KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 5, 2014 19:59:48 GMT -5
LOL!! You're so right Sharon!
Football game tonight (watching now - no score yet), up early tomorrow for band clinic and several other activities I'm not remembering at the moment.
Monday will be another story. DH goes back to work and I plan on having a Walking Dead marathon while snacking on junk food (I might just get some Bon bons!) I plan on it being glorious!
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Sept 5, 2014 20:12:39 GMT -5
My only real argument was that someone advised saying this: "If the stress is not relieved you will be needing to fill 3 positions because I will be reduced to a sobbing ball of mush that is curled up in a fetal position underneath my desk."
Four people liked the post, and another said it was perfect.
I find that stunning. NO possible good can ever come from using the words "sobbing ball of mush" and "curled up in a fetal position underneath my desk" in referring to yourself...to a boss...at work. No possible good can come from telling them that you can't handle stress. You appear to understand that distinction, and good for you. All I was arguing is that whatever you would end up saying, if it turned out to be necessary, that you find a way to word it that does not make you appear weak. And absolutely don't use the advice from here.
(It is possible to get away with something like that if you have a VERY good relationship with your boss and there is a history of joking around, but otherwise no.)
And yes, it is good that it appears to be handled for you.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 7, 2014 2:48:31 GMT -5
Do you want to try reading it again to see if you can find the point this time? What you missed by not reading the whole thread (or the recent parts relating to the job change) was that the stress has already been brought up at work, and that the issue would be with getting her OLD boss to hire someone, not her NEW boss. And she left that old job because it wasn't a good fit, yet. So, it doesn't seem as big a deal to say "hey, this isn't helping anyone", especially if it's going to make her fail at the new job. But yes, I can agree that normally you wouldn't want to say something that makes you look weak if you can approach the subject differently. The operative word here being normally. I don't think its always a plus to pretend no matter what you can deal.
Plus if you are asked to appear weak at an audition appearing really weak can get you the job. 'I'm ready for my close-up Mr. ....'
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 7, 2014 7:40:09 GMT -5
I missed the post where you r husband got a job, awesome news!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 20, 2014 14:29:51 GMT -5
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 20, 2014 15:14:33 GMT -5
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Oct 21, 2014 21:55:15 GMT -5
Hey guys.
I've been really busy between work and home. It's also been a really rough couple of months.
Around a month ago I packed my bags and left my husband. Granted I was only gone hours, but it was enough to get DHs attention. It also got the kids attention as well. As much as they "claim" to hate me, I know they don't and I'm very aware of the impact I've had on their lives.
DH and I are going to marriage counseling. We've gone to 3 appointments so far - another scheduled for tomorrow. It's been very positive so far and DH is really making an effort in all areas. That's taken some of the logistical burden off of me because of how he's stepped up with the home and kids. I'm committed to continuing to work on our marriage even though I was the one to walked out.
I finally see some light at the end of the tunnel for work. The original job has hired someone (finally!) and now I'm only being pulled occasionally to help with software training. We have another person hired for our office. She doesn't start until November, but is already trained on software - we/I just need to train her on processes.
DH and I are working on a budget that is the most comprehensive we've ever done in the 13 years we've been together. He finally is participating and understanding why we have no money. He still can't focus worth a crap (still working on this aspect although we're making progress there as well), but he understands where the money is and is being responsible to take care of whatever he agrees to. I'm still paying the bulk of the bills, but I no longer feel like I'm the only one who cares.
It's all positive at this point even though I really thought our marriage was on deaths door a month ago. Somehow we've pulled through and we're slowly gaining our strength back.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Oct 21, 2014 21:58:30 GMT -5
That's something huge Kara, but good for you.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 21, 2014 23:20:11 GMT -5
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 21, 2014 23:37:03 GMT -5
Kara - I read some of your blog. The kids' biological mother is a &;@/) piece of work and deserves a special place in hell. The kids are lucky to have you as a stepmom.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 22, 2014 5:50:23 GMT -5
I haven't read your blog and I feel the same way. Good for you for leaving, even if only temporarily. You are the glue of that family but even glue needs a helping hand.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Oct 22, 2014 6:15:14 GMT -5
Kara - I read some of your blog. The kids' biological mother is a &;@/) piece of work and deserves a special place in hell. The kids are lucky to have you as a stepmom.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Oct 22, 2014 6:26:28 GMT -5
I appreciate the support! It means more than you know even though I don't "know" any of you in the traditional sense.
One of the things I'm aware of and try to keep in mind is that if the kids bio mom (Jetsam) was on here or her own blog, what would she be saying about me? There's two sides to every story and hers is most definitely different than mine. Doesn't necessarily mean her perspective is wrong - just WAY different than mine.
To a point I could care less what she thinks of me. But I do care what she's telling the kids and how it has affected them. It does make me wonder though that if I were to hear her side of the story with her telling it to someone other than me, would I see a different side and be able to understand better why she makes the choices she makes? Would I be able to empathize with her more rather than being frustrated?
