Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 17, 2013 14:40:54 GMT -5
How do you handle gift giving with your spouse?
I think gift giving between spouses is a bit strange. Any money used to buy the gifts come from the family resources, which you share with your spouse. For example, if you buy your spouse a watch for $50, in theory your spouse could have gone and bought the same watch themselves and spent $50 on it. The net impact on total resources available to the couple reminas the same either way.
I know gift giving is more about the thought than anything else. It's just something I've noted.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 17, 2013 14:46:26 GMT -5
How do you handle gift giving with your spouse? I think gift giving between spouses is a bit strange. Any money used to buy the gifts come from the family resources, which you share with your spouse. For example, if you buy your spouse a watch for $50, in theory your spouse could have gone and bought the same watch themselves and spent $50 on it. The net impact on total resources available to the couple reminas the same either way. I know gift giving is more about the thought than anything else. It's just something I've noted. I love having separate finances! LOL. I'd hate getting gifts and realizing that I paid for it myself.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 17, 2013 14:46:43 GMT -5
DH and I don't do much in terms of gifts for each other. We do Christmas and birthdays. We also don't have complete joint accounts/shared monies. We do his/hers/ours.
My DH uses passive income to pay for my gifts. His passive income doesn't get merged into our household monies. It never has. I would like it to in retirement, but we have decades to negotiate that.
I use some of my SE money for gifts. Part of my SE money goes into my savings account (in my name only, POD to my oldest)
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 17, 2013 14:49:31 GMT -5
We've stopped doing that years ago. When the relationship was new it was important but now that we've been together for so long, and we pretty much buy whatever we want, we don't put the stress on each other of trying to find some crap to give each other. We have too much crap as it is. If we buy something expensive and a birthday, anniversary or Christmas is around the corner we just call it our "gift" to each other. We do exchange cards sometimes or buy our favorite candies, flowers, brandy (usually "just because" not always a special date) - whatever our current thing is - or I cook his favorite meal and get his favorite dessert, or we go out to a favorite restaurant - stuff like that. It just works for us. We are not needy people. We know we love each other and we know we are both spoiled. He's the best!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 14:50:28 GMT -5
I buy my own presents. The kids and I pick a few things out for husband. We are bday and Christmas gift only people. We aren't into anti sardines, valentines, whatever...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 17, 2013 14:54:13 GMT -5
We are common potters and it doesn't bother me. I know what DH spent and where but I don't know exactly what he bought and vice versa. He really enjoys picking out gifts for me at Christmas/my birthday and I don't want to squash his enthuisasm. I have had to put a cap on how much he spends though, he tends to equate more money with more love. It's taken me years to get him to accept that I really DON'T want/expect him to spend a ton of money, I'm not just saying that but expecting the opposite. I also tend to want "boring" gifts. I'm one of those women that would be ecastatic to get a vaccuum for Christmas. He thinks that's no fun and will tend to surprise me with a bonus piece of inexpensive jewerly or something. I have a harder time surprising him. I did surprise him this year, I had a couple canvas prints made for him at Sam's Club. He could have seen where I went and what I spent but he had no clue why I went to Sam's. He was really touched that I finally developed at least one wedding photo.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 14:55:56 GMT -5
It's gotten to the point where we can pretty much buy what we want on our own. And then the things that are too big to buy on our own take a lot of conversations before hand - like vacations, cars, etc. We've pretty much moved on to very fancy dinners, candy and flowers for birthdays and anniversary. On Christmas it's weird, cheap stuff we wouldn't buy for ourselves. Last year the gift that I gave DH that he loved the most was an extra complicated rubik's cube. He returned the fancy $500 router I bought him. He also liked his golf ball personalizer and a Make magazine Japanese robot kit. The directions came in Japanese but he still figured it out. He got me a robe/blanket you can microwave and then wear in front of the tv. A couple of years before that was the zombie survival kit - body disposal bags, machete, biohazard gear and twinkies.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 17, 2013 14:56:27 GMT -5
We have separate finances and plan on keeping separate finances, so it wouldn't be my money he's spending on me!
We have kind of moved away from traditional gift giving. Birthdays we typically go out to dinner at a restaurant we've never been, and Christmas we'll do an event such as buy tickets to a Flyers game or rent a swanky suite and live it up for a night.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 17, 2013 15:03:52 GMT -5
On Christmas it's weird, cheap stuff we wouldn't buy for ourselves
DH is a bacon inspector so I find it fun to find weird bacon related items. It's a contest/competition they have a work. I won a couple years before with a bacon action figure. This year it was bacon candy canes. The box had enough for every QA so DH took them to work. The consensus was the things tasted like cat pee. I also filled his stocking with *adult* items this year. Really surprised him because he never guessed I'd go shopping at the adult store solo.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jul 17, 2013 15:06:21 GMT -5
We've had combined finances since day one of our marriage. We still give each other gifts- usually birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, Mothers/Father's Day. It's totally the thought involved not the actual gift. We don't buy each other wildly extravagant gifts. At Christmas we usually take out $200 in cash and split it even and see what we can get each other for $100. It's usually the goofy, oddball stuff we wouldn't think to buy for ourselves- ninja rubber ducky for our collection (of rubber duckies not ninjas). Tshirt from Think Geek, etc.
