Either I'm a Slacker or This Room Mom is Nuts...

[973beachbum]

You win Milee.


My kids school is also a public school that proably gets more parent involvement than they would like, but man that takes the cake.  The biggest thing is when teacher appreciation day rolls around.  They start sending home requests for money for a gift card.  I have heard of gc's to the local mall, the teacher supply place, Visa/MC debit cards and even GC's to WaWa.  The expectation has always been for around $10 bucks a student though, and no one would ever think of tying the money to the child signing their name on the card.  IMO that is just a new form of bullying and an adult who bullies a little kid aught to be ashamed of themself!

[Wisconsin Beth]

We didn't get our contact info in at the beginning of the school year, last year.  So we missed the class present.    We did get a $50 gift card for Target and gave it later in the year.  There were 2 reasons for this - 1. we didn't give her any kind of present other than that.  and 2. she grew up by me, about 10 years younger.  This was my kid's 1st year in a public school and having someone I knew as DD's teacher was so incredibly reassuring.  And she didn't treat DD (or me) any different as far as I know.  And it was luck that DD got her, there were no strings pulled. 

And I assumed she was buying stuff for the classroom at Target to supplement the K4 supplies. 

We love the church/school auctions.  And I am so winning the reserved parking spot next year.  We'll have 2 kids to drop off and pick up.  And when there's an event on, parking is an absolute bitch. 

[HoneyBBQ]

Dear GOD!!! I'm not looking forward to when DD goes to school. Ain't NOBODY (that works FT!) got time for that!

[milee]

Sept 16, 2013 11:56:03 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Dear GOD!!! I'm not looking forward to when DD goes to school. Ain't NOBODY (that works FT!) got time for that!

Luckily, it's not in all the classes... yet. 

Honestly, that's part of why I signed up to be the room mom in his second grade class - to keep it all low key and protect us from the Super Mommies.  In the first meeting I had with the teacher, I let her know that I worked and would be very supportive in helping her with messages and arrangements, but that my goal was to keep it a reasonable level of time and involvement for everybody.  She seemed to really appreciate that approach, so maybe she dealt with a Super Mommy in the past and they're more trouble than they're worth?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I'm beginning to appreciate the fact that my mom stayed out of school more and more!  She was on the periphery (for a few years, she was treasurer of the PTA), but I can't ever remember ANY mothers planning things like this while growing up.

[HoneyBBQ]

How do you work FT and be a room mom? What are the hour requirements? Seriously, I have no idea. We didn't have room moms when I was a kid. There was the teacher, the principal, and the lunch lady. That was it.

[milee]

Sept 16, 2013 12:31:58 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

How do you work FT and be a room mom? What are the hour requirements? Seriously, I have no idea. We didn't have room moms when I was a kid. There was the teacher, the principal, and the lunch lady. That was it.

We didn't have room moms, either.    But they seem to be common in this area, both at this school and others.

I work an average of around 40 hours per week, but since I own my own business and have employees, the hours are reasonably flexible.  I have a tendency to do fun things during the day and work at night.  The room mom requirements are whatever you and the teacher make of them.  That second grade gig I mentioned averaged out to less than an hour per week, but some weeks were 3-4 hours and many others were none at all.  And again, I kept it all very low key.  Coordinated with other parents to get volunteers for things that the teacher needed and sent out sign up sheets for some of the parties and field trips.

[happyscooter]

swamp, are you the one who cut in front of me after your kid was finished but mine wasn't and you stepped into my picture?

[sarcasticgirl]

thank god my only child has fur! this kind of thing would make me CRAZY! 

[bean29]

Sept 16, 2013 13:09:18 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

thank god my only child has fur! this kind of thing would make me CRAZY! 

I have a furry child that runs the house, but Your advice is about 20 years too late for me!  Luckily my youngest is a Junior in HS.

My kids grade school would have intervened with this room Mom.  She is too concentrated on elitism.  I do have to say though that PTA is often full of elitists. 

[swamp]

Sept 16, 2013 13:07:22 GMT -5 happyscooter said:

swamp, are the one who cut in front of me after your kid was finished but mine wasn't and you stepped into my picture?

No.  I was sitting on the floor in the first row and stayed there.

[HoneyBBQ]

milee  I think 3-4 hours a week is a LOT!!!! lol. Low key to me is like an hour a month.

Guess I'll be at the bottom of the list for room mom!!

