Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on May 9, 2013 13:09:20 GMT -5
Did anyone grow up pretty different from their surroundings? Meaning they were Jewish surrounded by Christians, or Republican in a blue state, or vegan in Texas, or whatever? Was it hard? How did you balance the two worlds? I'm realizing that my kids (7&8) are very different from their peers. They are completely unaware of pop culture and honestly most technology. DH and I rarely watch TV and don't listen to much music (definitely nothing newer). We don't eat out, and we don't have iWhatevers. I don't have a problem with how we live, but I do honestly worry about my kids. They seem so naive compared to their peers. They don't know many video games (and they aren't good at the ones they know about). They don't follow TV or music. They are oblivious about fashion. I like who they are (proper nerds like DH and I, I guess ) but I worry their differences will affect their self esteem at some point. It's not that I want to start listing to Top 40 radio to expose them stuff, but I don't want them to feel excluded from their peers. I know fitting in is so important as a kid. Anyway, if you grew up really different from your surroundings how did you manage it? I'm not talking superior/inferior philosophies, just different ones.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 9, 2013 13:16:39 GMT -5
I did. At the age of 7, my family (mother, 5 year old sister and I) went to Japan because my mother had decided to become a missionary. I grew up straddling two cultures and languages. In elementary school, I attended DOD schools (Dept of Defense). I was the only civilian and the only child allowed to leave the base after school. I left the American village at 3:00 and re-entered Japanese culture. We spoke English at home and in school. Japanese everywhere else.
I simply adapted - accepting that I lived in two different worlds. It seemed normal. Looking back, I realize that the experience was a very good one; I learned how to be different. When I was the only female in a male dominated job, I was accustomed to being different. I learned to look at my country through the eyes of outsiders. I learned early that there are two (or more) sides to any story.
I think you are worrying needlessly about your kids. They sound fine.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 9, 2013 13:24:56 GMT -5
My husband's father was a missionary on an Indian Reservation. So, my husband was a minority (white) and was just different. But they moved away when he was 8-ish, so most of his upbringing, he was a generic white boy in a sea of generic white people.
I purposely expose my kids to pop culture. I want them to have a shared experience with their peers as they grow up. I'm surprised that even today at 44 years old, I will meet people from all over the country and we have a common past - a song, a television show, a movie or even a shared experience watching some national sporting event. It isn't a necessity, but it might help my kids adjust to a new scenario, even if it is just a little.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 9, 2013 13:27:13 GMT -5
I grew up pretty sheltered, and I'm none the worse for it. My father was a 1st generation immigrant, and carried all the traditional child-rearing notions around with him (children should be seen and not heard; boys to "outside" chores and girls do "inside" chores; rock music is the instrument of the devil; girls live at home until they get married, etc etc etc). In reality, the 'rents shielded us from lots of depressing and scary stuff - we (me and sibs) were young children during the cold war, the Vietnam war, assassinations and civil rights marches, etc. I know that at least for me, that stuff would have given me nightmares. My parents never turned the nightly news on the TV until we had all gone to bed.
In retrospect, I'm grateful I did not grow up scared and cynical. I made friends at school and did not worry about following "the in-crowd." And I survived and have a nice life. FWIW - I wouldn't worry too much about your kids being different. They will find other "different" kids. It's hard to teach your kids to be open and curious and accepting of the world and all its variations when you're young and get slammed with worrying too much about "stuff" (Why do get sneered at when I try to be friends with the cool kids?; will a backback explode next to me or a tower fall on me?; who is going to drive-by my house and hurt my family?; Is someone going to steal my baby sister?). In retrospect, I'm glad I was spared a lot of the bad things of the world until I was old enough to put it in context. YMMV.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on May 9, 2013 13:31:56 GMT -5
I think what you've described is an amount of isolation from the culture of the time. Music, movies, the internet, video games are all part of the current culture for everyone, but especially for young people. My parents didn't listen to the Stones, the Allman Brothers or Led Zeppelin, but we did and it was a defining part of the era in which I grew up. I can't imagine someone of my age who didn't have at least a basic understanding of who those bands were. Same for M.A.S.H., Laverne and Shirley, All in the Family. And a host of other cultural basics from the times.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 9, 2013 13:32:45 GMT -5
<br><br> <img alt=" " src="http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif" width="41" height="46" text=" ">
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on May 9, 2013 13:32:54 GMT -5
I purposely expose my kids to pop culture. I want them to have a shared experience with their peers as they grow up. I'm surprised that even today at 44 years old, I will meet people from all over the country and we have a common past - a song, a television show, a movie or even a shared experience watching some national sporting event. It isn't a necessity, but it might help my kids adjust to a new scenario, even if it is just a little. well stated.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on May 9, 2013 13:39:48 GMT -5
I was raised in a very strict religion. One where, as kids, we were singled out in front of our classes for what we didn't do and what we didn't participate in, etc. I hated it. Not because I was different, but because I didn't get to make the choice to be different. I never did want to blend in or follow the crowd. It was just my personality. I didn't want attention, like "look at me!" attention; just didn't want to be a "follower". My older sister, however, desperately wanted to fit in with her peers. She also fully believed in the religion (I did not; never did and left it as soon as I turned 18) so she battled with the "being different" thing whereas I never did. Strange, now that I think back on it...
