mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 20, 2013 0:06:09 GMT -5
That's downright scary, KaraBoo! Your stress level must be over the moon. I know mine would be! I'd take one major step right now, if that was my budget. I'd take every one of those credit cards, put them in a box (if you can't bear to cut them up), seal the box with duct tape, and put it somewhere I can't see it and neither can anybody else. There's no way I'd open that thing until I was debt-free. If you wanted to keep one card out for monthly expense use (that's how I buy everything, but I pay off the balance monthly), that might be okay if you're sure the two of you could use it only for absolutely necessary expenses. I admit, I panic over debt. I cannot stand to pay interest. It just rubs my fur the wrong way.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Jul 20, 2013 0:27:29 GMT -5
I'd also see if they stop charging interest (or will at least lower it) if you cancel a credit card (or two or three). That could help lower the payment and keep the balances from growing (especially if you make a late payment and get hit with late fees or max interest rates).
It has to be scary, but do what overtime you guys can, maybe do some work on the side, and don't add to the debt. Do what you can to bring the food and energy bills down as well. Best of luck.
Is there any way you guys could get child support? That would help out too.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 0:27:33 GMT -5
SL - I know it seems like DH is the one being selfish (and to a point, yes, you're right, he has been), but the fact remains that this isn't all DH's fault. I'm fine with taking half of the blame as well.
That reminds me, I was going to go over the series of steps that lead us to this point. I've been reflecting on a lot of things and here's the steps that I know led us to this point - in all it's gruesome glory:
1. We requested and received custody of DH's kids in ~2007. We went from a household of 3 to a household of 6 overnight. We already had DH's first boat. This is an important event as it leads to the following:
2. After a lot of other issues that stemmed from the custody change and aftermath with the ex-wife and the kids attitudes, I was to a mental breaking point myself. This was about 3 years in, so roughly 2010. Hindsight also tells me that this is probably when my thyroid issues started, I just wasn't aware of it at the time. Mentally, I couldn't handle the stress of being a full time mom to 4 kids (who were spouting the hateful things at me that their mom filled their heads with), full time worker and attempting to keep up the same expectations on the house as before. DH was helping, but I was definitely harder on myself than I needed to be and was at a breaking point. DH and I decided that I needed a break from work, and I went PRN. This was NOT a good financial move on our part, but was the best thing I could have done for myself mentally. What CC debt we had before this was not helped by me quitting work and the increase began at this point.
3. Right before a position opened back up at my job, we tore out the main bathroom in our house to remodel (thinking I could do the work myself since I wasn't working). That "free" time I had, lasted 3 weeks. Going back to work put me back into the same stress I had left before, only with some minor changes. Some of the kids' attitudes had shifted, subtly, to realizing I wasn't as horrible as they believed (still have some attitude, but what parent of teenagers doesn't?). Now, instead of issues with the kids, now I was dealing with issues on the bathroom remodel. DH doesn't internalize stress like I do, so things that send me other the edge he doesn't even think about. The bathroom didn't bother him as much as it did me.
4. Around the end of 2011, DH found his current boat and we discussed him upgrading. I didn't have the heart to tell him no since he had been so understanding about me taking off and being the only income from before. Rightly or wrongly, when the bank didn't tell us no, I went along with it because I wanted him to have what he wanted - just like I wanted to quit work. No, it's not remotely the same thing, but at the time, that's how I felt and looking back at it, I'm not sure if I would have done anything differently - simply because I love my husband and want to see him happy - same as him with me.
5. About a year into not having a second bathroom (so ~2011/2012), we hit a snag with the remodel that set us back. About the same time, my health/thyroid issues hit full tilt and I went into a spiral depression/hopelessness feeling. I'd walk into the bathroom, look at all the work that needed to be done, stand and stare at it for at least 15-20 minutes and then walk back out, overwhelmed at where to start. I was like this in all aspects of my life, but I was conscience of it when staring at the work to be done in the bathroom. As the person who paid the bills, I still paid them, but I didn't pay any attention at all to what we were spending or how much or when or why. I just didn't care.
6. In late 2011, I took a new job that has been more stressful anything I have ever done before. More mental stress led to more not caring in other aspects of my life - DH, kids, house, bills, you name it, I didn't care. DH tried to help me, but was having his own work issues. The DH helped with what he could and he really stepped up (still has) with kids and house, but finances he still left to me - it isn't his strong point and I know it.
