milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 6:48:03 GMT -5
Or both. My son's 4th grade home room teacher (they have 4 total teachers throughout the day, but spend about 1/2 the day with the home room teacher) has her birthday on Monday. The room mom has been furiously emailing all of us to arrange a proper celebration. Here's what she's put together so far: - Celebration breakfast for teacher and class (brought by one family) - Celebration lunch for teacher and class (brought by another family) - Elaborate floral display for teacher (brought by yet another family) - Afternoon birthday party (various foods provided by other families) And we're all reminded to send in our donation for the gift card gift (donations received so far $195 and she listed all people who have not donated) and an art project (package sent by her - must trace child's hand, cut it out and have child write a poem to the teacher on the hand) on Monday. Of course I really appreciate this teacher and am glad we're all showing her how important she is, but am I the only one who thinks this is a bit over the top?
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Sept 14, 2013 6:49:55 GMT -5
No, I think it is over the top. And I don't think the school will be pleased when the other teachers are not treated like that.
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happyscooter
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Post by happyscooter on Sept 14, 2013 6:50:17 GMT -5
Art project would have been enough.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 7:01:52 GMT -5
She's nuts and that may be against school rules. It would have been at my school.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 7:25:35 GMT -5
Not against any rules and this is the direction the parent group is trying to take the school. Over the top pressure on everything. Blech. I feel bad for the kids of some of these parents.
I've stopped going to PTA and most general school events... nothing is accomplished because the sound of the helicopter blades drowns out most reasonable discussion.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Sept 14, 2013 7:39:00 GMT -5
At any of DD's schools shaking down the parents for money for a gift was absolutely against the rules.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 14, 2013 7:40:57 GMT -5
Did it occur to this person that the teacher might want some "down time" at lunch or afternoon? And probably doesn't want to have breakfast with the kids either. I think it is a total enfringement on her time. I think over the top is an understatement. And to say who hadn't donated to gift card - well I won't even go there with what I think about this - you know PG 13 board and all
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 7:47:24 GMT -5
Just ignore her. I can't STAND these types who think they can dictate what everyone else is going to do. Just don't return her emails or calls and act oblivious. Besides, in our school, you can't just have some impromptu brunch, etc.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 7:52:30 GMT -5
Did it occur to this person that the teacher might want some "down time" at lunch or afternoon? Heavens, no! Of course the teacher will want to spend every waking second with the precious little angels. I honestly don't think this mom (or frankly many of the other moms) could even begin to grasp the notion that every other human being in the world isn't clamoring to be with the Gift to All Mankind that is her child. Sigh. The problem with this stuff is that it causes problems for those of us who aren't crazy. The school has put in additional boundaries and procedures to keep the over-the-top parents at bay, but those boundaries also prevent many of the normal interactions that used to benefit teachers, parents and the kids. An example is the elementary building where they have an administrator/security guard/volunteer guard the doors in the morning and at night, not admitting any children or parents before or after the bell rings. And unless a parent has a pass from the office, they can't walk their child to class even after the bell rings. I understand why they put this in place, but it means there's one more barrier the normal parents have to try to jump over to simply say "hello" to a teacher - it's a disconnect that prevents some of the normal, traditional, casual interactions. Oh, and as you can imagine, it only deters the normal parents. The crazy ones still find ways around it - like spending hours ingratiating themselves with the office and creating "projects" to do inside the building so they have constant access.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 7:54:32 GMT -5
Well, the problem is you get someone who thinks "Wouldn't it be great if....". And they dont' know how to deal with the rest of us who tell them No it wouldn't be great and we aren't interested.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 7:56:42 GMT -5
Just ignore her. I can't STAND these types who think they can dictate what everyone else is going to do. Just don't return her emails or calls and act oblivious. Personally very satisfying and tempting, but probably a bad move in this case. Here's how that will play out - the card on the group gift will be signed by or list every child but one. The huge display of handmade handprints and poems that will of course need to be prominently displayed on the wall for months will contain a birthday poem from every child but one. Yes, it's satisfying as an adult to stand your ground against people like this, but your child is the one that reaps the fallout. No idea what the fallout might be, but this is not the hill I find important enough to die on, so here we are on Saturday morning making the damn hand and tucking a $20 into the donation envelope. Small price to pay for this not to be an issue for my kid, but that doesn't make it right.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:09:00 GMT -5
Well, you asked for opinions so i gave you some. So, if you simply want to succumb and play her game, then have at it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 8:12:30 GMT -5
Totally over the top. Sadly I understand that you may not be able to ignore it
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:14:40 GMT -5
You can ignore it, you can half heartedly participate or you can go all in.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 8:14:45 GMT -5
Re-read. I didn't ask for opinions on what I should do. I asked for opinions on whether this was over the top.
If your decisions are based solely on doing what feels good to you regardless of how it impacts your child, then I can see how difficult it would be to understand that sometimes one must reluctantly play the game to keep the peace.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:16:38 GMT -5
Is it "over the top"? Over the top according to whom? Obviously that mom doesn't think it is over the top. But, i have 3 kids, so i think i know how to deal with all kinds of "room moms", thanks so much.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:17:28 GMT -5
So, basically, you just want us to agree that Oh yes that mom is ooooover the top! But, then you are just going to go along with it anyway, so not sure i am see the point?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 14, 2013 8:18:33 GMT -5
...:::"Well, you asked for opinions so i gave you some. So, if you simply want to succumb and play her game, then have at it.":::...
milee is right though. You don't want to be the only hold out. All of a sudden, everyone will target you, thankful that they themselves are not the target. Resistance is important, but you don't want to be the only neck stuck out.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Sept 14, 2013 8:22:48 GMT -5
Yes, it's crazy- but like you said $20 in an envelope is an easy ask. I wouldn't waste my time stressing over it. You don't have to organize, buy groceries, flower shop, cook or anything. A 10 year old shouldn't have too difficult time drawing his hand and writing something silly like "what does a clam do on her birthday...shellebrate".
