sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on May 9, 2013 16:06:49 GMT -5
When I went to school here there was very very little diversity. I was just another in the sea of middle class white kids. It was nice when we lived in California that DS had friends from all different cultures and religions. I feel guilty that we moved back here to vanilla-ville.
We kind of let DS do whatever he wanted when he was a kid- video games, tv, comic books, etc. Now he hates Top 40 music and listens mostly to The Cure, The Rolling Stones, Irish Punk, and groups like that. He watches maybe an hour of tv a week with us. Lately the only shows he has watched are episodes of Workaholics, Vikings and Being Human. The only reality show he has ever watched is Top Chef. He is perfectly fine and usually doesn't have problems fitting in with people.
He is kind of a snob though and can't tolerate people he thinks are dumb. He has a serious disdain for the "dumb jocks" at his school.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on May 10, 2013 1:10:51 GMT -5
One of the more interesting experiences I had in high school was listening to a classmate describe his experience growing up Jewish and going to public elementary and junior high schools in Texas. He and his twin brother were subject to a lot more prejudice and bigotry than I was, simply because they had an obviously Jewish last name, while my last name was Italian, so no one knew my mother's heritage If people stereotyped us, it was more often that they thought we were 'connected', not cheap I always went to private schools all the way up through HS, mainly Catholic schools at that, so my experience of Baptist/Protestant culture didn't really start until college. So I still don't know what days they go and do services and stuff, but it didn't hurt me growing up. As for your kids, they're going to need some cultural references. I'd get them into reading. It may not help them with their peers, but the classics never change, and that will help them when they are in college. You mentioned the other kids were bored, does no one play sports? They didn't want to go out on the front lawn and play catch or something?
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 10, 2013 3:29:35 GMT -5
I am a first generalization of this country. And I learnt to appreciate my uniqueness with pride. Also I have had few chance to travel to different continent I learnt to respect people difference with open arms. I think giving & showing respect is a very important thing to do in life. It is the thing I see most often 'these days', that many people don't do.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on May 10, 2013 8:20:02 GMT -5
When I was eleven we moved overseas, to a French speaking country. My parents lived there 11 years - the last few years I went back and forth, from college in the States to their home.
So I grew up speaking English in a French speaking country, attending a small international school with a broad mix of other nationalities, and we were Protestant in a country that was almost all Catholic.
Coming back to the States, I did have a culture gap. I didn't know any of the TV shows my peers talked about. My fashion sense was completely different from my peers. I wasn't even very familiar with my own country, other than the place where I was born and lived for the first 11 years of my life, although I had been to a lot of places in Europe.
However, I do not regret at all having spent so much of my childhood outside the States. I learned a lot about being a minority. I learned a lot about different cultures. At an age when I probably would have wasted a lot of time watching TV shows, I would borrow books from my older sister's bookcase and had the chance to read a lot of books I probably wouldn't have bothered to try, if I was in the States and had other activities to pursue.
My personality is introverted, and I've never felt much need to fit in, so it didn't bother me to be so different from my peers in college. I guess if your kids are very extroverted and social it might be more of a problem for them.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 10, 2013 18:49:34 GMT -5
Interesting article. Tiger moms: Don't turn your kids into robots(CNN) -- When I was a kid, I was obedient and quiet. I automatically knew that talking too loud, making a fuss or being assertive would never fly. I did what I was told. I was a Chinese girl. I adhered to my parents' wishes that I get top grades and perform well in the activities they had chosen for me. But after all the hours of homework, grueling afternoons of practicing arpeggios on the piano to perfection, four hours of Chinese school after regular school, Chinese calligraphy lessons with the stiff brush and stinky ink, after the chores, basketball practice and memorization of Chinese poems, eventually I wanted to feel known for myself, not just my accomplishments. More: www.cnn.com/2013/05/10/opinion/keltner-tiger-mom/index.html?hpt=hp_t4
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on May 10, 2013 19:05:34 GMT -5
Hmmm...I'm not really talking about Tiger Mom stuff. Maybe I'm not being clear. It's more like, I could care less about professional sports. I don't follow any teams, don't know any players, and don't care about championships. I don't feel like my life suffers for it, I am simply apathetic to it. That said, I realize a lot of the country happily lives and breathes professional sports and if my kids never watch games because I never have it on TV, that maybe they will feel excluded at some point....different from their peers. So I'm wondering if anyone has grown up different like that. It isn't that sports are good or bad, but I imagine it could be potentially embarrassing for my kids at some point to not know anything about sports when everyone around them does. But, it sounds like I'm overthinking it a bit. Most likely their peers will start influencing them on this stuff any day now.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 10, 2013 20:12:03 GMT -5
Hmmm...I'm not really talking about Tiger Mom stuff. Maybe I'm not being clear. It's more like, I could care less about professional sports. I don't follow any teams, don't know any players, and don't care about championships. I don't feel like my life suffers for it, I am simply apathetic to it. That said, I realize a lot of the country happily lives and breathes professional sports and if my kids never watch games because I never have it on TV, that maybe they will feel excluded at some point....different from their peers. So I'm wondering if anyone has grown up different like that. It isn't that sports are good or bad, but I imagine it could be potentially embarrassing for my kids at some point to not know anything about sports when everyone around them does. But, it sounds like I'm overthinking it a bit. Most likely their peers will start influencing them on this stuff any day now. F SK-I didn't think you were a Tiger Mom. It was just an article about a now adult woman who pretty much wasn't allowed to be a kid and do kid things.
