Taxman10
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Oct 11, 2013 14:39:40 GMT -5
Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 14:39:40 GMT -5
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Oct 11, 2013 14:41:05 GMT -5
Because women are based in reality
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 11, 2013 14:43:00 GMT -5
If you work, you're neglecting your child. If you stay home, you're a moocher with no sense of identity. If you take time for yourself, you miss your child. If you don't cook healthy dinners, you are malnourishing your family. If your house isn't clean you're a slob. If you aren't back in your pre-pregnancy jeans, you're a fat slob. If you are back in your pre-pregnancy jeans, it's because you ignored your child to exercise.
Need I go on?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 11, 2013 14:48:14 GMT -5
My guess is that we always doubt ourselves because we're bombared from the day we get a positive result with all the things we should/should not do for t he "well being of our child".
Then six months later the advice flip flops and you shouldn't do what you were doing and should not be doing what you were doing all in the name of "your child's well being".
There is a real theme going on that my child's entire fate hangs on every decision that I make because I am "the mother".
Meanwhile DH gets a trophy if he changes a diaper. I was furious at how little parenting information there is for father's it's like his duties stopped the day he got me pregnant. The information out there sets the bar pretty low for men so there is no need for them to feel like the earth is constantly moving under their feet.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Oct 11, 2013 14:51:10 GMT -5
Don't forget that if Dad watches the kid- he's "babysitting".
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Oct 11, 2013 14:54:39 GMT -5
Don't forget that if Dad watches the kid- he's "babysitting". Impossible. It's not babysitting, it's Parenting.
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imawino
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Oct 11, 2013 14:58:21 GMT -5
Post by imawino on Oct 11, 2013 14:58:21 GMT -5
Ugh. I read those and that Matt Walsh blog guy is a tremendous douchebag. He made me want to punch him in his face.
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Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Oct 11, 2013 15:21:03 GMT -5
Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 11, 2013 15:21:03 GMT -5
Those same "great dads" also think they look good in speedos as they strut on the beach with their gold chains. I think moms should tell each other that more often too. When a kid does something wrong or grows up doing something evil, mean, psycho... whatever - it's the moms that always get blamed for it. Like Honeybbq stated - you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. But it's women who do that to each other. I never got that.
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Taxman10
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Oct 11, 2013 15:23:28 GMT -5
Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 15:23:28 GMT -5
It's so much easier to be a man! :-)
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 15:24:11 GMT -5
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Oct 11, 2013 15:28:22 GMT -5
Of course not! There are always exceptions. I especially liked your socks with your sandals. You really rocked that look!
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Taxman10
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Oct 11, 2013 15:29:31 GMT -5
Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 15:29:31 GMT -5
MM - you just drink alot :-p
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Taxman10
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Oct 11, 2013 15:33:59 GMT -5
Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 15:33:59 GMT -5
maybe I'm way off in my thinking, but i think you almost have to try and be a bad parent.
What I mean is: it's natural to love you kids, and if you love them you do what you think is best for them. If you're doing what you think is best (even if someone else doesn't agree) you're being a good parent.
Or maybe I'm just jibber-jabbering and not making any sense at all.................
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Oct 11, 2013 15:37:19 GMT -5
well it is quitting time here in the east...peace out girl scouts...give your kids a hug tonight....you're all being great moms!
:-)
(I'm doing my part to encourage the mom's of PB :-)
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Chocolate Lover
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Oct 11, 2013 15:38:53 GMT -5
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 11, 2013 15:38:53 GMT -5
maybe I'm way off in my thinking, but i think you almost have to try and be a bad parent.
What I mean is: it's natural to love you kids, and if you love them you do what you think is best for them. If you're doing what you think is best (even if someone else doesn't agree) you're being a good parent. Or maybe I'm just jibber-jabbering and not making any sense at all................. Sadly, you really don't have to try. There's plenty of examples out there. And most of them think they're GREAT parents.
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raeoflyte
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Oct 11, 2013 15:41:54 GMT -5
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 11, 2013 15:41:54 GMT -5
Everyone gets defensive about parenting decisions. DH posted an article to my facebook page of a study with the same old info that babies need breastmilk or formula exclusively until at least 6 months. One of our friends whose kids are our age has to post how glad he was that his kids were raised before they knew any better and how they turned out just fine... So I think we all just need to be more supportive of people's parenting decisions. In 20 years I just don't think its going to matter that much whether you did cry it out or co-slept.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 11, 2013 15:42:34 GMT -5
When I went to the EAP she told me the fact I'm that freaked out about whether or not I'm a good parent means I'm a good parent.
