Other people's weddings cost a fortune!

[raeoflyte]

I'm one of the maid of honors in sil's wedding. Really I'm a glorified bridesmaid because her new mil planned and hosted the shower and her friend who actually parties is planning and hosting the bacheloret party. But dang, I could get over $1000 without even trying.

My dress: $225
Alterations $95 (so far)
My shoes $50
Ds tux and shoes $107
Dd dress $100 (complety frivolous and I'm doing it anyway!)
Dinner and painting with bride and bridesmaids $120
Shower gift $150

We still have the bacheloret party that I am bringing booze for, and will chip in the brides drinks at the club even though I'm only going to the dinner part. Plus a wedding gift.

And since this is ym, my wedding and honeymoon together only cost $4500.

How much have you spent on opw's?

[Cookies Galore]

I chose no wedding party so I didn't have to put people through all that crap. I was in one wedding, and while my friend was a completely reasonable bride, I still thought there were better things I could spend my money on. I'm getting married in September, and if DF and I were paying for the wedding, we'd probably hit up the courthouse and have a small dinner party. Since my Dad and stepmom want to provide a wedding for us, I am letting them do whatever they want. It ain't my money!

From what I remember from my only foray into being a bridesmaid (ranges since it was a few years ago):
Dress - $160ish
Shoes - $50 - $70
Shower - $130ish for my share of everything
Bachelorette party - $100 (we went to Atlantic City and one of the bridesmaids had a condo in Brigantine; I made most of the money I spent back when I hit the slots)
Wedding gift - ~$150 (We purchased random things on the registry, but our main gift was the rally towels Df printed for them to give away as favors at the reception)

[geenamercile]

We were just a guest at a wedding last weekend.  I think over all, dress, traveling expenses and gift we were about 400 and we were just a run of the mill guest.  SIL's is in August and DH and I were not asked to be in the wedding party   So I most likely will just use the dress I got for our friends wedding.  Our DDs are the flower girls, but MIL paid for the one dress, and a cousin is making the other dress.  I'm a little nervous about the YDD who will be 2 and how she will handle being flower girl, ODD who will be almost 7 will ham it up. We have her bridal shower this upcoming weekend.

The one thing I learned from DH's and my wedding.  Our family normal when it comes to wedding gifts (or really gifts in general) are very differnt, so I'm not sure what range the gift will be in.  We will most likely spend the night at the ILs house too, so SIL wedding is going to cost less for us.      

[kgb18]

Yep. I've been there, done that. I tried to keep the costs for our wedding party as low as possible. We found dresses that were on clearance. I asked the girls to wear silver shoes because most of them already had silver from other weddings. I didn't ask them to get their hair done or anything special if they didn't want to. Showers were paid for by our moms. My bachelorette party was dinner out and then dessert at my parents' house. A few people did have to travel for the ceremony.

I've easily spent upwards of $500 for most of the weddings I've been in. DH's best man, who was the best man in our wedding, is getting married next winter. I have no idea what it will cost because we have to go to Florida. But he spent money to come up here for our wedding, so I will not complain.

[muttleynfelix]

Our hotel for my BFF's wedding 2 years ago was $500 alone (for 3 nights ... about $100 was tax  ).  I think between travel expenses, the hotel, the bridesmaid dress, and gifts, we spent about $900.  

I was in a wedding about 5 years ago for a local friend and it was dirt cheap. She found my bridesmaid dress on clearance for $30 (she paid for it).  I hosted the bridal shower and spent maybe $200 on that (had it at my house and made everything) and another $50 for the wedding gift.  DH was an usher, but only had to wear a suit....I also had money to burn back then.  

[raeoflyte]

Forgot about hair, makeup, and mani/pedi so we all match. Another $150 there.

Don't get me wrong- I'm honored dsil asked me and I'm very happy to be a part of her special day. But I'm also very relieved that this will be the only wedding party I'm ever in.

I still need to practice walking in heels so I don't fall on my face, and find sandals I can wear for the reception that will work with the hem (and get me out of heels).

