Speaking of step moms

[whoisjohngalt]

anyone heard from KDmron (I can't remember the exact spelling)

[Angel!]

I was thinking about her the other day.  I hope she is doing well

[whoisjohngalt]

Me too.

[Sam_2.0]

She's not been on here in a long while. Did she delete her profile?

[taz157]

According to the member's list, she logged on in mid-January this year.


kdamron - How are you doing?  Several of us are hoping you are okay. 

[whoisjohngalt]

No, it had to be later than that.  Time can't fly THAT fast, right

anywhoooo, I hope she is doing OK.

I've never really posted on her threads, but always really liked her.

Too bad there is no email notification or something when someone mentions you on here - like FB does it

[taz157]

I didn't think it had been that long either.  Her last posts dealt with trading stuff of her late DH's with her stepkids, and the hassle it was turning into before of their mother.

I wonder if any the mods have a way of getting in touch with her.  I don't know if she made her email address private, but mods may have a chance to find out what it is.  Either way, I hope she's lurking and knows that people are thinking of her and hope she's doing well. 

[mmhmm]

I wonder if she just decided not to make the transition to V5.  She dropped off just about the time of the conversion, it seems.

[zibazinski]

I think it must really hurt to lose your husband and what you thought of as " your kids." Legally she has no claim to them and bio mom was going to make sure she never saw them or contacted them again.     I get that because it will happen to me. DF has me in charge of college funds for grandkids so if they want the money they have to see me/be polite but reading Honeys posts makes me realize I don't want to be treated like DF is, like a wallet. 

[happyscooter]

I got married when I was 19, years ago.  I have always said that if anything happened to DH (death or divorce) I would never get remarried.  Some of you are 'Saint Status' for putting up with ex-spouses and stepchildren.  I just couldn't do it.  I guess I love myself more than I could love a man.  Sorry if that sounds bad.

[zibazinski]

It doesn't sound bad at all. I would have never gotten with DF if he still had some custody of his bio DD. she's a spoiled troublemaker with her hand out all the time. It simply would have ended our relationship. As it is, she causes trouble enough.

[swamp]

Oct 24, 2013 10:06:56 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

It doesn't sound bad at all. I would have never gotten with DF if he still had some custody of his bio DD. she's a spoiled troublemaker with her hand out all the time. It simply would have ended our relationship. As it is, she causes trouble enough.

doesn't it hurt DF to say all these nasty things about his child?

[gs11rmb]

I'm married but if something happend to my husband and I found someone new and intended to marry again, it would be an absolute dealbreaker if my fiance felt about my daughters the way Zibazinski feels about her future step-daughter. 

[HoneyBBQ]

I'm not going to get dragged into another thread, I can hardly keep up with my own, but let me say this:

If you're a good step mom, you usually put up with a LOT of sh*t. A LOT. Often times you are the recipient of unwarranted and unwanted ill-feelings. You often have angry ex's to put up with. Possibly angry and emotionally unstable children that are not yours. You have to balance your life and needs with a whole 'nother family. It's hard. Very hard. You have children to take care of and noses to wipe and tantrums to get through but you don't get Xmas cards or birthday cards and no one says "I love you." or "thanks". You're not in charge but you're expected to be influential and take care of things. It's HARD.

And there are NOT a lot of places to vent. You don't want to vent to your spouse because you don't want to say anything bad about their kids in front of them. Your family will probably say "Well, you chose this life!" and that is TRUE, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I think we should give zib the benefit of the doubt and realize that she probably has solid grounding for her feelings and she's just vocalizing them in a way that sounds abrasive.  

Or maybe not.

Just my 2 cents.

[kittensaver]

Oct 24, 2013 7:36:25 GMT -5 happyscooter said:

I got married when I was 19, years ago.  I have always said that if anything happened to DH (death or divorce) I would never get remarried.  Some of you are 'Saint Status' for putting up with ex-spouses and stepchildren.  I just couldn't do it.  I guess I love myself more than I could love a man.  Sorry if that sounds bad.

