Pants
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Post by Pants on Sept 4, 2013 14:08:05 GMT -5
Kara - glad to hear the boat insurance is paid until December. For those recommending that she not pay the insurance, two things: 1) she's already said it's prepaid and she is not putting away money for the next payment. 2) if you are going to have something repossessed (or something financed at all), you ABSOLUTELY want insurance on it right up until the bank takes it back. Because the last thing on earth you want is to have it stolen and still be on the hook for the payment.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 19:55:14 GMT -5
Regarding the water and gas bills - check your water heater - just had to replace mine because it had been leaking. Plumber told me that a bad water heater can really increase both water and gas bills by running constantly. Unfortunately my bills had doubled but I failed to notice as they were only $10-15/month and went up to $20-30. Sarahjese - Thanks for the reminder! I had forgotten about the water heater. I had DH check it when we got home tonight and as far as we can tell, it isn't leaking. The temperature was still turned up on it from winter though, so we turned that down. (We turn the temperature up a notch in the winter as that seems to help us keep hot water through 4-5 showers every night. We forgot to turn it back down when the cold weather ended.) The temperature difference does account for the $30 average this summer when I remember the bill being closer to $20 last summer. I'm still thinking the difference is due to the excessive hot water we are using due to the bedbug issue and washing everything in hot water. The bug issue seems to have finally gotten under control, so these bills should be dropping significantly.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:03:23 GMT -5
Why are you still paying boat insurance for a boat you're not making payments on?
If he's asking an exorbitant price for the boat (close to what he paid for it) it isn't going to sell. Boats are like vehicles. The minute you take them off the dealer's lot, they've depreciated.
He might have to lower his selling price and be more reasonable/flexible for his asking price - much more reasonable. It would probably be better than having it repossessed - which would also hurt your credit rating even further. I agree the price needs to be lowered. That is our next move - maybe show someone who might be looking/watching the sale that we're willing to go down. I'm going to remind DH it's time to lower the price if he hasn't done it already. The last I looked, he was asking what we owe on it, with all of the extras that he's bought for it over the years thrown in - scanners, map chips and such. Those items alone add up to probably around an extra $5k worth of upgrades over the last several years. I know, I know - before you jump all over that last sentence about the upgrades, those costs should have been spent other ways. But they weren't and I can't change that now. I know that more than anyone so you can skip bringing it up. So there.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Sept 4, 2013 20:15:05 GMT -5
Kara first of all hugs to you for hanging in there and trying to make this work. I don't know anything about boats but would it be possible to maybe sell some of the upgrade stuff separately. Maybe to the people who aren't looking for an all new boat but who would like to have the upgrade.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:21:26 GMT -5
Kara, have you tried going all cash (aka the envelope system that Dave Ramsey recommends) to better stay on budget? Looking at your most recent budget and reading your explanation, you almost doubled your "budget" for gas for the cars in July, over $700, and said you didn't take any extra trips, etc. How does that happen? You need to figure that out and not just dismiss it. Do you guys use a credit card for gas? Did someone (DH) buy other stuff (food, snacks, etc.) at a convenience store and use the "gas" credit card? Same with groceries. Your budget is $800 and you spent $1200+ in July. That CAN'T happen when you have the debt and unpaid minimums on credit cards. Right there, between gas and groceries overage is over $700!! That could all be going to service your debt and stay current at least so your rates don't get jacked up. If you use cash, it hurts a lot more than swiping that card (even a debit card). Just some suggestions from when I was in your position... Constanz - DH and I tried going all cash many years ago when I first read the TMM and that was a disaster for us. Neither one of us could keep track of what was being spent and how. Our current set up - with each of us having set responsibilities with our individual debit cards (gas and allowance for DH, gas, groceries and allowance for me) has been set up this way since about mid-July (when DH and I finally had our CTJ talk about the budget/bills). Granted, this way seems convoluted to everyone reading, but it really seems to be working for DH and I. We know how much money we have and we're committee to staying in budget to the best of our ability. Anything we go over on, comes out of our personal savings (which isn't much right now). Looking back at my post, I agree that it sounds like I was dismissing the overage and I didn't mean to come off that way. Sometimes when I first look at something in the past, I have to really think about what was going on at that point. When I posted I wasn't sure what we spent it on, I was serious as I had to think about it. I've looked at the numbers closer and thought about why such a disparity in numbers. Remember, mid-Julyish is when we got serious about our budget. Before that point, we were eating dinner out while still buying a full cart of groceries - but they weren't groceries that we could "eat" on for meals, if you know what I mean. It was most convenience foods for the kids (since they were out of school), which we all know is more expensive. When I went to buy groceries for actual meals/dinner, I had to buy a lot of items I normally wouldn't buy all at once. DH was also eating his lunch out every day until about mid-July. The numbers are deceiving because in June, it looks like we were on-track. The reality is, I'm pretty sure I was putting all of the groceries on the credit card and the "food" category was eating out for dinner and extras (DH's lunches for example). I'd say the August numbers are a lot closer to being accurate (except for the gift cards I received). Time will tell if September shows closer to our reality than June or July.