Mother's Day/Valentines/etc. we typically spent $15- $20. Like I said- it's the thought more than anything else.
The fanciest/most expensive gift I have gotten for DH was the quilt I had made for him for his 40th birthday this year. I smuggled all of the frat t-shirts he had been saving and sent them to Honeylioness (WIR) and she made them into a quilt for me. To say he loved it would be an understatement. He thought it was the coolest thing ever.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jul 17, 2013 15:11:55 GMT -5
We have completely joined finances and gift giving is actually a lot of fun because it is how can we surprise the other person. We don't do it often, but when we do it is pretty darn good. For Christmas last year Hubby managed to buy me 3 trees without me knowing about! I was shocked when he put a letter in my stocking to go look outside. He took our "date night money" which is just cash we use for dates (which we hadn't had in a while and weren't going to have any for a while) and bought trees. For Father's day, I bought him a new diaper bag/backpack and new dress clothes for our daughter's baptism (he hadn't had new dress clothes in about 5 years). Totally surprised him. He loved all of it (well as much as any man loves new clothes, but I specifically got him dress pants that he could fit into without a belt because a belt rubs across the scar from his back surgery - true love I tell you).
Anyway, a lot of times we will buy each other stuff we really do need, but for whatever reason aren't willing to spend the money on ourselves. Making do with holey shirts, socks, underwear, etc, not going shopping for trees even though we want them. Things like that. Buying an ice cream shake for the other person if we are out and about or maybe just a candy bar. We don't get out much just the 2 of us - our last "date" was going for a 20 minute walk while my parent's watched the kids. So anything nice we can do for the other person helps us reconnect with each other.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 17, 2013 15:18:59 GMT -5
DH will randomly bring me home a KitKat and a Coke. If I see the Hershey's Symphony bar with the blue logo I'll grab one because I know it's his favorite, they're hard to find!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 17, 2013 15:20:24 GMT -5
DH will randomly bring me home a KitKat and a Coke. If I see the Hershey's Symphony bar with the blue logo I'll grab one because I know it's his favorite, they're hard to find! DF will take Starbursts from the candy dish at work. Better than flowers!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 15:21:54 GMT -5
It is a little funny sometimes. My wife got me a new grill for father's day, which I got to buy for myself for $700. ; )
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quince
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Post by quince on Jul 17, 2013 15:23:32 GMT -5
We don't do gifts. The idea is that people are more efficient buying things for themselves than for other people, so we prefer to minimize waste. It helps that neither of us much likes getting stuff. A massage or sex is always welcome, though.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 17, 2013 15:34:42 GMT -5
I buy my own presents. The kids and I pick a few things out for husband. We are bday and Christmas gift only people. We aren't into anti sardines, valentines, whatever... Anti sardines! Hahaha, love the autocorrect! We have separate finances, which I prefer, but we don't go crazy with gifts, either. This year for DH's bday I got him a gift certificate to Omaha Steaks. Saves me a couple trips to the grocery store and he gets to pick what he wants - win/win!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 17, 2013 15:34:54 GMT -5
We don't do gifts. The idea is that people are more efficient buying things for themselves than for other people, so we prefer to minimize waste. It helps that neither of us much likes getting stuff. A massage or sex is always welcome, though. LOL. I haven't quite trained mine up that he only gets sex on gift-giving occasions yet.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 17, 2013 15:34:59 GMT -5
Well, the only gifts I consider true gifts if it was a complete surprise and bought with his allowance, so I don't see it on cc
That being said, my DH thinks that I am hard person to shop for bc I never want anything
I think my DH is hard person to shop for bc I don't know enough about his hobbies - it would take me a lifetime to learn about computer parts and tools and coins and stamps and telescopes and cameras and .....the list is just too long.....to be able to get something worth getting
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 16:02:00 GMT -5
It is a little funny sometimes. My wife got me a new grill for father's day, which I got to buy for myself for $700. ; ) I got a new grill for my birthday about three months before we got divorced. I didn't even get custody! We don't buy each other presents. At 59 and 70, we basically buy what we want for ourselves, anyway. DH did say the new(er) car felt like a bday present because I'm helping to pay for it (separate finances) and we bought it the day before his birthday. Birthdays for us mean we take the other person wherever he/she wants to go. Valentine's Day, he takes me out. We don't do Christmas unless we just buy ourselves something and say, "Look what I bought myself for Christmas!" That's what I did when I bought my Ipod and then my Kindle Fire.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jul 17, 2013 16:21:30 GMT -5
DH and I give gifts for birthdays and Christmas. For birthdays, the receipent gets a gift and dinner at the restaurant of their choice. The money comes from our personal spending allowances not household funds. We don't usually give gifts at our anniversary because it is right after Christmas and we have our own anniversary tradition.. (Cabin on the coast with a special dinner and champagne)
I see nothing strange about exchanging gifts with the most important person in my life. ETA We tend to give each other things we'd never buy for ourselves.....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 16:22:58 GMT -5
We don't buy each other presents. At 59 and 70, we basically buy what we want for ourselves, anyway. We're 60 and (almost) 75 and feel the same way. We do get cards for each other, and had a nice restaurant dinner for our 10th anniversary. Sometimes a birthday is an excuse for one or the other of us to get something we've been thinking about, but not always. It's not that important. We're pretty much focused on spending all our spare cash on travel, so neither of us is going to commit huge amounts of money towards something extravagant (gift or not) without discussing it together first. When I was growing up, Mom handled the finances and was quite unhappy when the credit card bill for whatever Dad had brought her came in and she had to pay it from the household funds. She didn't think that was very romantic.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 16:28:12 GMT -5
When I was married to my ex, we had this family tradition where we bought everything we (ok, he) wanted for Christmas. Then the day after, I had to go back and return it because we recognized we couldn't afford it. I'm so glad I don't have to go there these days.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 17, 2013 16:32:04 GMT -5
Separate accounts here too, so nothing of what I spend is "gifting myself" because a common pot.