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quince
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Post by quince on May 10, 2013 20:44:01 GMT -5
Grew up a gamer geek. My mom was the DM for her role-playing group. . I read a LOT, and not the stuff my peers were reading. My group of friends at high school basically were the odd folks out, and it was fantastic. You're worried your kids will be embarrassed basically because their parents aren't like everyone else's parents, and they are exposed to different things at home. Don't be. They'll be exposed to what everyone else is through interaction with their peers, and they'll pick out the things they are interested in. It's OK. As long as you don't try to stop them from getting interested in at least some things that will set them up to have common ground with their peers, it's OK. It's when you institute a total media blackout in your home and lecture them on the evils of <insert pop culture thingy here> that you may leave them in an awkward place.
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beergut
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Post by beergut on May 11, 2013 4:20:33 GMT -5
Hmmm...I'm not really talking about Tiger Mom stuff. Maybe I'm not being clear. It's more like, I could care less about professional sports. I don't follow any teams, don't know any players, and don't care about championships. I don't feel like my life suffers for it, I am simply apathetic to it. That said, I realize a lot of the country happily lives and breathes professional sports and if my kids never watch games because I never have it on TV, that maybe they will feel excluded at some point....different from their peers. So I'm wondering if anyone has grown up different like that. It isn't that sports are good or bad, but I imagine it could be potentially embarrassing for my kids at some point to not know anything about sports when everyone around them does. But, it sounds like I'm overthinking it a bit. Most likely their peers will start influencing them on this stuff any day now. Whether or not they watch or like pro sports is irrelevant. Do they go outside and play? Do they play any sports?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 11, 2013 9:21:51 GMT -5
My sister's kids did. They had a TV, but rarely watched it because my sister is offended by everything. They only listened to Christian music and were not allowed to see most movies. The kids were "okay" as kids - they knew that they didn't have all the pop culture references, but it didn't seem to matter. In high school, they would just go out of their way to find what they wanted outside of my sister's house. I thought it was nice that my nephew phrased it "out of respect." What a polite way to say "behind her back." They turned out fairly normal. They all went off to college and two of the three did the stereotypical hard core rebellious partying. Although, that is more a rebellion against the sum-total bible thumping message of their childhood, rather than the fact that they didn't watch TV.
I will say that my niece was way, way, way behind on current events. She didn't know the name of the President at one point, and had missed the entire Presidential race between Obama and McCain. She was 18 - so I thought it was weird that she didn't know ANYTHING. Never heard of Palin, didn't know any of the jokes. Nothing. She is extremely smart, so clearly it was just a lack of interest. But still, had she watched a single episode of SNL or the news or even any show that had advertising, she would have at least been able to recognize a face or something.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2013 9:27:39 GMT -5
I grew up smart in a family that only prized beauty. My dad, who did love me, viewed me as a freak who'd never catch a man. My mother, who did not love me, viewed me as a mistake of nature.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 11, 2013 9:27:55 GMT -5
OK, from MY perspective:
We came here when I was 16 - I didn't speak English and obviously didn't know ANYTHING about pop culture. I didn't even know the term. By the time I started college, I still didn't have a clue about any of it. I didn't socialize much with Americans simply bc my English was not that good. HOWEVER, when I started working, it was soooo easy to pick up on all that pop culture thing. People just ASSUME that you know what they are talking about and if you let them talk, they'll fill you in without even realizing they are doing it.