[milee]

Yep.  I agree 3-4 hours in a week is a lot and if that had been more often than every other month or so, it wouldn't have worked.  90% of what I did was via email and could be done whenever I had a spare minute - kind of like the message board.  I'm often emailing or posting here while I'm doing other stuff.

[973beachbum]

Sept 16, 2013 12:31:58 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

How do you work FT and be a room mom? What are the hour requirements? Seriously, I have no idea. We didn't have room moms when I was a kid. There was the teacher, the principal, and the lunch lady. That was it.

I remember room mom's from when I was a kid and that was a LONG time ago.  I have never heard of anything to this extent though and my kids district has parent involvment that is probably borderline.  I notice it normally goes down by 4th or 5th grade also.  all I remember are 3 or 4 parties a year that are maybe 2 hours long, 1 field trip where they might need chaperones and then the end of the year gift.  Most of the people who do it don't spend more than an hour a week on average and I have seen some who are the coordinater type of room mom but don't go to the parties and feild trips very much.    They kind of arange everything via email but don't attend the party because of work ect.  So it is possible to be involved without being a constant annoyance presence in the classroom and people wallets. 

It actually gets more fun to be involved in middle school and high school.  Instead of going to a zoo in 98 degree weather or run an Easter egg hunt you get to do more fun things.  My kids school has dances starting in middle school at least once a month.  They live or die based on how many parents would love to attend a middle school dance every third Friday night.  they also had art musuem runs and band trips I attended as the "band mom".  Sure beats listening to a bunch of 4th graders play the trumpet, or whatever instrament, for the first time. 

[Works4me]

Any update regarding the festivities?
Inquiring minds want to know - not really inquiring but still curious!



ETA - that popcorn sure looks good!

[milee]

OK, so some of it wasn't as over the top as it sounded and some of it was more over the top than it sounded.

There was indeed breakfast, lunch and party, but the breakfast and lunch was a special meal for just the teacher (no idea what my 9 year old thinks is a "special" meal, but that's how he described it.)  There was indeed a floral display and also "adorable paper products" (I'm guessing those were plates and napkins?)

From the follow up email - "Words cannot express the joy on their faces when they saw her "handprint bouquet" this morning with all their handprints together...it is quite an extraordinary piece of art".  Total collected and gifted on a Visa gift card = $425. 

And now we're all invited to drinks and a girl's night out.  Sigh.  Maybe I'm just a grumpy introvert, but this is a whole lotta togetherness.  She's a very nice lady, though and I know she means well. 

[swamp]

Oy vey. Drinks with over achieving mommy?  I'd have to drink myself into oblivion. 

[thyme4change]

Sept 15, 2013 8:14:51 GMT -5 swamp said:

The concerts are torture for me too. I leave as soon as my kids are done. 

I had to delete the video of my daughter's concert because you could hear me saying "Am I a bad mom because I absolutely hate this?"  

[taz157]

Sept 16, 2013 20:39:27 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 15, 2013 8:14:51 GMT -5 swamp said:

The concerts are torture for me too. I leave as soon as my kids are done. 

I had to delete the video of my daughter's concert because you could hear me saying "Am I a bad mom because I absolutely hate this?"  

[kjto1]

Sept 16, 2013 20:39:27 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Sept 15, 2013 8:14:51 GMT -5 swamp said:

The concerts are torture for me too. I leave as soon as my kids are done. 

I had to delete the video of my daughter's concert because you could hear me saying "Am I a bad mom because I absolutely hate this?"  

LOL

[thyme4change]

Sept 16, 2013 18:51:37 GMT -5 milee said:

And now we're all invited to drinks and a girl's night out.  Sigh.  Maybe I'm just a grumpy introvert, but this is a whole lotta togetherness.  She's a very nice lady, though and I know she means well. 

Wow - this lady sounds lonely.  She needs to start a business out of her house during school hours.

Also $425?!     This is why I wonder if teachers are really as badly compensated as they say they are.  I know they aren't making millions, but I've never gotten a tax-free birthday gift that is equal to half a week's salary.  

[zibazinski]

You need to re examine your school system that allows this. This would never ever fly most school systems.does the principal/superintendent know this is happening? Very unprofessional.

[milee]

The superintendent of the county school system has - IMHO - bigger fish to fry.  I'm hoping that she is putting much more attention into the other schools' declining test scores and the millions of dollars that have been cut from the budget each year, eliminating art, librarians, PE, etc. 