Anyway. It's another day, trying to motivate myself to go. I'll try to get back on later - but forgive me if I don't!
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Oct 22, 2014 6:29:12 GMT -5
We all adore you Kara, hon go fight the good fight.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Oct 22, 2014 7:16:02 GMT -5
Thanks for updating Kara.
You're nicer than I am. I don't think you'd walk away with much more of a different opinion on biomom than you have now. Most of us have run across parents in similar situations. It's way to common.
Not to turn this on me, but we recently had parent teacher conferences. Apparently the fact that I/we are willing to admit that our son and the German Immersion school he's in (k4) might not be a good fit makes me/us unusual parents. Yeah, our lives will be a helluva lot easier if both kids are in the same school but you know what, it's not about making our lives easier - it's about making their lives better to produce happy, healthy productive members of society. Biomom doesn't seem to see/get that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 22, 2014 7:20:19 GMT -5
Kara, kids eventually realize the truth. Its hard for them. Even those that are physically abused want their moms. I always wanted my mom to love and and to take care of me. I gave up that wish in my 50's. But believe me, I saw other kids and their moms and knew the difference. It still makes me sad that I didn't have that with my own mother and I over compensate with DD which does her no favors, either.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Oct 22, 2014 9:54:47 GMT -5
-hug-Kara, glad things are looking up even if it took a drastic step on your part to get there! We're all here and pulling for you even when you don't have time to check in
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Oct 25, 2014 23:08:31 GMT -5
Thanks guys!
I'm exhausted, but have to share!
Buddy, my son, is in marching band and they just went to their district UIL competition tonight and are going to State!! I'm so excited for them!
Now - I just need to figure out how to make THAT trip happen! :-)
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Works4me
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Someone responded to your personal ad - a German Shepherd named Tara wants to have you for dinner...
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Post by Works4me on Oct 26, 2014 20:47:13 GMT -5
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Oct 26, 2014 20:53:42 GMT -5
for Buddy and the marching band! Yeah that!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Oct 26, 2014 20:55:34 GMT -5
So good to hear from you, Kara. I think of you often and have wondered how things were going for you and yours. Sounds like you had to storm out to get the rest of the family onboard and working together. I'm glad that worked out and glad to know you're both in counseling to learn how to keep things moving forward. Hugs, hon. Do check in when you can and congratulate your son for me!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Oct 27, 2014 8:52:08 GMT -5
I think it's up to Buddy and DH to help figure that out. You have enough on your plate.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Nov 6, 2014 22:40:51 GMT -5
Hi Guys!! This will be the first weekend in I don't know how long that I'll actually be able to relax a little! A few updates: Buddy's band went to State this past week. Thankfully, I/we didn't have to come up with any additional money for the trip - the school district paid for everything (except extras the kids wanted to buy/eat). They didn't make it to finals (top 10), but did tie for 11th place - they landed in 12th place officially because of how they determine tie-breakers. Someone posted that there was over 600 bands that competed to make it to finals - so landing in 12th place is beyond awesome!! Tomorrow night is the last football game and the last band performance for the season. I'm both sad and relieved! The new employee for our office started on Monday - she's already fitting in so well!!! She is handling things just fine with little training/supervision and we've had a couple of conversations already where she showed me some short-cuts and I've shown her some short-cuts. Once we get caught up, we will be, in my boss's words, "a bad-ass team!" Because the new employee in our office started Monday, my boss talked to the other entity and told that new employee that I would no longer be available for help with training and gave her options to follow up on that doesn't include our office. I cannot describe how much weight this has lifted off me. I'm still stressed at work because I'm so far behind, but I'm no longer being interrupted multiple times a day with training questions. DH and I are still attending marriage counseling. In my opinion the sessions are going extremely well. DH's opinion waffles on how he feels about them - one sessions he doesn't seem to think they are going so great, the next it is fine. He's commented a couple of times that she's "picking on him". I remind him that she's "picking" on me too - that this marriage is a team and he shouldn't be taking her advice as a slam against him - just suggestions on how to handle things differently. The best part about the sessions is there is someone else pointing things out to DH besides me and asking him to be accountable to what he agreed to. One of the very first things discussed was getting DH into treatment for his ADD/ADHD. We've been seeing her for about 2 months now. He still hasn't seen anyone for the ADD. This last session she told him that the sessions would not do any good if he did not get that aspect of his life under control and that what he's believed to be "under control" has been what he's told himself, but isn't actually reality - that she can see in him what I've been struggling/complaining about. I want to kiss this woman!!! I've been telling DH this for years, but I think hearing it from someone else is finally sinking in! Stepkids are doing okay - we still have issues there, but I never once thought those would go away any time soon. What keeps my hopes up is seeing the progress that is being made and marking the moments that tell me we are making a difference in their lives. Example - Monkey (our youngest) - ran into another girl during athletics yesterday and gave herself a doozy of a shiner. Her eye is still swollen and turning pretty shades of purple. This has understandably upset her because of how she now looks in the mirror (she's 14 and is very into how she looks). I tried suggesting multiple ways to tell her this morning about how to handle things at school and finally said, "I'm trying to say all the right things to make you feel better, but I know it's not working. I just know from experience that it will be okay." She kind of laughed and smiled at me and said, "It's okay. Thank you!" A year ago, I would not have heard that from her. That is progress for us!!! I would have loved for the exchange to have also included a hug - but we're not there yet....one day we will be, but I can celebrate the small steps anyway! Anyway - I'm ready for bed and I think I'm going to sleep very well tonight - it's about time!!! Thank you guys so much for your continued encouragement and support!