Not the anxiety was healthy but like Chocolate said many truly bad parents think they are the greatest parents that ever lived.
The fact I'm even concerned about being a "good" parent shows I'm already a good parent.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 11, 2013 15:45:11 GMT -5
In 20 years I just don't think its going to matter that much whether you did cry it out or co-slept.
You haven't met my brother have you? EVERYTHING my parents ever did/didn't do is the reason his life sucks. Whatever they did in his brain they should have done the opposite. I told my mom they have a 50% success rate at least so they must not have totally sucked.
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Deleted
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Oct 11, 2013 15:45:59 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2013 15:45:59 GMT -5
Ugh. I read those and that Matt Walsh blog guy is a tremendous douchebag. He made me want to punch him in his face. Why?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Oct 11, 2013 15:50:45 GMT -5
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 11, 2013 15:50:45 GMT -5
The debate about plastic food containers flip flopped three times from the time I got pregnant. When I was pregnant it was fine, six months later use BPA free plastic. . . Three months after Gwen is born: DON'T USE PLASTIC EVAH!! DANGER DANGER!!! I bust out laughing and told Gwen sorry her chances of getting into Harvard are shot since mommy uses gladware.
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Chocolate Lover
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Oct 11, 2013 15:56:47 GMT -5
Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 11, 2013 15:56:47 GMT -5
The debate about plastic food containers flip flopped three times from the time I got pregnant. When I was pregnant it was fine, six months later use BPA free plastic. . . Three months after Gwen is born: DON'T USE PLASTIC EVAH!! DANGER DANGER!!! I bust out laughing and told Gwen sorry her chances of getting into Harvard are shot since mommy uses gladware. I just got the plastic in the microwave lecture from my mom. I told her something has to kill me. All in all, I think most of that kind of stuff isn't going to make the impact that mommy dragging you from BF to BF to BF to BF, all of which are drunks/junkies/in jail/just crazy, will. I've been watching some nut post all this kind of drama crap on Facebook for almost a year and I can't tell you how many times she's made this long dramatic post on how she's not going to worry about what everyone else thinks about her choices as long as she and her kids are happy. I want to give her a Gibbs smack every time she says "and my kids". She unfriended me last night though, so maybe I can stop myself from reading it now.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 11, 2013 16:00:27 GMT -5
It's imawino... she wants to punch everyone in the face... It's part of her charm.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 11, 2013 16:32:37 GMT -5
Ugh. I read those and that Matt Walsh blog guy is a tremendous douchebag. He made me want to punch him in his face. Why? Did you read the linked post? Quite honestly, if you read it and DIDN'T think he was a pompous douche then I doubt we could ever get on the same page in this discussion. But I'll give it a whirl from what I recall finding moronic and offensive. Working people are "zombies" who just don't know better. His wife (and I guess the basis for all the "just moms" he's writing about) is automatically everything to everyone? Because she stays home? Would she suck as a mom otherwise? Why is asking what his wife does all day automatically "contemptuous"? Maybe if he didn't choose to perceive comments with that sort of bias he wouldn't be so ridiculously angry and prone to hyper-exaggeration? I do recall that in his closing society was crumbling. Crumbling, I tell you!!! And it was because we don't "revere" stay at home moms the way we should. He also claims that jobs are not liberating or empowering. That employees are slaves. Some may feel like that (like some stay at home moms may not feel liberated or empowered) but I think a lot of people, male and female, DO in fact feel liberated and/or empowered because they do good work, and they like being self-supporting. Who is this guy to say they don't? In most cases I have a problem with people like this who seem to think in absolutes. In his world, stay at home moms are EVERYTHING. Society would "fall apart at the seams" without them. They are better for their children's souls, better for society, better for humanity. I prefer people who base their world in some sort of reality. The kind where there are good moms who stay home, and bad moms who stay home. Good moms who work, bad moms who work. Someone who also acknowleges Dads play a role in a child's life too. Listen, I don't have a dog in this fight. I do not have children so I don't automatically get my back up in a working v. non-working mom debate. But he starts out yapping about how he doesn't have contempt for working mothers (why does anyone need to say that? It's like someone starting out a story with "I'm not a racist, BUT....") when he very clearly has contempt for working moms. And for anyone who has not elevated being a stay at home mom to unquestioning sainthood. If we really feel the need to revere a segment of the population, how about we revere really good people? Period. Regardless of whether they have vaginas or not, jobs or not, kids or not.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Oct 11, 2013 16:33:38 GMT -5
It's imawino... she wants to punch everyone in the face... And that!! That is the main reason!!
