NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 23, 2013 7:01:12 GMT -5
I have been pressuring the oldest two kids to get a job, but I'm trying to balance that without sounding overbearing. They both know they need one and have been applying - I'm just not sure how diligently they've been applying. I need to remind them they need to be looking! The economy isn't horrible around us, but I also haven't been seeing a ton of "help wanted" signs either. I agree with you guys about NOT filing for BK yet. A whole lot of our problem has been not paying attention to what we've been spending. I'd rather this be a little painful (especially for DH as well as me) to remind us why we need to NOT do this again! NNP - the house was bought under just my name because of a couple of reasons - the main one being that I started looking at houses before we met. I was approved for a first-time home buyer program for single mom's. Adding DH, my boyfriend at the time, would have negated all of the benefits I was getting by qualifying for the program (lower interest rate, lower down payment). DH and I talked before we ever moved in together. He understood that I chose the house I did because it was perfect for just me and my son and I could afford it on my own if our relationship didn't work out. The house also has/had room to expand if we did work out and if his kids ever moved in with us. Ok that makes sense to me then. As for the kids no need to pressure them just explain the facts of life to them. I sat my son down when I got divorced and said this is how it is - he had just turned 16. He got a job that summer. Worked every summer and and some after school jobs. Also one other question. I also think you said child support was sporatic. Do the spouses not pay thru court system. I know every state is different and all that but I would be doing whatever necessary to correct this problem. Someone suggested credit counseling - just be sure you don't get sucked into one of the scammer outfits. I know you are overwhelmed at this point.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jul 23, 2013 7:37:50 GMT -5
Kara I also have a 17 year old teen so I totally understand how stubborn they can be! Mine also really didn't want to get a job this summer. It is just way more fun to do things like youth opera, orchestra and laze at beach all summer. I kept trying to get her to apply to jobs and she was the one who always didn't get them. It turns out her applications were less than perfect. So I sat her down and told her that if she wanted to go on the marching band trip next year she needed to pay for it herself. Guess what? She managed to find a job. I know the support is probably like trying to get blood from a turnip, but do the kids know that? I ask because I know families where the children were told by non custodial parent how all their money was going to fund the other parents house hold, when in reality the child support was rarely if ever actually paid. In their minds the family was getting that money for extra's from Mom's child support. So to them, they didn't need a job really. I wouldn't want to have to have that discussion myself, but you may be better off having a frank conversation with the kids about the money that is coming in, or lack their of, from child support and how money is really tight right now. They might be much more help if they knew that the family needed it.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2013 8:04:39 GMT -5
Also, FWIW - many families have the frank discussion with the kids when the financial situation changes and spending patterns may have to change. You are most certainly not alone in that regard.
Two different times when I was a child my dad's company bounced paychecks and we had no money coming in. The company eventually went through BK and he got less than the full amount on the dollar (I don't know exactly how much) so things were really tight for a few years. It happens.
During that time my brother got a job at a fish and chips place to cover his spending money. I did a boatload of babysitting and covered my spending money and started saving for college. We were fine.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2013 8:14:32 GMT -5
Just checked out this page of posts. I was REALLY surprised that anyone (& there were several) even talked about BK. Karaboo makes close to what we do & has a house payment less than what we did & I consider us pretty well off. Basically it's 3 things that are hurting her. 1. spending 2. the way they spend (charging on a bunch of accounts). 3. Lifestyle & knowing what a want & a need is (& we all struggle with that one).
Again it's easy to blame the boat & yes that probably did throw them over what they could afford. But also again they were right on the edge before they bought it. If it were me I would set down & say 10% of my take home will go into saving (subtract that off the top). Now the number that is left is what I have to spend each month. What "wants" am I going to cut to equal that amount? Now of course I'm old & not into cell phones (I don't like them) but almost $300 per month when your spending more than you take in each month? That jumps out at me. Oh & just selling the boat may make it where you aren't in a minus each month but I would look at this as a wake up call to address this long term.
