Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jun 6, 2013 21:10:42 GMT -5
Mid he is 10. He does have the skill to make the team - pitched a 7 pitch inning for the end of the final game of the season. He is very clear, would rather skip the trip and play in the all stars. Mind you the team won't be announced until June 15 - so this could all be for naught. I really feel like he is going to make it however. This is a kid who is pretty well set on his future career - MLB pitcher who retires and becomes the "talking about sports" guy on TV (he can't seem to remember the word broadcaster). The kid knows more about baseball then any 10-year old I know. Even the Ump during the season told grandpa that the kid is more head in the game than any 10-year old he has watched recently. Please tell me you're pushing him towards another career. The chances of him making it to play minor league baseball, forget MLB, are astronomically low. He is 10. Let the kid dream for a while. I don't really think you need to push a 10 yr old towards any career.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 6, 2013 21:41:33 GMT -5
I can't imagine blowing off a family vacation like this one for some sport. It's not like a trip to nowhere doing nothing. But that's just me and I realize I'm the only one who feels that way.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 22:19:05 GMT -5
There are guys who make a career in MLB. They do it by being focussed and obsessed when they are young and practicing etc. And by dreaming of being in the majors one day. Good for you t dog not to kill the dream.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 22:30:13 GMT -5
Please tell me you're pushing him towards another career. The chances of him making it to play minor league baseball, forget MLB, are astronomically low. He is 10. Let the kid dream for a while. I don't really think you need to push a 10 yr old towards any career. Amen!!!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2013 23:36:28 GMT -5
Kids win hands-down. If I had an option to leave the kid with someone to play ball I would. If I didn't I'd probably cancel the trip.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 0:16:08 GMT -5
I would let your son stay and play. The first time my son made All Stars I had already planned a family trip and I didn't let him play on the team. He was really sad and disappointed. I tried to tell him that he would have many opportunities to make the All Star team. The next year he did make it and also made the Travel Team but we ended up moving before he got to do the Travel Team. He was really disappointed. While in Kansas he didn't get to play baseball at all because of the time frame that we got there and the time frame that we moved. So he missed a whole year. This year he played and I am doing everything in my power to make sure he gets to keep playing. It is his passion. Today he left for Germany for the tournaments. He will be gone all weekend. I wanted to go with him, but unfortunately DSD is moving back to the states this weekend as well! Bad timing AGAIN. BUT I didn't stop him from going. He has worked so hard to be able to go to the tournaments.
When he gets back we are going to start watching the Italian baseball team practice because he wants to join the Italian team for next year. The American team on post doesn't really do anything to help him better his skills since most of the kids don't even want to play on the team but were forced to play by their parents. It is very frustrating to him. If he joins the Italian team (he has to try out and the competition is very fierce) he will have to practice 2 hours a day 5 days a week. We are willing to put in the time and effort to get him on this team because it means a lot to our son. He is really good and I think he is good enough to get scholarships for college and beyond.
So the point of my rambling post...I would let your son stay and play. If he has the passion like my son does, it will mean the world to him to be allowed to stay. Let him follow his dream.
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ners
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Post by ners on Jun 7, 2013 6:28:31 GMT -5
I vote for disappointing the sister.
I believe in letting a 10 year dream about his passion.
If he makes the team but has to decline local politics may never let him make the team.
PS when I became engaged I was given blackout dates due to 12 year old nephews baseball and football schedule.