Honestly, though, I don't feel like I missed out on anything in my childhood because of it. It's just the way my parents felt it was best to raise us.
To the OP, all I can say is do your best, as it sounds like you are. Each child with have their own memories and perspective of their childhood and there's really no way to predict how it will affect them.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 9, 2013 13:41:17 GMT -5
I grew up white, Roman Catholic and middle class in a white, roman catholic lower middle class town. I'm about as generic as you get.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on May 9, 2013 13:41:55 GMT -5
This is a bit of what I worry about. I remember meeting someone once who had never seen an episode of The Brady Bunch. Personally, I had them all memorized. It was so foreign to me that that person had never seen one. It was like they were an alien. LOL
We had some kids over recently (BBQ with families) and the other kids were bored. We just didn't have the gadgets they were used to. We do have Xbox, but only 3 games and 2 of them were "baby" games. My kids spend their days doing reading/designing/pretend play and honestly I *like* that. But it was quickly apparent the other kids had disdain for those activities. And since my kids don't watch a lot of TV (and pretty much only Netflix if they do) they had nothing to talk about with the other kids. For the most part my kids were happy and oblivious to the situation (as I said they are very naive) but I imagine at some point it'll bother them that they don't know what happened on the last episode of X show, or that Y sports team just won a game.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 13:43:35 GMT -5
Lol, yesterday I shouted back at my mom, Star Wars next week, I mean, Star Trek... Daughter exaggerated loud gasp as her brother breathed the word 'Heathen'... Sometimes we are too pop culture.
That said, my kids are individuals. They instinctively hate companies that put their name visibly on their line of clothes, they have weird senses of humor and are being homeschooled, with religious freedom, by dems, in a conservative red area.
i have compensated different ways at different times. If they are in social situations, say day camp, with more 'mainstream' kids, I did things like make sure they have fruit roll ups for lunch and extra money for snacks at the pool... Is it the right way to make friends and influence people, nah, but it smoothes some edges.
best though is helping them to find friends who are 'like' them, and who like them for who they re... Even if they aren't widely 'popular'... And to be open, honest with them and overtly 'teach' interaction skills as they grew...
If any of that makes sense, lol...
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 9, 2013 13:48:09 GMT -5
Came over to TN from England when I was 15. Still have family in England but don't really know them well ( I mean we are not close) still haven't found what I am looking for.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 13:52:52 GMT -5
See, pop culture means everyone in the know is now singing the last line of Naggie's post Naggie, I hope you find it soon!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2013 13:58:50 GMT -5
Meh, I feel like I was always late to the party. DH made a Saved by the Bell reference and I didn't get it. I didn't watch it. I've never owned a BackStreet Boys or N-sync CD and I can only name three games off the top of my head that were around when I was a kid, Mortal Kombat, Super Mairo Bros and Sonic the Hedgehog. I did listen to New Kids on the Block, so I have that. lol Honestly I've picked up most culture references from my childhood via Vh1's "I love the 80s/90s". I recognize some of the things they talk about but I was apparently rather clueless. I absorbed quite a bit just by listening to other people talk when I was in school and listening to Q98.5 (Sweet 98 when I was in school) in my friend's car. I don't feel like it has cost me anything in life. I could have had every episode of Saved by the Bell memorized and still would not have been popular because that wouldn't have changed my core personality and that's what kept me out. I drifted towards and joined up with people who were like me. I hung out with the oddballs. I was very happy/comfortable in my circle of peers.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 14:04:24 GMT -5
I was leading son's book club this morning, The Raven by Poe... I asked if he'd read the material and he joked, no, but I've watched the Simpsons episode, I'll fake it...
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 9, 2013 14:05:15 GMT -5
Me too - those three are Pong, Pac Man and Centipede.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 9, 2013 14:08:03 GMT -5
I grew up with more medical issues than Kellogg's has cornflakes. It was worse when I was younger say teenage years, cause I so wanted to be accepted, to be like everyone else. It was sometime in high school I figured it was better to be my own best friend and march to my own beat. Music, art and books were my salvation in high school.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 14:11:09 GMT -5
I am a first generalization of this country. And I learnt to appreciate my uniqueness with pride. Also I have had few chance to travel to different continent I learnt to respect people difference with open arms.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2013 14:14:49 GMT -5
I never did learn all those awesome finishing moves in MK. I tried to play with DH on his PS2 and I sucked. The PS2 controller is nothing like the old Sega controller. I asked if he'd read the material and he joked, no, but I've watched the Simpsons episode
Simpsons did it! ::waits for someone to get the reference::
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 9, 2013 14:17:51 GMT -5
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 9, 2013 14:19:02 GMT -5
I was raised protestant and republican in a very Catholic, Democrat area. VERY CATHOLIC and VERY DEMOCRAT. As in it does not matter who you are, you will not get a seat on the county board if you are Republican, ever, period end of story. But other than that, it wasn't that different. We just went to church on Sunday mornings instead of Saturday night. And we didn't talk politics.