Just as a general comment: I believe that if you owe 10 different companies $100 each you have a higher payment than if you owe 1 company $1,000. All of those little payments eat you up. Also if your going to have debt at least make something off of it. Get a rewards charge card & charge everything on it (ours gives up 1% back). You get nothing from all those little charge accounts except little bills.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on Jul 23, 2013 8:41:34 GMT -5
Just checked out this page of posts. I was REALLY surprised that anyone (& there were several) even talked about BK. Karaboo makes close to what we do & has a house payment less than what we did & I consider us pretty well off. Basically it's 3 things that are hurting her. 1. spending 2. the way they spend (charging on a bunch of accounts). 3. Lifestyle & knowing what a want & a need is (& we all struggle with that one). Again it's easy to blame the boat & yes that probably did throw them over what they could afford. But also again they were right on the edge before they bought it. If it were me I would set down & say 10% of my take home will go into saving (subtract that off the top). Now the number that is left is what I have to spend each month. What "wants" am I going to cut to equal that amount? Now of course I'm old & not into cell phones (I don't like them) but almost $300 per month when your spending more than you take in each month? That jumps out at me. Oh & just selling the boat may make it where you aren't in a minus each month but I would look at this as a wake up call to address this long term. Just as a general comment: I believe that if you owe 10 different companies $100 each you have a higher payment than if you owe 1 company $1,000. All of those little payments eat you up. Also if your going to have debt at least make something off of it. Get a rewards charge card & charge everything on it (ours gives up 1% back). You get nothing from all those little charge accounts except little bills. I was the first to suggest BK. Only to keep her healthy. Thyroid gland is the command center of the body. This is a serious matter. If it weren't for that detail, I would never have made the suggestion. You have focused in on something others may have skimmed over. The amount of bills - and consolidating them. Great find. Forming a plan and goal would be a good thing, too - thereby eliminating confusion, as does your thought. 1. Documenting income and outgo. (Done) 2. Selling boat. (A work in progress) 3. Talking to the kids. 4. Consolidate cc debt to bring down the amount of interest being paid. 5. Letting some things drop until the financial life is healthier. (If were me, I dropped everything not associated with survival.) 6. Impliment the above. 7. Learn to manage money for the rest of your life.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 23, 2013 8:45:39 GMT -5
Yup, one of those government welfare programs for those entitled, lazy, slutty, and mooching single mothers who are draining us upstanding taxpayers.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2013 9:26:06 GMT -5
The BK thing "in general" I'm against, but I understand that sometimes for some people it's the only way out. On the other hand if the problem is spending I believe that doing a BK is one of the worst things that you can do. Again I'll use one of my BIL's as an example:
They bought a house for almost nothing (27 thou). Then they spent another 40 thou to improve it. No problem there because they could afford it. But then they proceeded to buy every damned man, woman, & child toy possible. Of course they couldn't afford that so they charged it. When they started getting into trouble they refinanced the house & rolled the debt into it. Rinse & repeat because rather than changing their lifestyle they did that a couple of more times. In the end they owed $250,000 on their house & a ton on credit cards. No more rolling the debt into the house because it wasn't worth it. BK resulted. BK gave them room to breath, a calmness in which to regroup & after a couple of more years............start building up debt again! BK didn't help them because they learned nothing from it. Not only that but right after a BK companies know that you can't do another one for a certain number of years so you end up having more chance to screw yourself.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 23, 2013 9:29:31 GMT -5
Tex, in your BIL's case, you can't fix stupid.
