An Anonymous Note

[dianartemis]

Just for thyme:

I now have to scent mark my door...

[woodwand]

Thank you so much for making me miss my turn out of the parking lot because you didn't signal. How could you? It would have meant taking the phone away from your ear for a second!

Grocery store related:

The person who walks alongside their cart, pulling it along like they are the only person in the isle.

The person who isn't looking where they are going (or lets their little kid push the cart) & runs into your ankles.

The person in front of you in the express lane who can't read (15 items or less).

The person behind you in checkout who keeps bumping their cart into your ass.

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

Dear Social Workers;

When you fax me something, you need to put it face down on your fax machine. When I tell you all I got was a blank page and you need to turn it over, I don't mean turn it over top to bottom.

[NancysSummerSip]

The person in front of you in the express lane who can't read (15 items or less).

Ah kin to reed...ah jus' cain't count.

[The Home 6]

Dear Nearly Every Driver in the State of Georgia~
That peculiar strip of pavement that connects secondary roads to the interstate is called an "acceleration ramp". As the name implies, one of the things you do on an "acceleration ramp" is ACCELERATE your vehicle to a speed commensurate with those that are already on the interstate. Please don't putter along at 35 miles an hour on this ramp, then slam on your brakes at the end of said ramp.

Sincerely,
One of the 5 Decent Drivers in the State of Georgia

[Chocolate Lover]

Dear alcoholic FIL,

No, your beer gut that looks like you're about to birth triplets is not attractive. Neither are your rotted out teeth, nor allergy to soap and water. No, it is not appropriate to hit on your son's wives and girlfriends and it wasn't appropriate when they were teenagers either. No, you will never see me or any of the other females in you kids' lives naked. Get over it and stop being so disgusting.

signed,
your DIL who will never leave her DD alone with you unsupervised.

[NancysSummerSip]

Dear sexist tax preparer,

Do not contact my husband again via a condescending email about his wife's money. His wife handles her own money, and always has. We have dealt with your firm for years, and this is known to your staff. If you have a question about my IRA, why don't you ask me, since my name is on it? This is not Ozzie and Harriet time, when any women did not know beans about finances.

<<Nancy exalts CL for putting up with a nasty relative, because relatively speaking, that's worse than my day has been>>

[Chocolate Lover]

<<CL appreciates the exalt from Nancy but has a moment of silence for the departing 69>>

I absolutely refuse to go over there unless I have to Nancy. You know, holidays and whatnot. I'm just glad my DH sees what his dad does and understands and agrees with why I won't go or let my DD go.

[NancysSummerSip]

Aw, thanks., back atcha when I can. I know most everyone who prepares taxes professionally is a true professional. And I understand that it's a thankless and exhausting job, which is why I have someone else doing ours.

But puhleeze give me a little credit. Get it done, don't give me advice (unless you are a CFP and I'm paying you for your advice) so we can move on.

[Chocolate Lover]

Oh and exalt for Nancy when I get my powers back. ;D

[NancysSummerSip]

the departing 69

Oh, sorry. I'll haul J in here to make it up to you.

I am glad you protect your DD. Too many parents would compromise for the sake of family harmony. You chose your DH, not your FIL. He is what he is, and the best you can do is stay far away, no leeway allowed.

[Chocolate Lover]

My sentiments exactly Nancy. She knows very little about the relatives on that side and I plan to keep it that way. DH and I were discussing the other day how on earth he could've come from such crazy people and be so normal. Even he sees how screwed up his family is, siblings and all. His dad is just an extra special piece of work. <<shudder>>

[Chocolate Lover]

Another great fax experience:

Yes, you did just push send, no it has not started coming through on my end yet so I can't tell you if it's what I asked for. Why not? Because it's still receiving, not printing. This is a FAX not an email you idiot.

[Chocolate Lover]

I have more but they're too job specific.

[The Home 6]

Dear husband~
I just saw the picture of your brother's new tattoo on Facebook. If he would have his OWN place, be spending his OWN money, this wouldn't be a big deal. It wouldn't even register on the 'deal-o-meter'. But he lives with his mother. Your stepmother. The lady we send money to every month. So, in essence, we are supporting your brother, too. And THIS is what he does with his money, since he doesn't need to pay rent or buy his own food? This. THIS, darling, is why I am going to sit you down, and talk to you tonight about how the enabling needs to stop.

Sincerely,
At least it was a tasteful tattoo

[Chocolate Lover]

Dear moron,
I faxed this one yesterday and that one this morning. How is it my problem that people in your office are too stupid to keep up with it? Of course I'll fax it again but would you stop wasting my time and just wait by the fax machine for 30 seconds to make sure YOU get it this time? Or, better yet, teach the moron who works in your office what she should do with things that pop out of that funny looking telephone.

sincerely,
sick of resending you crap

[Chocolate Lover]

Thanks IG! ;D

[Befferz]

Dear coworkers,

I don't work for X department, so don't get mad at me when X department doesn't do their job (which is about 50% of the time). Just because I deal with them more than 6 of you put together doesn't mean I can get them to do anything ever, let alone in a timely manner.