7. I finally went for help on my mental/thyroid issues and I'm finally on a series of medications that seem to be working (starting the beginning of 2013). However, now it's too little too late as far as caring now in regards to bills.
None of this is written out to be an excuse - just an explanation of what happened over the course of several years to get us to this point now. Now, a series of events are starting to fall into place that are more positive - in the last month, I've made more strides in my stressful job than I have in the past year and a half, DH has a job offer with more money, and I'm back to caring about what's going on around me. I'm still stressed, but I can feel it in a different way (I know the right combination of medications has helped with this).
We still have a long way to go. I went to my counseling appointment today and he asked me about our finances and how long did I think it would take us to get out of this position. I told him this:
The optimist in me believes 3 years. The realist in me believes 5 years. The pessimist in me believes 7 years.
I'm under no illusions that there will be a quick fix to any of this. DH knows the same.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 0:31:42 GMT -5
I *REALLY* hate to make anything look worse, but there are some items not added to the negative total, the GM, Lowe's, Chase and Jared's payments. Is there a reason for that? When you do include them, they make the negative even bigger. I hope the boat sells quickly, that is going to be the biggest jump start to paying things off. Congratulations on DH's new job too, hopefully that will help make a dent as long as it doesn't bring any new expenses. There's no payment there because we haven't made the payment for them this month. There's no money left at this point. We had to stop somewhere. I just made our house payment today. I've been trying to keep up with payments, when I should have been focused on priorities. As you can see from the anticipated August numbers, there isn't going to be enough next month either. This is the line DH is going to sit down with me to figure out who gets paid and who doesn't. No - it's not pretty.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 0:45:46 GMT -5
I'd also see if they stop charging interest (or will at least lower it) if you cancel a credit card (or two or three). That could help lower the payment and keep the balances from growing (especially if you make a late payment and get hit with late fees or max interest rates). It has to be scary, but do what overtime you guys can, maybe do some work on the side, and don't add to the debt. Do what you can to bring the food and energy bills down as well. Best of luck. Is there any way you guys could get child support? That would help out too. I did look at our electric bill last month as well - and changed it to a plan that should save us money. Hopefully - if I did the calculations right. I'm being very vigilant on the food bill, but I've only be focused on that for about a month now - hopefully I can pull that number down in the next few months. We receive child support sporadically - I've never accounted for it in our budget because for us, it's "found" money. If we're paid on time and in full every month, we receive a whopping $400 for 4 kids. $150 for DH's 3 and $250 for my one. We use that money to pay for school activities and extras for the kids (school lunches, etc). Currently, my ex is behind by over a year, probably longer. We did receive a $300 payment yesterday from him - that will help this month, but I'm not counting on it for next month. The last payment I received was over 2 months ago - the payment before that was over 6 months before the last payment - so....3 payments in a year? Roughly? He doesn't work, so I have no idea how he's paying. DH's ex hasn't paid anything since June - but at $150 a month, that doesn't even touch our grocery bill for one week. There is no chance of upping the amount - she's currently working at a fast food place.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 0:57:20 GMT -5
That's downright scary, KaraBoo! Your stress level must be over the moon. I know mine would be! I'd take one major step right now, if that was my budget. I'd take every one of those credit cards, put them in a box (if you can't bear to cut them up), seal the box with duct tape, and put it somewhere I can't see it and neither can anybody else. There's no way I'd open that thing until I was debt-free. If you wanted to keep one card out for monthly expense use (that's how I buy everything, but I pay off the balance monthly), that might be okay if you're sure the two of you could use it only for absolutely necessary expenses. I admit, I panic over debt. I cannot stand to pay interest. It just rubs my fur the wrong way. mmhmm - it is scary! But....just the simple step of Pink pointing out to me that I'm not focused on a BUDGET and instead was focused on debt repayment has helped to shift my thinking on this. For me, this is HUGE! It's like something "clicked" in my mind, so I truly understand what step I was missing that helped get us to this point. So - don't panic for me yet! I'm upset, but I can tell that things will change for the better. Out for now - talk to y'all more tomorrow night!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 20, 2013 0:59:32 GMT -5
Your post didn't sound like excuse-making, at all, KaraBoo. It sounded to me like the observations of someone who'd taken a good, long, penetrating look at what has led to the current situation. Ya done good! The things that have happened to you and your family aren't at all uncommon. Nobody is immune, even those who think they are. Bad stuff happens to good people. Sometimes, when it does, good people compound the problem by reacting in the wrong way due to depression. Now, you've come out of that and are facing things with a clear head. That's a good thing! Yes, it's going to take time to recover. As long as you hold onto your determination, DH wakes up, smells the flowers and realizes they're weeds, and everybody understands they're going to have to pitch in and bail to get things back afloat, you should do fine. It's a matter of setting priorities, realizing the difference between wants and needs, and making sure only the needs are fulfilled until the debts are paid. You're coming at this honestly and seeing the situation for what it is. That speaks loudly to your ability to deal with it effectively.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 20, 2013 1:51:46 GMT -5
I hate to be negative, since i KNOW you're really trying hard to dig yourselves out (is your DH though??)