I get it, and I agree. I don't think it sounds bad at all. I love my DH forever and ever and would and will do anything for him, but if he passes first I might be "done." I've seen all kinds of dysfunctional sh*t go down in my own and other families over step-family stuff. I'm "in it" for the long haul with my family and my chosen relationships, but from where I currently sit I don't think I'd voluntarily take on someone else's dysfunction just to "have a man" or "not be alone."

PS: I too hope KD is okay 

[Spellbound454]

If you're a good step mom, you usually put up with a LOT of sh*t. A LOT. Often times you are the recipient of unwarranted and unwanted ill-feelings. You often have angry ex's to put up with. Possibly angry and emotionally unstable children that are not yours. You have to balance your life and needs with a whole 'nother family. It's hard. Very hard. You have children to take care of and noses to wipe and tantrums to get through but you don't get Xmas cards or birthday cards and no one says "I love you." or "thanks". You're not in charge but you're expected to be influential and take care of things. It's HARD.

Absolutely. I looked after step kids for years...Put up with all the aggravation from the jealous ex. Meddling in-laws who took it upon themselves to side with the step kids tantrums at the expense of everyone else in the equation. I juggled so many futile balls in the air at once.... I seriously thought of doing a runner to the other side of the world and never looking back.
The kids aren't the slightest bit grateful at all for all I have done for them....I'm still the one who is in the way of their mum and dad getting back together.

If I were to do it again, which I won't......I'd say "see your kids as much as you want but don't involve me" I'm not the whipping post for someone else's failed marriage.

[zibazinski]

DF is angry and hurt as well. He can't understand her behavior as he thought he raised her better than this. I'm angry because she hurts him and I'm protective of him. I refuse too stand by and let him continue to be used. If he chooses this path, I will have zero respect for him and that's a deal breaker. This is why we have been engaged this long. I love him and I'm waiting for him to grow a pair. If he chooses not to, then I have to decide when it's time to move on. I won't be with someone I can't respect because it turns me into someone I don't want to be. I watched my mom turn into someone everyone hated because she was so nasty. Why was she nasty? She married a man she couldn't respect. It comes out in bad ways.

[Deleted]

There might be a few surprises in store if DF does finally "grow a pair".

I too, hope that Kdradmon is doing ok.

[kittensaver]

Oct 24, 2013 17:06:50 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

There might be a few surprises in store if DF does finally "grow a pair".

(I was thinking the same thing too )

[zibazinski]

Won't be for me. I've been waiting 35 years for it to happen. We broke up before because he was too chicken shit to get that woman and her kids out of his house. So we wasted a lot of years because of his behavior. I've given him another chance and he's blowing this one as well. I was happy living in Florida and dating someone fun. I never got over DF and decided to give him another chance. I love him but I come first and I'm old enough to know what I need in a man.

[Angel!]

35 Years?  How old were these kids when you two started dating?

[Deleted]

I think zib probably has some legitimate gripes. But even how she discusses her own daughter makes me uncomfortable at times...

[raeoflyte]

Oct 24, 2013 17:13:31 GMT -5 oped said:

I think zib probably has some legitimate gripes. But even how she discusses her own daughter makes me uncomfortable at times...

This has to be the nicest way anyone could ever say it.  

[whoisjohngalt]

Oct 24, 2013 13:24:54 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

I can say with 99.99% certainty that if DH and I were no longer married, I would not get married again.  The thought of even dating and trying to get to know someone all over again makes my head explode.  No thanks. 

that's how I feel. 

Also, and this might sound.....arrogant....but I KNOW I would not be able to find a better Dad to my boys.    And by the time they are old enough to move out, not care - I'll be sooo old.