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 6, 2014 23:35:09 GMT -5
Good news on the progress, KaraBoo. My grown nephew has ADD/ADHD, so I can relate with what you're dealing with on a daily basis. It's good that your DH is open to counseling/therapy and seeing the issue from someone else's perspective.
As for "Monkey", this is the perfect opportunity for you to possibly bond a bit closer, by teaching her some little cosmetic tricks to camouflage/mask skin imperfections like blemishes, moles, or discoloration - or her lovely shiner - by using concealers, and blending of some natural foundations that match her natural skin-tone.
She'd probably welcome your wisdom for these "womanly" tricks.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Nov 7, 2014 15:48:36 GMT -5
Yay Kara!!! All awesome news! I'd have been no help to Monkey either, I gave up make up for sleep when I was about her age.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jan 31, 2015 16:29:07 GMT -5
KaraBoo - How are you and the family doing? I hope things are improving.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 5, 2015 11:28:38 GMT -5
taz157 - Kara has updated her blog a couple of times since the last update here. Want me to PM you the name? I'm not sure if she's broadcast it on the boards or not and I'm not outing her.
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saveinla
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Post by saveinla on Feb 5, 2015 11:37:04 GMT -5
taz157 - Kara has updated her blog a couple of times since the last update here. Want me to PM you the name? I'm not sure if she's broadcast it on the boards or not and I'm not outing her. Beth, She has it in her signature here .
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Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 5, 2015 11:38:45 GMT -5
Whoops. Guess I need to pay more attention to the little things like signatures....
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Feb 7, 2015 13:35:11 GMT -5
Hi Guys! I've been having problems getting onto the forum from my phone for some reason. I had this site bookmarked on my laptop, but just realized it was deleted. I pretty sure DH did it (probably by accident - but still!). So, whenever I went to my different sites that I visit, this one wasn't registering in my mind that it was missing or I would have popped in sooner! There was a couple of "pings" on my blog from this site the other day, which reminded me that I hadn't checked in for a while. We're doing okay to a point. I'll update you more than I typically do on the blog: Marriage counseling for DH and I is actually going really great. He's stepped up more than usual and he's realizing that what I needed from him wasn't the moon - just basic help around the house and with his kids. He's now on ADD meds (the counselor took him to task for that!) and it is helping a lot! He still has a ways to go, and the meds still need to be adjusted up, but I can tell a difference in his focus. He commented to the counselor that the only thing he's noticed different is he feels more irritable about things. She commented, "Of course you do. Before, something would irritate you and in the next second your mind was off onto something else, so you didn't have the chance to focus on the irritation. Now, when something irritates you, you have the ability to focus on it and decide if it is something worth being irritated about or not. This is what your wife has been complaining about all these years. Things that should have irritated you to the point that you did something about it, it appeared that you were ignoring it instead. The reality was you just couldn't focus on it long enough to do something about it. This is why your wife is now happy with your progress, she's not dealing with the irritations alone anymore." Yay counselor!!! LaLa is 19, still living with us and is still working. SHe's paying her bills, buying food and things that she wants, so we're not really paying for anything anymore for her other than house and utilities (and whenever she does eat with us, which is only about twice a week). We've helped some with minor car repairs, but only when the cost of the parts was more than she had available at the moment. DH fixes the vehicle for her (only charges her a sundae ) and we let her borrow ours until hers is fixed. So, we're still "supporting" her, but not as much as I thought we would be at this point. Buddy will be starting driving school on Monday. We were trying to do the parent taught course with him, like we did with LaLa, but he's struggling trying to complete it. He talked with me that he thought he would do much better in an actual school course set up and agreed to pay half the cost (almost $500!! - parent taught is only $40). He'll be 18 in a week, so whatever we can do to get him moving in the right direction will be a bonus! Monkey is doing much better as well. I've noticed her actually doing homework and asking to go to tutorials (she wasn't before). Last six weeks, she actually failed a class - her first one ever, and she panicked thinking she wouldn't pass and would be held back while her friends all went to high school without her. We talked to her and stated, "Are we happy with the failing grade? No. But you aren't in any danger of failing for the year either. At least not at this point. If you don't do something to change your direction, you will fail. We can help, but you have to do the work." Apparently, just the thought of failing, with the added thought that she has the power to change it, made the difference. Me and her talked several times after that and I gave her some suggestions on how she can manage her time better to study, but still spend time with her friends. I've been seeing her follow through, so I think she's taken some of the advice to heart.
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