[lurkyloo]

I flew back from Germany to be in a friend's wedding...forget how much the ticket was, certainly over $500 (this was fifteen or so years ago).  Compared to that the dress, shoes, hairstyle, etc was pretty cheap and someone covered the hotel suite that the bridesmaids shared.  Actually I think that's been a common theme...I've always had to fly somewhere, but never had to pay for accomodations.

We sort of mirrored that for our wedding--got a couple of vacation rentals and made sure we had enough rooms for wedding party and those who had to fly to stay in.  That was actually pretty awesome.  I think the bridesmaid coordinates I picked out were mildly pricey (I picked the color, they picked the actual pieces, totals were maybe around $150?) but I picked up the tab for one of them and offered to do so for the other two.  DH paid for the tux rental for all the guys (groomsmen and officiant) and we chose a chain that had locations reasonably close to everyone so they could all go get fitted.  We also stocked the rental houses with food and drinks along with the night-before "rehearsal" BBQ and buffet-style wedding dinner...and of course for the after-party.    So I like to think that people had travel costs but not a huge amount beyond that--we also paid for activities including jetski rentals a couple of hours before the ceremony and pickup hockey the morning after.

[giramomma]

We've never been asked to be in a wedding party. But, BIL is seeing someone seriously, so it could be on the horizon.

I think the most we ever spent was $400, but that included travel, hotel, etc. As it turned out, that marriage lasted a whopping 3ish years. My best friend from college thought it was prudent to marry an alcoholic and seemed surprised that his alcoholism, left untreated, got worse during their marriage.

My wedding was cheap for our attendants. I didn't have a bacholorette party. I wasn't really interested. Only one in my bridal party could attend my shower (the other two lived too far away.) My MOH was too broke to buy  a wedding gift. So, she completely cleaned/organized our apartment (the wedding stuff) while we were gone on our honeymoon. That was one of the best gifts we got.

I got married right after September 11 (4 days later). At that point, my perspective was that I wanted to get married. Honestly, all the wedding stuff/coordination/etc meant nothing at that point. I would have been just as happy getting married in our church's chapel with just DH, myself, and the priest. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Last wedding I was in was my sisters, which was in 1995.

Back then, I spent about $200 for the dress.  Fortunately, all she wanted us to wear was black pumps, which I already had.  Plane ticket from TX to MD was another $300 or so.  My share of the wedding gift (I went together with my folks) was about $100.  Miscellaneous stuff during the week I was there, probably another $100.....so $700 total.

[Phoenix84]

Only wedding I spent any kind of money on was my sister's.  I don't recall the details but I probably spent close to $300 between the airplane ticket, the tux rental, and the wedding gift. 

[lurkyloo]

Jun 1, 2013 21:54:28 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Last wedding I was in was my sisters, which was in 1995.

Back then, I spent about $200 for the dress.  Fortunately, all she wanted us to wear was black pumps, which I already had.  Plane ticket from TX to MD was another $300 or so.  My share of the wedding gift (I went together with my folks) was about $100.  Miscellaneous stuff during the week I was there, probably another $100.....so $700 total.

  So what was the $200 dress for then? 

[zibazinski]

Back in the olden days, the brides parents paid for the bridesmaids dresses. I think going back to that would cut down on the nonsense some of these brides expect out of their friends. Might be a bit more reasonable. At least the dresses aren't so hideous anymore and some you can actually wear again. White shoes, silver shoes, black shoes are all fine and can be worn again. I don't know anyone who dyes their shoes to matchy match dresses anymore. In fact, the newest trend is for the bride to wear the shoes her bridesmaids are wearing, as in hot pink! But these bachelorette parties are unreal! We are babysitting DFs grandson because his 40 year old mother is off for another bachelorette weekend. Good grief! How long in the tooth do you need to be before you grow up and don't have to have a drunken shit show weekend?

[midjd]

I'm in a friend's wedding this November...so far it's cost about $150 for the dress, but I'm going to have to buy another since the wedding is less than a week before my due date. (The wedding was originally scheduled for October but the bride is due that month )

Still have to buy shoes and a gift. Not sure what we're doing about the bachelorette party at this point...

DH gets off cheaper, he's been in five or six weddings and usually just has to buy a shirt in whatever color - none of his friends have done tuxes, and only one did an actual bachelor party. That plus gift is usually around $100.