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imawino
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Oct 11, 2013 16:34:08 GMT -5
Post by imawino on Oct 11, 2013 16:34:08 GMT -5
It's imawino... she wants to punch everyone in the face... It's part of her charm. Sorta the only part.
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raeoflyte
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Oct 11, 2013 16:41:09 GMT -5
Post by raeoflyte on Oct 11, 2013 16:41:09 GMT -5
I read another one that said if babies don't have solids by 4 months you increase their odds of diabetes. I want to be informed but it hurts my head too much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2013 16:45:24 GMT -5
I think you were reading into things quite as much if not more than you accuse him of...
Which is why the women wars will persisting guess...
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Sam_2.0
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Oct 11, 2013 16:52:21 GMT -5
Post by Sam_2.0 on Oct 11, 2013 16:52:21 GMT -5
It's easy to feel judged as a mom. If my friend, who feeds her son only natural, organic, un-processed foods, comes over for lunch I feel bad about giving Aly string cheese sticks and fruit cups with her pbj sandwich. She's never said a word to me about what I feed Aly and I am pretty sure she could care less. But somehow I let myself feel bad about it. So there's the unintentional judging and guilt trips.
And then you go places like BabyCenter and it's horrendous. They openly judge and rip apart moms that are different. It's vicious. I stay far, far away from it now and only go into the small groups that I know are safe. But any new mom searching out a birthboard there would get ripped to shreds easily.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2013 17:06:06 GMT -5
It's because none of us are perfect. Even if there was one unifying definition of what 'perfect' would be in all cases with all kids... We'd none of us still be perfect.
We'd love our kids to have perfect. (Although in reality tht would in itself likely turnout not perfect...)
So, we feel bad when we fall short.
The fact that we can't define perfect, and if we do define perfect for us, everyone still sees it as an attack on them for choosing perfect for them instead... Just makes it harder.
Life is much better on the days I remember I'm not perfect, and mnage to be perfectly content in the knowledge...
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muttleynfelix
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Oct 11, 2013 17:08:03 GMT -5
Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 11, 2013 17:08:03 GMT -5
Did you read the linked post? Quite honestly, if you read it and DIDN'T think he was a pompous douche then I doubt we could ever get on the same page in this discussion. But I'll give it a whirl from what I recall finding moronic and offensive. Working people are "zombies" who just don't know better. His wife (and I guess the basis for all the "just moms" he's writing about) is automatically everything to everyone? Because she stays home? Would she suck as a mom otherwise? Why is asking what his wife does all day automatically "contemptuous"? Maybe if he didn't choose to perceive comments with that sort of bias he wouldn't be so ridiculously angry and prone to hyper-exaggeration? I do recall that in his closing society was crumbling. Crumbling, I tell you!!! And it was because we don't "revere" stay at home moms the way we should. He also claims that jobs are not liberating or empowering. That employees are slaves. Some may feel like that (like some stay at home moms may not feel liberated or empowered) but I think a lot of people, male and female, DO in fact feel liberated and/or empowered because they do good work, and they like being self-supporting. Who is this guy to say they don't? In most cases I have a problem with people like this who seem to think in absolutes. In his world, stay at home moms are EVERYTHING. Society would "fall apart at the seams" without them. They are better for their children's souls, better for society, better for humanity. I prefer people who base their world in some sort of reality. The kind where there are good moms who stay home, and bad moms who stay home. Good moms who work, bad moms who work. Someone who also acknowleges Dads play a role in a child's life too. Listen, I don't have a dog in this fight. I do not have children so I don't automatically get my back up in a working v. non-working mom debate. But he starts out yapping about how he doesn't have contempt for working mothers (why does anyone need to say that? It's like someone starting out a story with "I'm not a racist, BUT....") when he very clearly has contempt for working moms. And for anyone who has not elevated being a stay at home mom to unquestioning sainthood. If we really feel the need to revere a segment of the population, how about we revere really good people? Period. Regardless of whether they have vaginas or not, jobs or not, kids or not. I think you are reading a little bit too much into his blog. That and since you don't have kids you don't hear the mommy wars. The whole premise of mommy wars is that my way is the only way. That is why he starts out saying he doesn't have contempt for working moms and frankly I didn't really get that from his blog. He was simply defending his wife staying home. But like Oped said, that is why Mommy Wars exist. Just read the last 2 pages of the kids thread on WIR. We are talking about what we are feeding our babies. We are pretty non-judgemental, but if you were new to our group and gave juice, you might feel like you are being an inferior parent. I don't care that babies get cookies ..... others well. A lot of times someone reads something into things that don't exist. Quite possibly his response was to comments that were innocent. But he didn't take them that way.
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