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:31:58 GMT -5
I hope you don't have to file for BK but if you do, I'm glad you have your own home already. If you have to, do NOT ever EVER, buy anything on credit that cannot be paid for when that bill comes in. No more ANYTHING on time and your darling DH needs to stay on a tight allowance and use other people's boats for fishing. Putting in gas money and buying beer is a lot cheaper than owning a boat. I don't see your spending stopping and you're still buying for the kids so I'm thinking nothing has changed much. I'm glad we have our house as well and that it is the one area we were decently "smart" about (no matter what Phil says! ). We only have about 8 years left to pay and we owe less than anyone we know (our age or not). DH agrees that our current allowance seems to be working for us and we've both been able to stay within bounds much better than we've ever done before. As for buying for the kids - we're still going to have to buy things for them at this point - they are still kids and they don't have jobs yet. Once they do, things will change, but they also know we're not buying them anything extras - just what they need.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:33:53 GMT -5
Kara, glad to hear that your doctor did something besides complain about your weight. Hope you continue improving health wise, and I'll be sitting over here on the sidelines cheering for you on all fronts! Well....I was trying to the post, but it wouldn't let me - but thank you!! I appreciate it!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:34:58 GMT -5
Kara, Chase has a hardship program. Give them a call at 1 800 524-3880 or the number on the back of your card. Lowe's probably does too. THanks Peace! I'll call and ask them about this. When I talked to them the first time, they didn't even mention it, but now that we're behind a couple of months, maybe they'll work with me more.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 4, 2013 20:40:29 GMT -5
Kara first of all hugs to you for hanging in there and trying to make this work. I don't know anything about boats but would it be possible to maybe sell some of the upgrade stuff separately. Maybe to the people who aren't looking for an all new boat but who would like to have the upgrade. Sharon - thanks - DH and I did talk about doing that. He wanted to try to use the upgrades as a "bonus" to selling the boat, but plans on selling the items separately if it ends up getting repod. Anything we get for the extras will go straight on bills.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Sept 4, 2013 21:30:47 GMT -5
So glad to hear that the dreaded bed bugs appear to be a thing of the past - just the thought of them has me itching here in Calif. Glad you checked the water heater and that it was fine - because of the amount of damage that was able to be done so quickly, I am now putting it on my calendar to check mine regularly. I think you are on the right path now and will weather through this storm. I am most encouraged by the fact that BOTH of you want to work this through together. Off to the shower for me as I am trying to get on some kind of regular schedule.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 5, 2013 6:44:15 GMT -5
It does sound like a very positive thing. I'm sorry for the boat being repoed as it will be a ding on your credit but since you aren't going to buy anything, so what? Have you called credit cards and asked for lower or no more interest? They won't budge initially but then they will. Keep one card current so that you always have that one. Remember don't let anyone draw from your account in order to get a better interest rate, they are lying to you. When DD had her accident, there were so many bills from so many different providers that it was a huge mess. When I finally sorted them out I started calling them about payment plans. ALL of them worked with me and even had some say as I got closer to paying them off that if I paid say a hundred bucks on a 255 bill, they'd wipe the slate clean. Call them as well and see if you can do that. Take ANY upgrades off the boat NOW. If they come to get the boat, they may or may not tell you about it. If they weren't part of the original boat purchase but after buying it purchases, they are assets to you and should be sold separately. You will probably get buyers for those items.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 5, 2013 21:45:48 GMT -5
Zib - All of the upgrades that can be taken off of the boat have been off since DH posted the boat for sale initially.
When he was fishing regularly, most of the extras came off anyway because of how high-dollar the items are. He's never taken a chance that anything would be stolen (we've had the boat messed with before when it was at our house - someone cut the cover ropes to try and steal anything that wasn't attached - they didn't find anything).
