tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Feb 8, 2015 16:29:19 GMT -5
The one thing that jumps out at me a little bit is the lack of any real safeguards to ensure his finding employment.
If he fulfills enough of the requirements to get his vehicle expenses paid for, he could attempt to milk that for quite a while. Depending on his real level of motivation, there could be either a possible sabotaging of the job search process or a large disagreement over the meaning of "diligently." Unfortunately, there are really no easy ways around it. A time limit serves mostly to put off the sense of urgency until the limit nears. You obviously know both him and the situation far better than we, but that would be my concern. I didn't see anything else as an obvious question. Good luck.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 16:31:32 GMT -5
I forgot to comment on the Job Corps - I'll bring it up at the meeting today, but I have a feeling that bio-mom and as such Rowdy will not agree to it. It is a total unknown for them and they won't even consider something unless they think it will benefit them in some way.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 16:33:27 GMT -5
You can go to high school after you get your GED? That seems odd. I dunno. I was just thinking that we wouldn't tell the school that he got it. But now that you pointed that out...they probably would know about it. Hmmm....that might have to be revised.....
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 16:35:53 GMT -5
The one thing that jumps out at me a little bit is the lack of any real safeguards to ensure his finding employment.
If he fulfills enough of the requirements to get his vehicle expenses paid for, he could attempt to milk that for quite a while. Depending on his real level of motivation, there could be either a possible sabotaging of the job search process or a large disagreement over the meaning of "diligently." Unfortunately, there are really no easy ways around it. A time limit serves mostly to put off the sense of urgency until the limit nears. You obviously know both him and the situation far better than we, but that would be my concern. I didn't see anything else as an obvious question. Good luck.
Good point - I'm going to include that as a "discussion point" when we talk and that we will REQUIRE a time limit, but it is negotiable at this time. With LaLa - she was really looking, but it still took her about 6 months to find a job, AFTER she had her license. And we don't live in a job depressed area - it's just that no one would hire her at the time......
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 8, 2015 16:36:16 GMT -5
Well, I realize bio mom has to justify her lack of parenting somehow but you'd think she'd jump at something like that so she could point a finger and say how you all suck as parents. As for Rowdy, if it's that or shape up or the street, he might surprise you
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 8, 2015 16:38:16 GMT -5
You can go to high school after you get your GED? That seems odd. I dunno. I was just thinking that we wouldn't tell the school that he got it. But now that you pointed that out...they probably would know about it. Hmmm....that might have to be revised..... The last thing the school wants is another unmotivated student taking up space.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 16:44:20 GMT -5
Off to the meeting - I'll check in when we're done!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 19:18:46 GMT -5
Okay - meeting is now done.
Boyfriend/fiance still didn't show up.
Surprise, surprise!! Biomom did not have anything negative to say about the contract or how it was written. An even bigger surprise was that she didn't want to add anything to it. ALL of the stipulations are DH and mine - none are hers.
Rowdy had a couple of questions:
In this section: IF Rowdy does not complete the requirements as set forth above; the adults in this agreement will allow Rowdy to experience the consequences of his choices. This includes, but is not limited to, failing classes, not paying for additional summer school, being held back in school and not graduating with fellow classmates.
He wanted to know if the bolded part meant that if he completed all coursework and was classified as a senior, would we not pay for him to go to summer school to get his English 4 credit out of the way? We told him no - that section was there if he failed to finish as a senior. If he completed and wanted to take summer school, we would discuss the additional class at that time. This contract was only to get him to the point of being able to continue on to be a senior or to take his GED.
He wanted clarification on the word "diligently" in looking for a job. He wanted to know if it was acceptable for him to put in applications at 3-4 places per day, but still be able to hang out with his friends. We told him yes, but that we would probably call for a revision of the contract at that point, depending on where he was at 6 months from now (during the conversation, he was adamant that he was going to finish high school, being a senior and doing some other things - which is why we made that comment).
We made only one change to the entire contract:
Once the GED is obtained by Rowdy 2014/2015 school year is completed with the education credits equivalent to a senior, Rowdy will have the option of completing his senior year with his friends, along with all associated experiences of a senior about to graduate, OR Rowdy may choose to skip his senior year, take the GED (and pass the test) and will be REQUIRED to complete the additional steps outlined below.
