into then ask the teacher their opinion?

He's technically in a pre-k program at his preschool, which is in the same school that we'll probably put him in kindergarten in.  They just won't commit either way which I kind of understand, but it's frustrating.  I don't have any 4 year olds to compare ds to.  

[raeoflyte]

Jan 14, 2014 11:21:42 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I think it partly depends on the kindergarten program - full day, half day?  How many kids?  How many teachers?  How much time do they allow for physical activity?

This is great and gives me a starting point.  I really don't want full day.  That just seems way too much to me, and we may have to switch schools to get that.  

[raeoflyte]

Jan 14, 2014 11:34:28 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Rae, you still have 7 months before your DS would start Kindergarten. Kids still make a lot of progress in a short time at this age.  I think in your shoes, if you have to register for Kindergarten soon, I would go ahead and do it and then talk to the school and if August comes and you and the school and preschool teachers don't think he is ready, then pull him out.

This is definitely the plan, I just want to know where to start in figuring this out.  I guess I expected a lot more help from the preschool teachers in guiding me, and since that isn't happening I'm feeling kind of behind the 8 ball.    

The potentially sucky part is that if we move forward planning on kindergarten, there will most likely not be a spot for ds in preschool next year.  I suppose we could register him for both, but that seems like we'd be taking away another kids opportunity at the preschool if we didn't use it.  

[giramomma]

Is your child an introvert normally?

Our oldest has a May birthday. We sent him to school on time. He's a gentle soul. He can't deal with the normal playground jawing that kids do. He won't even jaw back for fear that it would hurt someone's feelings. Really, the child is just too nice.

Holding DS back because he doesn't deal well with some normal kid things wasn't an option for us. Rather, we decided to work with him, and if it wasn't better, work with the school counselor. We cannot change our kids' personalities. Tweak, sure. Give them coping skills, absolutely. But, I believe the personalities are formed as they are inside our womb..

All of first grade, DS was picked on by a kid that was a full year older than him. The kid SHOULD have known better, given his extra year of life, that picking on someone because you can isn't appropriate behavior. Yet, with that extra age and time for social growth, this kid did. As it turned out, the kid was just able to pick up that DS was sensitive and chose to exploit that.

[Deleted]

Does your county do a Kindergarten screening?  Ours screens starting at age 3 and they "score" the kids on several aspects to determine their readiness for Kindy.  Physical, social, developmental...

[muttleynfelix]

If it is the same school, have you talked to the principal/director about how they handle it if he isn't ready for Kindergarten when he starts? 

It seems odd the lack of direction you are getting from the school. I had 2 phone conversations with the administrative assistant about what days sending DS to preschool would be best, all of them her calling me because of concerns with scheduling , etc.   They said in their January newsletter that they are sending home with the pre-k kids district specific information on Kindergarten enrollment.  I would guess they have kids that are in 6 school districts (although we may be the only one from our school district) if not more.  I guess I would just expect the administration to be more hands on.

[raeoflyte]

Jan 14, 2014 11:25:26 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I am going to keep my opinion to myself, but will only say what my pediatrician warned me about my youngest who is a HUGE baby - be careful in any kind of day care/preschool/school setting bc people subconsciously think that if the kid is "big" he should be able to do certain things. 

It didn't apply to us, since we are homeschooling, but I thought it was an interesting observation

You don't have to keep your opinion to yourself.  I can't remember ever not liking your parenting ideas even if we didn't use them.  I know that you're homeschooling which changes the game quite a bit.  In all honesty I would really, really prefer us to homeschool but it just isn't really an option.  Plus ds is so shy, I'm not sure if we could provide the social aspect. 

[zibazinski]

Are you concerned academically or socially? Or both?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 14, 2014 11:25:26 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I am going to keep my opinion to myself, but will only say what my pediatrician warned me about my youngest who is a HUGE baby - be careful in any kind of day care/preschool/school setting bc people subconsciously think that if the kid is "big" he should be able to do certain things. 

It didn't apply to us, since we are homeschooling, but I thought it was an interesting observation

My son is big too.  And we run into this as well, even DH and I catch ourselves falling into this trap. 

To be honest, I'm very thankful he's got an Oct. b-day, so the decision is out of my hands, to an extent.  But after talking with DD's K4 and K5 teachers, I'm assuming we'll be having a fair amount of notes/emails/conferences once he starts. 

[milee]

Is red shirting common in your area? If so, that changes things.

My youngest son is a July birthday and we didn't even think about keeping him back since he does well academically and plays really nicely with others. But he's now in a gifted school and he's one of only two kids in his class that wasn't redshirted. So he is in a class with kids that are mostly a year older than him and some are almost two years older than he is. That's a huge spread. Although I wouldn't say he's especially slow socially, he's not accelerated in his maturity, either so being 2 years behind in maturity makes him stand out in certain classroom situations. The difference between the emotional maturity of a 7 year old and a 9 year old is a wide, wide gap, especially with boys who can be a little less mature than girls of the same age anyways.   

