kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on Jun 10, 2013 16:54:09 GMT -5
Since we were asked to choose, I'm on Team Disappoint Sis - not because I hate my sister, but because as others have said, my kid comes first. You (t-dog) are not responsible for shoring up her parenting choices or being her back-up excuse when she makes an unpopular (with her child) decision. That's on her. She owns her decisions, just as you own yours. Or at least she should own them.
"And, then when our kids grow up and they are "too busy" to come to Aunt Edna's 89th Bday, we wonder why."
I dunno, I let my girls make decisions about family events from time-to-time, especially when it wasn't "that important" - i.e., it was really only important to me. When it was truly important, I simply did not present any choices (this did not happen very often). And they did not grow up to be "too busy" for elderly family members and their special occasions - - my mother is turning 90 in 2 weeks and not only are the girls coming from another state for a visit (and to party) they are bringing their spouses and their children (my mother's 3 great-grandchildren).
Nope, allowing a kid to occasionally have a voice and a choice will not turn them into selfish, thoughtless hooligans.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 10, 2013 18:05:05 GMT -5
Thanks all - teams have not yet been announced. While I am under no delusion that he will actually make the MLB, I also don't feel the need for a 10-year old to have to give up on his dream. If the little leftie gets himself some college money from playing ball so much the better. I can assure all that for the next two summers there will be no thought of vacation in June.
In case you all were wondering, the boy's idea of a dream trip is to visit another city and catch an MLB game. He could actually care less about going to Hawaii since there is no venue to watch sports other than ESPN/MLB network and he can do that at home.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 8:20:14 GMT -5
Since we were asked to choose, I'm on Team Disappoint Sis - not because I hate my sister, but because as others have said, my kid comes first. You (t-dog) are not responsible for shoring up her parenting choices or being her back-up excuse when she makes an unpopular (with her child) decision. That's on her. She owns her decisions, just as you own yours. Or at least she should own them. "And, then when our kids grow up and they are "too busy" to come to Aunt Edna's 89th Bday, we wonder why." I dunno, I let my girls make decisions about family events from time-to-time, especially when it wasn't "that important" - i.e., it was really only important to me. When it was truly important, I simply did not present any choices (this did not happen very often). And they did not grow up to be "too busy" for elderly family members and their special occasions - - my mother is turning 90 in 2 weeks and not only are the girls coming from another state for a visit (and to party) they are bringing their spouses and their children (my mother's 3 great-grandchildren). Nope, allowing a kid to occasionally have a voice and a choice will not turn them into selfish, thoughtless hooligans. Well, i think it is important to teach your kids that they don't always come first. And, there are times when they have to set aside what they want to do in order to keep a commitment and that life isn't simply all about what they want to go. There will be a million more ball games. How many times will you really vacation with your sister? And, you planned the vacation FIRST. So, it is pretty cut and dried and my opinion and i think your kid would have more fun going on vacation. Just my opinion. But, life doesn't only revolve around what the kids want, unless people want to raise little tyrants. They didn't "want " to visit Grammy in the nursing home but they went anyway.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2013 8:41:49 GMT -5
If my kid was hum-ho about playing ball then I would have him come on the vacation with us instead of playing in the AS Game. But t-dog's son is not your average player; baseball is his passion! In this particular case, I would let him stay and play since baseball is so important to him.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 8:45:27 GMT -5
If my kid was hum-ho about playing ball then I would have him come on the vacation with us instead of playing in the AS Game. But t-dog's son is not your average player; baseball is his passion! In this particular case, I would let him stay and play since baseball is so important to him. He's 10. Keep things in perspective. All of my kids were heavily involved in sports and All Stars. But, they aren't going to make a living playing with a ball. The real honor is being named. He has the title. But is there a way he could play the game AND go on vacation and just arrive later? That might be a nice compromise.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2013 8:49:31 GMT -5
It would seem that my perspective is different than yours...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2013 8:52:22 GMT -5
