t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 13:43:17 GMT -5
Ok so parenting dillema -
Have a preplanned and paid for vacation coming up with my sister, her DH, DD and DSS. Her step son and my son are 5 months apart in age and quite close as they became cousins at ages 3.5 and 4 - so more than half their lives already.
My son will likely make the local all star baseball team and won't be allowed by the league to play if he misses practices which he would have to do for a week to take the previously mentioned pre-planned and paid for tropical vacation with the relatives. He wants to skip the trip and play ball.
Sister and her hubby have told the cousin if he makes the all star team he has to decline it because they are going on the trip, no discussion.
Kid is clear he wants to play baseball and I could get grandma to take him to practices because I am going to the tropical locale. Sister will be pissed if I let that happen because her SS wants to do the same and she and hubby have told him flat out no.
Who do you piss off in this situation - kid becasue he has to miss all stars or sister and her family because you let him skip trip?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 6, 2013 13:45:46 GMT -5
Sister and family. It's not my job to copy her so she doesn't have to deal with whining/guilt. I'm not going to deny my kid to make her life easier.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 6, 2013 13:48:51 GMT -5
If you are ok with your son skipping the trip, then let him skip. If you think him making the all-star team is important, more important than the trip with the family, then I would do what is best for him. I would not worry about what your sister is doing for her son or what she thinks of this decision. As a side note - I opened this thread thinking it was about who we disappoint in our personal lives. I was already making a list in my mind when I realized that wasn't the thread purpose at all.
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The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Jun 6, 2013 13:50:15 GMT -5
I'm going to have to say disappoint your sister, as well. There will be lots of opportunities for more family vacations, but all-stars is kind of a big deal, especially to a kid who really loves the sport. And has demonstrated ability in it (based on what I am reading).
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The Home 6
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Post by The Home 6 on Jun 6, 2013 13:52:16 GMT -5
As a side note - I opened this thread thinking it was about who we disappoint in our personal lives. I was already making a list in my mind when I realized that wasn't the thread purpose at all. I thought the same thing! I could make a book full of the people I disappoint.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 6, 2013 13:52:48 GMT -5
I had a long list! I agree with the others. Just because your sister doesn't want her son to skip the trip for baseball doesn't mean you have to make the same decision. What are the odds that if you let your son stay (and have grandma take him to practices) she might relent and do the same?
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 13:53:24 GMT -5
I suppose I should add in that Sister has already mentioned that it will make their family dynamic more difficult because their kid wants to stay home and play his all stars. Though the boys are only 5 months apart - they are 1 year apart in baseball age based on where birthdays fall, so my kid has 2 more potential all star years after this summer whereas her step-son has 3 more potential all star years after this summer. Angel - I could so make a who's disappointed you list, but that would be Doxieesque in length. Sorry I disappointed you on the topic!
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 13:57:27 GMT -5
No chance they will let stepson skip the trip - they will actually already be in Hawaii for a week when my son and I arrive. They were extending a week so that after a week with her in-laws they would have a week with us.
Kids are in different towns - step-son is in Bay area and I'm not, so no chance they could both get grandma to drive. I had already lined up grandma to pet-sit so now it would be pet and kid sitting.
Sister is the kind that will NOT let me ever forget it if I upset her apple cart and there will be many long drawn out discussions of how my decision had long reaching ramifications.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 14:02:25 GMT -5
I agree with the others: If you don't care and it doesn't bother you, let your son stay.
As for your sister, tell her the world does not revolve around her and to get over herself!
She does what she feels is right for her family/son and you do what you feel is right for your family/son.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 6, 2013 14:04:38 GMT -5
Tell her it's not your problem. If she was secure in her parenting decisions she wouldn't need you to copy her. Tune her out/block her on facebook when she rants.
I wouldn't disappoint my kid because my sister is a brat. I don't HAVE to engage with my siblings if I don't want to. I live with my kid 24/7. Guess which one gets higher billing?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jun 6, 2013 14:06:03 GMT -5
How old is your son? Around 10 or 11, right? I might just lay out all the cards on the table (maybe skip the part about the sister guilt trip) and let him decide. If he knows he will be missing a week in Hawaii, hanging out with his cousin (who had to skip baseball) and his aunt might be disappointed, and he STILL wants to stay to do All-Stars, well, I'd have a hard time taking that away from him.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 14:08:40 GMT -5
Tell your son that family comes first.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Jun 6, 2013 14:15:54 GMT -5
t-dog has said already that the her son wants to stay home to play baseball.
Tell your sister that whatever decision she makes is hers.....
Don't argue with her and don't feel guilty If she brings it up in the future, simply tell her to get over it!!!!
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 14:22:15 GMT -5
Mid he is 10. He does have the skill to make the team - pitched a 7 pitch inning for the end of the final game of the season. He is very clear, would rather skip the trip and play in the all stars. Mind you the team won't be announced until June 15 - so this could all be for naught. I really feel like he is going to make it however.
This is a kid who is pretty well set on his future career - MLB pitcher who retires and becomes the "talking about sports" guy on TV (he can't seem to remember the word broadcaster). The kid knows more about baseball then any 10-year old I know. Even the Ump during the season told grandpa that the kid is more head in the game than any 10-year old he has watched recently.