We plan on trying to take the boat to them on our terms rather than have them haul it away from the house. We'll see if that actually happens or not. If not, they have 4 locks to cut through to get it moved (did I mention DH's a little paranoid about it being stolen?).
I did make some medical bill payments today, so some progress! Woohoo!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 5, 2013 21:51:26 GMT -5
Okay - now for the funny of the night. We have a gas lease for the mineral rights for our property. We've received a total of two checks so far (the second one came today). They pay quarterly payments unless there is an issue with....something....I can't remember what without digging the paperwork out. The first check was in the $600 range, but it was over the course of the first year (I believe). That was towards the first of the year. The second check came today - a whopping $11.09. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but I laughed when I saw the amount. Almost not worth the time and effort to print and mail the check. I deposited it into our bills account like a good girl....it'll go towards the budget on something!
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Sept 5, 2013 21:51:36 GMT -5
Wooo Hooo - way to go Karaboo!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 6, 2013 7:13:29 GMT -5
Hang in there. Progress is always slow but then it will all come together!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 6, 2013 7:43:37 GMT -5
Zib - All of the upgrades that can be taken off of the boat have been off since DH posted the boat for sale initially. When he was fishing regularly, most of the extras came off anyway because of how high-dollar the items are. He's never taken a chance that anything would be stolen (we've had the boat messed with before when it was at our house - someone cut the cover ropes to try and steal anything that wasn't attached - they didn't find anything). We plan on trying to take the boat to them on our terms rather than have them haul it away from the house. We'll see if that actually happens or not. If not, they have 4 locks to cut through to get it moved ( did I mention DH's a little paranoid about it being stolen?).
I did make some medical bill payments today, so some progress! Woohoo! How much is coverage if it's stolen? Just leave off the locks and let thieves have at it.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 6, 2013 9:12:03 GMT -5
They won't steal it, they'll just damage it making it harder to sell plus in not making the payments and trying to sell it, it'll look suspicious to insurance company.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 6, 2013 11:43:07 GMT -5
They won't steal it, they'll just damage it making it harder to sell plus in not making the payments and trying to sell it, it'll look suspicious to insurance company. Hmm, never thought thieves would just damage it. Figured they would just steal it - my bad
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 6, 2013 13:23:21 GMT -5
Plus I think they stopped paying the boat insurance too, so they'd get nothing if it was stolen.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 6, 2013 13:24:23 GMT -5
Plus I think they stopped paying the boat insurance too, so they'd get nothing if it was stolen. No, the boat insurance is paid though 12/31/13. They're not putting money aside for the 2014 insurance.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 7, 2013 8:58:35 GMT -5
Yes - our boat insurance is paid through 12/31/13. We are not putting any additional money aside for the 2014 policy. Our insurance is $1600 per year.
We now have a new wrinkle in our budget that is a total unknown right at this moment. Any additional advice you can give is welcomed.
SS (age 15) now has a ticket/charges against him for throwing items out of the school bus one morning and hitting a car causing damage. The driver of the car pressed charges (rightfully so - I'm not mad at them at all and wouldn't expect anything less). When confronted by the school and onsite police officer, SS confessed, so it's an open/shut case.
I'm sure there is going to be additional insurance costs, court fees and fines.
When we attempted to talk to SS about it, while he admitted fault, he gave us total attitude and tried to turn it around on us - blaming the fact that he lives with us for why he misbehaves (yeah - that didn't go over well).
DH has talked with SS's mom and informed her that we expect her to pay for half of this expense caused by SS. She is supposed to be coming over today to talk about this new event.
Based on past experiences, I fully expect this conversation to devolve into her also blaming DH and me for the choices SS makes. DH knows what I'm expecting to have happen with the conversation, but around his Ex, he usually just gets exasperated at her, clams up and just lets her go off. This leads her to believe that he's a total pushover and that she's right and he's wrong (I've witnessed this happen multiple times). That's why DH wants me at the conversation because he knows I'm going to insist that she step up on this. She's so insistent that any time the kids do something wrong, that it's our fault, but anything good is totally a result of her parenting skills.
I'm really not looking forward to today or this new chapter in our budget.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 7, 2013 9:37:16 GMT -5
Sounds like SS needs to start doing some extra chores around the house. Or maybe the court will impose community service instead of a fine.