But if someone made some serious financial mistakes and learned from them, bankruptcy is the way to go.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2013 12:43:13 GMT -5
Tex, in your BIL's case, you can't fix stupid. But if someone made some serious financial mistakes and learned from them, bankruptcy is the way to go. I can't disagree with that Swamp. I just think that working your way out of a hole is a good way to learn (for some). Overspending is a problem that is rampant now days, as is living on the edge of what you earn. I'm betting (but don't know) that at least 15% of our country couldn't make next months payments if they lost a job this month.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 23, 2013 12:50:50 GMT -5
Actually @oldtex - it's closer to 27%... money.cnn.com/2013/06/24/pf/emergency-savings/index.html"Fewer than one in four Americans have enough money in their savings account to cover at least six months of expenses, enough to help cushion the blow of a job loss, medical emergency or some other unexpected event, according to the survey of 1,000 adults. Meanwhile, 50% of those surveyed have less than a three-month cushion and 27% had no savings at all"
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2013 13:09:29 GMT -5
Actually @oldtex - it's closer to 27%... money.cnn.com/2013/06/24/pf/emergency-savings/index.html"Fewer than one in four Americans have enough money in their savings account to cover at least six months of expenses, enough to help cushion the blow of a job loss, medical emergency or some other unexpected event, according to the survey of 1,000 adults. Meanwhile, 50% of those surveyed have less than a three-month cushion and 27% had no savings at all" Thanks thecaptain & it really doesn't shock me. People are dumb. Once I got a divorce from my ex who was a spender, it took me less than a year to get completely out of debt (I paid the divorce fees), restock my house with furniture (she got about everything), & build up some cash. Within 2 years after my divorce I was investing. Simple stuff.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 23, 2013 21:21:01 GMT -5
Yup, one of those government welfare programs for those entitled, lazy, slutty, and mooching single mothers who are draining us upstanding taxpayers. Yeppers! That's me! I wish they'd been a little more generous though - they turned me down for crab legs, Coach purses and an Escalade - the bastards!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 23, 2013 21:30:37 GMT -5
No system is perfect.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 23, 2013 21:43:26 GMT -5
NNP said - Also one other question. I also think you said child support was sporatic. Do the spouses not pay thru court system. I know every state is different and all that but I would be doing whatever necessary to correct this problem.Beachbum said - I know the support is probably like trying to get blood from a turnip, but do the kids know that? I ask because I know families where the children were told by non custodial parent how all their money was going to fund the other parents house hold, when in reality the child support was rarely if ever actually paid. In their minds the family was getting that money for extra's from Mom's child support. So to them, they didn't need a job really.I wouldn't want to have to have that discussion myself, but you may be better off having a frank conversation with the kids about the money that is coming in, or lack their of, from child support and how money is really tight right now. They might be much more help if they knew that the family needed it.I'll respond to you both at the same time to save time. Both ex's pay through the court system, but at $150 and $250, being behind doesn't add up to a whole lot as far as the state is concerned. I don't know the exact amount my ex is behind, but at only $250 per month, that's only $3000 per year that he pays. DH's ex isn't behind very far, maybe a couple of months, but at $150 per month, that's only $1800 per year total. My ex has not worked at a job in over 2 years. I have no idea how he survives. I know he said he was going to apply for disability, but I don't know where he is in the process. He's not disabled that I know of and I'm angry that he's been able to scam anyone and everyone for most of his adult life. I don't waste any energy on it, but it does frustrate me when I think about it. DH's ex on the other hand is another story. She SHOULD be paying more per month, but so far, DH (with my agreement) has refused to have the amount reviewed for increase. It's a combination reason thing: - BM told the kids that the only reason we wanted custody of them was because DH didn't want to pay child support anymore and only wants to make her suffer. She ignores the fact that the female judge pulled custody of the kids from her "because she had made choices that put her kids in harms way".
- BM is still a single mom to her youngest child, not DH's child. She receives no support for him at all. We know that because when the youngest was conceived, she and DH were still legally married and the state called DH in to pay CS on him. DH was willing to jump through the hoops (paternity test - and we even offered to pay for it out of our pocket!), but BM decided that it wasn't worth the effort to collect since she knew DH wasn't the father. Since BM didn't pursue the case, the state dropped the inquiry and DH/we haven't been called back since.
- The kids believe that we're horrible for making their mom struggle to pay CS to us (I'm sure from rants picked up from their mom). We've told them repeatedly that it was court ordered, not our choice. They have been told that their mom pays $150 vs the $700+ we were paying for the same amount of kids (that was 6 years ago - DH would be paying a lot more at this point from raises). We've pointed out that $150 per month barely pays our grocery bill for a week. They understand the concept, but they don't "understand" the reality.