Like many others, we celebrate holidays and other events with parties, dinners out, movies, concerts, couples massages, etc, and not necessarily with gifts. Neither one of us "expects" gifts from the other, but it's nice when it happens - especially if we've been paying attention to what the other would like. At Christmas my DH gave me a glass mixing bowl (my others are stainless steel) for my KitchenAid mixer, and I was thrilled because I really wanted one! For my birthday we went to dinner but I didn't get a gift and was fine with that (he said he hadn't heard recently of anything I'd wanted, and he was right).
I know it's cliche', but it really IS "the thought that counts" and not the size of the gift. Gifting between long-term partners is IMHO a thoughtful gesture. Expectation can turn thoughtfulness into dread. And expectation can quickly ruin thoughtfulness.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 16:54:51 GMT -5
How do you handle gift giving with your spouse? I think gift giving between spouses is a bit strange. Any money used to buy the gifts come from the family resources, which you share with your spouse. For example, if you buy your spouse a watch for $50, in theory your spouse could have gone and bought the same watch themselves and spent $50 on it. The net impact on total resources available to the couple reminas the same either way. I know gift giving is more about the thought than anything else. It's just something I've noted. That's the handy thing about having a spouse that collects stuff like crystal. She doesn't know you got it until it's here & it can be a real surprise. And buying it online makes it something that she can't just go out & buy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 19:03:08 GMT -5
Birthdays and anniversaries are just excuses for us to pick a place to travel or buy a toy spend money! This year was our 25th anniversary. Unfortunately I was out of town dealing with an eviction. But when I returned, we went to one of the nicest local restaurants and had a lovely dinner next to the ocean complete with a gorgeous sunset. And MIL gave us a check which paid for about half the dinner. Win-win! This year is DH's 55th B-day. He's planning a week long trip in So. FL. This is really funny because he "commuted" to Ft. Lauderdale about every other month during our six years in AZ and always said he hated FL. Next month I turn 52. I don't need any more stuff but do want to get in shape for a couple of big hikes I want to do starting next year. I want a 24 hour fitness membership via Costco. DH will probably make me dinner or take me out on my actual b-day. Hopefully by Christmas we will have completed our 2 bathroom remodels. I told DH I just want to enjoy our house this holiday season!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jul 17, 2013 19:34:40 GMT -5
We have separate finances and plan on keeping separate finances, so it wouldn't be my money he's spending on me! We have kind of moved away from traditional gift giving. Birthdays we typically go out to dinner at a restaurant we've never been, and Christmas we'll do an event such as buy tickets to a Flyers game or rent a swanky suite and live it up for a night. Separate finances? Poor thing isn't going to have a real marriage :-( :-p
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 19:43:56 GMT -5
We have separate finances and plan on keeping separate finances, so it wouldn't be my money he's spending on me! We have kind of moved away from traditional gift giving. Birthdays we typically go out to dinner at a restaurant we've never been, and Christmas we'll do an event such as buy tickets to a Flyers game or rent a swanky suite and live it up for a night. Separate finances? Poor thing isn't going to have a real marriage :-( :-p Yeah, but they poop,with the door open, so it's all good.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 17, 2013 19:48:04 GMT -5
Separate finances? Poor thing isn't going to have a real marriage :-( :-p Yeah, but they poop,with the door open, so it's all good. Pee, not poo!
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jul 17, 2013 19:49:19 GMT -5
Yeah, but they poop,with the door open, so it's all good. Pee, not poo! Your marriage is doomed. Sorry.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 17, 2013 20:24:30 GMT -5
On Christmas it's weird, cheap stuff we wouldn't buy for ourselves
DH is a bacon inspector so I find it fun to find weird bacon related items. It's a contest/competition they have a work. I won a couple years before with a bacon action figure. This year it was bacon candy canes. The box had enough for every QA so DH took them to work. The consensus was the things tasted like cat pee. I also filled his stocking with *adult* items this year. Really surprised him because he never guessed I'd go shopping at the adult store solo. Am I the only one that read this??!! DQs DH is a BACON INSPECTOR!! How are we not talking about that
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