We expressed to Rowdy that we were all concerned that something like this contract might/will probably negatively affect Monkey if she knew about it. We asked him not to say anything about this agreement to her. He agreed. His mom asked him if he was going to respect this request. He said yes.
Everyone signed, I scanned it and made copies for everyone.
It was actually a very positive meeting all the way around. We'll see if Rowdy follows through.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 8, 2015 19:53:31 GMT -5
Sounds like a productive meeting. Good luck Rowdy.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 8, 2015 20:04:56 GMT -5
I still think you're a saint.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 8, 2015 21:04:42 GMT -5
I still think you're a saint. I love my kids. I am highly offended when people tell me they are "just" my step-kids. No they are not! I have been in Monkey's life since she was 1 year old. I have known Rowdy since he was 3 and LaLa since she was 5. I would do nothing less than what I am doing now for my own biological child or one that I had adopted. The only difference is I have to take into account what biomom also wants. I have to coordinate things so she works with us rather than against us. It's a constant struggle, but as the kids get older, she backs off more. Maybe she sees that I really do want what's best for them - maybe she's just putting on a show. I don't care. I care about the kids and their well being. I will continue to be an advocate for them as long as I can and they allow me to (since they're getting up there in age and almost responsible for themselves). I will NOT accept my position in their lives as anything less. I've seen what the kids faced when their mom was in control. It wasn't pretty, they were struggling and my own husband, their dad, didn't know how to help them. The changes they have experienced and continue to learn are positive on so many levels. They can't see it right now - their mom can't see it right now (or maybe she does and is being stubborn), but I can and I WILL continue to give them my all for as long as I can. MY kids deserve nothing less from me.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 9, 2015 9:39:26 GMT -5
I am concerned about Jetsam not having any changes. I wish you'd have included a bullet point from her stating "I have no requests/changes/modifications/thoughts to add to this document at this time." because I have a nasty feeling her end is going to come back and bite you all in the @ss. I hope I'm wrong.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 9, 2015 10:50:48 GMT -5
I'd say the same thing if you were talking about your bio kids.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 9, 2015 22:12:47 GMT -5
I am concerned about Jetsam not having any changes. I wish you'd have included a bullet point from her stating "I have no requests/changes/modifications/thoughts to add to this document at this time." because I have a nasty feeling her end is going to come back and bite you all in the @ss. I hope I'm wrong. I understand the concern with this. I guess I'm not concerned myself simply because I included the clause that any of the 4 of us (including Rowdy) can ask for a meeting to request a revision. She could come back and cause problems with it, but I don't think she will. Maybe I'm being optimistic. Maybe I'm being naive. I think she's actually relieved that we came up with a solution that doesn't involve Rowdy moving in with her. There was just something about both meetings that gives me that impression. It's almost like she realizes that we are the ones taking the brunt of this, not trying to push it off on her, and trying to do our best with Rowdy, her son.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Feb 9, 2015 22:50:49 GMT -5
I suggest that instead of asking him to pay a portion of the the cell phone bill, be specific. Either specify a percentage such as 50% or a specific amount such as $50. A percentage might be better if the cost increases.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 9, 2015 23:15:55 GMT -5
We explained to him that the bill set up is exactly like we have for LaLa. She's on her own plan now, but before, we showed her our bill and what her phone cost. That's what she paid every month. We'll do the same for all of the kids.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 17, 2015 19:53:49 GMT -5
A glimpse into my life: Gone from work approx 1 hr 30 mins. Counseling appt for 30 mins, text from Rowdy that he's headed to carenow w/mom. Thinks he's broke his hand. Hun on way to meet them, I'm in line at chicken express to feed other kids. No telling what will happen next between now and when I fall asleep. ? what a life.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 18, 2015 10:25:31 GMT -5
Any update, Kara? Whatever happened, I am glad your DH went to meet them at the care center. Somehow, I don't picture Flotsam (or Jetsam, whichever she is...given her behavior, she could qualify as both!) being able to calmly handle things. Heck, she'd probably blame it on you.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 18, 2015 20:32:02 GMT -5
lol!!! That cracked me up!
