milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 19:58:58 GMT -5
I'm surprised she knows the teacher's birthday. She's organized. Oh, so very organized. Within the first week, she had gathered all contact info from all parents and emailed all parents to confirm their information and give us her views on the year. Within the second week, she'd scheduled two meetings to discuss opportunities to volunteer and work out a schedule for various events, projects, etc. For those that couldn't attend the meeting, she sent out a detailed calendar, sign up list, wish list for supplies, volunteer schedule, plan for the class booth at the October School Fair, plan for the class basket at the November fancy fundraiser and list of important dates (including birthdays.) I'm guessing this room mom was a very good __________ (lawyer? finance exec?) and is dying of boredom as a SAHM. I get it and feel her pain. And some of what she does is great. I just wish she'd take a Valium, do some yoga and get a few other hobbies.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:00:37 GMT -5
Milee I have to admit DS3 is in a similar socio-economic group (the other parents, not us LOL) but the school totally stamps that sort of thing out. It's just not allowed at that level.
There is one occasion per year where they allow (and even actively encourage) that sort of competition, the Spring Fundraising Gala.
Each class does a themed "class basket". So I always buy something for the basket. For example, last year it was a "Nespresso basket", so I bought these delicious chocolate-covered coffee beans from an upscale local chocolate shop.
I wanted to go to the Gala FOR YEARS. Last year I told DH, this year, we are going, hell or high water. I told the MS Director (whom I've known very well for 16 years), this year, we're finally going. At this point she's more of a friend.
She said, DON'T GO. The $100 per plate, plus the $100 per teacher you choose to sponsor is just the beginning. They don't SELL the items, they AUCTION THEM OFF. She said save yourself the time, and the money, and then do what you usually do, cut us a check when we write to all the parents who DIDN'T attend that year's Gala.
So, that's what we did.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:02:25 GMT -5
Now that IS sounding more like my DS3's current (and DS1's former) school LOL!
Do what I do ... just offer to bake brownies for everything lol!
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 20:09:32 GMT -5
I'm the opposite, I have no desire to go to our equivalent of the Gala. I just write a check. Our Gala last year was $300 per plate and they also do the auction of items. (But that's common here, I've never heard of a fundraiser where they sell the items instead of auction them.) Not sure of the total raised last year, but a few years ago, I think it was around $150,000. Most years, the reserved parking spot - they auction a reserved parking space right in front of the school a good 50 feet closer than the unreserved spaces goes for around $10k. This is not a huge school, either. Usually graduates 150 kids a year, probably 2000 total students in grades from elementary through high school. I'm torn about this. Although there's no doubt that the money goes to good use at the school, I don't really agree with this type of event at a public school. That's why even though I can afford to go - and do go to events like this throughout the year for other causes - skip the school Gala and write an anonymous check instead. Events like this can be incredibly divisive.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 14, 2013 20:12:16 GMT -5
Our school is private. So, we have all kinds of income levels.. But many families are well off (enough that a SAHM has a nanny...or the husband and wife are both lawyers, high level executives, Dr/lawyer combination, etc).
Yes, we celebrate the teacher's birthday. Their birthdays are not common knowledge. The room parent(s) must ask the teacher when her birthday is.
Every year, we give $10/child to the PTA for teacher gifts. Kindy is kind of the pits, as there are two teachers with 20 kids. We'll likely get 18 or so that pay. So we have 90 to spend on a teacher for their birthday, Christmas, and teacher appreciation week. Third grade also has a few teachers, as well as grades 6-8.
Grades 1-2 and 4-5 also have one teacher per class of 30. They really clean up on gifts.
We are instructed to NOT chase parents down who don't pay. It's one verbal, private reminder, and that's it.
So, I'd say the room mom is really, really out of line.