----------------------------------------------

Dear colleague in the department right next to mine,

"Jer-bear" is not an office-appropriate nickname for a coworker young enough to be your son. Please stop calling it out across the aisle. In fact, please stop talking to anyone across the aisle--get up and walk the 5 feet to their desk. It won't kill you, I promise. And turn the ringer off on your cellphone--especially when you're not around to answer it!

[NancysSummerSip]

And turn the ringer off on your cellphone--especially when you're not around to answer it!

Sorry to hear you work with an ex-coworker of mine, Beff. She used to leave it turned on to the loudest setting AND expect you to answer it if she was not around. I kid you not.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Feb 23, 2011 16:15:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

And turn the ringer off on your cellphone--especially when you're not around to answer it!

Sorry to hear you work with an ex-coworker of mine, Beff. She used to leave it turned on to the loudest setting AND expect you to answer it if she was not around. I kid you not.

"I'm sorry X is working. Please call her after 6pm as we're trying to have her earn her paycheck. Thank you." People don't like me answering their phones at work anymore...

[Befferz]

Feb 23, 2011 16:49:27 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Feb 23, 2011 16:15:41 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Sorry to hear you work with an ex-coworker of mine, Beff. She used to leave it turned on to the loudest setting AND expect you to answer it if she was not around. I kid you not.

"I'm sorry X is working. Please call her after 6pm as we're trying to have her earn her paycheck. Thank you." People don't like me answering their phones at work anymore...

LOL! Fortunately, she doesn't expect me to answer it. But she does leave the ringer on loud. And then even when she's at her desk she lets it ring for a minute before she answers it. And it's an annoying ring tone too. (Of course, doesn't everyone think that about everyone's ring tone but their own?)

[NancysSummerSip]

I don't mind the one's that just plain ring. But for the love of Gawd, the ones that yap, yelp, scream, rap, swear in a foreign language or play holiday music - y'all know just how inappropriate that is? Whether it's a phone for personal or business use, just DON'T. Have mercy on those of us who scare somewhat easily at the sound of gunfire, regardless of whether it's the real thing, or coming from your 4G thingy.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My DH isn't allowed to have his phone on him at work - too many cameras and too much personal information spread out all over the place = bad juju.

[Mad Dawg Wiccan]

<<Of course, doesn't everyone think that about everyone's ring tone but their own?>>


My standard ring tone is a chicken clucking. I have special tones for special people, so I know who's calling without looking.

[NancysSummerSip]

MDW, it's not so much that I mind the odd sounds, but it's worse when it's on as loud as the phone can possibly go. And the setting matters, too.
A chicken clucking in the middle of an office full of clients is not appropriate; but if you work out of your home, it's different.

And somehow, a clucking chicken is perfect for you. Don't ask.

[Befferz]

I had to really think about what mine is., because I do keep my phone on vibrate when I'm at work. Then I don't bother changing it in the evening because I'm afraid I'll forget to change it back. Not that it matters anyway, since no one ever calls me.

[NancysSummerSip]

Me neither, Beff...except wrong numbers. I get a lot of those. And people sending texts. I don't have a text plan, so I have no idea who those folks are.

[thyme4change]

Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini?

A: Four: Two in front, two in back

Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?

A: None. It’s full of elephants.

Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini?

A: Along the M4 and and across the Sever Bridge.

Q: How do you know when there are two elephants in your refrigerator?

A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.

Q: How do you know when there are three elephants in your refrigerator?

A: When you can’t close the door.

Q: How do you know when there are four elephants in your refrigerator?

A: When there is a Mini parked outside.


Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?

A: With a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?

A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?

A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?


Q: What do elephants have that nothing else has?

A: Baby elephants.

Q: What is grey, has four legs, and a trunk?

A: A mouse going on holiday.

Q: What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?

A: A mouse coming back from holiday.

Q: What has eight legs, two trunks , four eyes, and two tails?

A: Two elephants.


Q: What’s harder than getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?

A: Getting an elephant pregenant in a Volkswagen.

Q: Why is a elephant big, grey, and wrinkley?

A: Because if it was small, white and hard, it would be aspirin.

Q: Why are golf balls small and white?

A: Because if they were big and grey, they would be elephants.

[Elizabeth]

Hey Dude on the freeway,

What, you never saw someone sing in the car before? Geez you need to get out more.

[NancysSummerSip]

What, you never saw someone sing play air guitar in the car before? Geez you need to get out more.

Yup, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Dear hubby,

I know, I know...we owe the gubmint this year. And it really is all your fault for actually withdrawing those hard-earned funds for retirement that you spend over 40 years saving and slaving for. What were you thinking?
Seriously, it is your money, and it is time to use and enjoy it. It was always going to be taxed once you began withdrawing it, and you knew that. It sucks, but we are in much better shape that a lot of other people. No debt, and nothing we really need or want - except each other.

Now, let me get the wooden spoon out of the neon fanny pack and whack you. That should make things even. ;D