Had I knows how common redshirting is among parents in the area - especially in the gifted classes - I probably would have done it.  I think both my boys would have fit in better emotionally and socially if they were the same age as the other kids.  But as Dark said, you're making a decision now that impacts them for the rest of their schooling.  For example, once your kid's in second grade and you realize he's two years younger and less emotionally mature (no duh!), you can't really hold him back and make him repeat the grade without causing a whole new set of issues.

Also, you say that the teachers won't give you a recommendation.  Is that how they handle every child?  If not, I'd be trying to read between the lines on why they are not giving you a recommendation on your little guy.  Recommendations about kindergarten readiness are a standard thing for preschool teachers, so that would be really odd if they don't do that at all. 

[busymom]

In our district, they made VERY clear when our kids were small that they wanted their kindergartners to be both academically AND socially ready. We had DS wait a year, with no regrets. In fact, around here more boys are made to wait another year than girls. (The girls seem to mature socially much more quickly than the boys.)

I agree with finding out if your school has a screening program. Those can give you more specific information on any areas a child needs more work on.

[Wisconsin Beth]

The lack of help from the school is concerning too. 

[milee]

I just read your post mentioning that your son is shy. My two are as well. That is part of why it has been tough for them to be the youngest in the class.  If I had to do it over again and knowing what I know now, I would have held them both back a year. Again, not for academics, just to give them that year more of emotional development.

[Deleted]

My wife teaches what they call a transitional kindergarten class which is for kids who are redshirting kindergarten. The program has only been around for 4 or 5 years, but in the first year the class was all boys. This year it there are a few more girls, but it certainly seems to be that more boys get red shirted than girls.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Is there another school you can talk to about enrolling him in K5?  Get their criteria even though you probably won't send him there?  And then take a shot at evaluating C on your own? 

[Sum Dum Gai]

Redshirting and gifted schools... that sounds like a total pain in the ass. Of course a 9 year old in a grade normally attended by 7 year olds will seem gifted, they're 9.

[whoisjohngalt]

Jan 14, 2014 11:46:54 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Jan 14, 2014 11:25:26 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I am going to keep my opinion to myself, but will only say what my pediatrician warned me about my youngest who is a HUGE baby - be careful in any kind of day care/preschool/school setting bc people subconsciously think that if the kid is "big" he should be able to do certain things. 

It didn't apply to us, since we are homeschooling, but I thought it was an interesting observation

You don't have to keep your opinion to yourself.  I can't remember ever not liking your parenting ideas even if we didn't use them.  I know that you're homeschooling which changes the game quite a bit.  In all honesty I would really, really prefer us to homeschool but it just isn't really an option.  Plus ds is so shy, I'm not sure if we could provide the social aspect. 

You are so sweet, thank you.

[milee]

Jan 14, 2014 12:00:54 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Redshirting and gifted schools... that sounds like a total pain in the ass. Of course a 9 year old in a grade normally attended by 7 year olds will seem gifted, they're 9.

Yep. But you deal with the cards you're dealt. Nothing I can do to change that. But it does suck when you realize what's going on and that had you known all this a few years ago you could have made life a lot easier for yourself and more pleasant for your kids.

Rae, one more thought - it's really tough for you to evaluate the readiness of your own child.  Not only do a lot of kids act differently at school than at home, but you probably don't interact regularly with a huge sample of kindergarten aged kids, so you really have no basis for comparison.  If your preschool teachers won't help, it may be worth it to spring for a consultation with a local child psychologist who works with and knows the schools in your area.  S/he can do some observation of your kid, talk to his teachers, talk to you and based on all that plus his/her understanding of what is common in your local schools let you know if he's ready.

[Sum Dum Gai]

You could have your boys repeat a grade, but that's not really fair to them. You could give them a gap year then enroll them in school one grade above where they were when you pulled them. Accomplishes the same thing but they don't have to spend a year repeating material and bored. Would require a lot of adjustment and work on your part though, and could disrupt their education quite a bit.

[whoisjohngalt]

I wanted to comment on the "shy" thing.

As I always preface it - my experience is VERY  limited - my kids and only the ones that I've met through playdates, etc.  I've never been around kids until now.

Everyone kept saying that my oldest is "shy".  That annoyed the crap out of me.  There is NOTHING shy about him, but he is the kind of kid that observes first and acts second.  And if he is doesn't like you - he just is not that eager to talk to you.  It's not bc he can't, he simply doesn't want to. 

His behaviour also changed from the time he was 3-4 to now, that he is 5.5.  He is much more comfortable talking to a stranger, but again, if he WANTS TO. 

I am probably not explaining this well, but to me, a shy person who get nervous and uncomfortable around people he doesn't know.  My kid is just very selective in his interactions. 

He is also a leader and not a follower, so if other kids are playing something he is not interested in, he doesn't join in.  Again, not bc he is shy, he is just not interested.

Anyway, just wanted to give you another perspective.