The things I learn about myself from this board. Apparently the year I didn't go with my parents on vacation and stayed home to volunteer at the zoo made me a tyrant that has a crappy relationship with my family. I'd let him stay with the understanding that there are no take backs. He doesn't get to change his mind again at the last minute, he has to see his commitment to the team thru. Missing ONE vacation doesn't suddenly make you a spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate family. At 10 if he has available family at home I think he should be able to make the decision if he wants to go or not. Unless the entire family gets wiped out by a volcano on the trip there will be other family vacations he can go on.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 8:55:29 GMT -5
It would seem that my perspective is different than yours... Yes. But that is OK! And, it is up to the OP to decide what is best for them. And, that's OK too.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 9:06:35 GMT -5
The things I learn about myself from this board. Apparently the year I didn't go with my parents on vacation and stayed home to volunteer at the zoo made me a tyrant that has a crappy relationship with my family. I'd let him stay with the understanding that there are no take backs. He doesn't get to change his mind again at the last minute, he has to see his commitment to the team thru. Missing ONE vacation doesn't suddenly make you a spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate family. At 10 if he has available family at home I think he should be able to make the decision if he wants to go or not. Unless the entire family gets wiped out by a volcano on the trip there will be other family vacations he can go on. And neither does missing ONE ballgame hinder your Little League career. And, unless the town gets wiped out by a volcano there will other games he can play.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 11, 2013 9:47:22 GMT -5
The things I learn about myself from this board. Apparently the year I didn't go with my parents on vacation and stayed home to volunteer at the zoo made me a tyrant that has a crappy relationship with my family. I'd let him stay with the understanding that there are no take backs. He doesn't get to change his mind again at the last minute, he has to see his commitment to the team thru. Missing ONE vacation doesn't suddenly make you a spoiled brat who doesn't appreciate family. At 10 if he has available family at home I think he should be able to make the decision if he wants to go or not. Unless the entire family gets wiped out by a volcano on the trip there will be other family vacations he can go on. And neither does missing ONE ballgame hinder your Little League career. And, unless the town gets wiped out by a volcano there will other games he can play. Sure. He can most definitely play other games. But he wants to play THIS ONE. Why hamper a child's dream? There will be other games and other vacations. The child is 10, he can dream a bit and try to achieve that dream too. Its not like he is refusing to go on any and every family vacation.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 11, 2013 9:54:46 GMT -5
You're only get one opportunity to be 10 years old and the exciting world which comes with it.
There will be other family vacations in this boy's life but never another chance to be 10.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2013 11:01:55 GMT -5
Why hamper a child's dream?
Because he'll become a tyrant who doesn't want to visit granny in the nursing home, duh!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:02:00 GMT -5
You're only get one opportunity to be 10 years old and the exciting world which comes with it. There will be other family vacations in this boy's life but never another chance to be 10. So going on vacation negates the fact that he is "10". You only "fill in the blank" age ONCE at every age, lol!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:03:33 GMT -5
Why hamper a child's dream?
Because he'll become a tyrant who doesn't want to visit granny in the nursing home, duh! Well, if want to go into the realm of the ridiculous i will too. Missing one all star game isn't going to "HAMPER HIS DREAM" (oh the humanity!) and ruin his baseball career.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:04:37 GMT -5
Why hamper a child's dream?
Because he'll become a tyrant who doesn't want to visit granny in the nursing home, duh! But speaking of "tyrants", yeah there do seem to be quite of few of those nowadays who were raised by parents catering to their every whim. So, uh huh.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2013 11:05:13 GMT -5
Your words not mine,
But, life doesn't only revolve around what the kids want, unless people want to raise little tyrants. They didn't "want " to visit Grammy in the nursing home but they went anyway.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:07:46 GMT -5
And? That is what i said. Life doesn't always revolve around them. My words. I just happen to think this is the perfect opportunity for the child to learn to honor the first commitment the family made and learn that lesson that sometimes his wants and desires aren't always first. As i said, just my opinion and that is what i would do. It isn't my kid so i can't tell the OP what is right for their family , just speaking from my point of view.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 11, 2013 11:15:42 GMT -5
Why hamper a child's dream?