BUT earlier I guestimated that you had one and maybe 2 credit cards. But looking at your spreadsheet, you have EIGHT!@! Not to mention the mortgage, medical bills, utilities, clothing, food, etc.
THE DARNED BOAT !! and all the expenses that go along with it - insurance/registration/plates/maintenance. That money could be going toward other more essential things than your DH's "need" to get away on the weekend. What about your needs or your kids' needs. You all need food, clothing, a roof over your heads, and power.
I hate to be blunt but it sounds like he's going off fishing to run away from reality and what's falling down around him.
And I also whole-heartedly agree with mmhmm - if you cannot bring yourself to cut up those (very unnecessary credit cards - Jared's, BassPro, Home Depot, Sears, etc., lock them away somewhere out of sight . Or freeze them in a block of ice. It won't damage the magnetic strip, but by the time you thaw them out, it'll give you enough time to think about if you really NEED to use it.
All you need is ONE MastercCard or Visa for regular purchases. All those other cards are temptations to spend/buy on things that aren't necessities. Like that darned boat.
And isn't Jared's a jewelry store??
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 20, 2013 6:38:31 GMT -5
I talked at dinner last night with a women who does debt counseling and she said the same thing I said with ONE exception, before you stop paying on the boat, call them and tell them you're selling it and until it sells you aren't making the payment. That payment should have ended months ago. Don't make CC payments, let them call you. Keep the CC with the lowest balance for an emergency, the rest, let them call you. Tell them you just can't pay it anymore. After being a-holes for awhile, they will help you.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 7:56:28 GMT -5
I hate to be negative, since i KNOW you're really trying hard to dig yourselves out (is your DH though??)
BUT earlier I guestimated that you had one and maybe 2 credit cards. But looking at your spreadsheet, you have EIGHT!@! Not to mention the mortgage, medical bills, utilities, clothing, food, etc.
THE DARNED BOAT !! and all the expenses that go along with it - insurance/registration/plates/maintenance. That money could be going toward other more essential things than your DH's "need" to get away on the weekend. What about your needs or your kids' needs. You all need food, clothing, a roof over your heads, and power.
I hate to be blunt but it sounds like he's going off fishing to run away from reality and what's falling down around him.
And I also whole-heartedly agree with mmhmm - if you cannot bring yourself to cut up those (very unnecessary credit cards - Jared's, BassPro, Home Depot, Sears, etc., lock them away somewhere out of sight . Or freeze them in a block of ice. It won't damage the magnetic strip, but by the time you thaw them out, it'll give you enough time to think about if you really NEED to use it.
All you need is ONE MastercCard or Visa for regular purchases. All those other cards are temptations to spend/buy on things that aren't necessities. Like that darned boat.
And isn't Jared's a jewelry store?? SL - did you missed where I posted this last night: He's talked to the fishing club he's in and they're going to post his boat for sale in their monthly newsletter (they're all fanatics like he is and a very targeted audience). He's also scrubbing the boat down this weekend (it's been raining all week) to take shiny pictures to post it for sale on another forum dedicated to fishing (like this one is to money). He's also worked somewhere around 20 hours over time this week (12 hrs on Sunday, plus 2 nights where he worked at night, plus his day job).