Mom isn't going to miraculously change her attitude because you are there and admit her wrong doing and happily pony up the cash. Expect to pay it all yourself.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2013 10:15:13 GMT -5
Yes - our boat insurance is paid through 12/31/13. We are not putting any additional money aside for the 2014 policy. Our insurance is $1600 per year. We now have a new wrinkle in our budget that is a total unknown right at this moment. Any additional advice you can give is welcomed. SS (age 15) now has a ticket/charges against him for throwing items out of the school bus one morning and hitting a car causing damage. The driver of the car pressed charges (rightfully so - I'm not mad at them at all and wouldn't expect anything less). When confronted by the school and onsite police officer, SS confessed, so it's an open/shut case. I'm sure there is going to be additional insurance costs, court fees and fines. When we attempted to talk to SS about it, while he admitted fault, he gave us total attitude and tried to turn it around on us - blaming the fact that he lives with us for why he misbehaves (yeah - that didn't go over well). DH has talked with SS's mom and informed her that we expect her to pay for half of this expense caused by SS. She is supposed to be coming over today to talk about this new event. Based on past experiences, I fully expect this conversation to devolve into her also blaming DH and me for the choices SS makes. DH knows what I'm expecting to have happen with the conversation, but around his Ex, he usually just gets exasperated at her, clams up and just lets her go off. This leads her to believe that he's a total pushover and that she's right and he's wrong (I've witnessed this happen multiple times). That's why DH wants me at the conversation because he knows I'm going to insist that she step up on this. She's so insistent that any time the kids do something wrong, that it's our fault, but anything good is totally a result of her parenting skills. I'm really not looking forward to today or this new chapter in our budget. most likely you'll have to meet with a juvenile officer. SS will have to do some community service, maybe some other stuff, and if stays on the straight and narrow for a year (or some time frame) it will drop off his record. There hopefully won't be any court or fines and your only cost will be the car repair (which may be covered under your homeowner's policy). good luck.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 7, 2013 10:38:12 GMT -5
Does the fact that he was involved with the court less than a year ago (February or march I think) change the answers for court? He was involved in a fight where a kid not involved was injured so assault charges were filed on both boys involved in the fight (SS and the other).
On that charge, he plead no contest, was assigned teen court, had a $100 fine (I think), and 30hours community service. That was on top of serving 6 weeks at juvenile school imposed by the school district. He also had to stay out of trouble for a certain amount of time - I think at least 6 months. This is either right at or just over the 6 month mark.
Also, we have a $900 deductible on our home owner insurance - I'm assuming we have to pay that amount first before the rest is paid by insurance. Am I correct in this assumption?
I know the Ex won't pay, but I also don't want her thinking we're going to just roll over on this either. I want her to be just as stressed about this as we are. That may be sadistic on my part but I'm tired of always being assigned the blame when things go wrong with SS. It's her son. Step up and act like a parent dammit!!!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Sept 7, 2013 10:40:35 GMT -5
You can't make her feel anything. She thinks its your fault. No need for her to stress. Don't stress yourself out over her reaction.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 7, 2013 11:14:59 GMT -5
Karaboo, first of all, kudos to you! You're really working at this and you've enlisted DH to actively work toward a better way of doing things. That's not easy, and I really admire your determination to get the job done right. It looks like things are improving on that front, if slowly. That's kinda the way it works ... slowly ... for anyone confronting what you're confronting. Just keep pushing forward and don't get discouraged!
What's the deal with the ex and SS? He lives with you and he's gotten himself into significant trouble twice in the last year. He went to teen court, was assigned community service and 6 weeks at juvenile school, and he has now pulled another silly trick. Obviously, he failed to learn the first time, or he's doing this sort of thing on purpose. Does he want to live with his mother? Does he think, perhaps, the grass will be greener over there? I had a friend whose daughter was making a jackarse of herself because, she said, she wanted to live with her father. Finally, after multiple "difficulties" involving the school and the law, her mother packed her little ditty bag and sent her to her dad's to live. That lasted about six months. Then, the kids was howling to the heavens to come "home". There was a good deal of discussion over several months. Finally, my friend said the daughter could come back with the stipulation that if she fouled up again, she went back to her dad's for good and there would be no more running back and forth. Worked like a charm. Daughter darling went on to go to college and graduate with honors. She's now professionally employed and is getting married in a couple of months. I don't know how much this mom's situation might have mirrored yours.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 7, 2013 12:16:56 GMT -5
You can't make her feel anything. She thinks its your fault. No need for her to stress. Don't stress yourself out over her reaction. I know. I really do. I'm just tired of it all. We've been dealing with her blaming us for years for anything and everything that's gone wrong in her life. DH and I have been together 12 years and married over 10. From day 1, she's blamed me for the failure of their marriage (never mind the fact that DH and I didn't even meet until 6 months after they separated - telling her that hasn't made any difference at all - she believes what she believes and that's all there is to it).