Rowdy is fine, no broken bones. Just severe bruising and swelling. I totally see why he thought he had broken it though.
Before I left work today, I received a call from Hun that LaLa had broken down and he was on his way to get her and would let me know if he needed help. Told my boss about it - she just shook her head and commented, "your life tires me out! I don't know how you deal with it all!!"
Ain't that the truth!!!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 18, 2015 20:36:14 GMT -5
Oops! Forgot to include - car's fine. Overheated is all. Hun thinks the tstat may be going out.
LaLa thought her car was on fire because of all the steam from the engine overheating. Thankfully a good guy came to her rescue before Hun got there and assured her that it wasn't. All are back home.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 20, 2015 13:20:39 GMT -5
Hugs Karaboo. I'm glad everyone is/was safe and sound.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 20, 2015 13:34:05 GMT -5
Before I left work today, I received a call from Hun that LaLa had broken down and he was on his way to get her and would let me know if he needed help. Told my boss about it - she just shook her head and commented, "your life tires me out! I don't know how you deal with it all!!" Ain't that the truth!!! I agree with your boss.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 20, 2015 20:07:06 GMT -5
Buddy has his driving permit!!! WOOHOO!!!! OMG - I thought he was never going to pass the written test. He struggles with reading and needs extra time with taking tests. The DPS office by us does the written permit test on computers, is timed and if you get so many wrong - it automatically ends the test before you finish. He took the test the first two times - missed it the first time by one question; the second time he got so nervous he ran out of time and was automatically failed because he answered too many questions wrong. I'm ready for another kid to be driving - not ready for the extra money on insurance (while he get his license and then gets a job).
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Feb 21, 2015 1:29:31 GMT -5
Buddy has his driving permit!!! WOOHOO!!!! OMG - I thought he was never going to pass the written test. He struggles with reading and needs extra time with taking tests. The DPS office by us does the written permit test on computers, is timed and if you get so many wrong - it automatically ends the test before you finish. He took the test the first two times - missed it the first time by one question; the second time he got so nervous he ran out of time and was automatically failed because he answered too many questions wrong. I'm ready for another kid to be driving - not ready for the extra money on insurance (while he get his license and then gets a job). You probably already know this, but while he's on a permit, you don't have to pay for him on the insurance. Not until he gets a license with or without restrictions. Don't pay for it until you have to!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 22, 2015 13:24:50 GMT -5
Buddy has his driving permit!!! WOOHOO!!!! OMG - I thought he was never going to pass the written test. He struggles with reading and needs extra time with taking tests. The DPS office by us does the written permit test on computers, is timed and if you get so many wrong - it automatically ends the test before you finish. He took the test the first two times - missed it the first time by one question; the second time he got so nervous he ran out of time and was automatically failed because he answered too many questions wrong. I'm ready for another kid to be driving - not ready for the extra money on insurance (while he get his license and then gets a job). You probably already know this, but while he's on a permit, you don't have to pay for him on the insurance. Not until he gets a license with or without restrictions. Don't pay for it until you have to! This may depend on state. When LaLa first started driving and received her permit - the state automatically alerted our insurance company and we had to pay for her immediately. Since then, they've changed the requirement, so when I called the insurance company to find out how much it was going to go up, they stated that it wouldn't increase until 6 months after he had his permit - or his license, whichever came first. Since he's already 18 and just now has his license, they may up the insurance quicker..... I need to check on that aspect....
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 22, 2015 13:28:24 GMT -5
Yup, our insurance added any driver 16 or older regardless of whether they had permit or license. Some do it at 15.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2015 14:21:21 GMT -5
Yup, our insurance added any driver 16 or older regardless of whether they had permit or license. Some do it at 15. what if they had neither?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 22, 2015 14:42:58 GMT -5
Didn't matter. You had a child in your home that hit the magic age, your insurance went up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2015 16:23:30 GMT -5
Didn't matter. You had a child in your home that hit the magic age, your insurance went up. I would have dropped my insurance company like a hot potato if they increased by insurance rates because I had a kid who was 16 but had no license or learner's.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 22, 2015 17:40:57 GMT -5
I did but most of the good ones do this. I wasn't willing to go with a fly by night company. DS was going to get permit and license anyway.
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