So....it's not sold yesterday, but it is "in process". For me, that's at least progress. Now - if he starts dragging his feet, or I'm not actually seeing anything posted for sale (I'm not going to just take his word for it - I want to see it in black/white dammit!), then we'll have issues.No offense, but you're beating a dead horse right now. I KNOW the boat needs to be sold, like last year, but I can't wiggle my nose and make it happen right this second. Unless you know a buyer that wants a $40,000 boat and wants to buy it right now? No? You don't? Well - we do know people who would love to own it, but only a few know about it right this second and have only known for about 2 weeks. And - just because they'd love to own it, doesn't mean they'll actually buy it. While we have a plan in place to get the information out to the masses soon (I want the pictures to be taken and sent/posted by tomorrow, knowing DH's speed, it will probably be next weekend before he does it). The reality is, the boat probably won't sell, even if we start a massive marketing campaign on it now. I'm aware of this as well. I'm expecting to have to turn it over for non-payment at some point in the near future. Yes, Jared's is a jewelry place - DH got the card to buy me gifts. No, it's not what I would have done, but he did. I was angry at him for getting the jewelry and getting another CC, but all he thought was how he wanted me to have pretty things and shower me with bling, because "I/You deserve it for all you do!" While you may feel differently, I can't be mad at him for long for wanting to make me happy. I've already talked about how DH isn't the financial person in our family - he believes that they say he can afford it, then he can afford it. If that makes him selfish in your mind, I can't change that. It does make me an enabler though, so feel free to make me the bad guy - it's okay - I'm in a better place now, I can handle it.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 8:02:24 GMT -5
mmhmm - thank you! Zib - thanks for the additional information! We did talk to the bank initially to see if they could help us in any way, but since we hadn't missed a boat payment up until that point, they didn't want to talk to us. They are aware of the issue, but I'll make sure they know no more payments are going to be made at this time.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2013 9:10:08 GMT -5
Be prepared for your credit card companies to start jacking up your interest rates as soon as late payments to any creditor(s) start showing on your credit report. Not all of them do that, but some do unless things have changed in the last few years.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 20, 2013 23:01:09 GMT -5
Be prepared for your credit card companies to start jacking up your interest rates as soon as late payments to any creditor(s) start showing on your credit report. Not all of them do that, but some do unless things have changed in the last few years. Pink - yes, I'm aware of this possibility. I'm not happy about it, but I can't do anything about it either - at least not right now.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 20, 2013 23:59:26 GMT -5
Have you talked to a bk lawyer? By your own account you are 3-7 years in the hole. Talk to a lawyer and go with a 7 or 13. Make sure the same issues don't happen, but start moving forward. And if you're totally opposed to that, enroll in credit counseling. Your fico will be shot, but you have your house and solid jobs, and your fico already took a nose dive when you started making payments.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jul 21, 2013 4:13:32 GMT -5
{{HUGS}} We know that you can get through this, it just may take some time, but you will get through this bump in the road of life.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 21, 2013 7:37:57 GMT -5
CCs will jack but if you negotiate, they will finally waive the interest. Keep the lowest major card balance and tell the rest to jack off until they remove the interest. It'll take a few months but finally after harassing you until hell freezes over, they will work with you. The NICE thing about this is that there will be no more credit in your home except at an exorbitant rate for a very long time. That will keep both of you from buying toys. I'm glad you have a house already. You will recover from this, I promise. Btw, if anyone starts jerking you, tell them they accept your plan or you're declaring bankruptcy and they won't get squat. Go back and figure out what you actually charged, not the interest that's been added for eons, and tell them that's the balance you're going to start paying on when they've agreed IN WRITING, get that letter from them, tell them that, and the new CC bill with all the removed interest charges. Start paying from there and tell them, if they don't tell you first, you aren't using their card anymore. Don't accept any plan over the phone, get it in writing and the new bills in writing. Don't let them access your bank accounts in anyway. That's a new scam. They will then empty your account, they tell you it's payment plan and they will debit X amount and then they take it all. My friend has been trying for two months now to get a clients money back but she says pretty much, it's gone.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 21, 2013 7:44:28 GMT -5
Anyway, your August 1st payments must be coming up. Pay house, medical, food and the CC you're gong to keep, house related expenses like electric, and that's it. No other CCs and no boat, period. Nothing boat related. I'd probably not share this plan with your DH because you will actually have extra money left over and he might want to spend it. As far as the kids, no new clothes and shoes for awhile. School supplies will be coming up in another month and as I recall, I used to get hit for almost a hundred bucks per kid. I don't know your kids ages or sizes but they might be able to share or buy gently used clothing from places like PLATOS closet. Kids don't grow that fast and they can still wear for school what they wore in the summer for awhile. If you have family that buys the kids presents, I'd ask them for early Christmas and birthday being stuff they absolutely need right away as in they've outgrown their shoes and need new ones when school starts since you can't wear flip flops to school.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 21, 2013 20:54:47 GMT -5