While I agree that the majors may not be a realistic dream, there are other areas in his life that can benefit from baseball.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jun 8, 2013 22:34:15 GMT -5
There are guys who make a career in MLB. They do it by being focussed and obsessed when they are young and practicing etc. And by dreaming of being in the majors one day. Good for you t dog not to kill the dream. They've done studies on this. Best way to predict someone's ability to play MLB is to be the son of a MLB player. They don't give full scholarships for DI-A baseball, which is the highest level in college. With 11.6 scholarships available per team, they give partial scholarships. If a player is really good, like all-conference or All-American good, he might get a half scholarship. Some kids just get books. I think a lot of parents really fail to sit down and do the math when it comes to the possibility of their kid earning a college scholarship, much less playing pro ball. I don't have any problem with encouraging your kid to follow his dreams, but tell him to be realistic.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2013 1:49:48 GMT -5
There are guys who make a career in MLB. They do it by being focussed and obsessed when they are young and practicing etc. And by dreaming of being in the majors one day. Good for you t dog not to kill the dream. They've done studies on this. Best way to predict someone's ability to play MLB is to be the son of a MLB player. They don't give full scholarships for DI-A baseball, which is the highest level in college. With 11.6 scholarships available per team, they give partial scholarships. If a player is really good, like all-conference or All-American good, he might get a half scholarship. Some kids just get books. I think a lot of parents really fail to sit down and do the math when it comes to the possibility of their kid earning a college scholarship, much less playing pro ball. I don't have any problem with encouraging your kid to follow his dreams, but tell him to be realistic. T-Dog's son is 10! Let him dream. He doesn't need to be realistic about his dreams at 10! I don't think my son does at 13 either. We don't expect him to get a full ride scholarship, but every bit helps. Also, being active in sports and doing well in school does help out when applying for other scholarship opportunities. But honestly, I am not going to force my 13 year old to give up his dreams and tell him to get realistic. He has many years as an adult to have his dreams crushed. He knows it will be hard and he has also talked about how he would like to join the Air Force. I know I am a bad YM'er and a bad YM Mom. I don't care. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up and there are some days I still am not sure. I didn't start forcing my kids to pick careers and saving every penny the minute they popped out of the womb. I want them to enjoy being kids and give them the opportunity to dream.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 9, 2013 4:31:49 GMT -5
I realize your sister won't be thrilled if you do something other than what she wants. Sorry to hear that. In my opinion, every time you do something because it's what she wants you to do, it puts you that much further behind. Then the next time it will be REALLY hard - That much harder.
Unless you want to live the rest of your life, asking your sister for permission, I think the sooner you do what YOU want, the better. The sooner she becomes accustomed to not pushing you around (your life), The sooner she can get on with living her own.
Good luck with this. I hope things go much smoother than expected!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 9, 2013 8:46:25 GMT -5
One thing I wanted to add is that being a player is not the only way to be involved in professional baseball. If he really loves it there are other possibilities like being a scout or an umpire.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 9, 2013 8:58:21 GMT -5
Sister is old enough to deal with disappointment. If she hasn't learned yet to do that, it's time she did. Your son wants to stay and play. For a kid, these disappointments loom twice as large as they do for an adult, and the kid hasn't developed the ability to compensate near as well. If it were my child, he'd stay and play. Sis can cope.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 10:20:35 GMT -5
As the parent, you should make whatever decision you feel is right for your family. However, in my opinion, a family trip with relatives is MUCH more meaningful in the long run than an All Star Game. My kids all made various all star teams. But in reality, they would have more fun on a vacation with family. And, since the vacation was already planned, to me it seems that was your first commitment. With my kids, i usually make them honor their first commitment. Seriously, there will be Umpteen more baseball games. Anyway, that is my 2 cents, ymmv.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 9, 2013 10:29:47 GMT -5
Sister is old enough to deal with disappointment. If she hasn't learned yet to do that, it's time she did. Your son wants to stay and play. For a kid, these disappointments loom twice as large as they do for an adult, and the kid hasn't developed the ability to compensate near as well. If it were my child, he'd stay and play. Sis can cope. I still think t-dog needs to let the sister know up front that if t-dog jr makes the team, he won't be at the vacation. When you make plans with people, you can at least give them the heads up about if this happens, t-dog jr won't be there. If jr doesn't go - this will make it a very different vacation for sis' DSS. When will t-dog let her know? I agree, Rukh. I'd have no problem telling sister my son is going to stay and play baseball because that's what he really wants to do, and that takes priority with me. A kid is only 10 once in his life. That tropical locale will still be there when the child is 50. I'd pick up the phone, call sister, and let her know my son isn't going to be going along on vacation because he really, really wants to play baseball. The decision to take the vacation with family wasn't the boy's decision. It was a family decision that included him. Now, he's got something that's very important to him and it's interfering with the planned vacation. For me, the decision wouldn't be that difficult because I really believe a child has to feel they really count, and their needs and wants are important enough to change the flow of things. While I agree with shooby that kids should be taught to honor their first commitments, this wasn't the child's commitment. The child's commitment, at this time, is to baseball.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 9, 2013 10:32:39 GMT -5