My kids:
I was always worried that I won't be able to teach them all the games that kids here play and wouldn't have a clue about American cartoons, etc, especially since my kids are home with me 24/7 and due to our circumstances haven't been around kids their age. Well, turns out that in one playdate they picked up TONS of that stuff. I did tell my DH that may be we should at least introduce the concept of video games and nurf guns and such bc it seems that "everyone is doing it". We probably will at some point, but right now, I am VERY happy that they play and create and learn all kinds of things without it.
Just for the record, I don't think TV/video games are bad at all. My kids watch tons of TV, but I don't know ANYTHING about video games, so until my DH decides to buy it, we won't have any.
OK, so I guess my point is - I think it's important to know/understand all those pop culture things and do what "everyone else is doing", but not at expense of other things. I think it should be just one of the other things kids get expose to.
I think this has been my longest YM post ever......
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on May 11, 2013 9:40:03 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 10:49:20 GMT -5
Oh zib.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on May 11, 2013 10:56:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry zib. My mother (probably meaning well) used to refer to me as "the smart one" and my sister as "the pretty one". I grew up thinking I was homely and my sis thought she was dumb.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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"In the end, we remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends"
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 11, 2013 11:41:04 GMT -5
I know that I am not well liked here but I continue to post even though I probably shouldn't because I believe little gems of great information can be found in threads. This thread can show how us what parents did or do and maybe that can cause us to raise our children differently.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 11:43:30 GMT -5
I'm sorry zib. My mother (probably meaning well) used to refer to me as "the smart one" and my sister as "the pretty one". I grew up thinking I was homely and my sis thought she was dumb. Sorry GG, I don't like that this happened. I was just thinking its as an example in reference to what I've been thinking today about how we say things, and what others, especially kids, infer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 17:02:11 GMT -5
I grew up smart in a family that only prized beauty. My dad, who did love me, viewed me as a freak who'd never catch a man. My mother, who did not love me, viewed me as a mistake of nature. Zib, You don't have to worry about that anymore.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2013 17:04:11 GMT -5
It made me very careful to praise my kids brains a lot to them and occasionally say nice things about their looks and athletic ability. Praise them still for whatever they accomplish. They still look to me for that and I'm happy to give it. I'm over my moms behavior so not having her around for Mother's Day means nothing to me at all. I still miss my father. He'd have been 105 Cinco De Mayo!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2013 17:12:33 GMT -5
It made me very careful to praise my kids brains a lot to them and occasionally say nice things about their looks and athletic ability. Praise them still for whatever they accomplish. They still look to me for that and I'm happy to give it. I'm over my moms behavior so not having her around for Mother's Day means nothing to me at all. I still miss my father. He'd have been 105 Cinco De Mayo! We always looks for that and reaching for it no matter how old we are.... Take care, zib.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 11, 2013 17:16:54 GMT -5
Yes, it would have been nice just once to have her praise me as a mother or as a single mother but then shed have had to say something nice and that wasn't her.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 12, 2013 7:33:59 GMT -5
Yes, it would have been nice just once to have her praise me as a mother or as a single mother but then shed have had to say something nice and that wasn't her. But it really would have been nice, if she had. Good for you, for learning from her mistakes. Sorry for any/all the hard times you have had/felt because of this/her. I hope you enjoy your day. You sound like a great mom!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 12, 2013 19:32:42 GMT -5
Most of us try our best. I was determined to not be the mother I had but the mother I always wanted.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on May 13, 2013 8:02:26 GMT -5
Most of us try our best. I was determined to not be the mother I had but the mother I always wanted. Zib I think we traveled the same path, only in my case, my mom believed the only path for success for women was to be the outgoing cheerleader type who participated in beauty pagents and dated the popular guys, eventually marrying a 'successful' man who would provide her and her children with a country club lifestyle. She was deeply disappointed in her three oldest girls. Like you, my sin was being smart. She used to lecture me in high school about how boys would never date a girl who was smarter than they were. How I would die alone and childless. How I needed to stop reading and studying so much and focus on becoming friends with the popular kids. How I needed to stop being introverted and become extroverted. I don't think she hated me, or my two older sisters. She just couldn't imagine any scenario where a woman would be successful and happy if she wasn't married to a wealthy man, driving a luxury car, living in an expensive house, and a member of a country club, and she tried to force us to comply with her standards through bullying, beatings, guilt and verbal abuse. Like you, I pretty much did the opposite with my son. So I guess our childhoods at least benefited us in that we knew what NOT to do with our own kids.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 13, 2013 8:42:38 GMT -5
