mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Jul 5, 2013 22:01:07 GMT -5
Well, at least you know it's not some kind of horrible, aggressive brain tumor! I hope he comes back, as well. It's going to have to be up to him to do the work, and he needs to understand that. Hopefully, the doctor will get it across. You can't just take a pill and expect the world to turn golden. It don't work that way. DH has got to put out the effort to help make things right again. I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for all of you!
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 6, 2013 6:38:37 GMT -5
Les, have you applied for Social Security Disability for your husband ? He is qualified at this stage. He probably has a serious disorder. He can't work, and this illness is disabling. I would get online, and start the application. You have all of the documentation that you need with his hospital stay and ER visit, etc. Your son can also get benefits as his child, and after he turns 18, continue to collect as an Adult Disabled Child. Social Security is meant for situations like this, as well as retirement. Just go to www.ssa.gov/ and pick out the "Disability" tab at the top. You can apply (for your husband and son ) online, and then finish up by bringing in medical records and birth certivicates to a nearby S.S.A. office. A claims specialist will be assigned to the application the minute they get it, and will work with you to get the supporting evidence in. There's no reason for your family not to be getting benefits. Good luck.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,682
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 6, 2013 13:32:27 GMT -5
Les, I am glad to see you making decisions and knowing what needs to come next. Believe me, you have it more together than a lot of posters we get here. Figure out what has to be done immediately (safety, food, shelter, stability for you and your son) and then tackle the rest (college, job). You can get help - there are programs for women who have been out of the workforce for long periods and are re-entering and in need of guidance and training. Google your state, city or county and add the words, "women and re-enter and workforce" and you should come up with a list of public and private groups that can help. I'd offer you links, but I don't know where you are.
|
|
constanz22
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:32:17 GMT -5
Posts: 4,219
|
Post by constanz22 on Jul 6, 2013 14:30:38 GMT -5
les- I really hadn't noticed or followed your thread but just read a bit of it now. I know we corresponded a while ago by PM. I work as a social worker in the county you live in. I would be happy to give you some advice and recommendations for services for your husband. When you attend his next appt at MH, ask about a SPOE referral. SPOE stands for Single Point of Entry. It is a committee that meets to review cases and offer services to mentally ill adults in Broome County. With his hospitalization, he will likely qualify for a case manager, who could be a big help to you. You should have applied for SSI for your son. If you have not, you need to. He certainly qualifies, even if he gets denied the first time, appeal. I think, IIRC, you had supposed services for your son, but there are also numerous local agencies that can help with accessing services, including respite, for him.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 6, 2013 20:37:11 GMT -5
Thank you Nazgulgirl. When Noah starts Summer school on Monday I will be applying for SSD for DH and SSDI for Noah. One problem there. DH inherited stocks from his grandmother back in November. He receives money from an retirement fund for when his dad (who passed in 2001) worked for ConEd in New York city. This might throw a cog in the wheel. The ConEd will last until 2015 I think. It is almost $1,600 a month. We are renting a house for $1,400 a month since we moved here last October. We need to move to a cheaper place but that is another nightmare with neither of us working at the moment. I just don't think if we have money in the background that we will get help until that money is gone. In good times, before DH had this mental breakdown, the money (stocks) were going to be for Noah.
Constanz22: Good advice, thank you. We all have Medicaid now. Still going thru the process with Noah to get him more services that Medicaid can provide, ie. communications device, maybe respite. That is still hard for me (respite); with Noah nonverbal, it is hard to trust strangers with him.
I hope this posts right. I have no idea what I did to make the print smaller. Have a new computer after Noah tore all the keys off the keyboard of mine. Touch something the wrong way and wham. Takes me a bit to figure out how to fix it.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2013 20:43:28 GMT -5
Thank you Nazgulgirl. When Noah starts Summer school on Monday I will be applying for SSD for DH and SSDI for Noah. One problem there. DH inherited stocks from his grandmother back in November. He receives money from an retirement fund for when his dad (who passed in 2001) worked for ConEd in New York city. This might throw a cog in the wheel. The ConEd will last until 2015 I think. It is almost $1,600 a month. We are renting a house for $1,400 a month since we moved here last October. We need to move to a cheaper place but that is another nightmare with neither of us working at the moment. I just don't think if we have money in the background that we will get help until that money is gone. In good times, before DH had this mental breakdown, the money (stocks) were going to be for Noah. SSDI (disability insurance) is not means tested. SSI is, and I think that you cannot have more than $2000 in assets. You would be applying for SSDI for both.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 6, 2013 21:04:32 GMT -5
Nancy: So sorry I didn't include you in my reply. Your support and advice have been awesome! I will look for these groups online for my area; Broome County, NY. Thank you so much.
Mich: Thank you for that. I will do that.