I'm also surprised that they want parents in the room to volunteer in 4th grade. In our 4th grade, there are little to no parent volunteer opportunities. But, they are trying to get the kids ready for Jr high, accept responsibilities for themselves, etc.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Sept 14, 2013 20:14:13 GMT -5
Most years, the reserved parking spot - they auction a reserved parking space right in front of the school a good 50 feet closer than the unreserved spaces goes for around $10k. This is not a huge school, either. This last year, one of the auction items was front row seats (or pews in this case) to the primary Christmas concert. I don't know how much it went for. I thought that was a little much
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 20:19:26 GMT -5
Most years, the reserved parking spot - they auction a reserved parking space right in front of the school a good 50 feet closer than the unreserved spaces goes for around $10k. This is not a huge school, either. This last year, one of the auction items was front row seats (or pews in this case) to the primary Christmas concert. I don't know how much it went for. I thought that was a little much As you can tell from the rest of the thread, I don't complain about much at school unless it's really out of bounds, but this would have prompted me to have a discussion with the principal. Watching your child at the Christmas concert is something that parents of every socioeconomic status want to do and an equal opportunity to do so should be available to all. So only the rich people get to see their kids at the play without craning to see? That's not OK. I can be kinda stubborn about things like that. If the principal didn't agree and they still auctioned the front seats, I'd probably buy them in the auction and then leave them empty as a silent protest.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:22:04 GMT -5
I've never heard of a fundraiser where they sell the items instead of auction them
So that shows you how much I know about these things LOL. Also I said $100 per plate, in fact it's 100e per plate, so more like $135. Still nothing like your $300 though.
Wow, that really is a lot of money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:23:57 GMT -5
This last year, one of the auction items was front row seats (or pews in this case) to the primary Christmas concert. I don't know how much it went for. I thought that was a little much
OMG that is horrible! So if you can't pony up the money, what do you do? Buy the CD? That's just disgusting IMO.
First come, first seated / served, whatever socioeconomic bracket you're in.
Your kid is your kid is your kid, whatever your socioeconomic status / education / job. Frankly I find that absolutely revolting.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 14, 2013 20:24:49 GMT -5
It all sounds very over the top and somebody needs to rein it all in. It probably is somewhat illegal to spend that much on gifts is ridiculous, and to auction a reserved parking spot at a public school for $ 10,000 is just wrong. I would love to see what the books are like on this fundraising activity. I mean, who accounts for the $10,000 that was raised ? What was the money spent on ? Somebody should seriously call the state board of education about this type of thing.
Taxpayers are paying for the parking spot. And the school. And the salaries. And the school system. Not the room parents or the well-heeled auction goers. Geeze.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 20:31:07 GMT -5
Again, I'm torn.
The PTA is a formal 501c3 nonprofit, so they do submit tax returns that are available for public review, like all other charities. Just because there is money involved doesn't make it evil and I can't imagine why I'd want to call the state board of education over parents raising money to provide the stuff that the public can no longer afford to provide...
It needs a sense of balance, IMHO. Raising funds is good. Embarrassing less wealthy kids or parents who can't participate is bad. No need to kill the golden goose because of class envy, but if it were up to me, I'd work to tone down the more ostentatious displays.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:34:39 GMT -5
There is still a HUGE difference between auctioning off a privileged parking spot, and front seats to a play that the entire class / school will be participating in.
I am REALLY shocked by that.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 20:37:18 GMT -5
I really am a slacker mom. Part of why I'm not interested in the parking spot is that I make my kids ride the bus, so don't need to park at the school. According to the competitive mom group, making the kids ride the bus is probably borderline child abuse.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 14, 2013 20:51:08 GMT -5
There is still a HUGE difference between auctioning off a privileged parking spot, and front seats to a play that the entire class / school will be participating in. I am REALLY shocked by that. I guess I don't see the difference. Both are something that everyone should have the use of, in my opinion. Both are pretty ostentatious displays of wealth, at least to my eyes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 20:54:05 GMT -5
I guess I don't see the difference. Both are something that everyone should have the use of, in my opinion. Both are pretty ostentatious displays of wealth, at least to my eyes.
Nazgul I agree with you. But telling someone you can't park close to the school if you don't pay, and telling someone you may not get a great seat for the play your kid is in if you don't pay, are different registers.
Both are unfair, I agree with you. But one is "nastier" than the other, if that makes sense.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 14, 2013 20:54:16 GMT -5
Again, I'm torn. The PTA is a formal 501c3 nonprofit, so they do submit tax returns that are available for public review, like all other charities. Just because there is money involved doesn't make it evil and I can't imagine why I'd want to call the state board of education over parents raising money to provide the stuff that the public can no longer afford to provide... It needs a sense of balance, IMHO. Raising funds is good. Embarrassing less wealthy kids or parents who can't participate is bad. No need to kill the golden goose because of class envy, but if it were up to me, I'd work to tone down the more ostentatious displays. I'm curious. This is a small school district with very well-heeled taxpayers ( in general ), if I interpret your description correctly. And admittedly, I may not be interpreting your description correctly. Just what activities are being paid for by all of this relentless fundraising ?