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quince
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Post by quince on Jun 6, 2013 14:29:51 GMT -5
I would disappoint my sibling in a heartbeat- and as soon as s/he started bitching, I would ask her exactly why she thinks she has any input into my parenting decisions- and not in a polite way. If I understand and support my child's preferences, someone else's sense of entitlement to my actions isn't going to change that.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 6, 2013 14:32:04 GMT -5
I suppose I should add in that Sister has already mentioned that it will make their family dynamic more difficult because their kid wants to stay home and play his all stars. It only makes it more difficult if she lets it. There is no reason this has to become a big issue with the family. It sucks that her son doesn't have the option to stay and yours does. But simply because someone else doesn't have an opportunity doesn't mean you should deprive your son of one. She needs to woman up if her son whines & just say "I'm sorry, but it just can't work out." She shouldn't take it out on you because it worked out for your son. Also, was this not a possibility for quite a while? Why was a trip planned that would eliminate the option of all-stars for her kid if it is really important to him? This seems like a poorly timed trip.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 6, 2013 14:35:03 GMT -5
Also, just turn it around on her: "Not letting our son go would have upset the family dynamic because my son wants to go & has the opportunity"
Why should not upsetting her son in the name of the "family dynamic" be more important than not upsetting your son?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 6, 2013 14:36:23 GMT -5
At this point, it is not 100% certain? In the OP you said he will likely make the team, and you said something similar in post 13. If he doesn't make the team, then the decision is easy.
Good luck dealing with your sister. Some people seem convinced that everyone else around them needs to change so that they can keep getting what they want.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 14:36:54 GMT -5
Well, the trip was planned nearly a year ago. Her step-son's league isn't hard core on age, so at the time it was planned it wasn't known if he was going to play AA or AAA. If he had played AA then there is no all star consideration at the end of the season because it isn't one of the competitive divisions yet.
Sister's family goes every other year with the in-laws and its essentially a free week in HI for them, we tagged on for a week once they are done with the in-laws for this summer. In the end, it has turned out to be a poorly timed trip.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 14:38:41 GMT -5
WWBG - it is not yet clear he will make the team. The kids have voted but the results are not announced for another 8 days. Indeed, if he doesn't make the team then no problem on this decision. He will be crushed but for a whole different set of reasons.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 6, 2013 14:40:53 GMT -5
What is the big deal if they were already going? It isn't like you're asking her to cancel her vacation over this. Your son won't be going. That should hardly be earth shattering.
Your sister sounds like an entitled brat. She'll survive, trust me. If she can't handle a disappointed/whiny 10 year old that's not your problem.
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steff
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Post by steff on Jun 6, 2013 14:42:28 GMT -5
I love my brothers, but on the list of who am I going to put first, my kiddo will win. Especially if it's a chance at something very important to him. And that's how I would explain it to (subtle I'm not). Sorry, but you fell a step down the food chain when I had kiddo.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 14:42:44 GMT -5
Well, they were going for a week - when we said we would join they extended for another week so that they had a week with the in-laws and then a week with us.
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steff
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Post by steff on Jun 6, 2013 14:44:47 GMT -5
Plus yall are going to be in frigging Hawaii. Look around, get over it, shut up and enjoy your vacation. Anyone who would ruin a vacation in HAWAII being childish that their wishes weren't put over your kiddo needs a swift kick in the rear.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 14:48:26 GMT -5
Don't know that I would call her an entitled brat, but definately a strong personality with strong ideas.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 14:50:26 GMT -5
Don't know that I would call her an entitled brat, but definately a strong personality with strong ideas. And she is free to have a strong personality and ideas as long as they don't impose on your child or dictate your choices as a mother. She can focus on her family while you focus on yours. Short answer: Sis, mind your own business.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 6, 2013 15:02:06 GMT -5
I'm feeling a no win situation and all this is going down after a crazy week at work - might just need another week off to vacation at home after the vacation week!
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jun 6, 2013 15:06:15 GMT -5
My mantra in these types of situations -- with family members or with friends' families -- is "Different families do things differently. This is how our family is handling this scheduling conflict. Other families will handle it their way, just like the way you are handling it, sis. End of discussion. C'mon, sis, I'll buy you an umbrella drink at the pool."
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jun 6, 2013 20:04:54 GMT -5
I don't get this American obsession with their kids in sports lately. My brother was a great little league player (pitcher) and always made the all star team. He never even ended up playing in Jr. High or HS. By then, he became obsessed with hockey instead. He's now 45, and barely recalls his little league days. He's still more of a hockey nut, and crazy about fishing as well. The odds of your son having any kind of future in baseball are astronomically low. If he's THAT good, I think the league could make an exception for missing practices in order to go on a trip that's been planned so very far in advance. That's my opinion, anyways.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 6, 2013 20:21:23 GMT -5
Mid he is 10. He does have the skill to make the team - pitched a 7 pitch inning for the end of the final game of the season. He is very clear, would rather skip the trip and play in the all stars. Mind you the team won't be announced until June 15 - so this could all be for naught. I really feel like he is going to make it however. This is a kid who is pretty well set on his future career - MLB pitcher who retires and becomes the "talking about sports" guy on TV (he can't seem to remember the word broadcaster). The kid knows more about baseball then any 10-year old I know. Even the Ump during the season told grandpa that the kid is more head in the game than any 10-year old he has watched recently. Please tell me you're pushing him towards another career. The chances of him making it to play minor league baseball, forget MLB, are astronomically low.
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