[thyme4change]

I love weddings, and it is so sad that you go to 80 weddings in 3 years, and then you go decades without one.  It is such a fun time.  Weddings are normally designed to be fun.  They are by young people for young people, and they are happy occasions.  For many, it is the tail end of partying together.  So, I know it is expensive - but enjoy it.  There will be 60+ years where your wedding budget will be nearly $0, and you will wish you could do something fun like that again.

[FreeSalsa]

My MOH's dress was about $60.  She wore shoes and jewelry she already had.  I paid for her make-up to be done and she did her own hair.  She did have to fly herself and her DH in and pay for a hotel, so that was probably $700.  I told her she didn't need to give a gift since she was flying in but she did.  My bachelorette party consisted of happy hour drinks and appetizers with two girlfriends.  I think I might have even paid for myself, I don't recall.

We had 4 guys in the wedding party and the tuxes were more like $175 with tax and all.  His bachelor party was out of town for the weekend and his 3 friends chose a very expensive hotel suite, took him out for drinks and a show.  But that's how they usually do things when they go to that city.  The difference this time was that some of his friends weren't working at the time.  One bought us a gift, one did not, and one's gift was officiating the ceremony.

Overall we tried to keep it simple and our wedding cost less than the average.

[sbcalimom]

When I got married, I had two attendants and I told them to pick whatever dress they wanted in my colors so they could reuse it.  They both ended up with the same dress but it was under $100 and I know they've both reworn it several times.  I said I didn't care about shoes, jewelry whatever as long as they looked good with the dress.  My parents paid for my sister's hair and makeup and my friend had someone she knew do hers for free.

My sister is getting married in August and I'm making the cake as her gift so that'll probably be $150-$200 there.  I'm also in the wedding but she said I can wear whatever I want as long as it doesn't clash with the other attendant's dress. My two DD's are flower girls but they're wearing their birthday dresses from this year so no added expense there.  We will have to travel to CA for the wedding but luckily my friend is letting us stay with her so we won't have to pay for a week at a hotel - I was so not looking forward to that!  All told, we'll probably end up spending under $1K but that will include a week long trip.  

[raeoflyte]

Sounds like you're getting a deal sbcali!

[sbcalimom]

I might not feel that way after driving from NM to CA and back but at the moment it seems like a good idea

[muttleynfelix]

Jun 2, 2013 6:48:50 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Back in the olden days, the brides parents paid for the bridesmaids dresses. I think going back to that would cut down on the nonsense some of these brides expect out of their friends. Might be a bit more reasonable. At least the dresses aren't so hideous anymore and some you can actually wear again. White shoes, silver shoes, black shoes are all fine and can be worn again. I don't know anyone who dyes their shoes to matchy match dresses anymore. In fact, the newest trend is for the bride to wear the shoes her bridesmaids are wearing, as in hot pink! But these bachelorette parties are unreal! We are babysitting DFs grandson because his 40 year old mother is off for another bachelorette weekend. Good grief! How long in the tooth do you need to be before you grow up and don't have to have a drunken shit show weekend?

My parents did pay for my bridesmaids dresses. Of course I only had 2 of them - my sister and my BFF. My parents also paid for the tuxes, half of my dress (and got mad that I paid the other half), and pretty much everything else.  Of course they did the same for my siblings (yes even my brother, because his wife's family didn't pitch in any money and my brother and his wife were trying to figure out how to do the reception food on the cheap and my parents said we will pay for the food to be catered). 

[Deleted]

I had my sister (only member of WP on my side) buy any dressy dress she wanted....just specified color (black). I paid for our hair and makeup, but she paid for a plane ticket and a few nights at a hotel. I did set her up with a friend that was traveling alone, though, to share her room. We got our nails done together, but that was just for fun, not required. I think we each paid our own on that. No gift, no showers, etc.. I think she probably paid close to 1k...but the plane ticket would have been most of that.