Because he'll become a tyrant who doesn't want to visit granny in the nursing home, duh! Well, if want to go into the realm of the ridiculous i will too. Missing one all star game isn't going to "HAMPER HIS DREAM" (oh the humanity!) and ruin his baseball career. LOL! It is not missing one all star game-it's missing a practice if he makes the all star team. He then can't play on the all star team this summer.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 11, 2013 11:16:48 GMT -5
And? That is what i said. Life doesn't always revolve around them. My words. I just happen to think this is the perfect opportunity for the child to learn to honor the first commitment the family made and learn that lesson that sometimes his wants and desires aren't always first. As i said, just my opinion and that is what i would do. It isn't my kid so i can't tell the OP what is right for their family , just speaking from my point of view. LOL! Life doesn't always revolve around you either Shooby.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:17:43 GMT -5
You don't know that. DH has coached Little League for years. Kids go on family vacations. He might miss one game and them come back and play others. It depends on the league and rules.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:18:28 GMT -5
And? That is what i said. Life doesn't always revolve around them. My words. I just happen to think this is the perfect opportunity for the child to learn to honor the first commitment the family made and learn that lesson that sometimes his wants and desires aren't always first. As i said, just my opinion and that is what i would do. It isn't my kid so i can't tell the OP what is right for their family , just speaking from my point of view. LOL! Life doesn't always revolve around you either Shooby. Whatever. I am giving my opinion. The OP can take my advice or leave it. I can only speak from personal experience as can you.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 11, 2013 11:21:53 GMT -5
Actually he would have to miss 6 practice days and our league would not let him play if he could not attend each and every practice.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 11, 2013 11:21:57 GMT -5
You don't know that. DH has coached Little League for years. Kids go on family vacations. He might miss one game and them come back and play others. It depends on the league and rules. LOL! Based on what t-dog posted in the opening post, I think I know that. " My son will likely make the local all star baseball team and won't be allowed by the league to play if he misses practices which he would have to do for a week to take the previously mentioned pre-planned and paid for tropical vacation with the relatives. He wants to skip the trip and play ball."
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2013 11:22:00 GMT -5
I think it's a good opportunity to learn about choices. You choose A you can't choose B. I'd be fine with him staying home but the understanding is he can't back out again. If you choose the team over vacation you chose the team and will finish out the season.
Which sounds like a non-issues for the OP's son but you can use either decision to reinforce you have to honor your commitments.
I also don't feel he's bound to this because it doesn't sound like the all star thing was known far enough in advance. The SIL made her choice to not change her plans and that's fine. T-dog and her kid should not have to.
If the all star thing had been known in advance before the vacation was booked then yes I'd agree he should go anyhow. Since it wasn't I don't see where it's raising a tyrant to consider new last minute factors.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jun 11, 2013 11:24:26 GMT -5
If you are actively involved in sports, you know there are All Star teams so it just didn't fall out of the sky.
Anyway, i made gave my views so there is nothing else to say.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 11, 2013 11:25:19 GMT -5
Okay.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 11, 2013 11:45:40 GMT -5
OK, I don't know how much my opinion is worth bc 1 - I have no siblings, so not familiar with that kind of dynamic and 2 - sports are VERY low on my priority list
I would strongly encourage my son to go on vacation. YOU were the one asking sister to extend for a week and I am sure the fact that your son was going to be there affected her decision. And now, she is left with step-son who is not going to have a play-buddy bc YOU are changing your mind.
I don't know if I would make/push my kid to go on vacation, but I would tell him that this commitment was made first.
It just wouldn't sit well with me to basically saying to your sister - yep, something else came along, so we/son has to bail.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 11, 2013 11:46:36 GMT -5
I'd probably let him play ball, but my sister would also understand.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 11, 2013 11:49:37 GMT -5
I'm glad I don't have a sister. I'd rather poke my eye out than me trapped on a vacation with my ILs so that's a non issue. My parents are pretty flexible and would understand. If they paid for anything I'd reimburse them. I don't know if I was SIL I'd be disappointed but far from angry over having an extra week in Hawaii of all places.
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t-dog
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Post by t-dog on Jun 12, 2013 0:05:06 GMT -5
So kid did make the team. Now I get to play Solomon and figure out who to have hate me.
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