The true reality is that if we upped the CS from DH's ex - the amount would go up maybe $150-$200 per month based on minimum wage - that's all she works (she currently works at Burger King). Could we use that money - you betcha! However, the mental fall-out from dealing with the kids and their mom isn't worth the extra money in both DH's and my minds. We'll deal with our budget crisis without any extra crybabies thankyouverymuch!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 23, 2013 22:01:40 GMT -5
Tex, in your BIL's case, you can't fix stupid. But if someone made some serious financial mistakes and learned from them, bankruptcy is the way to go. I can't disagree with that Swamp. I just think that working your way out of a hole is a good way to learn (for some). Overspending is a problem that is rampant now days, as is living on the edge of what you earn. I'm betting (but don't know) that at least 15% of our country couldn't make next months payments if they lost a job this month. OldTex - I agree on both accounts - that BK is there for someone who needs it - and right now, DH and I need to work our way out of this the same way we worked our way into it - one dollar at a time. I know what we should be doing, it's just taking the hard steps of getting there. I'm not seriously contemplating BK right now, simply because we're in the beginning of the process. If, however, we're at a year from now and still drowning, even after getting rid of the boat and cutting everything to the bare bones, then I'll be at the place of seriously looking at BK. At least.....that's what I'm thinking right now....6 months from now may have a different picture in place.....
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 6:21:16 GMT -5
I can't disagree with that Swamp. I just think that working your way out of a hole is a good way to learn (for some). Overspending is a problem that is rampant now days, as is living on the edge of what you earn. I'm betting (but don't know) that at least 15% of our country couldn't make next months payments if they lost a job this month. OldTex - I agree on both accounts - that BK is there for someone who needs it - and right now, DH and I need to work our way out of this the same way we worked our way into it - one dollar at a time. I know what we should be doing, it's just taking the hard steps of getting there. I'm not seriously contemplating BK right now, simply because we're in the beginning of the process. If, however, we're at a year from now and still drowning, even after getting rid of the boat and cutting everything to the bare bones, then I'll be at the place of seriously looking at BK. At least.....that's what I'm thinking right now....6 months from now may have a different picture in place..... KaraBoo way back in the "old days" I really didn't make enough to get by. Somehow I did get buy but looking back I really wonder how exactly I did it. In those days even a minor mistake of $50 would have killed me for months (yes it was a long time ago & $50 was BIG). Anyway just because that mistake would have killed me, did mean that I didn't make them (I was young & stupid). It took a while & a few mistakes until I really learned from them. At first I mostly learned that there was always a way to get by, always, I just had to find it. I got pretty good at that. Then after a while I started "getting" the fact that most of the time if I thought about it (whatever it was) I could see the possible problem before I did it. As I've said in posts before my downfall was new car's (& looking back, a poor choice of a wife). Anyway being able to see problems coming & dealing with bad money mistakes (& getting a divorce) all kind of hit home about the same time & I realized that I had LEARNED something. Not only that but I was in complete control of my finances & could do whatever I wanted with them. Since that time I have only made a couple of "minor" mistakes with finance (minor being that it only cost me pocket money) & looking back I view those early days & the most valuable thing that I have ever gone through. If I hadn't gone through those hard times I can tell you than right now I would be living payday to payday with no savings & a bleak future. Our advice here on these boards really comes from what we have learned in life & because we have all had difference experiences our advise differs. My advise is based off of what I said above. Like I said in my post, I would have a family meeting & talk about this & start cutting BUT that's just me. Each person has to find the path that they want to travel. I think that often on threads like yours & oddly threads the opposite of yours (should I buy this house or car) people are quick to either say "file BK or buy that house & car" & that's because they don't have to go through that BK with you or make those payments. So as I've said, I've been there. I cut cut cut to get through those times & learned something along the way that made the experience well worth it. Another thing that I will say is that the reason for the family meetings is that if everyone in your family isn't on board, it won't work. My ex & I could have never gotten out of a really large financial hole because spending was her "thing", so your SO needs to "get it". Just my thoughts.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 6:33:25 GMT -5
Something that I'll add (if I can figure out how to say it) is that life is harder now days. People "need" a lot more to get by than they used to. In the old days you "needed" a TV, now days you need a Big Screen (costing a lot more), maybe with a sound system. In the old days you needed a phone, now days everybody in the family needs a phone. In the old days you needed a car, now days you have to have something to drive that costs an arm & a leg & is 3 times the size. The requirements to live seem to be a lot higher & a lot more expensive. Not only that but they seem to require to be replaced often. Now days seems to have an expensive cost of living built into it. And because of that it is very easy to get caught up in the "hype" of what you need to live.