Rae - we haven't talked to anyone about BK just yet. I'm not opposed to it, I just haven't done it yet. It may be a few months before DH will even consider the idea (right now, he's still processing everything regarding losing his boat - did I mention he has a "slow" and "slower" speed?). Sue - thank you! Zib - yes, August payments are coming up. The utilities are all on auto-pay, except for the water bill (which is why we missed it in June). School is also coming up - I'm worried about all of the expenses for it - mostly for our Senior. We'll skip most of the senior drama, but there are some things I don't want to miss (senior pictures and cap/gown are two I'm wanting, but I'm already looking for deals). She wants to attend Prom, but unless she gets a job (and a boyfriend) between now and then, she may have to miss out on that. She's also in color guard this year - her first year to try out. One of our Sophmores is also in marching band. Thankfully, the programs both have a payment plan, but it will still be expensive. Last year, we probably spent over $1k for the two Freshmen to participate. Since it's the school - it's cash or check only, so we didn't charge those items. Like last year, I'm going to pay for their things out of what child support we do receive. Getting $300 on Friday means we're half-way there to paying the fees for marching and guard. The difference in cost was the extras like us attending the games to watch them perform - we may have to miss out on that this year (although that will kill me - I've only missed 2 performances of any school show the kids have been in over their school career). I realize you guys are going to scream at me for this - and I totally get that. Go ahead, but based on the history my kids have been through over the years, I'm not cutting out their activities at school for our mistakes. That's not their fault - it's ours. DH and I will cut back on what we need to, to make sure the kids are taken care of and can participate at the very least.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 21, 2013 22:07:57 GMT -5
I wouldn't cut the kids activities either. They aren't cheap, but I don't think they are sinking the ship either.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jul 21, 2013 22:33:59 GMT -5
No way I'd cut the kids activities. Why, I'll even be'cha we could gather together enough moolah to send that girl to the prom if she wants to go.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 21, 2013 23:08:10 GMT -5
I'm sure we can figure Prom out as well - we still have around 9 months before I have to really stress about it.
I'm already looking for deals on the dresses she's been posting about. Nothing serious at the moment, simply because of Guard classes. She's been very in-active the last couple of years in high school (no gym and choir classes does nothing for activity levels), so has put on a couple of pounds (nothing I'm worried about at the moment). I'm betting she'll drop anything she's gained in the next couple of months when practice starts up full time and any dress we get now would have to be altered.
I can sew as well. In high school, I made my own Prom dress and pagnent dress. I also made my first wedding dress. So I'm not worried about finding her a dress in a budget we can afford - it's just all of the other expenses that goes along with Prom and Senior year that I'm worried about.
She's so excited about being in Guard! I wish she had signed up her freshman year - I think she would have had a lot more fun in school instead of being in choir the first couple of years.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 21, 2013 23:25:34 GMT -5
Oh! I forgot to add a piece of information when I was responding to Zib: My kids are all teens at this point: 17 - Senior, has signed up for Color Guard (marching with the band) 16 - Sophmore, will be in marching band again (we held him back a year - should have been a junior this year) 15 - Sophmore, dropped marching band, but will be making up classes he failed last year - so no activities for him this year (his choice). 12 (will be 13 in September) - going into 7th grade. She's our drama queen and wants all the fancy cloths. Our usual back-to-school budgets for the kids has been $200 each - but that includes cost of new back packs, new shoes and new cloths. This didn't include school supplies (pens, pencils, paper, etc) - that usually runs less than $100 for all of them. I'm going to talk to each of them and see if that cost can be broken up into smaller chunks this year and get things a little slower. Zib - also - things have changed with school - at least in our area. Our kids are allowed to wear flip flops and other assorted clothing that I wouldn't have thought would be allowed. The things they don't allow are odd as well (no holes of any size in any jeans/pants for example). Looks like I need to add another line item!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jul 22, 2013 0:11:30 GMT -5
I
Since you sew, maybe making her Prom dress will be something that's achievable - as well as special to you and her. I remember my mom sewing mine. And I loved it - not just because it turned out so beautifully, but because she'd taken the time to make it for me (and i inherited her love of sewing because of the time she spent on making (many) of my outfits or teaching me the joys (and rewards/savings) of sewing). Is renting a grad outfit (cap & gown that expensive?) I wouldn't know - since when I graduated HS, the school provided the cap & gowns for the walk on stage to receive diplomas.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jul 22, 2013 6:15:58 GMT -5
Just a thought that I haven't seen (or maybe missed?) on this thread is - there's no mention of the kids having part time jobs (babysitting, yard work etc.) I don't if you live in an area where teen jobs are hard to come by but in my neck of the woods babysitters get at least $8 and hour with usually a four hour minimum. Teens that do yard work (mowing, weeding, shoveling snow etc.) usually get $10 an hour.