Again, thanks to everyone for their help. He is more verbal but definitely needs to be on some sort of med. Not Haldal, maybe a newer generation drug. Hopefully on Tuesday at the county mental health we can make that happen as we see a doctor there that day.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,934
|
Post by taz157 on Jul 6, 2013 21:18:30 GMT -5
les - I have no advice to offer but I can only offer virtual ((((((hugs)))))). I wish you, DH, Noah, and your other son good luck and many hugs for what lies ahead.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 6, 2013 21:47:06 GMT -5
Thank you Taz, Cass, and Sugi! Your advice and hugs mean a lot to me. Hugs back to all of you.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,682
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 7, 2013 9:47:24 GMT -5
Les, check with the community college in Broome County for some help - classes would be your least expensive bet, assuming you are remaining in that area.
And I don't think it's a stretch to consider checking with an organization that assists victims of domestic violence, battered and abused women, either. While you don't fit the "classic" case of abuse, I think a lot of what you've been through certainly qualifies as emotional abuse, even though your husband, as a mentally ill person, did not and does not fully realize what he is doing.
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 29,228
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Jul 7, 2013 14:18:11 GMT -5
Les, just dropping off some <HUGS>. You are an awesome Lady! Don't ever forget that.
|
|
Nazgul Girl
Junior Associate
Babysitting our new grandbaby 3 days a week !
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 23:25:02 GMT -5
Posts: 5,913
Today's Mood: excellent
|
Post by Nazgul Girl on Jul 7, 2013 14:44:15 GMT -5
Thank you Nazgulgirl. When Noah starts Summer school on Monday I will be applying for SSD for DH and SSDI for Noah. One problem there. DH inherited stocks from his grandmother back in November. He receives money from an retirement fund for when his dad (who passed in 2001) worked for ConEd in New York city. This might throw a cog in the wheel. The ConEd will last until 2015 I think. It is almost $1,600 a month. We are renting a house for $1,400 a month since we moved here last October. We need to move to a cheaper place but that is another nightmare with neither of us working at the moment. I just don't think if we have money in the background that we will get help until that money is gone. In good times, before DH had this mental breakdown, the money (stocks) were going to be for Noah. Constanz22: Good advice, thank you. We all have Medicaid now. Still going thru the process with Noah to get him more services that Medicaid can provide, ie. communications device, maybe respite. That is still hard for me (respite); with Noah nonverbal, it is hard to trust strangers with him. I hope this posts right. I have no idea what I did to make the print smaller. Have a new computer after Noah tore all the keys off the keyboard of mine. Touch something the wrong way and wham. Takes me a bit to figure out how to fix it. Passive income is no barrier to collecting social security disability, nor to your son collecting from his father's disability as a dependent, which he is. If your husband is approved for SSD, your son will collect from his account. This is not an income-influenced type of benefit, either for father or son, unlike SSI. As I had also written, your son's disability is so severe that once he is 18, he will be able to collect as an Adult Disabled Child from your husband's account for the rest of his life, providing your husband is approved for SSD. And, unfortunately, your husband is in such a crisis, with a difficult outlook, he should qualify on the first review. If he doesn't, don't despair. Get a disability attorney, and move foreward. Sometimes Social Security has their own psychiatrist interview the applicant, but it is nothing to fear. Good luck.
|
|
JustLurkin
Well-Known Member
This is what you look like right now.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 5:28:20 GMT -5
Posts: 1,109
|
Post by JustLurkin on Jul 7, 2013 16:42:50 GMT -5
Hi Les, There are some great classes at www.gcflearnfree.org/ and you can do them in your own time--computer literacy will be important to any job, I am in the IT field and highly recommend their classes/apps/youtube videos. I have a son with autism and recently had to deal with a hospitalization, all I can do is offer a hug and reiterate it does get better.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 10, 2013 20:42:28 GMT -5
Checking in. Justlurkin: Haven't checked that site yet. Between running the house which now includes everything a husband and wife do plus dealing with DH who is starting to follow me around again (drives me nuts) I do what I can. Day 8 with DH not bathing. Yech. Tomorrow is D-Day. Enough is enough. He is pacing a lot now.
We went to Broome County Mental Health yesterday. He is now on risperidone and benztropine. Risperidone for the anxiety, paranoia, and depression. The benztropine for side effects. He is still suffering from major anxiety. He has been on benztropine since last Friday. The ER doctor prescribed that.
Noah started Summer school on Monday. There was a mix up seeing how a lot of people were off on vacation last week for July 4th. Sooo, he started Monday and Tuesday with the school district. He was supposed to start Monday with the BOCES Summer school as he will be going there this Fall. So Noah is having transitional problems. But he is a trooper. BOCEs here has a great autism program. I'm hoping this will be good for him.
My 16 year old son will be home next Tuesday and I can't wait. I have missed him a lot. But, time to be a mom with him instead of a friend. That will be hard. This last year and half hasn't been easy on him either.