Over the years I've had people who just couldn't believe that we don't have a cell phone (how in the hell can you live without one?). I do admit that I would have used one maybe 3 times to call & tell my wife "Pick this up while your out". On the other hand for the money that I didn't pay for one I could call & have the store deliver whatever that item was & I would still be ahead money wise. Of course that just me & the way I look at it. I find that some people do need them, on the other hand for a lot more people they are the biggest money wasters & time wasters in everyday life.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 24, 2013 7:55:00 GMT -5
I'm sure that just by not making the boat payment and the CC payments except for the one will give you some breathing room. This does not mean spend it in any way. The kids are just going to have to deal with it as well. Time and past time for them to be told. If it makes you feel better, and I wouldn't do it, you could divide what little child support you get to the kids it's supposed to go to and tell them here it is spend it however you see fit. That might be the wake up call they need to get jobs or at least not think you're rolling in dough while their mom suffers. save that payment money until you have at least a grand in savings, then start the snowball effect that Dave Ramsey talks about. In the meantime, you're going to get hassled by people you owe money to. Tell them to work with you or it's bankruptcy. no new backpacks and only the absolute necessities for school. No clothes or shoes, period. Hooray for flip flops. If twelve year old needs the latest fashions, it's called babysitting, and even rich kids do it for money! There's two at the pool nannying four kids this summer and splitting the money. DF knows their parents, they're sisters, and the parents are loaded but the kids work. Girls are 13 and 15.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 24, 2013 8:22:26 GMT -5
I'll respond to you both at the same time to save time. Both ex's pay through the court system, but at $150 and $250, being behind doesn't add up to a whole lot as far as the state is concerned. I don't know the exact amount my ex is behind, but at only $250 per month, that's only $3000 per year that he pays. DH's ex isn't behind very far, maybe a couple of months, but at $150 per month, that's only $1800 per year total. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I see stuff posted like the above and it boggles my mind that non-custodial partents are ok with doing that to their kids. Especially when I know someone who's paying over $1500 a MONTH and has to constantly battle for visitation rights.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 24, 2013 9:51:07 GMT -5
that's only $3000 per year that he pays. DH's ex isn't behind very far, maybe a couple of months, but at $150 per month, that's only $1800 per year total.
The word only says a lot. That's only $4,800. I understand the not wanting to hassle about it. I guess the word only makes me think a lot of the money problems start with "it's only". If you can change that mind set it (your husband's) then you can see things differently.
BTW wasn't there another poster on YM that had massvie debt - think she had indebt in her user name. Maybe if she got wind of this thread she might come and offer her advice. Think she knocked out debt religiously. And yes, I know her circumstances won't be the same but who knows. Anyone here "know" her well enough to maybe PM? JAT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 10:31:15 GMT -5
I went back & checked out a couple of pages where debt was talked about. (pages that I had just glanced over before). My feeling was (about what I was seeing): He has this account, I have that account, we have that account, he gets this much, I get that much, we get this much. Now understand I like things SIMPLE. The way you break down your money & distribute your money would keep me completely confused. Now I could see doing it that way if you guys made 200,000 or more a year but on your income it just seems overly complex. Having a bunch of little pots of money & a bunch of little bills spread all over seems to me to be a part of the problem.
My first thought is (& I don't know if this is possible) to do a loan where you can combine a lot of those debts into one payment (which would be lower). I also got the feeling that there was a fair amount of warning time that you kind of knew that you were in trouble but somebody figure that we can make the payments so we are ok.
For the next couple of months I would be thinking of ways to raise a little extra money to pay off some of those little debts & get them out of the way (leaving you more money in the future to attack the other debts). Working extra, garage sales, whatever, get creative. And of course cut down or even cut out some of those monthly bills.
Now I'll attack a few people who spoke out about divorce. Once again it's easy to tell someone to do something that you don't have anything invested in. Nobody is perfect & damn few marriages are perfect. Plus let's say she takes your advise, how is that going to help either of them NOW or even in the near future. Get a clue here, the debt & YES even the boat is both of their (TTWA) fault. I doubt that hubby knocked her out & ran out & bought a boat. She should have said NO & even made his life a miserable hell for even suggesting it. (My ex & I had some FUN discussions or her spending but even though my life was hell for a while it was mostly controlled).