There was a long thread about teens covering their own entertainment expenses (including prom) with the general agreement split about half and half. A babysitting gig two-three times a month could bank some serious spending money.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 22, 2013 9:31:51 GMT -5
I'm just not sure you need to do BK, yet. Maybe but maybe not. Of course if you pay off your bills you will be penalized by it as opposed to BK which basically gives you a fresh start and it seems no real fallout. My concern about BK is that your DH and maybe even you, will just start spending again because there's no debt. Repayment is painful, takes longer, and involved sacrifice. Backpacks do last longer than one school year. Maybe using one a bit beat up will sink in to treat it better? Kids are going to have to do without just like you guys are and 12 year old may have to-shudder- not have new clothes.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 22, 2013 10:01:04 GMT -5
I share zibs concerns about the spending continuing after a bankruptcy. I don't want to beat you up but when you list thousands of dollars of school activities and say you will cut from yourself and DH instead, you need to make sure there is enough actual money coming in to cut from those other places and still pay for the activities.
Also if you have additional expenses that you plan to pay, then those should be put into your budget. It doesn't do any good for you to make a list of your expenses and make a plan to pay them if you plan to keep spending on things that are not on your list. Take some time and think through the year for other things like the color guard and the prom, christmas, birthdays, any winter activities, etc and add them to the list if they are not negotiable.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 22, 2013 13:58:05 GMT -5
Ok, I'm to lazy to go back and look but I think you said that the house was bought in your name but you both moved in. Why was the house bought by you - did DH have bad credit going in? No advice to offer on this end except being drug down the rabbit hole is going to be painful, emotionally and financially.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jul 22, 2013 18:58:51 GMT -5
I have been pressuring the oldest two kids to get a job, but I'm trying to balance that without sounding overbearing. They both know they need one and have been applying - I'm just not sure how diligently they've been applying. I need to remind them they need to be looking! The economy isn't horrible around us, but I also haven't been seeing a ton of "help wanted" signs either.
I agree with you guys about NOT filing for BK yet. A whole lot of our problem has been not paying attention to what we've been spending. I'd rather this be a little painful (especially for DH as well as me) to remind us why we need to NOT do this again!
NNP - the house was bought under just my name because of a couple of reasons - the main one being that I started looking at houses before we met. I was approved for a first-time home buyer program for single mom's. Adding DH, my boyfriend at the time, would have negated all of the benefits I was getting by qualifying for the program (lower interest rate, lower down payment).
DH and I talked before we ever moved in together. He understood that I chose the house I did because it was perfect for just me and my son and I could afford it on my own if our relationship didn't work out. The house also has/had room to expand if we did work out and if his kids ever moved in with us.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Jul 22, 2013 19:34:12 GMT -5
Good job facing this - hardest part for me is starting.
Question - are your WF Line of Credit and WF Personal Loan secured by your house?
ETA: Just from looking at the numbers so far, you have done a fantastic job of getting the bills paid!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 22, 2013 21:20:59 GMT -5
Well, you don't have to pressure them, just let them know that what they make, they can spend on their stuff. Otherwise, no stuff. I get that you don't want to make the kids suffer for your and your husbands poor decisions but it is what it is. Facts are there's no money for their stuff so f they want stuff, they need to get it on their own.
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