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:24:24 GMT -5
Meh. I think that in younger grades, yes, you are kind of stuck. But, as the kids move up you don't have to play everyone's stupid games IF you don't want to play them. Yes, that is your choice. And, yes, there might be a consequence if you don't. For me, i will participate to the extent that I WANT to participate and the my child wants to participate. But, no, i don't feel the need to jump on everyone's bandwagon. Sorry.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 14, 2013 8:24:48 GMT -5
...:::"So, basically, you just want us to agree that Oh yes that mom is ooooover the top! But, then you are just going to go along with it anyway, so not sure i am see the point?":::...
Thats kind of what you are doing though. You're prancing like a peafowl about how you'd never let this happen to you. Are you saying you've never ever gone along with something you thought was over the top, in order to preserve the peace?
I get that the more difficult people get their way, the more they learn that being difficult gets them their way. At the same time, if you are the only one rowing against the tide, you aren't going to move the boat, but you'll make a lot of enemies really quickly.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 8:27:31 GMT -5
So, basically, you just want us to agree that Oh yes that mom is ooooover the top! But, then you are just going to go along with it anyway, so not sure i am see the point? I am looking to spur discussion of different experiences and possibly gain a deeper understanding through seeing the issue from the perspective of many people. You seem to have great difficulty understanding the position of other people or the value of a process that attempts to be inclusive. Even intelligent people benefit from the input of others. There is rarely an issue on which I'm such an expert that nothing any other person could possibly say would add to my understanding or change my position one iota. Often, the perspective of others doesn't change my overall stance, but it can deepen my understanding of others and help me to either be at peace with my position or understand how my position might interact in broader society. Other times, the perspectives of others helps me determine a middle ground where we can all find some success. It would be a very boring "discussion" board and frankly, we'd all be just a group of assholes if for every single post, we all just flatly stated our position and then just kept repeating it over and over instead of attempting to seek, change, grow and mature.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 8:29:18 GMT -5
Any chance this mom knows something about the teacher and feels like she might need some extra celebration (sickness, divorce, etc)? Interesting. Hadn't thought of that and it's a good point. Nice example of how the perspective of others can be helpful. I'm still doing the hand and the twenty, but feeling better about it and will be more open to the mom instead of just assuming she's crazy.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 8:30:43 GMT -5
Someone needs to call her on it. Are you the ONLY mom who feels this way or are there others? If you're the only one, go with it and pray for next year to be better.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 14, 2013 8:34:43 GMT -5
So, basically, you just want us to agree that Oh yes that mom is ooooover the top! But, then you are just going to go along with it anyway, so not sure i am see the point? I am looking to spur discussion of different experiences and possibly gain a deeper understanding through seeing the issue from the perspective of many people. You seem to have great difficulty understanding the position of other people or the value of a process that attempts to be inclusive. Even intelligent people benefit from the input of others. There is rarely an issue on which I'm such an expert that nothing any other person could possibly say would add to my understanding or change my position one iota. Often, the perspective of others doesn't change my overall stance, but it can deepen my understanding of others and help me to either be at peace with my position or understand how my position might interact in broader society. Other times, the perspectives of others helps me determine a middle ground where we can all find some success. It would be a very boring "discussion" board and frankly, we'd all be just a group of assholes if for every single post, we all just flatly stated our position and then just kept repeating it over and over instead of attempting to seek, change, grow and mature. Ok then. Yes, that mom is soooooo over the top! What a PIA! But, just to keep peace, go along with it, K? Alright, i will leave you to your discussion now. Bye.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Sept 14, 2013 8:34:48 GMT -5
That's fucking insane. Just... no. I understand you have to play along because you don't want your son to be a target, but $1 is still a donation, right?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 8:39:15 GMT -5
I'm going to assume you are in an affluent area where this is expected. So go with the flow.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 14, 2013 8:43:51 GMT -5
Someone needs to call her on it. Are you the ONLY mom who feels this way or are there others? If you're the only one, go with it and pray for next year to be better. It's a mix and that's part of the problem. If it was just one mom, then it would be much easier to handle. The problem is arising because there's a growing subgroup of these parents. My theory is that many of them are very well educated (lots of Ivy League and top schools) and had interesting careers before becoming SAHMs. They're now channeling all that brainpower, dedication and energy into raising their kids, which sounds good on the surface. Unfortunately, it can have some unintended consequences in that parenting becomes a competition for them and they're so invested in their child being the most successful 9 year old ever that they take every minute of every day as a chance to provide huge pressure to excel. They mean well. They just don't know how to appropriately channel their energy, IMHO. Edited to add: This school is often listed in the top 10 or 20 schools in the nation and it's "public" (have to test to get in.) People move from all over the country to have their children attend, so it is attracting this crowd more and more.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Sept 14, 2013 8:46:46 GMT -5
...:::"Ok then. Yes, that mom is soooooo over the top! What a PIA! But, just to keep peace, go along with it, K? Alright, i will leave you to your discussion now. Bye.":::...
We need a waahmbulance, stat!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 14, 2013 8:47:31 GMT -5
This is why I won't live in a HOA. Too many former big shots who now have nothing but time on their hands and forget that we are also homeowners and not employees.
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