[Deleted]

I don't know.......... this is a great place to vent about things that happen IRL, but sometimes the mention of DF comes across as lacking in respect. I know we all get upset with our loved ones and maybe say things here that we wouldn't actually say to them, but it seems to be pretty consistent. I'd be pretty upset if I had a fiance that constantly referred to me with a tone that drips with disdain. Maybe it's just me and how I read the posts......

[whoisjohngalt]

Oct 24, 2013 13:10:17 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

I'm not going to get dragged into another thread, I can hardly keep up with my own, but let me say this:

If you're a good step mom, you usually put up with a LOT of sh*t. A LOT. Often times you are the recipient of unwarranted and unwanted ill-feelings. You often have angry ex's to put up with. Possibly angry and emotionally unstable children that are not yours. You have to balance your life and needs with a whole 'nother family. It's hard. Very hard. You have children to take care of and noses to wipe and tantrums to get through but you don't get Xmas cards or birthday cards and no one says "I love you." or "thanks". You're not in charge but you're expected to be influential and take care of things. It's HARD.

And there are NOT a lot of places to vent. You don't want to vent to your spouse because you don't want to say anything bad about their kids in front of them. Your family will probably say "Well, you chose this life!" and that is TRUE, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I think we should give zib the benefit of the doubt and realize that she probably has solid grounding for her feelings and she's just vocalizing them in a way that sounds abrasive.  

Or maybe not.

Just my 2 cents.

You can vent here....may be....

[Malarky]

Oct 24, 2013 17:13:31 GMT -5 oped said:

I think zib probably has some legitimate gripes. But even how she discusses her own daughter makes me uncomfortable at times...

Zib doesn't have a large cheering section here...

And she comes across as somewhat abrasive...

I maybe identify with her because in a lot of ways I am her...

I've been told in real life, I'm not wrong, it's the delivery that's offensive. 

  Some of us just don't know how to put lipstick on the pig and make it pretty for the rest of you. 

[Miss Tequila]

Oct 24, 2013 17:12:56 GMT -5 Angel! said:

35 Years?  How old were these kids when you two started dating?

35 years? I didn't realize zib was that old..

[Peace Of Mind]

Oct 24, 2013 17:59:54 GMT -5 Malarky said:

Oct 24, 2013 17:13:31 GMT -5 oped said:

I think zib probably has some legitimate gripes. But even how she discusses her own daughter makes me uncomfortable at times...

Zib doesn't have a large cheering section here...

And she comes across as somewhat abrasive...

I maybe identify with her because in a lot of ways I am her...

I've been told in real life, I'm not wrong, it's the delivery that's offensive. 

  Some of us just don't know how to put lipstick on the pig and make it pretty for the rest of you. 

35 years? I didn't realize zib was that old..

I've met her in RL and she is NOTHING like she is here. She is sweet, funny, energetic, very pretty and when she sees that a topic  might be contentious she was smart enough to change the subject or let it go. And she looks about 25 or more years younger than she is and it looks natural. The bitch has the NICEST skin I've ever seen. And her DF is the nicest guy you could ever meet.  And people think Zib is his kid she looks so freaking young.  Heyyyy, wait a minute...  Did I actually meet Zib or his kid?   

[whoisjohngalt]

Oct 24, 2013 17:59:54 GMT -5 Malarky said:

Oct 24, 2013 17:13:31 GMT -5 oped said:

I think zib probably has some legitimate gripes. But even how she discusses her own daughter makes me uncomfortable at times...

Zib doesn't have a large cheering section here...

And she comes across as somewhat abrasive...

I maybe identify with her because in a lot of ways I am her...

I've been told in real life, I'm not wrong, it's the delivery that's offensive. 

  Some of us just don't know how to put lipstick on the pig and make it pretty for the rest of you. 

Yeah, I've been told that  A LOT.  I am beginning to call BS on that.  I think if someone doesn't like the message, they REALLY don't care how it was delivered.  It's just easier to get upset about that instead of saying "yeah, you are right, I am a moron"