I'm holding on, barely. I just feel sometimes that he knows I don't want to leave because Noah would be hard to deal with on my own. It was like this back in Washington state. It went on there for months. He knew he had me by (my balls). Frankly, I just don't want to be with him anymore. I just need to get the backbone to leave him.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,718
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Jul 10, 2013 20:48:18 GMT -5
I can only try to imagine what you are going through. But it looks like you are dealing with Noah on your own now. Your DH can't help himself right now, let alone help you with your son. And your DH is taking much of your energy. I have no advice for you, just hugs and good wishes.
|
|
suesinfl
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 9, 2011 18:02:27 GMT -5
Posts: 2,765
|
Post by suesinfl on Jul 10, 2013 21:09:40 GMT -5
Les, I have no advice or knowledge of what you are going through, but just want to say I admire you so much and to give you and your boys hugs.
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Jul 10, 2013 21:15:34 GMT -5
Big hugs to you and the boys, les. I wish I could wiggle my nose and make all this go away for you! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hon. Sometimes, that's the best we can do.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 10, 2013 21:16:07 GMT -5
Thank you mollyanna. Just an aside; it took Dh's cousin and aunt to get him to the appointment yesterday. And we were almost late. It took telling him if he didn't comply that his family would stop helping him and that I would leave with the boys. Mental illness does suck. Especially when it crops up out of nowhere.
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 10, 2013 21:21:19 GMT -5
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,934
|
Post by taz157 on Jul 10, 2013 22:06:28 GMT -5
Big hugs to you and the boys, les. I wish I could wiggle my nose and make all this go away for you! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, hon. Sometimes, that's the best we can do. les63
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,682
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Jul 11, 2013 9:40:31 GMT -5
Les, you have the backbone to do what you need to do, if you need to do it. For whatever reason, you're not at the point where you can or feel you need to leave. No judging here. Just saying that you'll know when and if the time comes. Keep the exit plan fresh and updated.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 11, 2013 9:55:34 GMT -5
Les, just dropping off some <HUGS>. You are an awesome Lady! Don't ever forget that. How is your other son doing?
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 12, 2013 20:45:38 GMT -5
Update for today. Got DH to take a shower yesterday. Yea!!! He took his last Ativan pill tonight. This is the pill that helps with anxiety and helps him sleep. Big problem, he wants to sleep during the day and night. Also, this med is addictive, not good. No more of that pill. Don't need that. Soooo, tomorrow will be like today. He wants to sleep during the day but can't. Up and down all day long. When he is up he can't stay still. Paces all over the place. Have no idea when the risperidone will kick in. Hopefully soon and we don't have the play the meds game. (as in try this or try that) Need to find him something to do as he is recovering from all this. Not normal for a 46 year old male to not work. Wracking my brain to figure out what to occupy him with. Not ready for any kind of volunteer work. Not quite steady enough. We rent, so not much yard work. I don't think at this point he would take a walk by himself. In other news; Noah is doing great at the BOCES Summer school. Adjusting faster than I thought. Great news and something less to worry about. Son number 2 will be back next Tuesday and I can't wait. I have really missed Nathaniel. He is going to get a really big embarrassing hug. Can't wait!
|
|
constanz22
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:32:17 GMT -5
Posts: 4,219
|
Post by constanz22 on Jul 12, 2013 20:53:48 GMT -5
les- contact adult ICM services at Catholic Charities, or MHA (Mental Health Association). Both have different social and day programs for mentally ill adults.
|
|
Cass
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 0:43:29 GMT -5
Posts: 2,451
|
Post by Cass on Jul 24, 2013 20:38:25 GMT -5
les- how are you doing?
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 26, 2013 15:41:49 GMT -5
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Jul 26, 2013 16:18:14 GMT -5
Les it's been two weeks since you posted last, how are things going for you ?
|
|
les63
Established Member
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 11:30:35 GMT -5
Posts: 360
|
Post by les63 on Jul 27, 2013 20:55:53 GMT -5
I'm sorry for not updating lately. I can only do it at night downstairs when DH is in bed. When I'm on the laptops upstairs he is over my shoulder and that isn't comfortable for me.
He is a bit better. On Risperidone now twice a day and that other med, benztropine for side affects. Still wants to sleep more than anything and I think that is because he is bored. He is still anxious, can't stand still. Some days are better than others. I am still keeping the family together, paying bills, etc.
My parents were here in the area for two days, Monday thru Wednesday. They stayed at a local hotel so not to kick DH out of his bed. I paid some bills online on Tuesday, oh man. I was doing it for almost a half an hour and I swear in that time DH went outside for three cigarettes in that time frame. Sooooo, we're not there yet.
I'm hoping it will keep getting better. He is more aware and talkative. Much better than he was. Trying to get a lot done with Noah going to the BOCES Summer school. Noah is doing awesome there. Adapting better than I thought. Also with my older son back that helps me. He is a great upper to this situation.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I will try to update you more often. Sometimes at the end of the day, I just want to collapse in front of the TV downstairs and get lost in the boob tube.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,934
|
Post by taz157 on Jul 27, 2013 21:01:11 GMT -5
Les - ((((((hugs)))))
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Jul 27, 2013 21:41:25 GMT -5
|
|