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on May 9, 2013 14:21:22 GMT -5
They seem so naive compared to their peers. They don't know many video games (and they aren't good at the ones they know about). They don't follow TV or music. They are oblivious about fashion. I like who they are (proper nerds like DH and I, I guess ) but I worry their differences will affect their self esteem at some point. It's not that I want to start listing to Top 40 radio to expose them stuff, but I don't want them to feel excluded from their peers. I know fitting in is so important as a kid.. Nerdy kids who stay in their nerd worlds are fine. They just walk around, oblivious to it all, until they end up splitting the atom, writing an app that makes millions, or inventing something that hovers. It's when nerd kids try to fit in with the cool kids that problems arise, and their spirits get crushed. Besides, have you ever taken a good look at what the cool kids are doing nowadays? It's all crap.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on May 9, 2013 14:33:46 GMT -5
I think you should be applauded for the fact your kids aren't wrapped up in pop culture. I finished high school in 2000, obviously we had the internet but it wasn't anything like it is now and most people didn't have cell phones so it was before having everything at your fingertips. Can't imagine being a kid now and I shudder to think what it will be like when I have kids in the future. It's bad enough any time you go out to a bar, restaurant, etc most adults are glued to their phones and kids are even worse. Not being able to name the winners from American Idol or what show was popular for a few years during their youth isn't going to doom your kids.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 14:38:22 GMT -5
I think you should be applauded for the fact your kids aren't wrapped up in pop culture. I finished high school in 2000, obviously we had the internet but it wasn't anything like it is now and most people didn't have cell phones so it was before having everything at your fingertips. Can't imagine being a kid now and I shudder to think what it will be like when I have kids in the future. It's bad enough any time you go out to a bar, restaurant, etc most adults are glued to their phones and kids are even worse. Not being able to name the winners from American Idol or what show was popular for a few years during their youth isn't going to doom your kids. I don't think total immersion is good but maybe just a little. There is a continuum - it's doesn't have to be all or nothing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 14:41:20 GMT -5
My kids couldn't care less about American Idol and son often laments 'his generation'... But that isn't the sme as not knowing what American Idol is...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 9, 2013 14:53:18 GMT -5
I know Kelly Clarkson and Clay Akien, otherwise I can't name a single winner.
Was Carrie Underwood a winner or just a constant on American Idol?
I also know Paula Abdul is nuttier than a fruitcake and Nicky Monage hates Mirah Carrey.
That's as far as my American Idol knowledge goes.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 9, 2013 14:55:14 GMT -5
I know Kelly Clarkson and Clay Akien, otherwise I can't name a single winner. Was Carrie Underwood a winner or just a constant on American Idol? I also know Paula Abdul is nuttier than a fruitcake and Nicky Monage hates Mirah Carrey. That's as far as my American Idol knowledge goes. And Randy Jackson's vocabulary consists of, "yo, dawg" and "keepin' it real."
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swasat
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Post by swasat on May 9, 2013 15:03:34 GMT -5
I think you should be applauded for the fact your kids aren't wrapped up in pop culture. I finished high school in 2000, obviously we had the internet but it wasn't anything like it is now and most people didn't have cell phones so it was before having everything at your fingertips. Can't imagine being a kid now and I shudder to think what it will be like when I have kids in the future. It's bad enough any time you go out to a bar, restaurant, etc most adults are glued to their phones and kids are even worse. Not being able to name the winners from American Idol or what show was popular for a few years during their youth isn't going to doom your kids. I don't think total immersion is good but maybe just a little. There is a continuum - it's doesn't have to be all or nothing. I agree. The kids don't have to watch TV for the sake of watching tv but loosening the reins on that would help a bit. I believe in keeping up with the times. We don't have XBox, PS 3etc but we do have a Wii. My kids are only allowed to play Wii over the weekend for an hour or two. We don't switch on TV Mon-Thurs evenings but we do let them watch and 1-1.5 hours of tv Fri-Sun. They are allowed on the iPad under supervision i.e. if they want to look up something they are welcome to use the iPad in front of DH and I. Playing Angry Birds on the iPad? Maybe, but they have to earn it. Moderation in everything. I am also a huge believer in shared experiences with the peers.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 9, 2013 15:13:31 GMT -5
My kids couldn't care less about American Idol and son often laments 'his generation'... But that isn't the sme as not knowing what American Idol is... There were a lot of things I "hated" about my generation. It was a statement to pick and choose the things you liked. It defined who you were.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2013 15:37:59 GMT -5
I grew up one of the few Asian kids in my town and school. I was living with a white family and I felt alienated there because my guardians would make really racist comments about Asian people. I wouldn't be concerned about your kids not getting pop culture references because each social/cultural group seems to have it's own references. The thing I would be concerned about is your kids not knowing how to handle media and the internet because they have so little exposure to it.
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