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 7, 2013 12:31:54 GMT -5
Karaboo, first of all, kudos to you! You're really working at this and you've enlisted DH to actively work toward a better way of doing things. That's not easy, and I really admire your determination to get the job done right. It looks like things are improving on that front, if slowly. That's kinda the way it works ... slowly ... for anyone confronting what you're confronting. Just keep pushing forward and don't get discouraged! What's the deal with the ex and SS? He lives with you and he's gotten himself into significant trouble twice in the last year. He went to teen court, was assigned community service and 6 weeks at juvenile school, and he has now pulled another silly trick. Obviously, he failed to learn the first time, or he's doing this sort of thing on purpose. Does he want to live with his mother? Does he think, perhaps, the grass will be greener over there? I had a friend whose daughter was making a jackarse of herself because, she said, she wanted to live with her father. Finally, after multiple "difficulties" involving the school and the law, her mother packed her little ditty bag and sent her to her dad's to live. That lasted about six months. Then, the kids was howling to the heavens to come "home". There was a good deal of discussion over several months. Finally, my friend said the daughter could come back with the stipulation that if she fouled up again, she went back to her dad's for good and there would be no more running back and forth. Worked like a charm. Daughter darling went on to go to college and graduate with honors. She's now professionally employed and is getting married in a couple of months. I don't know how much this mom's situation might have mirrored yours. Thanks mmhmm!! I appreciate the encouragement! SS wants to live with his mom, plain and simple. He totally believes his mom in everything that she states about how we're horrible people who only asked the courts for custody because we didn't want to pay CS. He refuses to accept that she had custody of them and the courts pulled custody because of bad choices SHE was making - this too is our fault. If we hadn't asked to the courts for a change of custody, then nothing would have changed and they'd be living happily ever after. Those of us who are rational know that isn't true. Getting a kid to understand that is next to impossible. DH and I fully expect SS to not understand exactly what we've been trying to do all these years until he's in his late 20's or even 30's. Going through the fire now to get to that point is giving me gray hairs. DH and I have discussed the exact scenario you've posted above. We've had others suggest the same thing, so we wouldn't have to deal with the stress SS brings. The problem is, in our case, it wouldn't work. The Ex lost custody for a reason and hasn't made very much progress to correct those reasons in the last 7 years. We see glimpses of improvement, but she sabotages most of them and then blames others for her failures (see a pattern here?). And - if we allowed SS to move back in with her, YSD would also want to move back as well and that would undo all of her progress as well. OSD is in her senior year - I'm not sure if she would go or want to stay, but we're just not willing to find out because it isn't in any of the kids' best interest.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 7, 2013 12:41:21 GMT -5
Ahh. I wasn't aware mom had lost custody of the kids through the courts. That tells me plenty, and I can understand where you and DH stand on the issue. My friend's ex wasn't a bad guy, and cared about the kids so hers was, indeed, a different situation. This is something you're just going to have to "tough it" through, I suppose. If custody was taken from the ex by the courts, the courts probably wouldn't let SS go back there, anyway. It's a darned shame kids don't get a lick o' sense until they're in their mid-20s!
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 7, 2013 14:19:35 GMT -5
You're correct - the courts probably won't allow it to happen because the situation hasn't changed with her. The most of the reasons for pulling custody have continued and the same struggles the kids were going through before, their younger brother (from another father) is now experiencing the same issues. I feel horrible for the kid, but we have no legal claim to him, so I doubt the courts would pull him unless something major was going on (which it isn't, but what is going on is still affecting him negatively).
Things are not all lost with SS. No matter how upset I get at him, I still see glimpses of him "getting" it, so I'm in this for the long haul. Counseling is definitely helping with this.
After yesterday's attitude session, he came to me a little while ago and apologized for acting the way he did yesterday. He said he was just mad at himself for getting into trouble again and lashed out at us for it. He said he understood why we were upset with him and doesn't blame us for being so.
This is a HUGE improvement from even just a few months ago.
We talked a little more and I think all is good for now.....until the Ex shows up (if she still does - I haven't heard when she's supposed to be here).
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