To be honest there is a fair amount of debt there but they have a fairly good income. With a few breaks & a lot of effort I could see them getting a handle on it fairly soon. It will take years to pay off but really that's part of life.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 24, 2013 10:42:44 GMT -5
Now I'll attack a few people who spoke out about divorce. Once again it's easy to tell someone to do something that you don't have anything invested in. Nobody is perfect & damn few marriages are perfect. Plus let's say she takes your advise, how is that going to help either of them NOW or even in the near future. Get a clue here, the debt & YES even the boat is both of their (TTWA) fault. I doubt that hubby knocked her out & ran out & bought a boat. She should have said NO & even made his life a miserable hell for even suggesting it. (My ex & I had some FUN discussions or her spending but even though my life was hell for a while it was mostly controlled).
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 24, 2013 10:54:42 GMT -5
Did anyone actually recommend divorce? I read the whole thread when it came out and I don't remember that.
I was recommending credit counseling because I think they still have some of the underlying issues that created the situation. Also because a credit counselor could help with consolidation of the debts.
It seems like karaboo could see a lot of the problem coming but she went against her better judgement to keep her family happy. And now that she is looking close at the budget there are things she doesn't want to cut because they are things that make the family happy. I think an impartial third party looking at the whole picture and giving advice would be a big help as to which items they can actually afford.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 24, 2013 11:09:46 GMT -5
Marriage counseling would help too. I lean towards extreme savings, DH leans towards extreme spending. Learning how to meet in the middle has been a lot more work than we realized.
Anybody can learn to handle money, but our issues are due to core personality traits and credit/finanical counseling isn't really for that kind of stuff.
For us, we're common potters and I'm in control of all accounts. For awhile he didn't even have his own check card (his choice) till we got him to stop thinking of the ATM as a magical money fairy.
I became a slacker when pregnant because it was easier to let him have his way. Fortunately no debt was incurred but we did overdraft several times and barely saved anything. We're finally getting back on track.
It sucks sometimes to have to be the responsible party pooper but I married a spender. He's not going to turn into an extreme saver like me anytime in the near future. DH has even said we'd be in really deep shit if I didn't keep him on such a tight leash.
I've settled for I don't need him to think like me, I just need him to cooperate with me. He's never going to think like me, it's not his personality, but he can learn to not sabotage us and work with me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 12:44:41 GMT -5
It sucks sometimes to have to be the responsible party pooper but I married a spender. He's not going to turn into an extreme saver like me anytime in the near future. DH has even said we'd be in really deep shit if I didn't keep him on such a tight leash.DramaQ there is it. The mark of teamwork in a marriage. That remark also shows that he knows that he needs improvement in some areas & that YOU have his back. My now wife is kind of a spender but mostly a shopper. She shops at least 4 days a week, doesn't buy expensive items but shops. I don't mind that because she gets some great deals & as a huge plus, I don't have to shop (which I hate). We just got back from Sam's (& I'm have a COLD BEER because it's 100 out there) & I'm sure that she will go back out shopping today. I (being a smart guy) will use that shopping urge & as she goes out the door I'll tell her that I could use a new pair of shoes. It's a win (she gets to have a purpose to shop) win (I don't have to shop) plus she will pay half of what I would end up paying. (I hate shopping so much I generally buy the first thing I see). Did anyone actually recommend divorce? I read the whole thread when it came out and I don't remember that. Yes a couple of people address the possibility of divorcing a spender. My guess is that they have been there & done that or at least known spenders up close. Oh & here's a life hint for everyone. We stopped & looked at a couple of cars at a dealership on the way home. Go when it's 100 degrees because NOBODY comes out in the heat to try to sell you a car.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 25, 2013 14:33:59 GMT -5
GREAT advice from oldtex on the previous page! And lots of other good ideas from everyone else, too. Briefly, karaboo, I think you have a GREAT attitude about this and are being realistic. Keep it up and don't let it drag you down! It will be a long road, but that's ok. You'll get there. Keep in mind that you will slip up, forgive yourself, and continue on. I remember years ago paying off a credit card that had a balance for so long that I definitely paid way more in interest than I ever did on the actual items purchased! Stupid! What a relief to finally pay it off! Guess what? A year later I was already repeating the same pattern. Thankfully, I caught it early, paid it off again, and have carried a balance occasionally, but nothing like before. Also, the feeling of "needing" so much more than we used to, as oldtex mentioned, has grown to epidemic proportions. It's a "throw away" culture anymore. I'm not saying you're doing that, Karaboo. Just agreed with the observation.