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 14, 2013 20:56:16 GMT -5
I guess I don't see the difference. Both are something that everyone should have the use of, in my opinion. Both are pretty ostentatious displays of wealth, at least to my eyes.
Nazgul I agree with you. But telling someone you can't park close to the school if you don't pay, and telling someone you may not get a great seat for the play your kid is in if you don't pay, are different registers. Both are unfair, I agree with you. But one is "nastier" than the other, if that makes sense. Yes, I understand what you're saying, debthaven. But the parking space at a public school for Mrs. Gotrocks to park in while she offloads little Richie Richington Jr. is kind of ridiculous, too. The front pew for the play is kind of sad, too.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 21:22:54 GMT -5
Just what activities are being paid for by all of this relentless fundraising ? It varies by year, but the two largest uses have been staff and technology. The school budgets have been cut each of the last 5 years, so instead of eliminating art teachers, for example, the PTA raised the money to pay for them. Same with technology. No public funds available to buy computers and display screens? Raise the money. I don't think it's wrong to have the parents do things to have people essentially voluntarily pay for things that the taxpayers can't pay for. There's no reason to attack donors simply because they're wealthy. IMHO, the problem is when the fundraising is done in a way that is divisive, hurtful or exclusive. I agree with debthaven that there's a big difference between a parking space and seating at the Christmas performance. Having a reserved space doesn't deprive anyone else of parking and there are other available spaces that are equidistant from various school entrances and a good number of parents don't drive their kids to school and wouldn't even need a parking space. It's a douchy thing, but not harmful to others. On the other hand, whoever gets to sit in the front row of the Christmas performance does have a special advantage over all other parents - an unobstructed view which comes at the expense of all the other parents. That is the type of advantage that shouldn't be sold at a public school.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 14, 2013 21:29:50 GMT -5
Thanks for clarifying, milee. The whole thing is just amazing to me, but I'm glad they saved the art program !
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Sept 15, 2013 5:46:59 GMT -5
to me this is WAAAY over the top and both my DDs teach.
DD1 teaches high school in a place where a significant portion of the families do not speak english at home get section 8 housing are on WIC and/or food stamps Theefore she sees NONE of this.
DD2 teaches in a school where half the families get similar state/federal benefits and half live in Mc Mansions(and can afford them). She was teaching there when she was preggie w/#1 and the room mom(s) did have a class shower w/donated food and gave her a gift card. However, it was all totally voluntary. NO mention was made of who brought what or who contributed or not.
That is the way it should be. IMHO
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 15, 2013 6:34:42 GMT -5
I'm surprised she knows the teacher's birthday. She's organized. Oh, so very organized. Within the first week, she had gathered all contact info from all parents and emailed all parents to confirm their information and give us her views on the year. Within the second week, she'd scheduled two meetings to discuss opportunities to volunteer and work out a schedule for various events, projects, etc. For those that couldn't attend the meeting, she sent out a detailed calendar, sign up list, wish list for supplies, volunteer schedule, plan for the class booth at the October School Fair, plan for the class basket at the November fancy fundraiser and list of important dates (including birthdays.) I'm guessing this room mom was a very good __________ (lawyer? finance exec?) and is dying of boredom as a SAHM. I get it and feel her pain. And some of what she does is great. I just wish she'd take a Valium, do some yoga and get a few other hobbies. This would probably be her version of yoga. I had this posted in jokes but thought it appropo here..
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Sept 15, 2013 6:55:23 GMT -5
Yea way over the top. One no way I want two parts of instructional time to be taken up,breakfast in the morning and a snack in the afternoon. When is she suppose to teach that day. I could see one small maybe 20 min snack if the idea is to show kids it is nice to do something to celebrate someone else. I have a secret admire job each week where that kid can write thank you notes/draw a picture to other people in the school but they don't sign it. So would I want a birthday snack, not at all. Can I see where there could be a good social skill lesson there, if done right.
The art project would be nice, but most likely after being displayed end up in a folder somewhere and then later in the trash. Hey I don't even keep all of my kids homemade stuff. And I do have a well loved stuff bear a kid give me last year that must have come out of his toy box.
Not even touching the gift card. It would actually make me feel a little odd, but again I can see where it is nice. I would just turn around and spend it one classroom stuff.
Over all each one on it's own is a nice idea but together is way to much.