As inappropriate as I believe the hypercompetitive, ostentatious generosity is, I would prefer the superintendent focus on some of the more pressing issues in the system, rather than make sure we're not treating the teachers too well or providing too large a gift out of personal donations.

As for the brand new principal at this school, let's give him a month or two to get the lay of the land.

[zibazinski]

Hopefully, he puts an end to this.

[giramomma]

ov

Sept 16, 2013 12:31:58 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

How do you work FT and be a room mom? What are the hour requirements? Seriously, I have no idea. We didn't have room moms when I was a kid. There was the teacher, the principal, and the lunch lady. That was it.

 I work 60 hours a week, and this is my 3rd go around at room mom. I'm also my DS den leader.

It's not THAT hard, really, for most of the volunteer things I do.

We had a meeting today, that was 40 minutes. We'll have to meet with the teacher, maybe another half hour.

Maybe we type up one or two emails a month. The gift shopping is that big of a deal, either. It's not like I never go running around for my own family, ever. So, for us, I'd estimate the room mom time sink to be 1-2 hours a month max.

Even with being DS's den leader, it's not a huge time sink. We have meetings 1-2 times a month. A week and a half before each meeting I type up an email of what they are supposed to be doing. Including one all day training I need to do, I will have spent 20 hours on scouting from June-December. That's less than 4 hours a month.

We also have to volunteer for lunch duty (Well, we could pay to opt out, but it's $100 to opt out.) That's basically a one hour a month commitment.

I also volunteer for church (but it's part of sending our kid to school.) That's a whole other 2 hour/month time commitment.

I also have flexible work place, so I can come and go as I need to. I know most people don't have that luxury.

So, if you add it up, I spend 1-2 hours a week on volunteer stuff. IMVHO, that's really not that much time. On the flip side, I wonder why people think spending 1-2 hours per week helping out with your kids' activities is too much. Or in DS's case, he feels loved when I'm involved. Why wouldn't I do something that would help him feel like he's loved and valued? Really, he could give a crap less about me buying him things or even being in a bunch of activities. He wants my time and energy. One of his highlights from summer vacation was us playing Monopoly for 3 hours. Not all kids are born super independent. Trust me, it would have been nice if DS was not such a sensitive kid.

I'm sure I look inappropriately overly involved. (Actually, it's been pointed out here that I am.) If my DS didn't like scouts or  if some other parent would have stepped up, I wouldn't be volunteering. If my oldest kid didn't want me around, I wouldn't be. He's 9 ASKED me to be room mom this year.  (FWIW, I told the kids I would be room mom twice for each of them, and then I was done. So, he knows this is his last shot of me being his room mom.)

My middle child was already telling me in 2 yo preschool that she didn't want me hanging around at all. I'll probably be more in the shadows with her, because she doesn't really care if a parent is involved. The only thing she cares about is that if things are equitable with her older brother. We aren't as involved with her, because she doesn't need that.

[Deleted]

Sept 16, 2013 18:51:37 GMT -5 milee said:

And now we're all invited to drinks and a girl's night out.  Sigh.  Maybe I'm just a grumpy introvert, but this is a whole lotta togetherness.  She's a very nice lady, though and I know she means well. 

did you already plan your "explosive diarrhea" excuse?

[HoneyBBQ]

Sept 17, 2013 9:44:19 GMT -5 giramomma said:

So, if you add it up, I spend 1-2 hours a week on volunteer stuff. IMVHO, that's really not that much time. On the flip side, I wonder why people think spending 1-2 hours per week helping out with your kids' activities is too much. Or in DS's case, he feels loved when I'm involved.

Er... I'm not sure if this is directed at me, but I don't have time in the middle of the day to go do lunch or have meetings off site. I'm certainly capable of helping out on nights and weekends but 3-4 hours a week in the middle of the day is an impossibility for most people. That's almost every single day cutting out for an hour, plus driving time. Who can do that, especially if you have to be in court, in the OR, or at your desk doing your career.  Most people who have a career don't have that kind of flexibility. Obviously you do. That's great. That really does not mean I don't want to be involved or help my child or love my child less as you are not-so-delicately implying. 

[Deleted]

I am planning to go on DS's field trip to the farm next month - mostly because anyone under 3 has to have an adult accompany them. I know he'll have a blast, but I don't really like other kids, so I hope I don't get roped into helping or anything.

[milee]

Hey, anne.  Good to see you.