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Icelandic Woman
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Favorite Drink: Strawberry Lemonade
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Post by Icelandic Woman on Jul 26, 2013 13:30:24 GMT -5
Karaboo, after reading through this entire thread I am just amazed at your spirit while going through this very difficult time. I really have no advice except as most everyone else said get rid of that boat. I am sending you lots of hugs and will keep checking in to see the progress reports and cheering you on. Lots of luck!!!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 28, 2013 14:32:31 GMT -5
Hey Guys! Thank you for so much encouragement and advice. I really do appreciate it. I am reading everything, but some days, I'm just not able to respond - at least not to the specific advice being given. I'm still having days where I feel beat down, helpless and hopeless about so much in my life. The last several days have been like that for me. I'm trying to be positive, but it's hard to see through the rose-colored glasses when your eyes are blurry from tears. So...if you see me on-line or posting to other threads, but not responding to this one - just know that it's not because I don't appreciate your advice - it's just that I can't handle facing my own reality that day. The truth is, I am ignoring this subject for the time being as it relates to my own life. There is only so much mentally I can handle right now. There are days I'm better able to handle other people's problems instead of my own. On a positive note, I have my yearly exam with my internal medicine doctor tomorrow. I'm going to talk with her about the additional mental issues I've been having. I cannot seem to shake the feeling of being depressed all the time - and while I realize I have a lot of things going on that aren't helping me in this area, I also know that a whole lot of my thoughts seem like I'm not in control of. Having the medicine for my thyroid has helped my energy level, but there is still something going on mentally that I'm not sure how to handle. I'm hoping she can help me with this tomorrow. I've been going to a therapist since January, but he doesn't prescribe meds - he's not that kind of therapist. He does believe that I have plenty of reasons for being overwhelmed and upset about life. Just a short recap: - More bills than money
- House in constant disarray - there are 6 of us here, I shouldn't be the only one that cares if it's clean or not!
- House needs additional remodeling (that we can't afford) - this contributes to higher energy costs that affect our bills.
- 4 teenagers - 2 of which actively tell me on a fairly regular basis that they hate me and wished I never existed (usually when I'm being a parent and insisting they do what they need to do - homework, chores, etc). This doesn't bother me....but it does....if you know what I mean.....they're being typical teenagers after all - there is just additional stress because I'm the step-mom and as such, I don't matter to them - they can say whatever they want to me and it doesn't count - because I'm the step-mom and deserve to be treated like crap. Not an attitude either DH or I tolerate from them, but it still come out because that's how they hear their mom talk about me, so they get the "okay" from her.
- Stressful job that I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing after a year and a half. Training is finally helping with this, but I had to seek out the training for myself and dealing with being told I'm "hurting my co-worker's feelings" because I'm not relying on her to train me (which she's been a poor trainer) is just additional mental stress for me on both accounts. Trying to not take it personally, but failing miserably.
So....that's where I stand right now. Be patient with me as I struggle through this. Again - I appreciate all of your help and suggestions!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 28, 2013 14:39:03 GMT -5
that's only $3000 per year that he pays. DH's ex isn't behind very far, maybe a couple of months, but at $150 per month, that's only $1800 per year total.
The word only says a lot. That's only $4,800. I understand the not wanting to hassle about it. I guess the word only makes me think a lot of the money problems start with "it's only". If you can change that mind set it (your husband's) then you can see things differently. NNP - I did want to respond to your post specifically because I wasn't very clear in my own. Yes, I stated only, but I meant that in the eyes of the state, not in relation to our budget. The state doesn't care how much money the parent is behind on CS until it hits big bucks. If I tried to get the state to crack down on my ex or DH's ex - they would laugh in my face because of how little they owe. What they owe in CS is a drop in the bucket as far as the state is concerned. EVERY penny counts in our budget and I really wished we were getting CS on a regular basis. I will examine my own thought process though to make sure I'm not doing that myself.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 28, 2013 18:08:15 GMT -5
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