[zibazinski]

A thousand bucks to be in someone's wedding is pretty bad. I know if I were still in Florida my girlfriend would have invited me but I would have sent a present, not paid a ton of money for plane tickets, car rental,food, and a gift on top of that. I'd have sent a nice gift and be done with it. She was very careful to not send shower invites to those she knew couldn't attend so it didn't look like a gift grab. Because I'm in Michigan and the wedding is, I'm going. The hotel is a screaming deal, gas and car I have, and the present I bought courtesy of Macy's screwing up over and over again so I bought 150 worth of wedding gifts for about 60 bucks! She didn't invite our suitemate because she couldn't have come but would have felt obligated for a gift. But to be in someone wedding now? Good grief! Have some courtesy, people. This over the top stuff is pretty ridiculous. You look stupid and greedy, not classy and rich like you're trying to be.

[Pants]

I am in two weddings this year:

Wedding 1: October - MOH
Plane tickets for 3 from Chicago --> LA ~ $1200
Hotel for 3 nights ~ $600
Dress ~ $100 - we get to choose our own as long as it's black, but will probably end up with something in this range
Shoes ~ $100 - we get to choose our own as long as they're red
DIY hair and makeup
No shower
Bachelorette party - ~ $400 or so, I am guessing? We will need to pay for either transportation or a hotel
Gift: $100
Est. Total: $2500

Wedding 2: December - MOH-ish (actual MOH is under 21, so bachelorette party is on me)
Hotel downtown 2 nights: $250
Dress: $250
Shoes: $150
Hair/makeup: TBD, will DIY if at all possible
Shower: On other MOH
Bachelorette party - ~$500, including hotel room
Gift: $100
Other events: $100 (post rehearsal-dinner get together at bar)
Est. Total: $1350

Yikes.

[raeoflyte]

I feel much better now Bsb. Yikes is right! But hopefully good times for both?

[zibazinski]

Good lord. That makes me glad I'm old and not dealing with this BS. If DD ever gets married and tries being a bridezilla, it'll be on her own dime. That's just selfish and self centered to expect people to spend thousands of dollars being in or coming to your wedding. DD has been asked a few times since her graduation and both times had the sense to say "NO" because she knew it'd be expensive and just a shit show. Which they both turned out to be. Both times she said she was so glad just to be a guest and not a participant.

[Deleted]

wanting your bridal party to come to your wedding, attend your shower and bachelorette party, and wear matching dresses is being a Bridezilla?  That's a bit much, isn't it?

[raeoflyte]

I'm the one who is bitching about costs and I think zib is being a bit harsh. Although I know that I could tell sil I can't afford something and there wouldn't be any hard feelings. If I wasn't that close with her I'm sure I wouldn't be in the wedding.

The big wedding isn't my thing, but I know its really important to sil so whatever. We will suck it up for another month, and selfishly I'm hoping to get some good pictures of the kids and use those for this year's pictures. If I do, then my $1000+ will be well spent.

[skubikky]

Jun 2, 2013 8:39:12 GMT -5 midjd said:

I'm in a friend's wedding this November...so far it's cost about $150 for the dress, but I'm going to have to buy another since the wedding is less than a week before my due date. (The wedding was originally scheduled for October but the bride is due that month )

Still have to buy shoes and a gift. Not sure what we're doing about the bachelorette party at this point...

DH gets off cheaper, he's been in five or six weddings and usually just has to buy a shirt in whatever color - none of his friends have done tuxes, and only one did an actual bachelor party. That plus gift is usually around $100.

You might want to hold off buying any sort of dress.....

[Deleted]

less than a week before your due date?  I'm putting money on you being in the hospital at the time of the wedding.

[thyme4change]

I'm in a friend's wedding this November...so far it's cost about $150 for the dress, but I'm going to have to buy another since the wedding is less than a week before my due date. (The wedding was originally scheduled for October but the bride is due that month )

a)  She is planning a big wedding a month after she gives birth??  

b)  I hope you are okay missing that wedding.  80% of babies are born before their due date.  

[midjd]

Yes and I know. This is why I haven't bought another dress yet.

The wedding has been rescheduled a couple of times already, and I'm not sure it won't be rescheduled again. This isn't her first kid and she should have some idea what's in store, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. But if I'm still ambulatory and not yet in labor, I'm going to be there.