Let the boy stay home. The quality one-on-one time the boy will spend with his grandmother is just as important (if not more) as time with the sister's family. Grandmother won't be around in the future.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 10:33:00 GMT -5
Well, i think kids need to learn that life isn't only about what they want whenever they want and that they are part of a family. The family made the commitment and he is part of the family. I think skipping family events just because something else comes that you want to do more is kind of sending the message that it is OK to just go do whatever you please. And, then when our kids grow up and they are "too busy" to come to Aunt Edna's 89th Bday, we wonder why.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 9, 2013 10:34:45 GMT -5
I still think t-dog needs to let the sister know up front that if t-dog jr makes the team, he won't be at the vacation. When you make plans with people, you can at least give them the heads up about if this happens, t-dog jr won't be there. If jr doesn't go - this will make it a very different vacation for sis' DSS. When will t-dog let her know? I agree, Rukh. I'd have no problem telling sister my son is going to stay and play baseball because that's what he really wants to do, and that takes priority with me. A kid is only 10 once in his life. That tropical locale will still be there when the child is 50. I'd pick up the phone, call sister, and let her know my son isn't going to be going along on vacation because he really, really wants to play baseball. The decision to take the vacation with family wasn't the boy's decision. It was a family decision that included him. Now, he's got something that's very important to him and it's interfering with the planned vacation. For me, the decision wouldn't be that difficult because I really believe a child has to feel they really count, and their needs and wants are important enough to change the flow of things. While I agree with shooby that kids should be taught to honor their first commitments, this wasn't the child's commitment. The child's commitment, at this time, is to baseball. Rent an underprivileged kid to take the boy's place to the tropical vacation destination.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 10:36:33 GMT -5
Well, if i paid for and planned a trip with my sister and her kids, with the idea that my kids and her kids would be playing together, then yes i would be very disappointed if my sis thought some game was more important than coming to spend time with us.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 9, 2013 10:42:39 GMT -5
*chuckle* Dunno, shoobs. What I describe is what I would do, and what I did raising my kids. Now, both my kids are the first ones to volunteer when "Aunt Edna" needs help. In fact, "Aunt Edna" can be someone they don't even know. If she needs help, my kids will be first in line. They seem to have gotten the message pretty well and have transferred the feelings of being important enough to change the flow into allowing others to be important enough to change their flow.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jun 9, 2013 10:44:39 GMT -5
also mmhmm, this sets the stage for those arguments. If the sis know's upfront - there is no cause for over the top upset, but if it is last minute, after DSS has been forced to give up his space, then t-dog may interpret it as sister being unreasonable, whereas 80% of the issue could be avoided by being upfront. If I was planning a vacation with my kids with someone else with kids and then they show up without the kid - I'd be absolutely furious because now it is a different vacation. Sis should not be backed into a corner where she may want to change her mind about allowing dss to attend the baseball rather than vacay - but can't because she has already put her foot down. Let the woman know! Then she makes her decisions with full knowledge. No doubt about it. I'd have had no trouble dealing with sister, and it would be done by now. Any parent, regardless of whether they've "put their foot down", should be able to reassess the situation and change feet, if necessary, IMO.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 10:49:35 GMT -5
*chuckle* Dunno, shoobs. What I describe is what I would do, and what I did raising my kids. Now, both my kids are the first ones to volunteer when "Aunt Edna" needs help. In fact, "Aunt Edna" can be someone they don't even know. If she needs help, my kids will be first in line. They seem to have gotten the message pretty well and have transferred the feelings of being important enough to change the flow into allowing others to be important enough to change their flow. I understand that there are times plans change and you might have to alter them. However, i think that she should have considered the possibility of the All Star team BEFORE committing to a vacay with Sis. And, i would make my first commitment my priority and my child would be going on vacation because i believe a family commitment outweighs a baseball game. Just my opinion and what i would do in this particular situation.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 9, 2013 11:04:47 GMT -5