Amen. She married WELL and could have cared less if I had gotten knocked up in high school and ruined my life. It was always about her. My aunt even said so at her funeral, the only funny moment other than her family wondering about all the nice things said about her by the various organizations she belonged to. We all were wondering who they were talking about? Her public persona was very different than her private one.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on May 13, 2013 17:24:20 GMT -5
I think you should be applauded for the fact your kids aren't wrapped up in pop culture. I finished high school in 2000, obviously we had the internet but it wasn't anything like it is now and most people didn't have cell phones so it was before having everything at your fingertips. Can't imagine being a kid now and I shudder to think what it will be like when I have kids in the future. It's bad enough any time you go out to a bar, restaurant, etc most adults are glued to their phones and kids are even worse. Not being able to name the winners from American Idol or what show was popular for a few years during their youth isn't going to doom your kids. The Internet has been around since I was in elementary school. " you've got mail". Sure it was slower and you had to sit at a desktop to dial up, but it was very similar to today's Internet. Also cell phones have been around for an equal amount of time. I have been carrying a cell phone for a good 18 years. I want to say I have had the internet on my cell phone since at least 2000. Maybe 2001 when I got the first color version Nextel phone.
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doxieluvr
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Post by doxieluvr on May 13, 2013 17:31:13 GMT -5
Hmmm...I'm not really talking about Tiger Mom stuff. Maybe I'm not being clear. It's more like, I could care less about professional sports. I don't follow any teams, don't know any players, and don't care about championships. I don't feel like my life suffers for it, I am simply apathetic to it. That said, I realize a lot of the country happily lives and breathes professional sports and if my kids never watch games because I never have it on TV, that maybe they will feel excluded at some point....different from their peers. So I'm wondering if anyone has grown up different like that. It isn't that sports are good or bad, but I imagine it could be potentially embarrassing for my kids at some point to not know anything about sports when everyone around them does. But, it sounds like I'm overthinking it a bit. Most likely their peers will start influencing them on this stuff any day now. I think so. My dh struggles with this. My brother and I are huge football fans and dh feels left out when he does not understand the game. My parents hated sports when we were growing up, however They both learned to appreciate football. I think because they always felt left out of our conversations.
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Malarky
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Post by Malarky on May 13, 2013 18:05:08 GMT -5
Most of us try our best. I was determined to not be the mother I had but the mother I always wanted. This. My first mother's day greeting came not from those I gave birth to, but from a young woman who wished she had a Mom like me. I am humbled by this. Zib, I can only think that in your efforts to do better than your own Mom, you touched and influenced others in a positive way.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 13, 2013 18:28:25 GMT -5
Funny enough, DDs roommate has no decent parents. SHe actually texted me a Happy Mothers Day because I include her in everything I do for DD. DD is more appreciative of me now because she has seen how bad some girls have it.
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steff
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Post by steff on May 14, 2013 12:02:13 GMT -5
Growing up for me was like 2 totally different lives mixed into one. From age 6-15 our home was a violent, alcoholic rage filled existence. You never knew what would set it off, but you lived in constant fear of it. We lived under my step dad's violent abusive thumb not daring to breathe wrong out of fear.
At 15, after my mom divorced him, we had a couple of years where we all describe ourselves as being shell shocked & walking wounded. But slowly, my mom, my 2 brothers & I started to rebuild & become "normal" (as we saw it). We've all been extremely close since then. So close that it actually bugs other relatives who don't get it. My youngest brother lives less than a mile from me. My mom & my middle brother live less than a mile apart. The 4 of us live within a 5 mile radius of each other. We all talk daily & we see each other at least once a week.
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