Are you sure she isn't trying to please all the parents who want to do something and have that "star" role with all the activities.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Sept 15, 2013 7:05:45 GMT -5
Okay I'm just going to say holy crap. Different places for sure. I'm the opposite, I have no desire to go to our equivalent of the Gala. I just write a check. Our Gala last year was $300 per plate and they also do the auction of items. (But that's common here, I've never heard of a fundraiser where they sell the items instead of auction them.) Not sure of the total raised last year, but a few years ago, I think it was around $150,000. Most years, the reserved parking spot - they auction a reserved parking space right in front of the school a good 50 feet closer than the unreserved spaces goes for around $10k. This is not a huge school, either. Usually graduates 150 kids a year, probably 2000 total students in grades from elementary through high school. I'm torn about this. Although there's no doubt that the money goes to good use at the school, I don't really agree with this type of event at a public school. That's why even though I can afford to go - and do go to events like this throughout the year for other causes - skip the school Gala and write an anonymous check instead. Events like this can be incredibly divisive.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 15, 2013 7:53:58 GMT -5
Are you sure she isn't trying to please all the parents who want to do something and have that "star" role with all the activities. I think that's a big part of it. Mommy wars over who is the most devoted and loves the teacher the most... So the day long extravaganza gives several of them a chance to try to win. One can be the Best Birthday Breakfast EVER Mommy; one can be the Best Birthday Lunch EVER Mommy; one can be the Most Over the Top Birthday Cake EVER Mommy, etc. I should add all this to the thread listing things I just don't get.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Sept 15, 2013 7:56:43 GMT -5
Within a week of this 'event', the school will send out a letter to every child's home with a new version of what is acceptable for parties, gifts, etc.... When people start talking about 'why are we getting this letter in the middle of the year?' and 'who makes a big production out of a teachers birthday?', someone will say 'DID YOU NOT HEAR ABOUT MRS. JONES AND THE CLASS PARTY FOR THE 4th GRADE TEACHER '
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 15, 2013 7:58:58 GMT -5
I'm going to admit I bought the front row seating for graduation at my kids' private school spring auction.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 15, 2013 8:09:32 GMT -5
OK, if we're admitting deep, dark secrets I'll admit my horror over the auctioning of the Christmas seats is horror in theory only. Lightning is going to strike me for this one, but I have never particularly enjoyed the Christmas concerts or elementary school graduations and sometimes skip them if I can find a good enough excuse. One year at the Montessori school, the teacher (who was wonderful and I'm very glad my son had someone so kind) wanted to give every child a chance to star in the play, so when the play was performed, they performed it multiple times IN A ROW ON THE SAME EVENING so that different children could star in good parts. If you think it's torture to sit through one 3rd grade play, picture having to sit through the exact same play 4 times in a row with no break. Over two hours of the same play. It was like a bad Groundhog Day. I would have gladly chewed off my own arm to escape the trap had that been an option. My favorite was when the youngest son was 3 and the school director said, "Hey, parents, it's nice to have a Winter Performance, but they're toddlers. They're going to sing 2 songs and then we're done."
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 15, 2013 8:14:51 GMT -5
The concerts are torture for me too. I leave as soon as my kids are done. The graduation seat purchase was for photography reasons only.
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violagirl
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Post by violagirl on Sept 15, 2013 11:04:29 GMT -5
Maybe I've been out of school too long, I don't recall such heavy parent involvement. We always gave a little end of school year thank you gift to teachers and bus driver, but do kids even care if their ancient teacher is one year more ancient?
Are teachers not allowed to have a life apart from their job that is only theirs and no one else's business? What if that teacher doesn't celebrate her birthday?
Once I was in school, I did not need or want my parents involved. The only parent involvement was the occasional supervision of school trips. Those were the good old days. My mom was a SAHM, but once we were in school, it was nice knowing someone was there if we got sick and needed to be picked up and it was nice to come home to the smell of freshly baked bread or cookies but she left us alone for the most part.
I think everyone was happier that way.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 15, 2013 11:30:54 GMT -5
I don't see a problem with selling the front row seats. It isn't like they are really available to everyone anyway. In our concerts the parent volunteers that do all the set up take all those seats - after all, they deserve a reward for all their time, right? So, unless I take multiple vacation days to hang paper flowers on the wall, I will be sitting in the back anyway. My dollars could help the school as much as those parents hanging a bunch of crap on the walls - if not more. So...why is one so deplorable, and not the other?
Anyway - if I were faced with your situation, I would go to any free email site and set up an anonymous address and then write a carefully worded email to the principal asking if this is the way the school should go. Maybe suggesting that those resources could go to the school, instead of multiple celebrations in one day that destroys an entire day of learning. It wouldn't go anywhere - but it would make me feel better.
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