*chuckle* Dunno, shoobs. What I describe is what I would do, and what I did raising my kids. Now, both my kids are the first ones to volunteer when "Aunt Edna" needs help. In fact, "Aunt Edna" can be someone they don't even know. If she needs help, my kids will be first in line. They seem to have gotten the message pretty well and have transferred the feelings of being important enough to change the flow into allowing others to be important enough to change their flow. I understand that there are times plans change and you might have to alter them. However, i think that she should have considered the possibility of the All Star team BEFORE committing to a vacay with Sis. And, i would make my first commitment my priority and my child would be going on vacation because i believe a family commitment outweighs a baseball game. Just my opinion and what i would do in this particular situation. I meant to quote this. I agree that the vacation should have been planned around a possible sporting event. I dunno, we do that. Our summer vacation is planned around LL (though DS is not all-star quality, we managed to wait until after playoffs). We also have learned now not to plan things a year in advanced. Too much can happen in a year that's unexpected. But, I'm wondering how t-dog's son is not family for t-dog? I'm wondering why the suggestion to fulfill the needs of extended family over nuclear family? I grew up in a house like this. My Mom's extended family came before her nuclear family: that is her husband and her kid. We couldn't be a family, do family things for ourselves (mom, dad, and me) until my mom's extended family died. If I did that for our family, asking our kids to put their family life on hold until we passed away, my kids will be grandparents before they get their "turn." How is that fair?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jun 9, 2013 11:14:02 GMT -5
Unless he doesn't make the team it will be a different vacation with either decision. If he wants to play the all-star game but is forced to go on the vacation he may resent his mom, his aunt, cousin or a combination thereof during and after the vacation. Having an unhappy resentful playmate wouldn't be that much of a plus. To me anyway. I think Sis knows it is a possibility which is why she's trying to guilt the OP.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 12:36:19 GMT -5
For me it comes down to basic advice we give our kids. You don't ask a girl for a date and plan to take her out and then her when something better comes along. As i said, just my opinion.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 12:37:38 GMT -5
Unless he doesn't make the team it will be a different vacation with either decision. If he wants to play the all-star game but is forced to go on the vacation he may resent his mom, his aunt, cousin or a combination thereof during and after the vacation. Having an unhappy resentful playmate wouldn't be that much of a plus. To me anyway. I think Sis knows it is a possibility which is why she's trying to guilt the OP. Well, if as the parent, that was the decision i made and my kids wanted to spend the entire time moping about, then so be it. Most likely he will mope for awhile and then join the fun and have a good time.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 9, 2013 13:08:23 GMT -5
I wouldn't give a shit what my sister thinks - but having my 10 year old kid miss a family (even if it was just us 4) vacation to play some sport? Hell no. That isn't how I roll. How many "All Star" teams are there in the USA? 600? It isn't as special as everyone says it is. Family time is special.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 13:11:56 GMT -5
I wouldn't give a shit what my sister thinks - but having my 10 year old kid miss a family (even if it was just us 4) vacation to play some sport? Hell no. That isn't how I roll. How many "All Star" teams are there in the USA? 600? It isn't as special as everyone says it is. Family time is special. Well, not sure why people are so hostile to their sisters. I do "give a shit" about my sister and i would love to spend more time with her than i do. And, if she canceled i would understand but i would certainly be disappointed. As for "how many All Star games", well, LOL! My kids have been in All Stars every year on every team since they have been 5. So, yeah there are a lot of All Star games.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 9, 2013 13:14:35 GMT -5
Sorry, but you are all acting like her Sister is some kind of witch for being disappointed that her kid won't come. I mean first of all, she WANTS him to come so they can all spend time together. And, it isn't like she is trying to drag them away from his special moment. SHE didn't know there was any possibility of game when she made the plans according to the OP so how is it HER fault? I don't get it. Again, if you want to him to go to the game, then let him know but nobody has to demonize the Sister in the process. Sheesh.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 9, 2013 17:08:26 GMT -5
I'm not hostile towards my sister, and I love them both and love spending time with them. All I'm saying is that I would have reasons other than disappointing my sister for wanting my 10 year old to go to Hawaii with me vs. staying home to play some stupid baseball game. But, that is just me. A lot of people are willing to sacrifice family for youth sports. I think it is way out of control.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 10, 2013 16:21:19 GMT -5
I think there needs to be some sort of balance in things. Most things. When I was growing up, kids didn't get a say or a voice, I didn't feel. While I didn't do the complete opposite, I do remember times when I specifically did and said something, just to let my daughter know she was important, and what she thought or wanted was taken in to account.
Personally, I don't think being all one way, or the other is good.
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